Untitled Soul (1st)

[razoralltheway]

A Figure Is Seen Sitting In A Dark Room, Out Of Knowhere A Voice Beckons

[glow=red,2,300]Reckless[/glow]: The sound of a mans weak body hitting the cold hard floor, makes my bones tingle. My soul feels whole as i witness a beating that can only mean one mans demise. I can feel it.

The Camera zooms in on the face

[glow=red,2,300]Reckless[/glow]: This...This passion boiling up inside of me, in my head. The feeling that nobody is safe, but me. Nobody is free from there defeat, but me. I can see it now. My name being called as the winner. Yes *laughs* I can feel it now, my blood thickening, my eyes opening wider.

I look up and the camera pans away and it lights up a bit

[glow=red,2,300]Reckless[/glow]: Tick.......Tock. I cant trust nobody, no, no man. Nah uh i cant, what am i doing. Oh yes *smiles and laughs* im here to destroy everyman that gets in my way HEY, YOU!

Random Guy: Who Me?

The Camera goes to the man who walks upto me. The Light is getting brighter and there is a faint noise of water dripping

[glow=red,2,300]Reckless[/glow]: I HATE YOU, you ruined my life, i dont know you, you culd be a nice guy but you ruined it ARGH! *Grabs the guy and throws him into the wall* This must be stopped

Gtes up and walks out the fdoor smashing ad shouting

[glow=red,2,300]Reckless[/glow]: I Will Do This for myself, that ring better be ready to feel the drops of another mans blood. Reckless... has arrived *laughs*

The laugh fades away and you suddenly hear a huge roar and a chair come flying and hit the cameraman

Scene Over

[Mr. PerpetuaLynch Motion]

This RP wasn't bad... it wasn't amazing either. The description needs to be a little bit more indepth, go into detail about the setting, your charecters surroundings etc. The dialogue was alright but the whole "Hey You" and tossing the random guy was interesting but the way it was done seemed awkward and random. There was some mistakes like not capitalising "I" and such... This wasn't terrible and if this is your very first then it is actually quite good and I see promise in you.

[razoralltheway]

wow cheers, ill try make my next one even better then this one
oh and the randomness is because my character is random lol

[Calvin]

Lots of improvement here is needed.

first of all, you're description needs lots of work. I mean, you say there is a figure in the area....but you don't even give us an area that he is at. You just say he's there. Where is he? We need to know where he is, and we need to know why he is there...which is covered by the speech...or thats what I try to do.

The speech has lots of work needed too. Like, you have him saying he can't trust no one. Well, why can't he trust anyone? What is his reason for being in the wfwf? What's the point he's trying to make? Just some pointers that might help you out a little more. The angry can't trust no one beat on everyone gimmick is over used....but if you can make it work, I'll top my hat to you.

I can tell you're just starting out.....or atleast that you are new to wfwf rping style. I just hope some of these tips help you on in your run here. Good luck.

[Deleted]

Welcome to the WFWF. First of all I was a little confused by the "I look up" I wasn't sure how many people were involved in this RP etc so you might want to make that a little clearer in your next RP. I would also work on your description. Try and go into more detail. Don't just say what is there, try to paint a vivid picture in the reader's mind so that they know exactly where your character is etc. The speech was ok, he seems a little crazy and nervous or paranoid I'm not sure which youwere going for. Read a few RPs of some of the guys around here and you'll get the feel of things.


EDIT - Also don't beat random guys up it's very cliched and dumb lol