Post by Kurt Burton: Script Doctor! on May 27, 2006 19:51:59 GMT -5
We come back into the studio. That annoying cheesy Whatever cover is playing. The audience still looks bored. Kurt is chatting with Kat.
Kurt: So, you and me... and a stick of butter...
Kat: Maybe.
Kurt turns back to notice the commercials are over..
Kurt: Welcome back to the conclusion of Metal Mayhem. Before we continue, I just have to say I am outraged that the WFWF ever signed those two backyard ****heads the Twizted Killas in the first place. Ultraviolent backyard wrestling is a disease afflicting this industry. I mean, one of these ultraviolent superstars actually shot someone in the head. Backyard wrestlers should be shot in the head.
The twelve year old springs to his feet.
Kid: I'm a backyard wrestler!
Kurt laughs and looks to Kat.
Kurt: Case in point. Manny, why don't you go ahead and introduce the next guests.
Manny: This team is from two countries. First, hailing from Mexico with a win loss record of 5-4, but holding a world record for most yards mowed in a day... Miguel Sanchez. And his partner, hailing from Germany, the "Douche"land Legend, legendary for being the biggest douche in Germany. And they are the International Embassy.
The curtain flies open as a short fat Mexican guy covered in lawn clippings, and a man who looks like a bald Hitler walk out. The Mexican as a big smile on his face. They take a seat on the couch.
Kurt: Gentlemen, thank you for coming to the show. So, I've noticed that you are a brand new team... is this correct.
Fake Miguel: Si senor.
Kurt: And being a new team, you suck a lot of balls, don't you?
Fake Miguel: Si senor.
Kurt: You have no idea what I am saying do you?
Fake Miguel: Si senor!
Kurt: Am I correct in saying that your computer is full of child pornography?
Fake Miguel: Si senor.
Kurt: And do you dress in women's clothing and hang around in bars?
Fake Miguel: Si senor!
Kurt: We are going to wipe our asses with you at Scars and Stripes, aren't we?
Fake Miguel: Si senor.
Kurt: Now, Mr. Third Reich... what do you have to say about this match?
The bald German rises to his feet and gets in Kurts face. He starts screaming, and he screams so hard spit flies in Kurt's face.
Fake Xavier: Ich bin ein sehr großer Stern in Deutschland... und warum, weil ich Scheiße besser als jeder möglicher andere Deutsche esse. Ich habe einen gigantischen Penis außerdem. Mein Penis ist, also groß stößt er Völkeraugen heraus. Er spricht Englisch. Meine Penisgespräche zu mir und zu mir wissen nicht, was es sagt. Warum nicht mein Penis Deutsches sprechen kann. Ich schiß gerade meine Hosen.
Kurt: Right... don't be so sour, Kraut? I am sure After you lose to us at the pay-per-view, you can always get work in sheisse films. Get off my show.
Kurt jumps up, lead pipe in hand, and smacks fake Xavier across the face. Fake Miguel runs away, screaming.at the top of his lungs "IEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Kurt sits down. He lays the lead pipe down at his feet.
Kurt: I hate immigrants. They can't cut a life for theselves in thier homeland, so they come over here, and still can't make their way. Manny, who's the next guests.
Kat: I will do this one!
She springs to her feet, and almost has a wardrobe malfunction. The construction worker let's out a big wolf whistle. Kat adjusts her dress, and continues.
Kat: These next two come straight from the asylum. First, the not so lovely, and not so talented Vivica, and the man-thing... Kronik.
From the curtain emerge a woman in a dog mask, wearing a dominatrix outfit, and she is dragging a big dumb guy in a speedo by a leesh. They both bark at the audience. The turn and move towards the couch. Kurt jumps and holds his hand out. Kurt and Kat reach behind the couch and pull out some newspaper. They lay it down on the floor.
Kurt: Bad doggies, not on the furniture... bad!
Kurt takes his seat again, and the two sit on the floor.
Kurt: So, I notice you're dragging him around on that leash... but, really, it looks like that should be the other way around Barkey.
Dog Girl: I am so sick of people making fun of m. it makes me so MAD!!!
Kurt: Take a chill pill, calm down... I won't make fun of you anymore.
Kat: Is that thing neutered?
She points at The Speedo guy. He jumps up, and starts humping Kat's leg. Kat recoils in terror, as the psycho humps away. SHe reaches down her dress and pulls out a can of pepper spray, and hoses his eyes.
Kat: Bad doggy.
Kurt: SO... Vivica, I've noticed that you've had multiple stays at mentla asylums. Am I reading that right, or should that read Pound.
Dog Girl: I am very pretty.
Kurt: Well, at least your fur is. Get off my show.
Kat pulls a brass pole from behind the couch, and levels the man in the Speedo. Manny runs down the steps and takes out Dog girl with a flying clothes line.
Kurt: What strange...bizarre... I hesitate to use the word people. Well.. I guess it's time for the next guest.
Manny: Immune and Justin Tyme cancelled.[/i[
Kurt: What? Why?
Manny: Well, their too busy wiping each other's asses with all their money.
Kurt: So... Thats the end of the show.
Manny: I guess so.
Kurt: Well, then on behalf of my colleagues here... We're signing off. I hope you all enjoyed the show, and I'kll see each and everyone of you again when the Rebellion rolls into Scars and Stripes and wins the orgy titles. Untill then... Up yours.[i/]
The audience does not clap. They glare at the Rebellion who are taking bows. The rebellion applaud themselves. The little old granny flips the Rebellion the bird.
