Thunder
Main Eventer
WF 10 Year Member
WFWF Record: 59-60-1
Joined on: Aug 6, 2003 9:44:07 GMT -5
Posts: 2,941
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Post by Thunder on Jul 28, 2007 12:42:08 GMT -5
Well you really shouldn't be trying to imitate somebody to begin with.
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Post by zombiesx on Jul 28, 2007 13:14:23 GMT -5
Ok then I will not.
my 6hundrend and sixty sixth post
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Post by sonstuds on Jul 28, 2007 13:26:54 GMT -5
I did the attack to show my power. But how does attacking a cashier make you look powerful?
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Post by zombiesx on Jul 28, 2007 13:42:56 GMT -5
I did the attack to show my power. But how does attacking a cashier make you look powerful? Makes me look like a ass and shows no bitch can dis respect me.
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Post by sonstuds on Jul 28, 2007 13:47:17 GMT -5
But how does attacking a cashier make you look powerful? Makes me look like a ass and shows no bitch can dis respect me. Not really. Just makes your character look more petty then intimidating. Winning matches is what makes you character look impressive.
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Post by zombiesx on Jul 28, 2007 14:08:02 GMT -5
Well ok
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Post by veronicaaaahhhh on Jul 31, 2007 12:12:33 GMT -5
Story wise, it had potential; what killed it was the execution. It was almost as if you listed down what you wanted and just posted it without any thought whatsoever.
The different bits of description threw me off, until I realized that the red descriptions were actually an internal monologue. And the description itself came off as hodge-podge. There were no breaks between the sentences and the paragraphs. It came off as if you were jumping from one thing to another- there's just no style. If you're going to have an internal monologue, you have to write it as if you were listening into Jake's mind; you have to know how he talks, and in that, the way he talks reflects in the way he thinks.
This leads me to characters. Another problem I saw were the characters; they all came off flat- there was practically no substance to them. A rule of writing is that you just can't put every little thing that comes across your mind on paper. If you're going to put anything into a story, or in our case, an RP, you better have a reason for putting it in there. This goes to the scene where Jake assaults the cashier; was it really necessary?
When your write your characters, you have to write as if you know them intimately. The reason why I make Wayne and Vanessa work is because I've spent so much time thinking about them as individuals and as a couple. I've also spent time writing a lot of time writing biographies in their pov's. I know everything about those two characters, down to the smallest detail. And in that, I know how they think, how they talk, how they feel about each other, how past events effect their judgment, and why they do what they do. If you learn your characters this intimately, you wouldn't need to worry about how your description comes off, because your characters will do that for you.
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Post by superbad on Jul 31, 2007 12:14:17 GMT -5
seriously why is everyone obsessed witht this guy? i dont say this for me, but for ALOT of other superstars. There is alot of other Rp's out there that dont get read or replied to, because you guy reply the same **** over and over again to this guy. Just reply once, and if he doesnt do any better, just ignore him. Im not saying its me, because my rp's are as bad as this guy's, but there are other people who should get at least a sentance of a reply insetad of this guy soaking up the sun while you guys just reply with the SAME THING. Grammar this, spelling that, if the guy didnt get it the first time, and couldnt get it through his head the 2nd-4th time, he's not gonna even try to change. The only thing this guy did was not say as much.
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Post by sonstuds on Jul 31, 2007 12:16:31 GMT -5
seriously why is everyone obsessed witht this guy? i dont say this for me, but for ALOT of other superstars. There is alot of other Rp's out there that dont get read or replied to, because you guy reply the same **** over and over again to this guy. Nuh uh, I reply to everyone cause I roll like a real OG.
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