WM Tale of the Tape: Edge vs. Undertaker

[King Shocker the Monumentous]

Haven't done this in a loooong time.

Anyway, the legendary King Shocker Tale of the Tape is where I analyze Wrestlemania on a match-by-match basis, look at the competitors and their qualities, contrast, compare, and determine who should win, and who will win.

And just like WWE's tales of tape, I will also be analyzing categories that hold no bearing on the actual outcome of the match.

Let's start with our World Heavyweight Title Match:

Height:
Edge: 6'5"
Undertaker: 6'10.5"
Advantage: Undertaker. It's WWE, folks...bigger is better.

Weight:
Edge: 240
Undertaker: 295
Advantage: Undertaker. See above.

Nicknames:
Edge: The Rated-R Superstar, the Ultimate Opportunist
Undertaker: The Deadman, the Phenom, the American Badass, Big Evil, the Demon of Death Valley
Advantage: Edge. He may have fewer...but his are cooler.

Hometown:
Edge: Toronto, Ontario
Undertaker: Death Valley
Advantage: Undertaker. Remember, it's WWE. American is better. Plus, gimmicked hometowns rule.

Finishing Moves:
Edge: Spear, Edgecution, Downward Spiral, Edgecator, Edge-O-Matic.
Undertaker: Tombstone Piledriver, Last Ride, Chokeslam, TCB, triangle choke, modified gogoplata.
Advantage: It's a wash. Both of these guys have more finishers than God. And it's Wrestlemania, so don't count a finisher out just because it's old...after all, at WMX7, Austin pulled out the Million Dollar Dream.

Wrestlemania Record:
Edge: 5-1, having never been pinned or made to submit.
Undertaker: 15-0, with only 1 DQ victory.
Advantage: Undertaker, natch. Really...do we have to argue?

Trenchcoat:
Edge: All colors and flavors, usually coordinated to his tights.
Undertaker: Basic black.
Advantage: Undertaker. Trenchocoats are supposed to be simple, dammit!

Career Highlight - Babyface:
Edge: Winning the tag team titles from the Unamericans. With Hulk Hogan. On the fourth of freaking July.
Undertaker: Debuting as the American Badass, effectively dispatching of any and all interference in the Iron Man match.
Advantage: Edge. Teaming up with your hero totally reeks of awesomeness.

Career Highlight - Heel:
Edge: Boned his best friend's girlfriend. Turned it into a storyline. Squashed his pal's pity-push.
Undertaker: Shoved Jim Ross' head up Vince McMahon's ass in what is arguably the second greatest heel turn in wrestling history.
Advantage: Edge. Worked shoots are your friend.

Film Cameo:
Edge: Highlander: Endgame
Undertaker: Suburban Commando
Advantage: Edge...even the worst Highlander movie (which was probably 2 or 5, and not Endgame) is still better than any of Hulk Hogan's cinematic masterpieces.

THE FINAL VERDICT:

Who should win: I'm just going to ignore the streak for a minute...Edge needs this win, if only because Undertaker is a legend. His spot in history is cemented. Bottom line, he's beyond the title. Edge, on the other hand, is the best heel champion in a while. Take that away from him, and all you've got is a dude with 2 clones and a mature girlfriend who lets her nephew hang out with them. See? It's not nearly as interesting without the gold.

Who will win: Undertaker. No one is breaking that streak. The possibility of a DQ exists, where Edge keeps the title and Taker still wins the match...but do you really want to see a DQ in a Wrestlemania main event?

Tune in next time...probably tomorrow...where I'll run down the Money in the Bank match. I'll try to have most of the matches done by Sunday night.

[leafs911]

that was great

[chumped]

Pretty cool. Gonna do one for the Triple Threat?

[King Shocker the Monumentous]

captiancharisma said:

Pretty cool. Gonna do one for the Triple Threat?

Indeed. The only matches I can guarantee I won't do are the Battle Royal (too many damn people) and the ECW title match (only know one competitor).

[Johnny]

That was cool man.
Can't wait to see the other matches.

[Guy Incognito]

Do money in the bank next!

