FDS: Representing The Best

[recklessmatten]

The following RP is deicated to my nan who passed away on tuesday. R.I.P

Reckless: Things change when someone close to your heart suddenly is gone. A piece of your heart is just ripped out and thrown out in the trash. Pain and heartache tear through your mind. Anger and fury build up in your torn heart. I cannot morn my loss until this anger and fury are gone. My heart is a blaze with mixed emotions. My body is weak with the sadness, my mind is strong with the frustration. I have to focus on what lays ahead in my journey. My fallen family only brings my desire to win up to boiling point.

Reckless stands up. He walks over to his motorbike and sees a few house show guys sitting in the back of a van watching videos of some old school wrestling.

Reckless: You seem the guys, playing in the past. Thats why they only got what it takes to be HS material. I on the other hand have got what it takes to be FDS. And i have been chosen to represent FDS this coming FDS Vs HS event. I am going to prove myself to be the 'New Breed' and win the tournament. I am also going to prove that FDS is the place to be. I represent the elite of the WFWF. David Williams is the guy they hand picked to take me on in the FDS vs HS event.

Reckless starts up his motorbike. He starts to put on his riding gloves when he hears the House Show guys bragging how they are going to 'wipe the floor' with FDS. Reckless stands up and takes his helmet and walks beside the van. He slowly moves close to the van and slides underneath it.

Reckless: Now i am going to show them not to mess with FDS.

Reckless takes out a pocket knife and cuts the power cables to the van. He slides out form underneath and walks upto the door of the van.

Reckless: Hey guys. Hows it going? Well i dont care. I see David isnt about. He scared? I hope so. Im going to show him how the big boys play. Like J.D is going to find out at the PPV aswell. I guess you guys are heading off somewhere. Ill see you lot at FDS.

Reckless goes back to his motorbike and sits down. The engine still running. He bows his head down in what looks like a prayer.

Dear Lord,
Please keep my nan safe up there with you.
Please keep me safe in the coming years.
Keep my family and friends safe.
Lord, guide me to my destiny.
In jesus name
Amen.

Reckless starts his motorbike in forward motion. A tear running down his eye. He places the helmet on and shoots away out of the back door. The House Show guys attempt to start the van. They go to see what is wrong to find some cables laying on the hood of the van. They look out the back door and start to run after Reckless.

here is my rp guys its er, i think its ok lol

[jesterslaugh]

Your right it is ok, but thats about it.

Description really weren't that great, they were ok.
The dialogue was just ok,
the whole premise of the rp was just ok.

You should probably work more on the description. Tell me where exactly you are, I get that you walk up to a van, but are you in a parking garage, a parking lot, hell do they have a van inside a house, and why exactly does the van have a TV in it, what kind of van is it. These are all questions that popped into my head as I read it, along with others.

So as you said, your RP is just ok.

[sonstuds]

Dane got majority of the description flaws down, specifically about expanding.

Reckless starts up his motorbike. He starts to put on his riding gloves when he hears the House Show guys bragging how they are going to 'wipe the floor' with FDS. Reckless stands up and takes his helmet and walks beside the van. He slowly moves close to the van and slides underneath it.

That could and should be much longer and more indepth. What exactly are the House Show guys saying about FDS, for example? Also, you need to establish an opening setting.

Speech was alright. It started off pretty good, but then Reckless completely dropped the emotion and moved onto a different point pretty quickly. Not only that, but it doesn't make much sense that Reckless considers himself in the elite of the WFWF, yet one sentence earlier was talking about winning the New Breed tournament; a tournament designed for House Show guys. Also, in that regard to just have HS guys talking about being better than FDS guys was strange, because there's no earlier precedent for it and there's never reasons given to why.

I'd say this is better than your roleplay last week, but you continue to not expand on things, specifically the description.

[Markw]

I quite liked this RP it had some ok description I agree with sonstudds with you dropping the emotion and just from then on you basicly just had a go at me and the House Show so the speech was ok I am going to do a RP based on my point of view of this sort of if thats ok YOU Killed My Van :-( good RP could have been better if you had expanded on the description but it was as you say ok