Post by King Shocker the Monumentous on Mar 30, 2008 15:39:22 GMT -5
Previous Tales:
Edge vs. Undertaker
Money in the Bank
Bunnymania
Belfast Brawl
HBK/Flair
My time is running thin, but I'm determined to pump out my last 3 Tales before the show starts. HAVE AT YOU!
In a battle for Brand supremacy (in which ECW isn't represented...go figure), the bookers looked at their plan, realized that 2 of their biggest stars had nothing to do for the year's biggest show, and threw a match together. This one has the potential to be really good or really bad. You make the call.
Hometown
Batista: Washington, DC
Umaga: The Isle of Samoa
Advantage: Umaga. Sure, Batista gets the All-American rub from being from our nation's capital, but Umaga has 5 decades of Samoan Wrestling History backing him up.
Height
Batista: 6'6"
Umaga: 6'4"
Advantage: Batista, but not by much.
Weight
Batista: 290
Umaga: 350
Advantage: Umaga...especially once he can get the Samoan Wrecking Ball going. He's incredibly agile for a man of his size.
Finishing Moves
Batista: Batista Bomb, Spear.
Umaga: Samoan Spike, Samoan Wrecking Ball, Gorilla Press Samoan Drop.
Advantage: Umaga. Spears? Powerbombs? All cliched big-man moves we've had shoved down our throats forever. But the thumb-thrust hasn't been a credible finisher (or even seen all that much) since the days of Ernie Ladd, and Umaga has made it one of the most feared in the company. Jakks sure lucked out having all those leftover RVD hands.
Nickname
Batista: "The Animal."
Umaga: "The Samoan Bulldozer."
Advantage: Umaga gets the win for originality. I can think of at least one, maybe even two, other wrestlers over the years who've been "The Animal," or some variation thereof. Plus, "Samoan Bulldozer" is to the point...he's from Samoa, and he'll flatten you. "The Animal" is kinda vague, considering all the different kinds of animals there are, with different temperaments. Sure, lions and tigers are animals, but so are puppies and ferrets. That's why most people with animalistic nicknames tend to specify which creature they wish to be compared to (Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Ernie Ladd, JYD, Johnny Stamboli, etc).
Wrestlemania Record
Batista: 2-1
Umaga: 0-1
Advantage: Batista. Hell, Umaga never even made it to the Granddaddy when he was in 3 Minute Warning.
Trained by...
Batista: The Wild Samoans.
Umaga: The Wild Samoans.
Advantage: Umaga. You'd think this would be a wash, but I'm giving Umaga the edge because he's Afa & Sika's nephew. They probably taught him things that they couldn't teach Dave.
Formerly Managed By...
Batista: "Nature Boy" Ric Flair.
Umaga: Armando Alejandro Estrada.
Advantage: Batista. Flair had all that wisdom to impart...Armando was really more like a handler. He was Kimchee with a nicer hat.
Vince would like you to forget that he was...
Batista: Deacon Batista, collections enforcer for Reverend D-Von.
Umaga: Jamal, one-half (or one-third, depending) of Eric Bischoff's hit squad Three Minute Warning.
Advantage: Umaga. At least Jamal was some sort of legitimate threat. The Deacon just hit people with a metal box.
His name roughly translates to...
Batista: "David" is hebrew for "beloved"...and "Bautista" is Spanish for "Baptist."
Umaga: Samoan for "The End."
Advantage: Umaga. Religion's all well and good, but it holds no place in wrestling. Hell, the only successful religious gimmick in wrestling history (that'd be the Fallen Angel, folks) isn't even around anymore. Plus, "The End" just sounds so...well, final.
FINAL VERDICT
Who should win: Umaga. He has the size advantage, the agility, the tenacity, plus the motivation of a losing record. Dave's head should be the meat in an ass-and-turnbuckle sandwich. Plus, Raw is the flagship and needs that "supremacy" designation to solidify it.
Who will win: Batista. "Brand supremacy" is just an arbitrary stipulation; there's really nothing on the line here, which means the bookers have no problem giving us an easy babyface win.
