FDS 7/4RP- How the Mighty will Fall

[therealdealbookr]

FDS 4/8 RP-How the mighty will fall

We hear the quiet shuffling of papers and feet, as the audience fidgets. Robby Jay the former prisoner is standing on a podium on the front step of a court, the general state Court reads the front wall, just above the double doors. Big bronze letters spelling out the name of the building, and below the name, is small more bronze letters this time smaller saying ‘1901’ marking the day this place was put up and over the field that was the habitat to many different animals that now once a while find a spot to squeeze in and hang about in their old home, sometimes walking just below the stand where the protected witness is sitting, never noticing it and never ever finding out. Many innocent and guilty people sent free, and sent to death, many say this is a place of God, while others say it is a place of the Devil. Robby Jay sits there, arranging the papers and shuffling them on the podium, as the sound of the paper against the polished wood echoes through the microphone, affixed right in front of “VIP”. Surprisingly “VIP” Robby Jay has written his own speech unlike the others before him, besides maybe Ted Bundy. The audience, mostly the god forbid annoying press glaring up at him with fiery interest. No wonder there’s so many murderers in the world, and so many crime, look how much goddamn glory and attention you get, while people doing good deeds get unnoticed, their thought and effort rots to sh*t as it only matters to a small sized group of people, even though it affects the world, yet these people are still happy with their actions, and Robby Jay wonders why they can put up with this damn world. This is footage of Robby Jay 3 months ago after being released. Just a few hours before that, Robby Jay had actually made the effort to get off his ass and get a tux, he just first tried it on an hour before, look now his tux makes ground breaking news, that will go down in the history books for years and be remembered forever.

“Here I em, making history, can you believe it. Five years ago, I was sitting at home eating a box of fruit loops and watching Jerry Springer in my boxers with my dog. All the sudden wham! My door goes flying from its f*cking hinges and a swat team busts in, makes me spill my fruit loops, throws me to the floor and arrests me! I just found out what I was arrested for the day later, now that’s unfair, I think now you can all agree with me (Robby Jay flashes a smile). My lawyer and I went through the whole story on the night that the assault happened, and he believed right away. I had a good and true alibi that I was at the seven eleven buying a slushy, a Twix and a box of goddamn fruit loops. I spent five grueling years for something I didn’t do, and everyone asks me am I mad? I think you would be too. Am I willing to forgive? I’d rather not, but yes I will. The guys never touched my marine ass since they knew that once they tried to give it to me from behind, I’d already be one step ahead in snapping their necks. Over exaggerating yes, but no I would not allow my dignity to go down the drain in the five minutes it takes them to get an orgasm from giving me the ole bum poke. Now I’m out and I have my eyes on the WFWF wrestling organization, I’ve started training, and I’ve talked to them about a contract, but you never know what my future holds, thank you for your time

Five months later we’re backstage at a WFWF arena, Robby Jay standing in front of a Felo De Se backdrop. Jay has sickly, sly grin across his face as he his glare burns with determination. Everything his quiet, just his very quiet breathing, although you can almost hear his determination through his glare…HUMM…HUMM…Is all you can hear

“You’re a self proclaimed hero eh? You crave attention Yukes and I’ve come to face that. I don’t need to proclaim myself as a hero or anything else, because I am what I am and no one can change that. I’m either a sinner or a saint, after tonight you can choose one Yukes. The saying goes, never judge a book by a cover, well this time your judgments will be right. I’m a tough guy in that ring, I’m not no nice guy Yukes, I’m not nice guy. Got it get it good. You get a lot of spotlight in the WFWF it seems, I had spotlights on me all the time, back in the Chamber of no Time Yukes, in the yard wherever. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE SPOTLIGHTS WERE FOR? SO I DIDN’T ESCAPE ITS DEEP, DARK DEPTHS! I was dead to the world, and soon you’re going to know how that feels. Like any hurdle and distraction put in front of me, I’ll rise against it, I’ll take on last stand, ONE F*CKING LAST STAND! Yukes, Yukes, Yukes, I owe the ole sh*t box some gratitude, it turned me into a tougher, stronger person. Although I hate it, it’s dark soul drawing me in, keeping me there for five years, I may be tougher and a stronger person, but I’m not any of those mentally, no, not anymore Yukes...Not anymore, see now…THE MIGHTY WILL FALL.”

Robby Jay lets out a demonic laugh before walking away out of sight. We now see him walk down a dark hall, the lights seem to go out as he walks beneath them, as he reaches the end of the hall a white flash swallows him whole like a beast in a whirlwind and he’s gone…Is this a dream?

As the dark man walks down the hall,
He jumps, screams, laughs and shouts,
“Oh how the mighty will fall!”

-The Real Deal.

O.C.C-Good luck Yukes

[Yukio Blaze]

Nice work RJ. I cant quite place what I liked here better, the description or speech, but this was pretty good all around.


Good luck man.

[therealdealbookr]

Yukes, you wanna make a deal that we only write one RP each? Since I have enough work ethnic as it is to keep up with two RP's.

Btw, thanks

[Kurt Burton: Script Doctor!]

Well, not the best I've read from you, if I remember your old gimmick. You were the "real Deal" before, right?

You had a lot of grammar errors, The speech was something that would never get broadcast on the news, and the description at times rambled in run on sentences. I do like the idea of your character, although it reminds me alot of the Jason Viera character from a few months ago.

Positives on this RP- Good Dialogue, and good description sans run-ons.

[sonstuds]

As Burton noted, you had some terrible run-on sentences.

The part where he was talking on the news was an interesting idea, but I wasn't too big on how you pulled it off. To me, he should come off as intense and to some extents creepy (as you mentioned, ala Ted Bundy), not talking about fruit loops. He goes on about the possibility of how he could have got raped, which is fine if your character is comedic, but it's written like he's supposed to be impressive and feared.

Addressing Yukio wasn't bad, but there was nothing that made it standout. Albeit, you don't know the character, but it was sort of just a continuation of the previous speech, only with Yukio Blaze's name thrown in. You also took some TNA catchphrase with "get it, got it, good" (though I can't remember who says it). Don't ever do that (especially at the beginning when you haven't gone into your point yet).