Post by sonstuds on Mar 15, 2008 13:33:11 GMT -5
{The sight of various shoes walking towards and away the table interrupts the Champion’s vision of the floor. He takes a small sip of his coffee and grinds his teeth, preparing for the upcoming groan-inducing conversation. How droning it will be.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] What’s new?
Gina:[/color] . . . Well, as I said on the phone, you got me pregnant. So that’s on my mind.
EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah . . . I guess that’s understandable.
{How droning it is. At least he was kind enough to actually take the time out of his day to squash this small bit of confusion instead of just getting a new phone number to end the debate altogether. Though, part of the recent get together was fueled by the continual thought that repeatedly flashes through his head. The thought of being forced into an Eddie Murphy role in which people perceive him as some guy who doesn’t take responsibility for knocking some girl up. The only difference is that EBR didn’t actually get her pregnant. Well, Eddie Murphy probably says the same thing.
Nonetheless he enjoys Starbucks, so take the good with the bad.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So I’m just gonna come out and officially say that I’m not the father. Can we close this now?
Gina:[/color] I think I’d know . . .
EBR:[/COLOR] Know what? That you’re pregnant? That it’s mine?
Gina:[/color] Both.
EBR:[/COLOR] Hrm.
Gina:[/color] What the hell was that?
EBR:[/COLOR] Hrm? Here’s the deal; I’m pretty sure it’s scientifically impossible for me to have gotten you pregnant.
Gina:[/color] Because?
EBR:[/COLOR] For starters, the egg and the sperm and all that stuff takes about a week.
{He’s interrupted.}[/color]
Gina:[/color] And?
{Without missing a beat he quickly replies.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] It was a little over two days by the time you called me. Secondly, I used a condom.
Gina:[/color] Could have broke.
EBR:[/COLOR] Theoretically, but what are the odds that happens? One out of ten times?
{In that case maybe he should look into an AIDs test. You never know after all.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Besides, I didn’t finish where getting you pregnant is a real possibility.
{He takes another sip of his coffee before shrugging.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] And I’m pretty sure you were already pregnant before I met you, so yeah . . .
Gina:[/color] If you thought I was pregnant why would you have sex with me? You’d have to be a real scum bag to do that.
EBR:[/COLOR] Well, I was drunk.
Gina:[/color] And how would you know I was pregnant anyways?
EBR:[/COLOR] Someone on the inside . . . not inside you, but “on the inside” generally speaking. He can tell these kinds of things. In fact, that’s what he told me that night. In hindsight maybe I should have listened, but you know, only fifty-fifty and all . . .
Gina:[/color] It’s twenty-twenty.
EBR:[/COLOR] What was that?
Gina:[/color] Twenty-twenty. The phrase is “hindsight’s only twenty-twenty”.
EBR:[/COLOR] I’ve been saying fifty-fifty my entire life . . . well, this is embarrassing. You sure? Fifty-fifty makes sense . . .
Gina:[/color] Wait, so you assumed I was pregnant and still tried to sleep with me?
{A blank stare follows a temporary pause.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] I was desperate, okay? And you know, I have no reason to defend myself. My hands are clean. You’re what? Lying, blackmailing, in a roundabout way trying to hook up again?
Gina:[/color] Weren’t that good.
EBR:[/COLOR] Michael Jordan missed the occasional free throw, that’s really not the point. Let me ask you something; did you throw up that morning?
Gina:[/color] Yeah.
EBR:[/COLOR] Why? Why would you tell me that? I can’t impregnate someone in what? Five hours? I’m not that impressive.
Gina:[/color] Yeah, I know.
EBR:[/COLOR] . . . You were mediocre. Deal with it!
{Laying down the law.}[/color]
Gina:[/color] Honest question; if you were drunk then how would you even remember any of this?
EBR:[/COLOR] Well . . . wasn’t that drunk.
{And thus he prays she doesn’t call him on why someone who’s only semi-drunk would hook up with someone he suspects would be pregnant. He’s playing with fire.}[/color]
Gina:[/color] And you didn’t remember giving me your number.