[Hulkamaniac]

I'm sorry, but Edge reeks of mediocrity. He's nothing more than a mid-carder and I still don't see why he's getting such a huge push. He's not overly charismatic, nor is he overly talented in the ring, or overly entertaining on the mic. 'Taker is a legend pure and simple.

[Edge618]

Some of these dont make sense, when did Edge ever use the Edge'O Matic or the Edgeacator as finishers. He used them as moves, but not as finishers. And Edge hasnt worn all different colors of trenchcoats since before his heel turn in 04, now he just wheres the black one. And i could disagree that Edge's heel career highlight was not "boning his best friend's girlfriend". If anything that slowed him down at the time, youve got 2 WWE title wins, 2 World title wins, but you chose that?

[Blade]

That was well done. I really want this match to main event but sadly it won't.

[Kurt Burton: Script Doctor!]

Endgame not the worst Highlander flick? RIIIIGGGHHHT.

Have you seen the movie?

[Heresy]

Good writeup, Shocker. I would combine the 'heel' and 'face' career highlight sections though... it sorta steals away from their major highlights... for instance, Taker would be known for the Foley/HIAC stunt or his initial feud with Kane before his ABA heel turn... Edge for being the first MITB winner, his contributions to the TLC match, and his tag title reigns with Christian.

That said, I don't think Edge, or anyone else should end Taker's streak... it'd be too much of a rub that would esssentially go to waste on whoever it was used on.

[PhoeniX™: Valoween]

King Shocker, you are god.

[CBT]

Not a bad read, though can I say, why was my Wrestlemania thread about the price of it locked?

Anyways, I agree on who and why should win, and even how a winner can come out of this.

I'd bet all I have that Taker is victorious, but good or bad fallout, I still think Edge must win.

Hell, they got the DVD released for Taker. Albeit, clipped. It's not like we can expect a 20-0 or 19-1 release.. so yeah, let's see how much faith WWE has in Edge as a heel.

[B.D. & El G.]

Nice, I really enjoyed reading it.

[King Shocker the Monumentous]

thompson20 said:

Do money in the bank next!

I fully intend to...I already made mention of that.

gar said:

I'm sorry, but Edge reeks of mediocrity.

Hey, no fair turning his own catchphrase against him.

edge618 said:

Some of these dont make sense, when did Edge ever use the Edge'O Matic or the Edgeacator as finishers. He used them as moves, but not as finishers. And Edge hasnt worn all different colors of trenchcoats since before his heel turn in 04, now he just wheres the black one. And i could disagree that Edge's heel career highlight was not "boning his best friend's girlfriend". If anything that slowed him down at the time, youve got 2 WWE title wins, 2 World title wins, but you chose that?

I've definitely seen him win with the Edgecator. And as for the Edge-o-matic...well, it's never actually gotten him a win, but it has a fancy name, and there is a pinfall built into it, so we can assume he intended, albeit unsuccessfully, to use it as a finisher.

And the Heel and Face highlights I chose based not necessarily on merit, but on what made each man look the most heelish or...um...face-ish. Let's face it, cuckolding your best friend is about as heelish as it gets.

xkaliburr said:

Endgame not the worst Highlander flick? RIIIIGGGHHHT.

Have you seen the movie?

Yes...have you seen the straight-to-DVD-and/or-SciFi fifth Highlander movie?

Not even Joe and Methos could save it.

[Erdrtyu]

When has Edge ever worn a trenchcoat other than black?

[Chris Hammers]

erdrtyu said:

When has Edge ever worn a trenchcoat other than black?

during his face smackdown run, he were a blue coat and I believe in the attitude era he were a red one.

[Deleted]

Awesome. Everything is great however, WWE will never end the Undertaker's streak. Im pulling for Taker.

[Controversial Maverick PUNK]

gar said:

I'm sorry, but Edge reeks of mediocrity. He's nothing more than a mid-carder and I still don't see why he's getting such a huge push. He's not overly charismatic, nor is he overly talented in the ring, or overly entertaining on the mic. 'Taker is a legend pure and simple.

I agree.. If a hack like Edge can reach main-event status, then pretty much anyone can..

[rikishifan23]

American is better ya right Y2J BABY