SB:Confusion and Transcendence

[Revvie®]

Ok my creativity kicked back in and I have been working on these two rps for the past week now or so. I have put forth all I could muster for this match cause I knew I would need it. If you have not read my recent rps and dont know the story that is goin on I'm sorry but I would tell you to go back and read them to get and idea then or read these for what they are.

Good luck to Kyzer and to everyone participating in SuperBrawl. These are all im doing for this match up and I think these came out very well and hopefully will give me the win. Just click the links and there you go.

Part 1:
www.geocities.com/rev_efed/Roleplay01.html

Part 2:
www.geocities.com/rev_efed/Roleplay02.html

comments and critism are always welcomed.

Reverend Shadow

[Kyzer]

You need to change the text font. I can't see anything unless I highlight it and I am not reading everything in a blue hue.

Edit: It is only like that for Mozilla. I have to use IE to read your rp. I hate you.

[Yukio Blaze]

I read both part's to this rp and I must say that this is a masterpiece. Your vision between reality and imaginary is just perfect and I think you pulled it off damn near perfect.


I could picture your doctor as the one from Terminator and your character as Sarah Connor. I also liked how both forces for Rev and Shadow will combine. Great stuff.


Now I know Kyzer will pull one off just like this, so wonderful job and good luck to you at Superbrawl.

[immune360]

I really have to agree with blaze this was a masterpiece but I was confused on a certain line.

"Find not what you seek and seek now what you find for resolution comes with the lost. "

What does that mean exactly?

Great job though and good luck against kyzer

Immune

[Revvie®]

immune360 said:

I really have to agree with blaze this was a masterpiece but I was confused on a certain line.

"Find not what you seek and seek not what you find for resolution comes with the lost. "

What does that mean exactly?

Great job though and good luck against kyzer

Immune

The Reverend had been lost and confused to great extent in the last few rps. Basically means hes not goin to find the answers that he wants and he musn't look to much into the ones that he wants. He must just be lost and then he will find himself throught God.

[immune360]

oh okay...I like how the line was structured. It was so well put together it confused the simple minded people like me lol. great rp man

Immune

[CBT]

You monster. You have easily became the most improved RPer of 2006. I total hate the format, out of jealousy and out of the formatting. But this RP was a briallant illustration of how the mind can play tricks on even the most intellectual human beings. I liked both, I really do. This match is one of the many I look forward to, just a great main event. Along with the 3-way.

[ZMaster]

You've come a long way since you came into WFWF. I noticed that a lot. From being in a tag team to now competing in the Main Event at Superbrawl IV is quite an impressive feat.

I enjoyed everything from top to bottom. Good luck at Superbrawl, can't wait to see how this match turns out.

[Swarm]

Well... As for Part 1...

Your format is clever and interesting. I'm traditionally entirely against unrealistic occurances like dreams and fake realities, but within the context of the RolePlay it makes sense and was well established. Your problems, however, continue to show through. You use many characters in your RolePlays but none of them have any actual character or intrigue. The doctor literally could be Basil Exposition, the father was more or less the Reverend but in dream form, Shadow was cliche and under-written, and Reverend flipped his wig for no reason back and forth. One minute he's sure, one minute he's afraid, then he's confused. You don't seem to bring forth a singular motive or point. Also, the entire thing comes off kind of under-written. You write in a slightly old-english style and that could be interesting but then you have characters saying "that guy does this" or "well he does this b/c of that". I mean, frankly, this is supposed to be an articulate individual, not an IM conversationalist.

Most importantly, you really don't convey a particular point. Even moreso, you don't really comment on Kyzer until the sermon in the end which is way too short and, once again, presents no outcome. Your major flaw is you don't seem to be able to delve into the complexities and minor elements of a character and break it down and see where you fit into that. True analyses requires the ability to break down every element of a character and utilize those for your points.

Overall it wasn't bad and I admire your effort but in all honesty it's mostly a case of quantity over quality.


And as for Part 2...

Once again, very clever format but still under-written, in this case too short and unrealistic, and still no real point about Kyzer. You've been developing this angle for quite some time now to do, what? I mean there's no resolution, no conclusion. It's just all kind of ham-handed.

[Revvie®]

Thank you all for your comments.

[Kyzer]

RP #1 I liked the first vision. I liked the therapist thing and his skeptism. I like how the therapist pretty shoot on everything Rev said, it made the therapy more realistic. I didn't like the illusion where he is seeing his father. It was a messy part. You could have ended that rp with the therapy thing and it would have been better. I like the end when Shadow is back, puts a nice twist on things. It wasn't bad at all. Definitely stepping it up. I enjoyed the description a lot. I like the first person narrative, gave me more insight in rev.'s head.




RP#2 I liked how the bible verse played into this one. The resurrection was fitting. I liked how Shadow reacted to the doctor and the situation, it showed a total opposite of what rev. did. The split personalities isn't my favorite thing in the world but you do it well. I would suggest straying from that at some point. It is hard to do and keep fresh after a while. All in all I enjoyed this rp. The two personalities teaming up to beat me just shows how focused you are. I am happy with your performance.

My only real complaints about both were grammar which was awful, and the description while insightful had me re-reading it a couple of times at places. Re-read your rps before you post them, and you will catch a lot of that stuff.

I got the concept you aimed at me throughout both and I am pleased with your performance. Good Job.