Post by King Shocker the Monumentous on Mar 27, 2008 19:18:57 GMT -5
Previous Tales:
Edge vs. Undertaker
Money in the Bank
Believe it or not, there are some people who care about the Bunnymania match. Some of them like naked chicks. Some of them like Snoop Dogg. Some of them like both, and therefore they own "Girls Gone Wild: Doggy Style." Me, personally...I like naked chicks, just not with my wrestling. And I think Snoop hasn't been quite the same since he dropped his middle name. For rizzle, my crizzles.
So anyway, here we have the Haves (Maria & Ashley) vs. the Have-Nots (Melina and Beth), so to speak, with the S-N-Double-O-P D-O-Double-JizEE! as "Master of ceremonies," whatever that means in this sitaution. Is he a ref? Is he a commentator? Is he just gonna watch from outside the ring, smiling and stoned out of his
ing gourd while 4 Divas battle in the ring, and the rest of them surround it? Who knows?
But I digress. Let's begin, shall we?
Hometown:
Maria: Chicago, IL
Ashley: New York, NY
Beth: Buffalo, NY
Melina: Los Angeles, CA
Advantage: Maria and Ashley. New York and Chicago just seem like wholesome, all-American towns. When you think of Buffalo, 3 things immediately come to mind: cold winters, chicken wings, and the Bills choking. And as for LA, well...that's where Hollywood is. 'Nuff said.
Height:
Maria: 5'7'
Ashley: 5'5"
Beth: 5'7"
Melina: 5'4"
Advantage: It's a wash, really. Both teams are fairly evenly matched physically.
Weight:
Maria: 120
Ashley: 112
Beth: 150
Melina: 122
Advantage: Another tie. See above.
Finishing Moves:
Maria: Beautiful Bulldog
Ashley: Starstruck
Beth: Fisherman's Suplex
Melina: Extreme Makeover, California Dreams, inside crescent split legdrop.
Advantage: Beth and Melina. The running bulldog was a great finisher for Trish Stratus...back when she couldn't wrestle. And a diving elbowdrop? Sure, it's been used by some of the greats (2 immediately come to mind) and not-so-greats (I'm lookng at you, Lance Cade), but really, it's all gravity and luck.
Gimmick:
Maria: The Idiot Savant.
Ashley: The Punk Rocker.
Beth: The Beautiful Warrior.
Melina: The Hollywood A-Lister.
Advantage: Just Beth. The gimmicks are all pretty weak except hers.
Superstar Ex-Boyfriend:
Maria: CM Punk.
Ashley: Matt Hardy and Paul London.
Beth: Married to her trainer, Joey Knight, who's never worked for WWE.
Melina: John Morrison and Batista.
Advantage: Beth, and only Beth. Hooray for stability!
Acheivements:
Maria: Posed for Playboy, competed in the 2004 Diva Search, made it to the final 3 of Outback Jack.
Ashley: Won the 2006 Diva Search, posed for Playboy, appeared on Smallville and Survivor.
Beth: Current Women's Champion.
Melina: 2-time Women's Champion.
Advantage: Beth and Melina. It's what you do in the ring that counts.
Trivia Time:
Maria: Designs and sews those cute little hoodies she wears.
Ashley: Previously posed for nope under the pseudonym "Ryan MacKenzie."
Beth: Co-managed Aaron "the Idol" Stevens in OVW alongside Shelly "Ariel/Salinas" Martinez.
Melina: Made it to the final 21 of Tough Enough III.
Advantage: Beth and Melina, if only due to an association with Ariel.
Would I kick her out of bed?
Maria: No.
Ashley: Definitely.
Beth: More likely the other way around.
Melina: It's a distinct possibility.
Advantage: Me, baby. All me.
FINAL VERDICT:
Who Should Win: Beth and Melina, obviously. They've got more wrestling skill, more tenacity, etcetera, etcetera.
Who Will Win: Ashley and Maria. This is what I refer to as a Mick Foley Scenario: the person that should win will likely end up losing, in an effort to put someone over who doesn't really need it, because they're already over.
