Post by Billy the Kid on Dec 24, 2008 23:27:07 GMT -5
This comes from MMATorch.com Writer Zak Lalonde... I found it pretty funny so I figured I'd post it.
[/quote]Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be Dana White, even just for a day? Follow me boys and girls, as I take us down a journey in which I like to call, "what I would do if I were Dana White for a day" (very original title, I know).
We can only speculate how busy Dana is, and how incredibly hard it must be for him as he conducts his day to day operations. With that being said, let's not focus on the "small" tasks such as dealing with fighter egos, making deals with the devil to get his sport beloved and dealing with agents.
On a side note, how great would it be to listen to one of those calls from an agent to Dana White:
Agent: So Dana (agent owns the world right now, confidence is high and he’s trying to sound tough by standing up straight, shoulders and chin high and talking firmly), my client (insert name of any fighter not owning a belt here) is looking to get paid. Like they say, "money talks homey, don’t let my client get away."
Dana: Who the f**k am I talking to?
Agent: It’s me Jim ( agent is very nervous now. It’s never a good thing when you have to give your name). I represent (insert fighters name here)
Dana, while chuckling AND grinding his teeth at the same time: Right, listen Tim,
Agent: It’s Jim, not Tim.
Dana: Whatever. I’m about to get my 5:15 massage by three scantily dressed virgins and you’re really f**king up my aura. Make this quick before I get Billy Bob and Ray Ray to come over and make sure you never dial a phone again.
Agent, now sitting down with a heavy sweat dripping from his forehead, armpits and "fig leaf": Alright Mr. White, sorry about this. I, ah, realize you’re, um, really busy and all, gulp, but my fighter has won his last three, um, fights and really deserves a, um, ah, raise.
Dana, now undressing for his massage: Hey Kim,
Agent: It’s Jim, sir
Dana: Not anymore, KIM. You gotta be sh**ing me that you’re calling me about this. Tell your fighter that he’s f**king done. He’ll never work for this f**king organization again, and I’ll make sure he never f**king works in this business. Remember, Vegas is my f**ing town, bro. Nothing f**king happens here without me f**king knowing it! Whaddya f**king think of that, K-I-M???
Agent, now in tears, head in hands, shaking from the interaction: Um, please Mr. White, Sir, ah, don’t do this, please. My guy is just, um, joking. We’re more then, ah, pleased with (sniffling and blowing his nose) the contract. Please, gulp, forget this call ever, sob, happened.
Dana: F**K that Kim, you want your fighter to stick with me, then you’ll f**king send me a new contract that says your fighter has to come out to "It’s Raining Men" and wear pink f**king tights. Oh, and I wanna see the legal documents that says your new f**king name is Kim!
Agent, googling the closest mental health center: Yes sir Mr. White, sir. It’s always a pleasure to deal with you and this fine organization and I look forward to…
Dana, cutting off the agent, fully undressed now, with three scantily dressed virgins, as agreed upon in his contract with the devil: F**k you Kim, now don’t bother me with this s**t again…click
I honestly thought it was pretty funny and probably almost dead on. He might be crass but he knows his stuff.
[/quote]Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be Dana White, even just for a day? Follow me boys and girls, as I take us down a journey in which I like to call, "what I would do if I were Dana White for a day" (very original title, I know).
We can only speculate how busy Dana is, and how incredibly hard it must be for him as he conducts his day to day operations. With that being said, let's not focus on the "small" tasks such as dealing with fighter egos, making deals with the devil to get his sport beloved and dealing with agents.
On a side note, how great would it be to listen to one of those calls from an agent to Dana White:
Agent: So Dana (agent owns the world right now, confidence is high and he’s trying to sound tough by standing up straight, shoulders and chin high and talking firmly), my client (insert name of any fighter not owning a belt here) is looking to get paid. Like they say, "money talks homey, don’t let my client get away."
Dana: Who the f**k am I talking to?
Agent: It’s me Jim ( agent is very nervous now. It’s never a good thing when you have to give your name). I represent (insert fighters name here)
Dana, while chuckling AND grinding his teeth at the same time: Right, listen Tim,
Agent: It’s Jim, not Tim.
Dana: Whatever. I’m about to get my 5:15 massage by three scantily dressed virgins and you’re really f**king up my aura. Make this quick before I get Billy Bob and Ray Ray to come over and make sure you never dial a phone again.
Agent, now sitting down with a heavy sweat dripping from his forehead, armpits and "fig leaf": Alright Mr. White, sorry about this. I, ah, realize you’re, um, really busy and all, gulp, but my fighter has won his last three, um, fights and really deserves a, um, ah, raise.
Dana, now undressing for his massage: Hey Kim,
Agent: It’s Jim, sir
Dana: Not anymore, KIM. You gotta be sh**ing me that you’re calling me about this. Tell your fighter that he’s f**king done. He’ll never work for this f**king organization again, and I’ll make sure he never f**king works in this business. Remember, Vegas is my f**ing town, bro. Nothing f**king happens here without me f**king knowing it! Whaddya f**king think of that, K-I-M???
Agent, now in tears, head in hands, shaking from the interaction: Um, please Mr. White, Sir, ah, don’t do this, please. My guy is just, um, joking. We’re more then, ah, pleased with (sniffling and blowing his nose) the contract. Please, gulp, forget this call ever, sob, happened.
Dana: F**K that Kim, you want your fighter to stick with me, then you’ll f**king send me a new contract that says your fighter has to come out to "It’s Raining Men" and wear pink f**king tights. Oh, and I wanna see the legal documents that says your new f**king name is Kim!
Agent, googling the closest mental health center: Yes sir Mr. White, sir. It’s always a pleasure to deal with you and this fine organization and I look forward to…
Dana, cutting off the agent, fully undressed now, with three scantily dressed virgins, as agreed upon in his contract with the devil: F**k you Kim, now don’t bother me with this s**t again…click
I honestly thought it was pretty funny and probably almost dead on. He might be crass but he knows his stuff.
