Light Up The Sky Rp- An Eccentric Debut

[Deleted]

Debut Showing



Dark Voice:
So melancholy, Trey? Chin up. Isn’t that what people say when a person needs to be cheered up? As if placing your chin upward towards the sky has any effect on emotion. Seems a rather ignorant concept to me… You have the ultimate power thrust into you. Embrace it! Bask in all its glory! While once you were a lost soul, you are now the bearer of limitless strength and power. This should be music to your ears. It certainly is to mine. Let the trumpets blare in triumph!! I did not believe in you at first, but I watched. And watched. And watched again. You are quite the specimen. I had to have you. I waited for this long, avoided so many others just to get to you. And look what we accomplished! We saved your career and brought you to the platform where you will be appreciated for all of your talents. The second you let go of all your worries, you realized there are no ceilings to your abilities. This place created the walls that built the structure to contain your majesty…but we use the structure against them and make it our kingdom. They are frightened children and followers…they all bow. It’s what they do when they see a magnificent force such as we. They bathe us in their love and admiration. And when we need to feed, they provide the bodies…

Delicious course on the menu, right Trey? A confused religious vessel. The type of being I had the most satisfaction decimating back in my day. I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in opportunity and chaos. You have been granted a second chance to take vengeance upon these scoundrels that previously stood in your way and cost you your reward. You didn’t have me in at your side then. You will taste victory. For I am your deadly right hand.

Eccentrix:

(distant voice) I am Eccentrix now. I don’t need you...

Dark Voice:
Hahahaha!!! Still fighting?! You never cease to amaze me! This is why I was drawn to you! But fear not, you are not sinking Trey…you’re evolving. Embrace the evolution as we slash through every neck of the competition and get ahead. We are one in the same now, our bond will tear this place apart.

Eccentrix:
(distant voice) I’m a different person now! I won’t…

Dark Voice:
I know where your future lies. This “eccentric” persona you hide behind can’t guard you for long. It's...entertaining, but not your true form. Regardless, don’t fail us…

***

(The scene opens with The Eccentrix, wearing a clean all white suit, sitting behind a desk in a studio. It is heavily decorated with Eccentrix Memorabilia and his name is literally everywhere on set. He gives the camera a sly smile)

Eccentrix:
Hello and welcome to the first edition of “Eccentric Talk:. I’m your host The Incomparable...The Eccentrix! Now for those of you that have been living under a rock hiding from the inevitable Armageddon and haven’t heard of me…the name again is The Eccentrix. Former Indy LEGEND. The most popular name outside of this damn company! The one true number one contender for the World title…they just haven’t announced it yet. And of course, THE BEST TECHNICAL WRESTLER IN THE WORLD!

Whether you agree with me or not, any of my detractors or skeptics have to know for a fact that I am lightyears ahead of my time. But when you introduce such a massively popular trendsetter like me, you’re bound to get fakes and copies coming out of the woodworks. One such wrestling fake is “The Father Luke Marshall”. Yes you heard me right, that is his actual name. “Luke”. Where is the intrigue in that name? You want to garner attention from the masses the second your name leaves the ring announcer’s lips....and his name sure as hell doesn’t do that. Luke? When you have a pansy first name, you hide that s**t! What the hell is wrong with you, fam? How could you walk into a room and expect to instill fear in people’s hearts with the same name as the main character from those terrible space movies?! Try pulling out your limp lightsaber out against me in the ring, I’ll show you who your daddy is “Father”. Go make out with your sister you hilbilly! Get it? Because his name is Luke...and Luke Skywalker made out with his si…nevermind...

I am in all-out war mode here. I deserve to be top tier and yet my whole past has been overlooked. People like “Luke” are getting a free ride while true talent like myself have yet to get a one on one shot at a title. It shouldn’t matter that it’s my first match! So the powers that be are scared of me. They’re scared that I’m gonna rip through all their little poster children and expose them for the weak individuals that they are. All the promoting you do for them just to find out they aren’t worth half the ticket prices these fans are forced to pay to see them. I want to set the record straight and make sure everyone knows the truth about what’s going on around here. Then you’ll understand why I do deserve to be on the top of every ranking and polling and I should’ve been the first rookie ever to immediately compete for a title shot!

Again, welcome to the first edition of Eccentric Talk. Today’s guest is my ring valet Amy Lessly. She’ll be here to give her honest opinion on “The Father” Luke Marshall. The musical guest is myself, freestyling about my opponent. Let’s start this off with a comparison between the competitors, ladies and gentlemen it’s the Tale of the Tape.




(A giant “Tale of the Tape” graphic appears on screen)





TALE OF THE TAPE



“My Father Left Me, But Not Before Giving me the stupid name of” Luke Marshall


Height: 6’3” (I’m taller than he is. See that! He lost the match before it even started! )

Weight: 193 lbs (Dude, where the muscle?)

