FDS RP 1

[zombiesx]

Showcase my ass

Here it is my time to shine

The words came out from me, as the thought of winning filled my mind.
Sitting in a waiting room right now board Stevie beside me. Looking forward and hearing tons of voices around me. This place is dull and hot from body heat. There are tons of people I see pass and not caring about them. Will they ever call my flight? and how long will I wait.

I have never been out of the U.S.A.

Me either

I tried to start like a conversation with Stevie, but did not achieve. When I talk to her it seems as if time goes by faster. Oh well guess I will just wait board as hell here. On my mind right now I thought that. And now thinking how can I show this place I am great? If I do maybe I will jump from house shows I can hope. It’s called show case for a reason…..For the winner to get noticed.

Do you think if I win I may go big?

Could happen….Well we can hope.

Well I think traveling is cool most people want to see the world. I know I do I want to travel over seas. And see sights of Paris and places like that……Being in big time would do that. So this could be the start of that with the win. Which makes this match a match I want to win more.

Now I see a man walk by with a briefcase walk past me. I then look to my side to see a person…A person with a WFWF shirt on he seems to like wrestling.

Hey you

He turns and looks at me

Hey I am Jake Slash I wrestle for WFWF…..You may not know me as I am a house show person.

Well I don’t really know you but saw one match….The like death match thing I saw it…. You took one hell of a beating. Can I have a auto graph?

What the hell…..What do you want me to sign?

Well sign the back of this shirt

He rolls a shirt out with the letters WFWF on it, and turns it to the back. I pick up a marker from my pants pocket, Then I sign it.

Hey man where are you going?

Puerto Rico for FDS…Oh my god I want her autograph to

I push the shirt to Stevie and she signs it on the back.

Same here man I am in the x breed show case.

Cool do you know OBO?

Not really man but I want to meet him to.

Stevie gives me the shirt, Then I pass it to him.

Wait you want to meet him?

Yep man I am his fan to….

That’s a surprise man… I never knew some wrestlers like in the same federation want to meet each other.

Well some do.

That’s cool man think I will see OBO??

I don’t know man…

I sure hope so.

I know that I may as I will be backstage….I will get some autographs wile there.

Like who’s

Obo for sure don’t know about who else.

Then a loud speaker calls out the Puerto Rico flight, and we both get up and I turn around and Stevie gets up. I saw her get up then we walk holding hands. We exit the building and bored the plane lots of voices on the plane. I don’t know where that a fan went oh well I don’t really care, I am in first class maybe he is not.

Do you know where he went?

Nope.

Oh well we are on our way.

Yep.

I wonder where he went….Well the plane has now lifted off I like to fly. It’s late and I am tired cant wait to reach the hotel. Good hotel and paid for damn my life is good and better than everyone else’s.….Well I have everything going great for me right now in life and cant screw up at a match. Well I am going to bed when we get there as its almost 1 o clock in the morning. Well maybe I will sleep now hell yes I will.

Stevie leans her head on my shoulder and then slowly goes to sleep as I do to.

Puerto Rico

Mother by Danzig busts into the air as we have reached Puerto Rico, and I am steeping off the plane. To the hotel we go its now day time like and we get a car and drive to the hotel. I am wanting to check in fast and then leave. We check in the hotel and go to our room.

Stevie throws herself down on the bed. And I then look out the window and holy diver by dio plays. I then jump on the bed and crawl over to her and lick her neck, then she rolls off the bed and walks out the door. Then I walk out and run to her and we walk out the door. Tense steeps I am taking and tight like body movements. To represent power I then get in driver side of the car with her and start up the car. And then we are driving down the road and stop at a mall and then enter.

What types of stores do they have here? Will I find something I like will she? This mall seems sort of big cool I think. I love shopping….Who says only women love shopping….They lied.

We are now walking farther into the mall when we go in a pizza place. We eat some pizza and then pay for it a ass cashier is there. And he kept looking at us when we went to check out I told his ass.

What the hells your problem man?

Nothing sir

You are ing English now don’t ing look at my ass again.

Fine sir.

Call me a sir again and get your neck snapped.

Shut up

I dive over the counter punching him as soon as I hit his body. I beat the **** out of him Stevie yelling for me to stop I continue.


No bitch tells me to shut up I have all the power.

I get up and then slide back over to Stevie and we walk out. He is still down and we leave the mall.

You had to act bad ass didn’t you?

No they will learn soon the world is mine don’t mess it up.

I spin my head and turn off at a tattoo place and park. I have no tattoo’s and am getting one I get out, And Stevie follows me and we walk into the place.

Hello what do you want?

I want a star.

I will take a star to.

I look her in the eyes and feel her feelings like to me. Love shoots from me to her as we stare in each others eyes.

Come on we can do it now.

Good.

