Loaded 3/16 RP Oppurtunity Calling

[The Mayhem is Commin]

A Man can have a milion opourtunities at once just all that matters is which one he will chose Right orLeft??

Oppurtunity Calling

Jay and Kay are seen at Jay’s new house chilling in front of a 50” flat screen HD TV. As they watch they both begin to talk about their upcoming match, and life.

Jay-Hey Kay so hows things going with Ashley and her pregnancy?

Kay-Things are a little tough and she might have had a miss carry. So I don’t really know.

Jay-Man that’s tough. Do you have any idea how she might have had a miss carry?

Kay-No and she doesn’t like talking about it and neither do I!

Jay-Sorry bro well how about our match you excited?

Kay-Yeah a chance at the former heavyweight champ is great, and also I’m not alone in the battle.

Jay-Yeah that is an awesome chance and hell I even beat Thunder before so lighting could strike twice as they say.

Kay-Yeah that would be an awesome event. Just think a second upset but this time by both of the Mayhem brothers. Man how sweet would that be.

Jay-It would be awesome.

Jay and Kay continue to talk as the phone rings.

*ring ring*

Jay goes to answer the phone as he picks it up and says hello.

Jay-Hello

Voice-Hey Jay its Kim.

Jay-Ohh Hey baby what’s up

Kim-Well I was wondering if Kay and Ashley wanted to come to dinner with us tonight and you could call up that girl who said she would baby sit and have watch the kids.

Jay-You mean Jessica, yeah that sounds good I’ll check with Kay

Jay takes the phone away from his ear and asks Kay if they want to come with. After receiving an answer he turns back to the phone and tells Kim.

Jay-Yeah they’ll come so I’ll call Jessica

Jay and Kim hang up as Kay leaves to go get Ashley and get ready as Jay picks up the phone to call Jessica

The phone begins to ring on the other side as Jessica picks up

Jessica-Hello

Jay-Hey is this Jessica

Jessica-Yes and who is this

Jay-Its Jay from the park, you said to call if we needed a babysitter

Jessica-Yeah, when?

Jay-How about tonight?

Jessica-Sure I’ll make my way over there ok?

Jay-Sure see ya soon

Jay hangs up and goes to get ready as Kim walks in the door. Kim walks over and gives him a quick peck and they go to get ready. About half an hour later there both ready and the doorbell rings. Jay heads over to answer it as the door opens and in enters Kay, Ashley, and Jessica all at once. The group gather their stuff and head out as Jay tell Jessica a few things.

Jay-Ok there asleep right now and we should be back at about nine o clock.

Jessica-Ok sounds good have a good time

Jay-thanks

Jay heads out and hops in the Hummer and they head out to Fridays. As they arrive at the restraunt they head in and are sat at a table within five minutes. As they are ordering there drinks Jay realizes something

Jay-Shoot!!

Kim-What?

Jay-I left my wallet at home, order me a T-Bone steak Medium rare and a Pepsi ok

Kim-Ok babe

Jay gets up and heads back home to get his wallet. Jay climbs in his Hummer and hurries back to the house even tough it may only be a fifteen minute drive it seemed like it took forever but he finally pulled into the driveway and headed up to the door as he opened it he could hear the TV on and no crying so he suspected the babies were still sleeping. He headed in and saw Jessica watching America’s best dance crew but she quickly looked over to see Jay.

Jessica-Hey Jay is it nine already

Jay-No I just forgot my wallet in my room. So how are the kids?

Jessica-Shela was crying earlier but good now.

Jay-good.

Jay heads towards his room and grabs his wallet off of his tall dresser and as he turns around Jessica stands right in his face.

Jay-Wow sorry didn’t see you there

Jessica-Well that’s ok

Says Jessica with a lovely smile on her face as she steps into Jays room and Jay backs up to his bed

Jay-Can I help you Jess?

Jessica-No I just wanted to get a good look at your face.

Jessica begins to climb on the bed as Jay quickly rolls off of it and runs out to the Hummer and rives off. Meanwhile in the house.

Jessica-Darn he’s so cute well maybe next time

Crying is heard in the room across the hall.

Jessica-I’m coming

END

[The Mayhem is Commin]

OOC: for all who are confused Jessica is 20yrs old and Jay is only 25yrs od so its not too weird

[thedeadidol]

you've still got the bad grammar and not really leading anywhere opener. I seriously don't know what's up with these and why you use them, but stop it. either make them be a quote from someone in particular, correct the grammar and match it to the theme of your roleplay, or just stop them all together. the randomly capitalized words, mispelled words, and generally bad grammar in them, not just this one, but all of them in general, throw off the entire flow to all of your roleplays and start them all out on a sour note.

I'm glad to see you dropped the Malcolm name. It did nothing but over complicate your roleplays in the wrong way. Some of the dialog is still really cliche'd here, but it isn't as glaringly obvious as previous roleplays. I'm sort of disappointed that Jay didn't make it to the restraunt, so we could see Jay v Dirty Menus pt. 2, but that's neither here nor there.

The mini-story I'm guessing you're starting here is okay.. But way too obvious.. you just basicly revealed where the character is going at the start of the 'angle'.

I'd suggest putting your roleplays through spelling and grammar checkers before posting, because there's some really strange stuff. I'd also say read other roleplays. Thunder.. EBR.. Alex.. Calvin.. myself.. DGX.. Pick up what makes them good and try to replicate it. try to learn something.. improve..

[sonstuds]

I found this entertaining but maybe for the wrong reasons.

Obo nailed most of it. Every thing's so flat and scripted and I'm pretty sure you made up that you beat Thunder. Just look around the board to get a basic jist of things.

[The Mayhem is Commin]

thanks for the help guys and i actually did beat thunder once i didnt make that up

[sonstuds]

jaymayhem said:

thanks for the help guys and i actually did beat thunder once i didnt make that up

When?

[Thunder]

I'm pretty sure that never happened.

[zombiesx]

realscan said:

I'm pretty sure that never happened.

but then again yukio judged the matches then probably

Well this is not that good man, listen to OBO.

[Calvin]

your stuff is always so hysterical to me.

[thedeadidol]

zombiesx said:

realscan said:

I'm pretty sure that never happened.

but then again yukio judged the matches then probably

Well this is not that good man, listen to OBO.

do you have a tattoo somewhere on your body that has "2B-OBO"?

[Swarm]

Yeah..

That had nothing to do with anything. At all. It was like an extended commercial for Hummers and Flat Screen TVs with a relatively thin, palatable plot. No, it was exactly like a commercial for Hummers and Flat Screen TVs.

2 out of 5 on the Mayhem standard

[Thunder]

This was really like every one of your RPs. There's discussion that is pretty poor, conversations that go nowhere and then the RP just ends.

But at least you've added lying about past results to your repitoire.

[Revvie®]

realscan said:

This was really like every one of your RPs. There's discussion that is pretty poor, conversations that go nowhere and then the RP just ends.

But at least you've added lying about past results to your repitoire.

[thedeadidol]

greyshadow04dna said:

realscan said:

This was really like every one of your RPs. There's discussion that is pretty poor, conversations that go nowhere and then the RP just ends.

But at least you've added lying about past results to your repitoire.