House show July 5th

[Matt]

SNME House Show #4:
Live from the Really Big Living Room, in some guys house
Crowd: 9,865

Hundreds of people begin filling into the arena. As each person takes their seat an energy starts to raise. As more and more fans begin to enter the energy grows with excitement. Children of all ages are smiling with happiness. They can hardly wait to see their favorite superstars of Saturday Night’s Main Event. As time slowly goes by the lights suddenly dim and the sound of cheers fills the giant arena. “Watch Your Words” by Alterbridge echos through the arena as a spot light shines on a black curtain covering a set of open double wide doors. Ring announcer David Phipps quickly comes walking through the curtain with a smile on his face. He quickly makes his way down the aisle and climbs the ring steps. The fans cannot wait to get things started as David Phipps begins to speak.

David Phipps: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the show. Tonight’s event is brought to you because of the ‘Seven Deadly Sins Revenge Tour!’ Here at Saturday Night’s Main Event, we make it out goal to bring you the best wrestling action you can get. Now if you would please direct your attention on the American Flag, the playing of the National Anthem will begin.

As each fan stands their gazing up at the flag the sound of the National Anthem is played out. The song is over and the fans begin cheering. Ring announcer David Phipps has a smile on his face and begins to speak once again.


David Phipps: Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Saturday Night’s Main Event!!! Now is out three way dance and it is a hardcore, falls count any where match!

Suddenly, One of a Kind plays over the PA System and Rob Van Dam appears on stage. His pyrotechnics explode and he continues his way down the aisle high fifing fans. He rolls in to the ring and than Modest plays over the PA system. Crack head Hardy appears on stage and the crowd boos violently. They chant jobber as Hardy and he gets upset. He runs to the ring in tears as Ken Kennedy’s music plays. He walks to the ring with a dead reaction and jumps to the top rope.

Dave Phipps: Introducing the wrestlers of the match. First, in the far side, left corner from North Carolina; tonight he tips the scales at 215 and 3 quarter pounds, this is Jeff Hardy! Next to my right hand side, he is from Battle Creek Michigan, he tips the scales at 237 pounds, this is Rob Van Dam! And finally in the opposite corner from Green Bay Wisconsin, he comes in tonight at 245 pounds, he is…..(Mr. Kennedy grabs the microphone away from David.)

Ken Kennedy: Now let me show you how it is done! From Green Bay , he is scaling in at an amazing 245 and a half pounds, he is the greatest wrestler alive today this is MMMIIISSSTTTTTEEERRRR KKKKKEEENNNNEEDDDDDDDYYY…..KKKKKEEEENNNNNEDDDDYYYY!

Match: Hardcore Three Way Dance.
Wrestlers: Ken Kennedy, Jeff Hardy, and Rob Van Dam.

Bell rings

As soon as Ken Kennedy drops the mic he gets the receiving end of a round house kick thanks to Rob Van Dam. Hardy tries to attack Rob but, he gets a swift kick to the face. Jeff is bleeding badly after the shot and the crowd laughs as they see his blood drip to the mat. RVD goes back on his attack to Kennedy. He mud stomps him in the corner and than picks him up.

He sends him off the ropes and than back drops him out of the ring. RVD walks over to Hardy and grabs him by his hair. RVD starts to beat the crap out of Hardy with kicks to the mid section. RVD than takes the pot head and tosses him out of the ring. A fan hands RVD a chair and he Hardy finds it bashed over his head. Kennedy runs over to his opponents with a trash can in hand. He smashes it over RVD’s back and than hits a violent shot to Hardy.

Ken tosses Hardy back in to the ring and than slides a table in the ring. Ken sets the table up and than places Hardy on the top rope. Ken joins him on the top rope and sets Hardy up for the Green Bay Plunge. He lifts Hardy up and jumps off the top rope. Both men crash through the table and the crowd goes wild. Ken gets up but, his face is meets the bottom of a chair as RVD just cracked one over it.

Ken is busted open as RVD goes to the top rope. He nails a five star frog splash and pins him one…..tw...no Ken kicks out! The crowd doesn’t believe it as Jeff Hardy gets up and hits Rob with a chair. Suddenly, Jeff Hardy reaches in to his pants and pulls out a box of pot. He puts one in his mouth and begins to puff on it. Suddenly Rob gets up and grabs the lighter. He puts it by Jeff’s hair and bam just like that Hardy’s hair is on fire. The crowd laughs as Jeff Hardy scrams in pain. Rob grabs his chair and smashes it over Hardy’s head. Jeff starts to bleed violently as RVD goes to the top rope.
Rob Van Dam hits his amazing Five Star Frog Splash on Hardy and covers him one…..two…..three!

