Odium rp: The DVD!!!!

[Kurt Burton: Script Doctor!]

The busy sounds of downtown Cincinatti fill the air. From the annoying chatter of mindless drones on their cell phones, to the pounding of out of repair cars, the air is so thick with noise that you can practically touch the sound. All manner of pedestrians crowd the streets, from the polished proffesionals in their expensive suits, to the hillbilly trash in their tank tops and shorts. From the thugs with bling, to the gay men with swing, nary an inch of pavement is not covered by the sole of someone's shoe. The smell is repugnant, the smells of burning oil and homeless junkies fills the air. The slightly over cast sky casts a shadow over these streets as though it was dirty secret it was trying to hide from the world.

And in this bustle walks a man, a man with a cell phone. Not one of the annoying drones, or so he hopes, he strides forward, with purpose and mission. Every step he takes carries him closer to his goal. His green hair is tussled by a sudden wind, and he adjusts his jacket to compensate. As he walks by the conservative yuppies on the street, they look at him with disgust and disdain, judging by his torn jeans, and leather jacket. They have judged that book by its cover, but surprisingly they judged correctly. The title of that book, is trouble.

The man reaches intohis jacket pocket, producing a crushed pack of cigarettes. He pulls out one of the wrinkled and twisted nails, and presses it to his smirking lips. Without a moment's pause,he lights the smoke, and the grey cloud presses forth from his mouth. The look on his face is of a man thoroughly pleased. Obviously, it is from the cell phone conversation.

Kurt: Of course. Look man, I respect you, and all the work you've done. You're in. Just one thing, call it, an initiation if you will. At SUperbrawl, our titles are on the line. Help us keep ours, and we'll help you win yours. Capiece. Cool, enjoy your stay in the Revolution.

Kurt flips the phone down, abruptly ending the call. He never wastes a moment on pleasantries. He has but one concern, now that his conversation is over.

Kurt: So, Meg... you're back for more. You know, I must say that I'm glad. You see, from the moment I came here to the WFWF, I have had many triumphant moments. Be it driving Tyger away, or choking out Draven, my hand has been raised more often than your skirt. But my single most triumphant moment, was smashing your pretty little face with that shiny belt. I don't think that was a great moment for you though, was it Meg?

Kurt cocks his head back and gives himself a chuckle. He takes another smooth drag off of his cigarette. The smoke drifts awaay from his mouth as he begins to speak again.

Kurt: You see, you can't suck your way out of this one honey... and don't even pretend like you didn't try last time. But now, instead of some homeless psychotic jerkweed, your opponent, is well, a psychotic jerkweed with a home. Your baby brother Morgan. Now, I find it funny, that Morgan and you are facing the Revolution, Hitman Manny C and Kurt Burton, but right after that, your facing each other. So is it in your best interest to try to win this match Meggy-poo, or should you just send him into the lions. Me personally, I don't care. I beat ya before, I'll beat ya again. But Morgan, he's fresh meat. Blood yet to grace our mat. And just like I did to you two weeks ago at Odium, I will adorn him with the crimson mask.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a DVD case. He looks at it.

Kurt: Now, if you'll excuse me, Kat and I are going to have a movie night tonight. See when I found out I was facing the Warner Brother, and the Warner Sister, Slut, I had to rush right out and steal it.

Kurt holds up the DVD, revealing the Animaniacs season one.

Kurt: I love those damn GoodFeathers, let me tell you. And you know, I think this match will resemble a cartoon, short, sweet andover in three minutes. So, Meg, Morgan, Aufwiedersehen.

Kurt performs a courtsy. Now even the homeless people are staring at him, after having just given that big long monologue to no one. He turns back and eyes one of the homeless guys.

Kurt: Don't look at me like I'm crazy. You can see I'm talking to a camera.

Director: Goddamn it Kurt! How many times do we have to tell you not to mention the camera! CUT!

Sharply exit to black.

[Revvie®]

I really do enjoy your speech especially the line about your hand being raised more then her skirt...that made me laugh actually...the description at the beginning was good but you should try to be just as in dept throughout your rp...well thats it...good luck in your match and nice rp.

Reverend Shadow

[Yukio Blaze]

Good one Burton. I love the Warner Sister/Brother, just classic stuff and I kinda like how you and Manny are "doing" movie's.

Even though there were a few mistake's (Hell I have atleast a couple in mine each time), this was step up work from your other's and good luck to you.

[Deleted]

HA Burton you continue to make me laugh. Your description is much better than it was before I loved the opening paragraph especially. Also when you mentioned Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain started on my tv. crazy stuff. Good luck in your match man.

[Calvin]

Description is getting better and better. You opened it nicely. Can't complain as you are improving in that area.

Speech was pretty cool. The part where you said you know I am crazy....you know I am talking to a camera is very questionable....but I think I see where you are going with it....it's good humour....even though it kind of takes away the reality. I think it works here....but we'll see.

Good stuff, you're improving, slowly but surely. good job.

[veronicaaaahhhh]

Overall this was a pretty good RP. The speech was a little short, but you said what needed to be said and you got to the point. I really love the word play on the first paragraph. Good job and good luck come Odium.

[sonstuds]

You're actually fairly good at the descriptions. My only knock on that would be stuff like "They have judged that book by its cover, but surprisingly they judged correctly. The title of that book, is trouble". Just me speaking, I find that kind of goofy. But even out of personal perference, you never really gave a reason as to why. I mean, he basically just talked about his match. What's so troubling about that? I'm sure your character has done stuff that would fit the trouble mold, but how would anyone on the steet know that?

You're good at speech. Really, my only knock is the DVD thing. From your title it sounds like the center of your roleplay, but you mention it for one line and that's it. Honestly, I had no idea what you were trying to prove with it, your explanation on it didn't relate that well, and it just came off as random. You need to expand ideas like that.

Also, the camera thing, I thought, actually killed the mood completely. I know that was what you were kind of going for, but it kind of backfired. Plus it brings back memories of when I did something like that. I sucked back then.

Still, pretty good roleplay and impressive considering this is the first I've read from you. All I can really say is just to expand off the ideas you have so that it's more understanding to the reader. Good job.

[Kurt Burton: Script Doctor!]

Thamks for the critique guys. I am a little dissapointed though, as it seems it is always the same people, but I'm glad I'm winning you guys over.