I have never had a tattoo and am sort of afraid of needles….That’s the only thing I fear in life I don’t know why. Well I am afraid of the tattoo and will get it anyway. I cant show fear as I know that it will make me less of a man. So I sit down.

Where do you want it?

Left arm.

Ok

He gets out the needle and turns on the machine. The needle shoots up and down fast and tempts me. Then he slides it down close to my skin at upper arm and hit’s the skin. It shoots pain into me and I grit my teeth and it goose up and back into skin. And I am holding out he’s doing the shape right now. And then he slams it off and dips it into a different shade of ink the red shade and then does it into my skin. That’s the center color and hurts like hell. Well I can take this **** and am getting a tattoo with Stevie.

I think this is a great bonding thing with me and her….May add more love with us.

He pulls the needle out…He is done and wraps like tape over it.

Well her turn

I get up and she rolls into the chair.

Well….where do you want it

Below my belly button.

She pulls up her shirt above her belly button, And he then starts the tattoo. Same color as mine and I feel her pain sort of. And she looks like she’s in pain. I hold her hand and she holds mine tight. He then throws the needle off the skin and gets the red and fills in. Now we are done after he taped her tattoo up. We then exit this tattoo parlor.

Wow was not as bad as I thought.

Now what do you want to do?

Nothing really.

Cool lets go to the hotel.

Ok.

I turn the key with speed in the car, Then shoot down a hill and drive fast. I then pull in at the hotel. And park and we walk up to the door, and then we enter. I then see a poster there with me on it. I pull out a pen and sign it fast then spin. Soon as I make it around I kiss Stevie and hold her.

Then we go up to the room and sit around watching TV and then I stand up.

I am going out.

Have fun and I will be here.

I open the door and then shut it and run and kick the elevator. We are on floor two then I grab like a rail and jump over. Not a long fall here and then I spin and see a kid.

Hey your Jake Slash

And you’re a girl

He looks at me as I spin back and walk outside. I see a kid with a skateboard, I take it Take it and ride it down a hill like side walk and ollie. Then am skating down the street and a police man saw it. And I then am at a road block from a police car and tell me baby by red hot chili peppers plays and I jump over the car and the board goes under I land on it. And am going down still and then look back. Just then a police car parks and I hit it and fall on my ass.

Damn that hurt like hell

The song stops and he pulls me up and then he pushed me against the car and looks at me.

This is a warning don’t do that again

He turns and I flip him off and run back up the street. I then run to the hotel and then open the door and run and jump over a table and then jump on a table and jump over the TV in the lobby then roll and get up. I exit threw the back door, and then walk more and turn and go in and get in the elevator. I go to the second floor and go in our room. The door was unlocked Stevie sits there on the bed watching CSI.

A police ****** thought he could own me

**** did he make you pay a fine

No..

What did you do

Took a skate board from a kid and then jumped a police car and hit one.

Ouch you ok?

Yea.

Good.

I am sort of tired as its night again well I don’t care…..Time to party more… Damn I feel burnt out. So week like better eat.

I walk to the lobby exiting the room and getting in the elevator. I walk up to the server and look at him.

Hello

Hey do you have Pizza?

Yes

He gets a plate and cuts me some pizza like three slices. He then hands it to me and I walk away with it. I fall into a chair and am sitting down and eating my pizza. They have the Sopranos playing on the TV. I am watching it, and when I am done eating I get up and take him the dish. I then run to the elevator and go to floor one and get in our room. I then walk in and Stevie is asleep and I walk around and get into bed and go to sleep.

[One Love]

Sitting in a waiting room right now board Stevie beside me.

What the are you saying?? Some parts I still have to re read. Not as much grammar and spelling mistakes. But please, put description or thoughts in bold or italicized. Please, the name of who is speaking in front of what is being said. I could tell who was saying what.

[zombiesx]

ooc: this will help
black un bold me talking
red bold me thinking
pink stevie talking
brown other

attire on me tore blue acid wash jeans and a him shirt
attire on stevie plaid black red skirt and him shirt

[ICW]

zombiesx said:

ooc: this will help
black un bold me talking
red bold me thinking
pink stevie talking
brown other

attire on me tore blue acid wash jeans and a him shirt
attire on stevie plaid black red skirt and him shirt

Me thinking wtf are you saying.

[zombiesx]

Ok now with color

[One Love]

Why is there two of the same rps??

[zombiesx]

It was a mistake well what did you think flamez

[coolguylol]

We eat some pizza and then pay for it a ass cashier

What is that? Re-read your RP'S.

I take it Take it and ride it

Same, re read.

I would re-read some more. It was ok.

[One Love]

zombiesx said:

It was a mistake well what did you think flamez

Sitting in a waiting room right now board Stevie beside me.