Dave Phipps: Pot Hardy is eliminated!

Ken Kennedy gets up and he and RVD battle back and fourth. Ken goes in and grabs Rob by the leg. He trips Rob and he falls out of the ring. Ken follows him out of the ring and he tosses him out in to the crowd. Ken grabs a chair and hits it over Rob’s back. They continue to fight back in to the backstage area and the crowd boos as they no longer can see the action live!

In the back Ken tosses RVD in to a wall and he gives out a yelp in pain. Ken clears off a table and than picks Rob up. HE places him on the table and Ken than goes and finds a ladder, which he sets up. He climbs the ladder and than jumps off it going for a Swanton. RVD moves out of the way and Ken almost kills himself going trough the table.

RVD picks Kennedy up and tosses him out a door and back in to the crowd. RVD fights Ken back in to the ring where he than grabs a chair and slams him in the corner. RVD goes to the opposite corner with the chair in hand. He jumps to the top rope and than jumps across the ring hitting the Van Terminator. He pins Ken one…..two…..three!

Dave Phipps: Here is your winner, Rob Van Dam!

The scene cuts over to a video filmed early today. A table, covered in the finest of dining ware, cloths, and food. The camera moves to show that Trevor Murdoch and the Meatball that interfered in his match last week are out to eat on a date. Trevor and the Meatball are laughing as they talk. The camera goes in closer to see what they are doing.

Murdoch: Can I lotion you down with some spaghetti sauce?

Meatball: Sounds wonderful Trevey.

Murdoch: Than I will put your greasy and meaty ball in my mouth and suck on it.

Meatball: Of course you will babe. But, umm….Trevor…I need to tell you this.

Murdoch: What is it?

Meatball: I am a man…

Trevor Murdoch gets up out of his seat and picks up his steak knife.

Murdoch: You god damn Mother F*cker! I am going to kill you!

Meatball gets up and starts to run away and Trevor chases him with his knife. They run all around the restaurant but, suddenly a giant ravioli jumps out from under a table. The ravioli starts to chase Murdoch away. Trevor storms out of the restaurant and jumps in to his truck, he drives off in tears. The ravioli and meatball start to make out but, suddenly a sausage pops out from under another table.

Sausage (talking to meatball) Baby, what the f*ck is this!

Meatball: My boyfriend.

Sausage: I thought I was.

Meatball: Well duh, this is an affair. I thought I told you.

The cameras fade away as their conversation continues. The screen fades back to the live audience as Dave Phipps gets back in to the ring.

[Matt]

The camera zips backstage to a shot of Andrew Brannan and Trevor Murdoch lying backstage bloody. EMT’s care for each man, investigating the scene of the accident. Murdoch lies against the wall, blood seeping down his forehead, while Andrew is knocked out cold on the floor, blood pooling under his face. A hiss is heard, and the camera shows a shadowy figure stalking another hallway.

Y2J and Batista stand inside a room, with fine ladies dancing around them. The crowd cheers for their fan favorites, and the ladies begin massaging both of their shoulders.

Jericho: Big man, this is how we live.

Batista: Damn right my friend, damn right.

Randy Orton pushes open the door, and his eyes widen as he sees the hot bitches strip for the two men.

Jericho: Get the hell out of here dork boy, you and your booby fetish. Immature little kid.

Orton runs away awkwardly, almost skipping, and holds his crotch as he runds, trying to hide an erection.

A Muslim voice rings throughout the arena as Muhammad Hassan steps through the curtains wearing a white robe and a headdress. He walks down the ramp and steps into the ring to a chorus of boos. The lights turn black, and Sting slides down from the rafters to Metallica’s “Seek and Destroy”. He hops out of his harness and into the ring as he is about to defend his Intercontinental Championship.

Dave Phipps: The following match up is scheduled for one fall and it is for the SNME Intercontinental Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, weighing in at 234 pounds, from Detroit, Michigan, Muhammad Hassan! And introducing his opponent, he is the SNME Intercontinental Champion, from Venice Beach, California, weighing in at 252 pounds, Sting!

The bell rings as both men lock up in the middle of the ring. Hassan uses his youth to overpower Sting into the corner, but releases his grip once the Sting hits the corner. Hassan backs up, and charges in for a cheap shot, but Sting ducks, and rolls Hassan up for 2. Muhammad gets up looking furious, and charges Sting again, this time being countered with an arm drag by the Scorpion. Sting quickly goes over to Hassan and dropkicks him in the face, then applies an armbar. Muhammad quickly rolls out of it, and tackles into Sting, and unloads with punches. The ref charges over there and pulls Muhammad off, saving him from a disqualification.