Kurt: So, you and me... and a stick of butter...
Kat: Maybe.
Kurt turns back to notice the commercials are over..
Kurt: Welcome back to the conclusion of Metal Mayhem. Before we continue, I just have to say I am outraged that the WFWF ever signed those two backyard ****heads the Twizted Killas in the first place. Ultraviolent backyard wrestling is a disease afflicting this industry. I mean, one of these ultraviolent superstars actually shot someone in the head. Backyard wrestlers should be shot in the head.
The twelve year old springs to his feet.
Kid: I'm a backyard wrestler!
Kurt laughs and looks to Kat.
Kurt: Case in point. Manny, why don't you go ahead and introduce the next guests.
Manny: This team is from two countries. First, hailing from Mexico with a win loss record of 5-4, but holding a world record for most yards mowed in a day... Miguel Sanchez. And his partner, hailing from Germany, the "Douche"land Legend, legendary for being the biggest douche in Germany. And they are the International Embassy.
The curtain flies open as a short fat Mexican guy covered in lawn clippings, and a man who looks like a bald Hitler walk out. The Mexican as a big smile on his face. They take a seat on the couch.
Kurt: Gentlemen, thank you for coming to the show. So, I've noticed that you are a brand new team... is this correct.
Fake Miguel: Si senor.
Kurt: And being a new team, you suck a lot of balls, don't you?
Fake Miguel: Si senor.
Kurt: You have no idea what I am saying do you?
Fake Miguel: Si senor!
Kurt: Am I correct in saying that your computer is full of child pornography?
Fake Miguel: Si senor.
Kurt: And do you dress in women's clothing and hang around in bars?
Fake Miguel: Si senor!
Kurt: We are going to wipe our asses with you at Scars and Stripes, aren't we?
Fake Miguel: Si senor.
Kurt: Now, Mr. Third Reich... what do you have to say about this match?
The bald German rises to his feet and gets in Kurts face. He starts screaming, and he screams so hard spit flies in Kurt's face.
Fake Xavier: Ich bin ein sehr großer Stern in Deutschland... und warum, weil ich Scheiße besser als jeder möglicher andere Deutsche esse. Ich habe einen gigantischen Penis außerdem. Mein Penis ist, also groß stößt er Völkeraugen heraus. Er spricht Englisch. Meine Penisgespräche zu mir und zu mir wissen nicht, was es sagt. Warum nicht mein Penis Deutsches sprechen kann. Ich schiß gerade meine Hosen.
Kurt: Right... don't be so sour, Kraut? I am sure After you lose to us at the pay-per-view, you can always get work in sheisse films. Get off my show.
Kurt jumps up, lead pipe in hand, and smacks fake Xavier across the face. Fake Miguel runs away, screaming.at the top of his lungs "IEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Kurt sits down. He lays the lead pipe down at his feet.
Kurt: I hate immigrants. They can't cut a life for theselves in thier homeland, so they come over here, and still can't make their way. Manny, who's the next guests.
Kat: I will do this one!
She springs to her feet, and almost has a wardrobe malfunction. The construction worker let's out a big wolf whistle. Kat adjusts her dress, and continues.
Kat: These next two come straight from the asylum. First, the not so lovely, and not so talented Vivica, and the man-thing... Kronik.
From the curtain emerge a woman in a dog mask, wearing a dominatrix outfit, and she is dragging a big dumb guy in a speedo by a leesh. They both bark at the audience. The turn and move towards the couch. Kurt jumps and holds his hand out. Kurt and Kat reach behind the couch and pull out some newspaper. They lay it down on the floor.
Kurt: Bad doggies, not on the furniture... bad!
Kurt takes his seat again, and the two sit on the floor.
Kurt: So, I notice you're dragging him around on that leash... but, really, it looks like that should be the other way around Barkey.
Dog Girl: I am so sick of people making fun of m. it makes me so MAD!!!
Kurt: Take a chill pill, calm down... I won't make fun of you anymore.
Kat: Is that thing neutered?
She points at The Speedo guy. He jumps up, and starts humping Kat's leg. Kat recoils in terror, as the psycho humps away. SHe reaches down her dress and pulls out a can of pepper spray, and hoses his eyes.
Kat: Bad doggy.
Kurt: SO... Vivica, I've noticed that you've had multiple stays at mentla asylums. Am I reading that right, or should that read Pound.
Dog Girl: I am very pretty.
Kurt: Well, at least your fur is. Get off my show.
Kat pulls a brass pole from behind the couch, and levels the man in the Speedo. Manny runs down the steps and takes out Dog girl with a flying clothes line.
Kurt: What strange...bizarre... I hesitate to use the word people. Well.. I guess it's time for the next guest.
Manny: Immune and Justin Tyme cancelled.[/i[
Kurt: What? Why?
Manny: Well, their too busy wiping each other's asses with all their money.
Kurt: So... Thats the end of the show.
Manny: I guess so.
Kurt: Well, then on behalf of my colleagues here... We're signing off. I hope you all enjoyed the show, and I'kll see each and everyone of you again when the Rebellion rolls into Scars and Stripes and wins the orgy titles. Untill then... Up yours.[i/]
The audience does not clap. They glare at the Rebellion who are taking bows. The rebellion applaud themselves. The little old granny flips the Rebellion the bird.