FDS RP Submission

[Yukio Blaze]

“True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself.” - Henry Miller



Conscience

How in this hell did I get myself in this position. He must have a sick plan for me in the future.....

[/i]



The almost pitched black room that Yukio Blaze is in, is just beyond what the human mind can think of. Water dripping from the ceiling into buckets, rats crawling over the exposed copper pipes hanging from the walls and there is virtually no floor in this room, except for a few boards and a patch of boards that is keeping Yukio in his chair, from falling to the lower floor below. Yukio appears to be like a captive because his hands are bound to the chair, his exposed injured eye looks very nasty and his mouth is bound by duct tape. Who placed him in his position, why did they do this to him, and how did they do it.



Conscience

Why, Why is all that comes to mind. Every single time that I want and crave something, a roadblock comes full force to me and literally humps me into submission, mentally and physically. For example, this past week, my friend and partner told me and the whole world that he was leaving out of the blue to achieve something higher. Thats a roadblock that I cant get out of another example is that of facing The Revolution for the very last time in a handicap match. Ordinary people cant do that, but I know damn good and well that I can simply because I can. There is no do or try, I can only accomplish the main goal and it. Its all I can and will do, accomplish my mission from the man up stairs. Thats why I'm starting to think that this whole mess has been planned for the get go.



A gust of wind blows through one of the broken windows and blows some dust into Yukio's face. Yukio is moaning and groaning through the tape, but its very hard to tell his moans from the rat squeals. Yukio kinda moves his head to his right and starts to twitch his left eye to make it start crying, but to no prevail. What Yukio doesnt know that below him on the lower level are police searching for something as they have their flashlights on. It does Yukio no good.



Conscience

Its all a test, its all it can be, is a test. I just would like some guidance to when it will stop. It started a while ago after McGurk did the cigarette incident, then last week I triumph once again against Thunder, now this. Will I ever get a break. Maybe this is because of my opponent this week, Robby Jay. He was in prison years ago for a long time for doing something stupid. Now I'm in a prison type of state as I did the deed of going for the Tag Team Titles by myself. Every person that I wrestle, I have or share a common bond with them and this is my sharing file with Robby. Prison rules or not, I will and must pass this next trial like you have Robby. You got paroled and released, now you're here. I must get myself released to show you a little piece of good that I show in everyone.



The police down below are yelling if there is anyone if this place, then they shine their lights to the higher floors and all they see are rotted out floors and rats moving across them. Yukio starts to move the chair a little, but the boards under him makes noise as if they are ready to break. The police hear it, but then they see another board from across Yukio fall, but they just dismiss it and go to exit this place. A rat then runs across Yukio's bare feet and he makes yet another moan. Yukio is helpless, there appears to be no escape from here or there.



Conscience

Alright, I've had enough of this trial and I think I've got the point by now. Robby Jay, you have talked about how you were in prison for years and you were a badass ex-army soldier aswell. I can really careless about that because the time that I've been in the WFWF is like a prison hooked on LSD. Have you ever put your body on the line by going through a solid piece of glass or have sacrificed your eye due to you rebellion against something, I dont think so. You call yourself a "Very Important Person", I call you a "Very Impatient Punk" because of what you do and say. You have nothing on me or my mission. You're basically a sinner and my job is to wipe slates clean and you will be the next one to be "cleansed". I've submitted to the best and put it all on the line, well buddy, your stepping in front of The Saint and I'm going to take you to the limits. Submission is my goal, and cleaning you, I must do...[/i]



Now, across from the room creeping from the darkness is this figure or shape that wasnt seen before. This thing if floating over the boards like a snake slithers over rocks. Yukio looks dead into what appears to be its face, but he isnt scared at all. This thing rips off his tape from his mouth and un-bounds him from the chair. Yukio rubs his hands.



Am I finished for now because I must finish the second part to my "submission" mission.


??- You have done good for now my son. Go on to finish what was started. Your so close to attaining my main goal. Your have past this test for now, so go on.


Thank you.



The shape just flies away out the window into the night sky. Yukio looks over to the window and see what ever it is moving towards the stars. Yukio shakes his head and begins to climb down to the base floor.



“Man is a feeble creature, to whom only submission and worship are besoming. Pride is insolence, and belief in human power is impiety” - Bertrand Russell[/center]

[Yukio Blaze]

Well, this is my rp for this week. A few of you may get to where I'm going with this rp, but to others, FU



Good luck to Robby.

[sonstuds]

You're usually pretty solid at description, but I thought it was really lacking here. The opening description probably could have been two or three paragraphs.

his exposed injured eye looks very nasty

First that's an example of bad wording, but you also never explain what his eye actually looks like. Why does it look nasty? It's kind of the same thing with the police. Why are they there? You never explain those. Similar situation with the last piece of description. I understand you're not supposed to know what's going on, but it really wasn't explained very well.

The conscience thing was weird. At first you kind of wonder why even though he's in bondage he's not thinking about it. At the end of the roleplay I guess you begin to understand (you could still make the case I guess). But my big thing is that it's all in the form of his conscience thoughts, but it's addressed to Robby even though it's all Blaze's thoughts and Robby can't hear them.

Also, once again, you're writing the conscience as if Yukio Blaze was just talking in front of a camera, and it really doesn't work. You use a lot of "for examples", and really, no one thinks like they're explaining something to themselves.

Also, some grammar issues. Quite a few times there were situations where you should have used question marks, but never did. ("How in this hell did I get myself in this position.")

[Calvin]

ok I see a BIG mistake. Why would your conscience have to give an example about how it thinks?? Like seriously. Your mind doesn't need to explain it self like that...

I guess EBR has everything explained already...so I'll just leave it at that.

[therealdealbookr]

Pretty good, my RP may actually be able to match this well :-o

I see you do quotes before your RP's, I do poetry at the end

Good luck.

[Kurt Burton: Script Doctor!]

Well Yuke's it was an allright RP, but I did have issues with the explaining things to yourself. It's wierd, because you go back and forth between using the conscience as your inner thoughts, and using it for soliloquy. In this case it appears to be soliloquy, so no big problems. Good luck in your match.