Your Mexican Icon : Back at Last pt.1

[tobeornottobe]

A barren field awaits in the distance. All that is there is a small red light. The light grows larger and larger, clawing its way through the thick, dark and muggy fog. Birds flee from trees. The flapping of wings like a broken table fan in the summer haze. The red light (soon enough) evolves into an ember, seizing it position...and then it moves out as if this were the "War in Iraq". Just like a squad, it spreads. Farther and wider.


It stretches far and deep, waiting for the quarterback to throw the wining touchdown.

"Where is Smokey the Bear?".

That was the only voice that cries out. Laughter follows as trees fall down like the great leaders of this country. The crackling of embers similar to a brash public, having a word for everything. Out to the distance, comes a man dressed in black. He walks away from the inferno, leaving it in the background with his hands in his jean pockets and his face down looking at the earth, with a chuckle. Is he proud for what he has just done? Who knows.

"Do you want to know why I laugh?. Why I find this path of destruction amusing?. Well...I will tell you. This fiery inferno is nothing but a metaphor for where my feelings stand today. They stand in the path of hatred and in the path of wanting some redemption. I had no choice for my absence of late. But now people get to see the true side of me. The pride I hold of my heritage and the unwillingness to give up without success. I am...Your new savior. The new figure of admiration. A new man, stands before you. Not the same "Anger Written" comedy act and poised figure of the media's amusement, but as a real life messiah. I stand by fans of the WFWF and I say to them, "Join me, or be against me"...Your Mexican Icon is back at last.

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Fin

[Kurt Burton: Script Doctor!]

I like it, except the messiah thing has kind of been done to death recently. It is very short, and so I think it could have used some expansion, especially since it is the return after a long absence.

[tobeornottobe]

Well its ment to be short because it was a developmental Rp.....

[Deleted]

If you want to develop your character into a well known, highly thought of superstar you would put all of your effort into an RP like this. Just because it is not for a match doesn't mean it goes un-noticed. It isn't meant to be short. it isn't meant to be anything other than what you make it. Sorry if that sounded like a rant.

[Calvin]

I agree with Drakz. You want to try and impress the people here and show them that you still want to rp. Writting what is basically a particapation rp for the show doesn't mean you can go easy. Weak rps=weakened character in my eyes. If you write a small rp with no effort in it, what is the meanint to write it. This had good description in it, I will say that. But if you are saying it's short because it was a developmental rp, wouldn't you want to do more then this. All you are basically saying is it's short because it's only meant to develope my character. Isn't that kind of the same thing as saying it's short because my opponent will no show...I think you get my point.


Speech was good, but yes I do think the messiah thing is extremely overused here. There are lots of other metaphors you can find other then messiah. Like I said, description was really good, but I do think you should have put a lot more effort into the rp. You make it seem as if you wrote is up in minutes when you say its short for the developmental reasons.

[tobeornottobe]

I wanted it to be short. I kept it short because of the fact that it was a developmental and it was written short just to show you guys that i am comming back. Yes there will be longer and more interesting rps in the future, but since i wasnt for a match, then i asked myself, "why should it be long?" dont get me wrong here though. im not trying to be lazy here. i was just trying to focus on the speech more than anything.

[B-Radimus Prime]

Although it was very short, I liked the description and speech alot. As you've said, it was meant to be short, so you did a good job on this.