Hassan reluctantly gets off, and taunts to the crowd, drawing in a wave of boos. Sting slowly gets up, and waits for Hassan to turn around. He does, and is shocked seeing Sting up so fast. Hassan tries to run away, but Sting clips his leg, and goes for the Scorpion Death Lock. Hassan uses his leg strength to push him off, and then applies an STF. Sting squirms in pain, as the hold puts uncontrollable pressure on the leg and neck. Sting reaches for the ropes, and barely grabs them, and Hassan is forced to release the hold. Hassan signals for the Weapon of Mass Destruction, and grabs Sting. He raises him to his feet, but Sting quickly counters into the Scorpion Death Drop. He then hooks Hassan’s legs into the Death Lock, and forces him to tap out.

Winner and still Intercontinental Champion: Sting

[Matt]

Carlito is sitting in the back chewing on his apple when a short, obese man walks up to him. The man wears a ruffled black robe with feathers, and just poured oil on himself.

Carlito: Who the hell are you?

Man: I’m a male stripper, and someone sent me here for you.

Carlito chokes on his apple.

Carlito: Who sent me you? That’s….that’s not cool!

The stripper begins to dance by Carlito, slowly taking off his robe, and revelas his morbidly obese body and a thong. He looks at Carlito’s “Do you Spit or do you Swallow” shirt.

Stripper: You know, I swallow.

Carlito spits his apple in the strippers face.

Carlito: Swallow that.

Carlito walks away, shaking his head in disgust after experiencing the male stripper.

A video package plays for Highway to Hell.

Suddenly over the tron a video package reviewing last weeks SNME show plays. It highlights all the matches and than on the tron SNME owner Shawn Michaels appears.

Shawn: It is my displeasure to announce that Hulk Hogan and SNME have parted their separate ways. We wish Hulk Hogan good luck in his future endeavors.

A video highlight Hogan’s career is played and we are taken back to live action.



Main Event Steel Cage Match for the Custom Championship
The Champion Jay Hargreves defends against “The Phenomenal” AJ Styles

In the ring a steel cage is sitting. The lights flicker on and off and suddenly, You Are plays over the PA system and ‘The Phenomenal’ AJ Styles appears on stage through a vast verity of sparkles falling from the rafters. AJ pops his hood off and wobbles on one foot. He regains his balance as he walks to the ring. Next When I Was A Little Girl by Billy Talent plays over the PA system and the Custom Champ appears on stage with a smirk a mile long. He runs to the cage and jumps in the door.

Dave Phipps: It is now time for out main event of the evening. In this corner he is the challenger. He hails from Rainfalls, Lakewood he is ‘The Phenomenal’ AJ Styles! And in this corner, he is the reigning and defending Custom Champion of the world, this is Jay Hargreves!

The bell rings and the two men dance around the steel cage. AJ keeps his eyes locked on Hargreves and the tension fills the air. Jay goes in for a quick attack but, AJ hits him in the head with a kick and AJ starts to climb the cage. Jay is shocked and he quickly goes after him. They meet on the top of the cage and fight back and fourth with sick right hands. Jay hits AJ with a head butt and, AJ is reeling back. Jay hits AJ with a swift chop and follows it up with a kick to the jaw. AJ falls off the cell and on to the mat. Jay than stands up on top of the cell and pans the crowd, he jumps and rotates 180 degrees before he crashes down on AJ with a leg drop. The crowd goes nuts as both men grasp themselves due to the pain. Jay is able to crawl himself over to the cage door and open it. But, suddenly it crashes on to his head. CM Punk has just slammed the door on Hargreves head and is now entering the ring. He picks up Hargreves and slams him down. The match goes to a double knock out and the crowd hates it.

Dave Phipps: The match has come down to a no contest.

The assault by Punk continues but, suddenly The Blob comes out to make the save. Murdoch has a chair and smashes it over the Punk. The crowd chants BLOB as the show is now unoffcially ended

Portions of the crowd begin to file out of the arena but, most stick around for the advertised dark match. Suddenly with out no introduction Cactus Jack’s music plays and the Hardcore Legend appears on stage. In his hand is a barb wire bat. He walks slowly to the ring and tosses his bat in first as he looks under the ring. He pulls out a chair and than a table. He slides he toys in to the ring and he rolls in himself. The crowd goes wild for Cactus and they chant ECW at him.