{Dodged that bullet.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Touché.
Gina:[/color] And I was drinking so when I threw up in the morning it may have just been the hang over.
EBR:[/COLOR] Well, if you were drinking then you can’t remember if I was good or not . . .
Gina:[/color] And I’m pretty sure I know how the female body works better than you do.
EBR:[/COLOR] I could probably just google all that stuff . . .
{A long and awkward break momentarily stops the conversation EBR never wanted to be a part of anyways.}[/color]
Gina:[/color] All I’m saying is it’s a real possibility.
EBR:[/COLOR] You actually started off saying it was mine, so yeah . . . consistency . . . and no, I’m actually pretty sure it’s not. You were showing before we ever did it anyways – and that was before I was drunk - . . . and no, it does not make me a scum bag, it’s complicated.
{Whatever helps him sleep at night.}[/color]
Gina:[/color] Look, you have your story and I have mine.
EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah, but I have science and factual information on my side so like . . . three against one. I win.
{The confidence and pride beams off him. Not literally though, that’s impossible.}[/color]
Gina:[/color] I don’t know what else to really tell you.
EBR:[/COLOR] How about we go to a doctor?
Gina:[/color] They won’t be able to prove if it’s yours yet.
EBR:[/COLOR] No, I mean go ask a doctor if it’s actually possible for me to impregnate you in your time line. Pretty sure it’s not.
{And he could get an AIDs test just in case. Killing two birds with one stone; the EBR way.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Look, I know it’s not mine. I know what happened between us isn’t going to be in the Guinness Book of World Records. I’m not the Super Sperm; that’s Method Man and I’d appreciate it if you showed him the proper respect he deserves, kay?
{Taking his check book out of his pocket, he resumes.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Frankly, I don’t know if you’re just trying to pin this on me because you either don’t know who the father is or the father bounced. Now, if you simply believe it’s me then I apologize, but regardless what the situation is I don’t really care. It’s just not my problem, you know?
{He continues as he writes the check.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] If you’re just trying to extort me, which I suspect, then congratulations. And if you’re not? Then hey, consider this a gift. I just really don’t want to deal with this right now. Or ever, if we’re being perfectly honest.
{Ripping out the check he folds it before sliding it down the table.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So here’s the deal; you take this and we both move on and we act like this never happened.
{With his hand on his chin he briefly examines her, specifically her stomach. He nods slowly.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] When it’s born I’ll gladly give a DNA test. Otherwise? Like I said, this never happened.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
{America. Yeah!
Old Glory. The thirteen stripes. The fifty stars. The embodiment of freedom.
Our Champion stands in front of the piece of fabric (or whatever it’s made out of, let’s call it fabric) which occupies the screen. It’s a beautiful sight. You fight the urge to break out in tears. But let it out; it’s freedom.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Hello.
{He acknowledged us!}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] What is opportunity? Well, Webster’s dictionary defines opportunity as {finger quotes}[/color] “a situation or condition favorable for attainment of a goal”.
{Actually it was dictionary.com. And the second definition.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] But truly ask yourselves; what is opportunity? I mean really? What do you think opportunity is?
{He pauses, in turn making us feel horrible about ourselves for not answering such a charming man.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] As I see it, an opportunity is not what you receive but what you give back.
{That’s incredibly vague and random but because it was originally brought up in the form of a question it’s DEEP and THOUGHT PROVOKING.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] That’s what this is. In fact, that’s what my life is; giving back to the less fortunate.
{On cue the United Way logo flashes across the screen.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] In this case it’d simply be giving a match to someone who otherwise would be buried in the WFWF, ignored and most likely forgotten. In an industry built around back stabbing and deceit is this the most selfless act ever seen in the history of the WFWF?
{It is, yes.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] It’s really not mine to say. See, I don’t do it for the recognition. I’m not about that, man.