Hometown: Parts Unknown (More like “Parts Don’t Want To Admit The Idiot Was Born There”)

Skill Set: None

Finisher: Ineffective as hell

Interesting Fact: Spits and Swallows




The Eccentrix Trey Carter


Height: The Perfect Height

Weight: No body fat on that sexy man!

Hometown: Is adored everywhere!

Skill Set: Best technical wrestler in the world

Finisher: Any move I hit

Interesting Fact: Can crack a peanut between his buttchecks. #perfectglutes





Eccentrix:
As you can clearly see, I beat this guy in pretty much every category. Aside from the spitting and swallowing of course. That’s no competition there… Now as promised, I like to put together a freestyle for my opponents before I take their ass down in a match. It took me a while to put this together, because I had to research this Luke guy and I stopped caring after the first fifteen minutes. But I managed to fight the need to sleep on the guy and bring you a freestyle diss for Luke Marshall…


(Eccentrix stands up from behind the desk and steps in front of a green screen. A stage hand gives him a bandana, which he immediately ties over his head, and sunglasses. He poses for the camera for a few seconds before a random instrumental plays)



The Eccentirix Freestyle:  


Eccentrix:
Unhhhh, yeeeeeahh, what…what….what

I like to call this freestyle, Father Never Loved Me….check it….


This match I had to inherit

Hardly a marquee, no merit

Luke's personality, I’ll bear it

But his leg’s perforated, I’ll tear it

Bomb his ass like a terrorist

Break his wrists, now he can’t carry s***

DDT, his egos constantly taking hits

Kick him in the nuts, now "Father" can't have kids

One hundred ninety three pounds, glorified cruiserweight

Nobody’s gambling on you winning, you look horrified to walk the plank

“God’s dyin breath”, I’ll beat you with your own finisher

With God’s dying breath, his advice to me was “Finish Her!”

Cuz...umm...you’re a girl! Word!



Live Interview With Amy Lessly


(The camera goes back to Trey Carter who’s sitting behind his desk again. He is desperately trying to catch his breath) 

Eccentrix:
Now we move on to our interview with Amy Lessly! Amy everyone!

(A canned audience applause is played as Amy comes out unamused to sit on the guest chair. She plops down and immediately pulls out her cellphone and types away)

Eccentrix:
So who, in your expert opinion, do you have winning in the match between myself and Marshall. And I don’t mean Eminem! Get it?

(Amy doesn’t react)

Eccentrix:
...because I just did a rap and Marshall is the name of Eminem?

(Amy looks up from her phone, smiles at Eccentrix for a second and then goes back to her phone)

Eccentrix:
...so...the match…

Amy Lessly: (without looking up)
You’re gonna win. You always win.

(The canned audience applause plays again and Amy walks off)



New “Luke Marshall” Inspired Merchandise


(The scene opens with two friends standing in the mall, Jimmy and Stewart. Jimmy has long blonde hair, good looks, and is extremely fit. His friend Stewart is three hundred pounds, smells horrible, and his gut is constantly slipping out from under his shirt like it’s playing “peek-a-boo” with the passers-by. Jimmy looks stressed out)


Jimmy: Dude this sucks.


Stewart: Hey what’s wrong friend.


Jimmy: I’m just so tired of all these hot chicks hitting on me. It’s getting bad. This hot model said she would do me in any position I wanted and give me the best orgasm I’ve ever had. I’m so depressed. I just wish I could be uglier, in worst shape and less talented like you Stewart.


Stewart: You can be!


Jimmy: What?!


Stewart: Hey if you want to be fat and ugly just like me, you should try “Puke Luke!”


Jimmy: What’s that?


Stewart: “Puke Luke” is the newest sensation. It’s a drink that you take. After one cup, my coordination went down, I was much less appealing, and my personal hygiene has never been worse! Watch this…


(A hot brunette walks by and Stewart smiles at her, which causes her to vomit all over her shirt. She runs off screaming. The two high five)


Stewart: Now you try!


(A sexy blonde walks into the scene and heads right towards Jimmy)


Sexy Blonde: Mmm… you like you could use a hug baby. I hug with my legs…around your waist…with my vagina…


(Jimmy smiles at Stewart and grabs the drink off camera. He downs it and immediately turns into a Luke Marshall look-alike)


Sexy Blonde: Ewwwwwwww!!!!


(The blonde projectile vomits all over Jimmy and runs off)


Sexy Blonde: Damn that Puke Luke!!!!


(Jimmy and Stewart give a cheesy accomplished smile to the camera as it fades to black)




Fan Service



(Eccentrix smiles at the camera as once again he is in front of the green screen. The background shows random tweets and messages about Eccentrix rolling past)


Eccentrix:
Before we end the show I do want to take the time to answer a few questions.