Up next...at some point probably tomorrow: the Belfast Brawl.
Edge vs. Undertaker
Money in the Bank
Believe it or not, there are some people who care about the Bunnymania match. Some of them like naked chicks. Some of them like Snoop Dogg. Some of them like both, and therefore they own "Girls Gone Wild: Doggy Style." Me, personally...I like naked chicks, just not with my wrestling. And I think Snoop hasn't been quite the same since he dropped his middle name. For rizzle, my crizzles.
So anyway, here we have the Haves (Maria & Ashley) vs. the Have-Nots (Melina and Beth), so to speak, with the S-N-Double-O-P D-O-Double-JizEE! as "Master of ceremonies," whatever that means in this sitaution. Is he a ref? Is he a commentator? Is he just gonna watch from outside the ring, smiling and stoned out of his
ing gourd while 4 Divas battle in the ring, and the rest of them surround it? Who knows?But I digress. Let's begin, shall we?
Hometown:
Maria: Chicago, IL
Ashley: New York, NY
Beth: Buffalo, NY
Melina: Los Angeles, CA
Advantage: Maria and Ashley. New York and Chicago just seem like wholesome, all-American towns. When you think of Buffalo, 3 things immediately come to mind: cold winters, chicken wings, and the Bills choking. And as for LA, well...that's where Hollywood is. 'Nuff said.
Height:
Maria: 5'7'
Ashley: 5'5"
Beth: 5'7"
Melina: 5'4"
Advantage: It's a wash, really. Both teams are fairly evenly matched physically.
Weight:
Maria: 120
Ashley: 112
Beth: 150
Melina: 122
Advantage: Another tie. See above.
Finishing Moves:
Maria: Beautiful Bulldog
Ashley: Starstruck
Beth: Fisherman's Suplex
Melina: Extreme Makeover, California Dreams, inside crescent split legdrop.
Advantage: Beth and Melina. The running bulldog was a great finisher for Trish Stratus...back when she couldn't wrestle. And a diving elbowdrop? Sure, it's been used by some of the greats (2 immediately come to mind) and not-so-greats (I'm lookng at you, Lance Cade), but really, it's all gravity and luck.
Gimmick:
Maria: The Idiot Savant.
Ashley: The Punk Rocker.
Beth: The Beautiful Warrior.
Melina: The Hollywood A-Lister.
Advantage: Just Beth. The gimmicks are all pretty weak except hers.
Superstar Ex-Boyfriend:
Maria: CM Punk.
Ashley: Matt Hardy and Paul London.
Beth: Married to her trainer, Joey Knight, who's never worked for WWE.
Melina: John Morrison and Batista.
Advantage: Beth, and only Beth. Hooray for stability!
Acheivements:
Maria: Posed for Playboy, competed in the 2004 Diva Search, made it to the final 3 of Outback Jack.
Ashley: Won the 2006 Diva Search, posed for Playboy, appeared on Smallville and Survivor.
Beth: Current Women's Champion.
Melina: 2-time Women's Champion.
Advantage: Beth and Melina. It's what you do in the ring that counts.
Trivia Time:
Maria: Designs and sews those cute little hoodies she wears.
Ashley: Previously posed for nope under the pseudonym "Ryan MacKenzie."
Beth: Co-managed Aaron "the Idol" Stevens in OVW alongside Shelly "Ariel/Salinas" Martinez.
Melina: Made it to the final 21 of Tough Enough III.
Advantage: Beth and Melina, if only due to an association with Ariel.
Would I kick her out of bed?
Maria: No.
Ashley: Definitely.
Beth: More likely the other way around.
Melina: It's a distinct possibility.
Advantage: Me, baby. All me.
FINAL VERDICT:
Who Should Win: Beth and Melina, obviously. They've got more wrestling skill, more tenacity, etcetera, etcetera.
Who Will Win: Ashley and Maria. This is what I refer to as a Mick Foley Scenario: the person that should win will likely end up losing, in an effort to put someone over who doesn't really need it, because they're already over.
Up next...at some point probably tomorrow: the Belfast Brawl.