Next up is Show and Mayweather...this could be tricky.
Edge vs. Undertaker
Money in the Bank
Bunnymania
Belfast Brawl
HBK/Flair
My time is running thin, but I'm determined to pump out my last 3 Tales before the show starts. HAVE AT YOU!
In a battle for Brand supremacy (in which ECW isn't represented...go figure), the bookers looked at their plan, realized that 2 of their biggest stars had nothing to do for the year's biggest show, and threw a match together. This one has the potential to be really good or really bad. You make the call.
Hometown
Batista: Washington, DC
Umaga: The Isle of Samoa
Advantage: Umaga. Sure, Batista gets the All-American rub from being from our nation's capital, but Umaga has 5 decades of Samoan Wrestling History backing him up.
Height
Batista: 6'6"
Umaga: 6'4"
Advantage: Batista, but not by much.
Weight
Batista: 290
Umaga: 350
Advantage: Umaga...especially once he can get the Samoan Wrecking Ball going. He's incredibly agile for a man of his size.
Finishing Moves
Batista: Batista Bomb, Spear.
Umaga: Samoan Spike, Samoan Wrecking Ball, Gorilla Press Samoan Drop.
Advantage: Umaga. Spears? Powerbombs? All cliched big-man moves we've had shoved down our throats forever. But the thumb-thrust hasn't been a credible finisher (or even seen all that much) since the days of Ernie Ladd, and Umaga has made it one of the most feared in the company. Jakks sure lucked out having all those leftover RVD hands.
Nickname
Batista: "The Animal."
Umaga: "The Samoan Bulldozer."
Advantage: Umaga gets the win for originality. I can think of at least one, maybe even two, other wrestlers over the years who've been "The Animal," or some variation thereof. Plus, "Samoan Bulldozer" is to the point...he's from Samoa, and he'll flatten you. "The Animal" is kinda vague, considering all the different kinds of animals there are, with different temperaments. Sure, lions and tigers are animals, but so are puppies and ferrets. That's why most people with animalistic nicknames tend to specify which creature they wish to be compared to (Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Ernie Ladd, JYD, Johnny Stamboli, etc).
Wrestlemania Record
Batista: 2-1
Umaga: 0-1
Advantage: Batista. Hell, Umaga never even made it to the Granddaddy when he was in 3 Minute Warning.
Trained by...
Batista: The Wild Samoans.
Umaga: The Wild Samoans.
Advantage: Umaga. You'd think this would be a wash, but I'm giving Umaga the edge because he's Afa & Sika's nephew. They probably taught him things that they couldn't teach Dave.
Formerly Managed By...
Batista: "Nature Boy" Ric Flair.
Umaga: Armando Alejandro Estrada.
Advantage: Batista. Flair had all that wisdom to impart...Armando was really more like a handler. He was Kimchee with a nicer hat.
Vince would like you to forget that he was...
Batista: Deacon Batista, collections enforcer for Reverend D-Von.
Umaga: Jamal, one-half (or one-third, depending) of Eric Bischoff's hit squad Three Minute Warning.
Advantage: Umaga. At least Jamal was some sort of legitimate threat. The Deacon just hit people with a metal box.
His name roughly translates to...
Batista: "David" is hebrew for "beloved"...and "Bautista" is Spanish for "Baptist."
Umaga: Samoan for "The End."
Advantage: Umaga. Religion's all well and good, but it holds no place in wrestling. Hell, the only successful religious gimmick in wrestling history (that'd be the Fallen Angel, folks) isn't even around anymore. Plus, "The End" just sounds so...well, final.
FINAL VERDICT
Who should win: Umaga. He has the size advantage, the agility, the tenacity, plus the motivation of a losing record. Dave's head should be the meat in an ass-and-turnbuckle sandwich. Plus, Raw is the flagship and needs that "supremacy" designation to solidify it.
Who will win: Batista. "Brand supremacy" is just an arbitrary stipulation; there's really nothing on the line here, which means the bookers have no problem giving us an easy babyface win.
Next up is Show and Mayweather...this could be tricky.