Smellmyfinger242: “Sorry to hear about your father being murdered, that’s rough. My dad was too. Hang in there and I’m sure everything will be alright 😊”


(Eccentrix pauses in his tracks and has a genuine moment before shaking it off and going back to his arrogant self)


***

Dark Voice: 

I'm closer to the surface than you think Trey. I can see the seams of your "Eccentrix" character slowly coming apart. If the mere mention of your father is all it takes for me to consume this much more of you, then you won't last a week in WFWF. Be flashy. Be offensive. Be the star of the show. Do everything you think can help erase me and your past. I'm enjoying every second...

***

Eccentrix:

I think this is the perfect place to end my segment... But ladies and gentlemen, the show is far from over! If you haven't guessed by now, I am the star of the show. I am the most grandest presence this pathetic company has ever seen. I am the epitome of what it means to be an attraction, rather than a Main Eventer. Every single wrestler wishes they had that confidence. I am the best on the mic, most entertaining on the show and the best in the ring! This is my show! The powers that be messed up by slotting me against a non champion. You only get ONE chance to debut! I could've garnered so many ratings and brought so many sponsors by immediately putting me in a title match and strapping a rocket to me. I will do my best to put on a masterpiece with an unworthy opponent, but know this... I will not accept a match that's beneath my greatness ever again. Tune in to see me debut and whats to come!

(The scene ends with Eccentrix posing with his arms out. Fireworks shoot out from different sides of the stage. The camera pans out to show there is no audience in the building. Stagehands start taking down the set as the screen fades to black)

[jdfranchise]

Ok so I had break up my reading of this, and just now finally got to it in a single sitting.

I'm not sure how much time you got under your belt prior to this, but the way it's structured leads me to be believe you have at least a couple years under your belt in some different type of feds, maybe like an angle based fed like those I cut my teeth in years ago. That's good if you do, because you have down probably the most important part of this game, which is your main character's voice. He's boisterous, he's bombastic almost to the point of being delusional, but your delivery is done with such conviction that it worked. This had an old school promo feel to the rp itself, and it makes me want to see what other tools you have.

I like the variety show bit that you did here, but it did feel rushed at parts, mostly because there wasn't much in the way of dialouge. What I felt like we got was the lackeys setting up Trey for the punchlines. Pace is something a lot of new guys have trouble adapting to in our style of rp writing, and a strong dialouge is a good way to pace out your content. So if that is a weakness that you're trying to hide to start, well played on recognizing it, but don't be afraid to work on it. There a lot of vets here who are masters at weaving a story in through dialouge that you should take a look at. In recent memory, Mike and Drakz are excellent dialouge writers.

I could take or leave the rap, as you had some good zingers and had some good vocabulary mixed in, but didn't capitalize on the opportunity to really rip your opponent a new a**hole. I just mentioned to Johnny Mason earlier that I'm a sucker for a variety of vocabulary, especially when it's mixed in. You did that in the rap pretty well, and it did elevate it as a whole.

I'm usually against dark mystery figures with no names, but I think the one you used was a necessary plot device to show Trey has some layers, or at least a backstory. How you follow up on that is important, because it will give you content down the road. We're always trying to set things up for later so we keep our characters fresh.

Pretty good outing for your first go around. Like I said man, I'm curious to see how much, if any time you got under your belt. Not so much for Trey the character, but you as the writer. You got some good building blocks to turn this character into a force.

[Thunder]

I enjoyed this. Debut RPs are never easy, but you managed to pull it off in a couple good ways. We got a character intro and his style, and some good teases about what more there is to him beneath the surface.

The format idea of this is cool too. While I agree that it probably is a little rushed, I still liked it overall. The talk show idea is a unique one, and made for good fun. The rap idea was a good one as well. A lot of good promos consist of solid diss track lines, and you out there in its purest form.

Overall, a cool unique way to debut, and I want to see what else you do.

[Deleted]

Thanks for all the feedback! Yeah this one was rushed. I had another one but it is largely backstory so I wanted to establish the more outlandish personality first before I got into the reason why he is the way he is. So look for a long origin story next match haha

[Deleted]

Writing the introductory piece for a character is always the hardest because you have nothing to go off on. It's our first introduction to your character so it's key to get us hooked from the get-go....

And consider me hooked!

I like that contrast of Carter's personality and attitude compared to the Dark Voice being foreboding and sorta looming over Carter's head so I'm curious to see where you go with it going forward.

I loved the game show aspect of your piece! I would keep using that as a hook for your pieces to make them stand out. Like my character, I used vlogs as a way to cut a promo or write a monologue and in this case, the game show element really worked well!

Of course, I also get the feeling that this was rushed like you've admitted but that's not to say that it's bad! There's something here and I can't wait to see where it goes.

I appreciate you joining and hopefully, you'll find your place here