What the are you saying?? Some parts I still have to re read. Not as much grammar and spelling mistakes. But please, put description or thoughts in bold or italicized. Please, the name of who is speaking in front of what is being said. I could tell who was saying what.

[zombiesx]

I ment after I added colur to help like see who was talking did it help?

[superbad]

well once you fix the spelling mistakes it is ok. i still like the first person. I like the gay gimmick too, i dont think there is one in WFWF anymore, but you and steven make a great couple

[One Love]

Somewhat, but do something like instead of telling us afterwards.

Jake: Took a skate board from a kid and then jumped a police car and hit one.

Jake then answered, "Took a skate board from a kid and then jumped a police car and hit one."

That would help me understand better then reading it not knowing who is saying what, then reading a post with a key, then reading all over again.

[ICW]

I wish you adding colors would blind me from reading all of this.

[Thunder]

Well first off, if the whole thing is first person it's kind of stupid to make some of it red since all of it is your thoughts.

You really need to proofread and work on and spelling and grammar. It kills the RP everytime and makes it really difficult to read.

Your dialogue needs a lot of work. Almost every bit of it was so generic that I wondered why it was there, like this.

Do you know where he went?

Nope.

Oh well we are on our way.

Yep.

A lot of your dialogue was like that. Somebody says something, there's a one or two word reply. Plus, it's not like what was said here and elsewhere was important to the RP. Actually make the characters say something.

Another thing I wonder is why would Jake just go up to a guy and go "hey I'm Jake Slack blah blah blah" The fact that Jake wants Obo's autograph is very strange also.

Basically, this had all of the problems you usually do. PROOFREAD YOUR RPs.

[zombiesx]

superbad said:

well once you fix the spelling mistakes it is ok. i still like the first person. I like the gay gimmick too, i dont think there is one in WFWF anymore, but you and steven make a great couple

Jake is not Gay stevie is a girl. And her ref pic is ariel so I must say your completely wrong there. Thanks for feedback guys

[superbad]

oh my bad man, didnt know im sorry

[sonstuds]

We are now walking farther into the mall when we go in a pizza place. We eat some pizza and then pay for it a ass cashier is there. And he kept looking at us when we went to check out I told his ass.

What the hells your problem man?

Nothing sir

You are [image] ing English now don’t [image] ing look at my ass again.

Fine sir.

Call me a sir again and get your neck snapped.

Shut up

I dive over the counter punching him as soon as I hit his body. I beat the **** out of him Stevie yelling for me to stop I continue.


No bitch tells me to shut up I have all the power.

Amazing.

I'm not gonna sugar coat it. This was pretty bad. Nothing meant anything. It was all there for the sake of being there. You had several instances where you did crap for no reason. You go to a hotel, then one paragraph later go to a mall. You get in a fight with a cashier which really just makes the entire RP laughable. You then go back to the hotel, and like before, one paragraph later you leave and get in trouble with the police for no logical reason. It was just a big cluster.

The pink text was almost impossible to read and like Flamez said say who's speaking in the RP, not after. Thunder pretty much got it all down with the dialogue and bad spelling/grammar as well as the pointless "Slash's thoughts" when the entire roleplay is written in first person. And yeah, the Obo thing went on far too long for something so insignificant, unless it's gonna be in your character to be a rabid fan or something.

Needs a lot of work.

[zombiesx]

sonstuds said:

We are now walking farther into the mall when we go in a pizza place. We eat some pizza and then pay for it a ass cashier is there. And he kept looking at us when we went to check out I told his ass.

What the hells your problem man?

Nothing sir

You are [image] ing English now don’t [image] ing look at my ass again.

Fine sir.

Call me a sir again and get your neck snapped.

Shut up

I dive over the counter punching him as soon as I hit his body. I beat the **** out of him Stevie yelling for me to stop I continue.


No bitch tells me to shut up I have all the power.

Amazing.

I'm not gonna sugar coat it. This was pretty bad. Nothing meant anything. It was all there for the sake of being there. You had several instances where you did **** for no reason. You go to a hotel, then one paragraph later go to a mall. You get in a fight with a cashier which really just makes the entire RP laughable. You then go back to the hotel, and like before, one paragraph later you leave and get in trouble with the police for no logical reason. It was just a big cluster.

The pink text was almost impossible to read and like Flamez said say who's speaking in the RP, not after. Thunder pretty much got it all down with the dialogue and bad spelling/grammar as well as the pointless "Slash's thoughts" when the entire roleplay is written in first person. And yeah, the Obo thing went on far too long for something so insignificant, unless it's gonna be in your character to be a rabid fan or something.

Needs a lot of work.

I did the attack to show my power.

[Thunder]

You shouldn't need to tell us that OOC. Everything in an RP should make enough sense that you don't need to explain why later.

[zombiesx]

Ok well I tried obo text like but guess I failed.