Suddenly, Independent Legend of the Tri State area and future star of wrestling CM Punk appears on stage. In his hands he holds a cacti and he runs to the ring. H slides in to the ring and the bell rings.

Punk swings his cacti as Cactus but, Jack ducks and nails CM with some huge lefts and rights. Cactus tosses Punk in to the corner and than nails him with a shot with a chair. CM punk falls in to the corner and Cactus Jack charges at him with his knee of doom!

Cactus gets p and grabs his chair. He starts to beat down Punk and the crowd is eating it all up. The crowd starts a ‘Kill that B*stard’ chant and Cactus wings harder and move violently with the chair. He kicks Punk out of the ring and than tosses him in to the crowd. Cactus grabs someone’s chair and bashes it over CM Punk’s head.

He tosses CM back on to the guard rail and than charges at him with a clothesline. Jack tosses Punk back over and places his head on the steps. He slides in to the ring and grabs the cacti and than rolls back out. He slams the cacti in to Punk’s skull and blood spits out instantly.

A we want tables chant breaks out and Cactus grabs his table from inside the ring and sets it up. He sets Punk on the table and ascends to the top rope. He jumps in an elbow drop formation but, CM rolls out of the way and Cactus destroys the table with his body. CM Punk grabs the barbwire bat and starts to rip apart Cactus’s skin.

CM punk goes and grabs the stair. As Cactus gets up he is greeted with a brutal chair shot to the head. Cactus is busted open and CM continues his attack. He places the chair over Cactus’s head and than jumps to the ring. He comes down upon Cactus in a leg drop and the crowd boos as there hero is fallen. CM Punk picks up the icon and slams him in to the entrance ramp. CM Punk reaches under the ring and grabs a trash can lid. He walks over to Cactus and receives a low blow.

Cactus grabs the lid and beats the holly mother f*cken sh*t out of CM Punk. Cactus grabs his barbwire bat and than scraps it across CM’s head. Punk is a bloody mess as Cactus rolls him back in to the ring along with another table, his barbwire bat, and some lighter fluid.

Cactus grabs his bat and nails CM in the back. CM screams his pain as the impact of the bat ripped apart his skin. Cactus than sets up his table in the middle of the ring and begins to cover it with lighter fluid. He than covers his bat with the lighter fluid and sets a fire on both objects. He runs at Punk but, instead he gets tripped and the flaming barbwire bat crashes in to Cactus’s face.

CM grabs the bat and than picks Cactus up. He nails Cactus with the flaming bat and than Cactus falls in to the ring corner. CM Punk places him on top of the rope and than hooks his arms. CM Punk lets go of the ropes and nails the Pepsi Plunge through the flaming table. The crowd goes crazy and the holly sh*t chant breaks out. Cm Punk goes for the cover. One…..two…..thr…KICK OUT!

Cactus shoulder is barely up and CM grabs his head in frustration. Cactus Jack gets up and CM goes for a upper cut. Cactus Jack catches it and hits a huge Double Arm DDT on Punk. He goes for a cover but, gets only a two. Cactus tosses Punk out of the ring and he follows. Both men are bloody as Cactus reaches under the ring and grabs a brown bag. He opens the bag and pours out thousands of thousands of thumbtacks.

Cactus Jack grabs CM Punk by the head. He wraps his arm around his neck and than drops down. The DDT on the thumbtacks causes both men excruciating pain. Cactus lifts his arm up and puts it over CM Punk’s body. One…..two…..three!

The crowd goes crazy as the Hardcore Icon gets up and jumps in to the crowd, ECW chants break out and Cactus hugs some fans as the night has official ended in a ahrdcore bang.

[Matt]

Top 1

[Matt]

Top 2

[ICW]

Well I'm just gonna be honest and say I wasn't crazy about this show at all. Pothead Hardy? Why not just call him Jeff? I understand the humor behind it but the name just doesn't sound good. The match itself was okay. I knew RVD would win to be honest.

The Trevor Murdoch/Metball segment was bad. I didn't find it funny at all. Very disturbing.

The Chris Jericho/Batista segment was... interesting. Orton running out holding an erection because of the strippers was semi-funny. Not great but interesting.

The Sting vs. Hassan match was decent. Had it's spots.

The Carlito segment was not cool. Like it freaked me out. These little sex things are disturbing.

The mainevent was dissapointing. The Blob? The no contest ending sucked. Good to see CM Punk though.

The Dark match was good. The only match that I enjoyed.