A Revelation to Come.

[Revvie®]

Yea there are prolly grammar mistakes, but im to damn lazy to look it over so eat me....but other then that here it is, i worked my ass off for about 7 hours on it, so comments and critism will be lovely and prolly be rewarded with one from me. that tiz all, Good luck to McGurk and Mac.

Revvie

A Revelation to Come.

[Calvin]

I liked it. But I'm going to be honest, last weeks rp was better. This one carries the idea....but I dunno, I thinkthe serman inthe middle kinda intrupts the whole rp. Like, it pauses the whole story, and then it starts up again. Kinda like an intermission. The flow was intrupted or atleast thats what I think.

Great description....yes I found grammar mistakes, but I'm not going to be an ass and point them out on you.

Tihs was a great rp, as I said, last weeks was better...or atleast thats my opinion. Good luck.

[tobeornottobe]

*Drools* ..... Once again, another great rp, Rev. There isn't much more to say than that because everything was pretty much on point and then some

[Revvie®]

squeaks said:

I liked it. But I'm going to be honest, last weeks rp was better. This one carries the idea....but I dunno, I thinkthe serman inthe middle kinda intrupts the whole rp. Like, it pauses the whole story, and then it starts up again. Kinda like an intermission. The flow was intrupted or atleast thats what I think.

Great description....yes I found grammar mistakes, but I'm not going to be an ass and point them out on you.

Tihs was a great rp, as I said, last weeks was better...or atleast thats my opinion. Good luck.

The reason for the sermon in the middle is b/c i did not want a huge sermon at the end, and i kind of did it like a Kyzer rp in a sense b/c i had pauses with talking and then moved back into the story.

I know I wasnt as impressed with this one, mostly due to it was a threeway and it made it more of a stress on me. I'm not saying it was bad, but i will agree with you about being happier with the last couple weeks rps.

Revvie

[thesouthsidekid]

Rev, I thought that it was another great rp. I personally did like the last week's better. But this one had a nice backstory, and I can see why you broke up the sermons. While it interupted the flow a little bit, it makes sense. I give you kudos my man.

[DAN]

I beg to differ with Calvin, I liked how the seroms kinda interputted the story as, from experience, reading the same thing for a lenghty period of time can get really boring for the reader so the sermons were positioned well and offered a second part to the RP.

Althought the spelling and grammar was poor, it didn't really effect the overall outcome of the RP. I thought this was a great RP that has the potential to be the match winner this week.

[CBT]

1st things 1st, I realize you didn't want a long ass sermon at the end, but the 2 seperate sermons helped and hurt your RP slightly. For the 1st sermon was delivered much to early, before the story even got interesting, you were addressing Macabre. Yes, there was guidance in the fact you were on a mission, but it would have been better, imo, once on arrival.

But the 2 seperate sermons did add to the RP, as the story still flowed well, and it was almost like a brief pause between you meeting the korean boy, and arriving at his grandfather's house. The story wasn't hurt at all by the 1st sermon.

Now, I really can't fairly judge on whether this RP was better then last weeks. As to be fair, we both think highly of eachother, so even in me leaving, I tried to do more then just give up. But yea, I think you had more to gain last week, personally, then this week.

As for Sermons, I enjoyed the one you did for Mac, more so then Wayne's. Wayne's kind of lacked any real beef or digust Rev might have for McGurk. Hell, even respect.. it just came off really dry.
While, your sermon on Mac was well spoken, and came off well. I think it's a close call between you 2, good luck Rev

[Kurt Burton: Script Doctor!]

Man, you have a long road to hoe, converting this roster to the way of light and righteousness. Hell, Kurt Burton alone could take years.

Just kidding. I like how the story of Michael and the Reverend is progressing. I kind of like the two sermons. From a screenply standpoint, I pictured the words of the sermon being narrated within Rev's head as he walked to the house, and gave me a clear vision of how important this match is to him. I say good work.