{At this point EBR’s passionate delivery begins to give us goose bumps. We’ll watch this again afterwards because of how memorable it will be. Historic moment.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] It’s about looking at a fellow wrestler and saying that dammit, I respect him! I respect him for what he does! I want him to achieve everything I’ve ever achieved! This is my version of Santa Claus, man!
{He begins to calm himself down pretty easily, before he continues.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So I asked myself; “who needs this opportunity the most?”. The answer came to me pretty quickly. It’s a man who with enough tinkering and improvement could rise above from his otherwise futile career and become a poor man’s Obo. For the record, Obo is an exceptional wrestler so that’s actually a compliment to both men.
{Loving that class, E.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So the man who will be appearing on the second “Land of Opportunity” is none other then Jack Slash. Now, have I followed his career? No, I have not. And why is that? Because for months Jeb Slash was forced to compete in the minor league House Shows, starving for food and made to hit other men with silly weapons and gadgets. It’s really unfair.
{And silly.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] I’m sure John Slash is a rather intelligent young man who is a valuable member of our society, yet typecasting has lead to him only being seen as some guy who loves pain and has several nicknames about him being “hardcore” in one way or another. But you see, Joe Slash and I actually have a lot in common.
{He begins to hit his fingers as if going through a list.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] For starters we’re both wrestlers. We both won titles at Superbrawl. Our names both have vowels in them. As you can see we’re cut from the same cloth, and I consider it nothing short of an honor to face a man the level of Jay Slash. I have never seen a man work has hard as Jeff Slash does to win a quarter of his matches. If every man had the work ethic and dedication of Jeremy Slash than the WFWF would truly be a better place.
{To give his message more intensity and credibility he points with his index finger. It works, by the way. Definitely more intrigued.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Jamal Slash, I want you to beat me on Loaded. I want you to prove that you’re exactly what I say you could be. And then, I want to defend my title against you. And then? I want you to beat me for the Heavyweight Championship. Why? Because you’re Josh Slash, and you deserve it. Now, will that happen? I can’t tell you. I’m not a psychic. But hopefully you take full advantage of what I’m giving you, and hopefully you don’t just treat this or me like you’d treat anybody else. You know, claiming that you’re going to “kick my ass” and “destroy me”, stuff like that. After all, that’d make you look like a pretty big jerk to be disrespecting some guy who’s giving you the biggest break of your career. It’d probably just make me more likeable. Yeah, that’s probably what would happen.
{And then his likeability will be too much for the average man to handle.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Now, I wish I could just talk about Jim Slash, but as per usual, with every great idea comes the second rate knock offs. And no, not a comparison between myself and CBT – rest in peace, kid – but with Thunder and his little idea to start his own “Land of Cloudy Days” or whatever name he’s choosing to call it. See, Thunder thinks it’d be cute for him to start mocking me and my great deed to the general public within the WFWF. He’s a very bitter man.
{Grow up, Thunder.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] And you know, if you want to disrespect me then fine. That’s your deal. But to begin to disrespect the members of the WFWF who can’t defend themselves? That’s low, even for some one who throws Yukio Blaze several feet onto concrete. See, all you’re showing is that you’re missing the point. The “Land of Opportunity” isn’t about me; it’s about attempting to elevate my opponent. But now you make it so that you’re facing two men? If they beat you then big deal; they won a handicap match that logic would say they’re supposed to win. Yet if they lose they’re the guys who couldn’t beat one guy.
{Thunder knows a thing or two about that.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So you’re elevating them how, exactly? Oh right, you’re not because you’re stupid and you don’t get it.
{Thunder’s a jerk.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Luckily I’ve come up with a viable solution to this entire mess; everyone in attendance turns around and everyone at home turns off their television. If no one sees it then did it really happen?
{If a tree falls in a forest and no one’s around . . .}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Now, I apologize to Jermichael Slash. Believe me; my idea of fun is not talking about some guy no one cares about.
{Thunder? Wasn’t he that guy EBR beat at Superbrawl V?}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] I wish you all the luck in the world, Javier Slash. Fly . . . fly to greatness. Fly so very high. Fly in the air like this flag behind me.
