12/14 FDS RP#1 Striker - Extreme Conditions

[skylerstriker]

The scene begins in what looks to be a personal gymnasium of some sort. The room has an innovative design, all the walls made of glass as is the door, which opens into the house of Skyler Striker. Skyler is in the gym, but something is different from what would make this a normal scene – the time. The clock on the maroon wall reads at 3:28 am, and what little moonlight there is streaks through the windows, casting shadows. Skyler is working hard on a treadmill, the setting up to full and Skyler having to sprint to avoid being thrown off. He has no shirt but still wears his usual maroon pants. Eventually the treadmill slows down, ending the program setting, and Skyler accidentally keeps running and trips over the front of the treadmill, somersaulting head over heels over the display panel. He lands hard on the ground and curses.

SS: Damn it!

Skyler stands, infuriated, and turns away from the machine, looking calm until he snaps himself into reality and superkicks the display panel right off the machine. The panel goes flying into the glass wall and shatters it, and Skyler lets out a few more choice words.

SS: See this fury? This is what extreme conditions do to you. This is what I’ve been training in. No food, no drinks other than two litres of water a day, no changes of clothing. Two days straight. And of course no more than six hours sleep. This is how I train. This is how I am going to live. In and to the extreme. And God help anyone who stands in my way. Two days I have been living like this and already I can feel the change. Not only good, but the bad as well. I feel… different. And I cannot tell whether that is a positive or a negative. I guess the ‘Revolution’ will find out this week.

Skyler goes to the glass window that has been shattered and stares at the moon, the wind blowing through his hair and drying the sweat that runs down his forehead.

SS: You want to know what I think of these conditions? I hate them. They are poisoning me slowly, weakening me. So why do I keep doing it? Because eventually they will make me stronger. If a small child practises for a whole week instead of a day at playing his guitar, he will become better. This is no different. If I train for a week instead of a day, I grow more resilient. That child’s fingers may hurt, as will my muscles, but when both of us perform on stage, we know that we will deliver. Because we trained consistently. Now imagine defeating extreme conditions like this. Imagine what it will do for me when I emerge into the ring like an animal at Felo-De-Se. Imagine what I will do to my opponents in that ring.

Skyler laughs into the cold night air and stares at various clouds that all shadow the moon as they pass by.

SS: Thunder and Kurt Burton. I know you two better than I should, to be honest. The drunken idiot and the rich fool. Burton, take a look at the match we had last week. The same team, and yet, I was the man who scored the pinfall. I beat down the Ice Queen and I pinned Calvin Lee. No thanks to you there. I am the man responsible for our win last week and you know it. Your little ‘Revolution’ can revolve right back home, because there is no way in hell that I am going to let you defeat me at Felo-De-Se. Together, you are only as good as each other, and from the looks of things, that is going to make my job a whole lot easier. I would keep talking, but I have little enough time and energy as it is.

Skyler’s expression hardens as he looks at his small garden, and he turns back into his exercise room, which is now a complete mess. He moves through it and grabs his phone, dialling up a number and pacing the room as he speaks.

SS: Danny? Are you there? …Good, good, no problems. You?... good, good. Are you still ready for Felo-De-Se?... After Crimson Existence we will start the plan. That’s good… alright, see you around.

Skyler pockets his phone and heads over to the weights machine, loading more weight on and lying down, using his arms to bring the weight up via a pulley.

SS: And then, on top of all of this, I get stuck with Miguel Sanchez - a partner who lost last week… to me. All my partners do around here is lay back and watch me defeat my opponents. I am the one getting thrown around here. After Crimson Existence, that will no longer be a problem. The Revolution will no longer be a problem. After Crimson Existence, Thunder, Burton, Sanchez, and whoever else gets this message – Skyler Striker will be your problem.

Skyler drops the weights and stands, letting out a cry of what seems to be a mix of anguish, pain and anger, and collapses to the floor, semi-conscious as the scene ends.

[thesouthsidekid]

This is the first promo I've read of yours. My thoughts on it are, I like the setting of the gym and where it shows your character perhaps hallucinating and possibly going crazy without food or drink and only training. The speech was good. Overall, I feel it is a solid job.

[Calvin]

Ok, so this rp is pretty decent. Nothing too flawless, it's a solid work. Your description needs some work. Like, you have the idea right, you jsut need to go into detail. As in, you say there's a clock. Well, describe the clock. Is it made of wood, plastic, etc. Is it digital, and if not...literally tell us the angle of the arms. I find when you even say where the location is in the rp right away....you lose the fun of describing it. Try doing what I do. Describe the place, and let the reader guess where you are. And then, finally tell them when its like..obvious.

You speech is pretty good too. Full of anger, fustration and stress. I think you pulled that off great in the first paragraph of speech. But that's really the only paragraph that stands out to me. For sure, you know what you are doing. You just gotta like, keep your momentum going. The scene was kinda generic, but that's not too much of a worry, atleast not yet. You're still early in your career, so it's not a big deal. Just keep at it, and good luck.

[Revvie®]

yea I wouldnt want to be Revolution right now, mostly cause you havent bathed in two days and have been working out. God knows I dont want to step in the ring with someone that smells worse than Obo

Anyways to the rp, I think your biggest problem here was your description, you only gave basic need to know, now there is a line between basic need to know and to much and i think you need a bit more. I'm not saying the rp needs to be drowned in it, but it does help to give a better feel.

Speech was good b/c I could feel your emotion. And I can that you have more strength in it then your description. The setting was a little lame but fit for what the rp was, so im not complaining. Superkicking the machine was a bit cheesy but if you were going for a laugh, then you got one out of me

Other then working on expanding your description, I think this rp came off pretty well for what it was. I would try a more interesting setting next time though and maybe a bit more interaction with people, b/c speaking to someone else is always more entertaining to read then someone talking to a camera all the time.

Revvie