The King, the Jester, and the Champion. FDS RP

[hardyz]

The scene displays a throne room of an old castle. The old throne sits empty on top of a bunch of stairs. A red carpet, edged with gold is draped from the base of the throne to the bottom of the stairs. The main gate to the room slams open and in walks High Horror, wearing his signature USC t-shirt and cargo shorts.

Horror: Well well well. Dead Idol and Reckless against the mighty High Horror. You see, these two dingle berries aren’t ANYTHING compared to me. Dead Idol might be a "dead king", but he is a poor at acting like that. He claims to be “King of the UnderWorld!” But he can’t back it up. Like in all medieval stories, we have our king, a jester, and the mighty, soon to be champion.


Horror begins walking up the steps, and treads up the carpet, moving it with every step. He is about 4 steps up the 15 step rise when he stops.

Horror: In our match, the king is obviously Dead Idol. But like I said, he is a poor king. He does not care for his people, only himself. Dead Idol, you will not be able to keep up with myself and Reckless. We will be too fast for you to catch. You might as well sit down in the corner and let us wrestle the match while you take a nap. The king is a man who lays claims on deeds done by his heroes. Dead Idol, you were never a champ. You said you could beat the monster known as Reckless and me, but all you did was anger us. Dead Idol, angering us came around and bit you in the ass. We burned you to ashes. We claimed our wins, This week will be no different. I am going to defeat you, vanquish the evil King in the middle of this very ring. But I gaurentee it Reckless will not.


Horror continues up the steps, until he is about 5 steps away from the throne.


Horror: Reckless, the jester of the court. Reckless. You goof around in the ring, and it pisses me off. You are a talented wrestler, but you should not gloat yourself like this. It shows arrogance. In my game, arrogance is not tolerated. As the jester of this court, you are useful at the expense of your pride. Everyone laughs at you in the back Reckless. You are so damn annoying, it just makes me want to put you in the Hangman's Horror Chokehold and never let go. Reckless, I am going to do all that I can to make sure that you do not leave this triple threat match on your feet. I will make sure that you leave this match on a stretcher. I will make sure that you bleed. I will execute you, because your talents have been used up in here. It is time for a change, a phenomenal change. And also, I will cast two birds with one stone. I will beat one of the two possible people I will face next week. Kind of awesome, eh?

Horror walks up to the throne, and sits down. He looks around royally, before turning back to the camera.

Horror: I am the champion, the hero of this court. I fight the kings wars and make sure the jester does not piss anyone off. I am the law here. Reckless and Dead Idol are fighting a man who was born and raised to fight. You two will regret facing The High Horror. You will be welcomed harshly into the new PHENOMENONAL KINGDOM! The New Kingdom. The kingdom of the soon to be winner of the New Breed Tournament. The kingdom of.........THE HIGH HORROR!

[sonstuds]

Stop mentioning the camera.

A real lack of description. You never explain the opening setting, just that it's a throne room. When description is a secondary to the monologue, you need to expand on the opening description. If you want an example, High Horror looking at the camera royally. What's looking "royally"? Just explain stuff like that.

Speech was alright, but some inconsistencies. You talk about Reckless being arrogrant and how he should stop, yet your character is doing the exact same thing in (and he's in a castle doing it; far more arrogant than anything Reckless has done). Albeit, that may have been intentional and if so then this comment obviously doesn't apply.

But even after that there's problems. Why would High Horror, a face, be bashing another face and general good guy Reckless more than a heel in Dead Idol? Futhermore, how is Reckless arrogant? If you want a roleplay where you're just slamming other characters to work you need to have substance. If you're gonna call someone cocky or a douche bag, you need to do more than just call them that.

I'm also fairly confused about what you're talking about when you start mentioning Dead Idol not being a good king to his people. Frankly, it just comes off as a bad analogy.

And also, I will cast two birds with one stone. I will beat one of the two possible people I will face next week. Kind of awesome, eh?

The last part is really added on and unneccesary.

I think you need to start building more consistency with your character, honestly. I've read three or four of your roleplays, and in all of them your character acts and speaks differently. In some of those roleplays you'd knock other characters for being jerks, yet here all you're doing is calling people out and telling them that they're trash. And you're face (last I checked), so right there it really doesn't work or make sense.