{Metaphorical object!}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Fly to immortality . . . like I’ve done . . . twice.
{The chills run up our spine as EBR closes his eyes. We feel inspired and better about ourselves.
. . . God bless EBR . . .}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] What’s new?
Gina:[/color] . . . Well, as I said on the phone, you got me pregnant. So that’s on my mind.
EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah . . . I guess that’s understandable.
{How droning it is. At least he was kind enough to actually take the time out of his day to squash this small bit of confusion instead of just getting a new phone number to end the debate altogether. Though, part of the recent get together was fueled by the continual thought that repeatedly flashes through his head. The thought of being forced into an Eddie Murphy role in which people perceive him as some guy who doesn’t take responsibility for knocking some girl up. The only difference is that EBR didn’t actually get her pregnant. Well, Eddie Murphy probably says the same thing.
Nonetheless he enjoys Starbucks, so take the good with the bad.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So I’m just gonna come out and officially say that I’m not the father. Can we close this now?
Gina:[/color] I think I’d know . . .
EBR:[/COLOR] Know what? That you’re pregnant? That it’s mine?
Gina:[/color] Both.
EBR:[/COLOR] Hrm.
Gina:[/color] What the hell was that?
EBR:[/COLOR] Hrm? Here’s the deal; I’m pretty sure it’s scientifically impossible for me to have gotten you pregnant.
Gina:[/color] Because?
EBR:[/COLOR] For starters, the egg and the sperm and all that stuff takes about a week.
{He’s interrupted.}[/color]
Gina:[/color] And?
{Without missing a beat he quickly replies.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] It was a little over two days by the time you called me. Secondly, I used a condom.
Gina:[/color] Could have broke.
EBR:[/COLOR] Theoretically, but what are the odds that happens? One out of ten times?
{In that case maybe he should look into an AIDs test. You never know after all.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Besides, I didn’t finish where getting you pregnant is a real possibility.
{He takes another sip of his coffee before shrugging.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] And I’m pretty sure you were already pregnant before I met you, so yeah . . .
Gina:[/color] If you thought I was pregnant why would you have sex with me? You’d have to be a real scum bag to do that.
EBR:[/COLOR] Well, I was drunk.
Gina:[/color] And how would you know I was pregnant anyways?
EBR:[/COLOR] Someone on the inside . . . not inside you, but “on the inside” generally speaking. He can tell these kinds of things. In fact, that’s what he told me that night. In hindsight maybe I should have listened, but you know, only fifty-fifty and all . . .
Gina:[/color] It’s twenty-twenty.
EBR:[/COLOR] What was that?
Gina:[/color] Twenty-twenty. The phrase is “hindsight’s only twenty-twenty”.
EBR:[/COLOR] I’ve been saying fifty-fifty my entire life . . . well, this is embarrassing. You sure? Fifty-fifty makes sense . . .
Gina:[/color] Wait, so you assumed I was pregnant and still tried to sleep with me?
{A blank stare follows a temporary pause.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] I was desperate, okay? And you know, I have no reason to defend myself. My hands are clean. You’re what? Lying, blackmailing, in a roundabout way trying to hook up again?
Gina:[/color] Weren’t that good.
EBR:[/COLOR] Michael Jordan missed the occasional free throw, that’s really not the point. Let me ask you something; did you throw up that morning?
Gina:[/color] Yeah.
EBR:[/COLOR] Why? Why would you tell me that? I can’t impregnate someone in what? Five hours? I’m not that impressive.
Gina:[/color] Yeah, I know.
EBR:[/COLOR] . . . You were mediocre. Deal with it!
{Laying down the law.}[/color]
Gina:[/color] Honest question; if you were drunk then how would you even remember any of this?
EBR:[/COLOR] Well . . . wasn’t that drunk.
{And thus he prays she doesn’t call him on why someone who’s only semi-drunk would hook up with someone he suspects would be pregnant. He’s playing with fire.}[/color]
Gina:[/color] And you didn’t remember giving me your number.
{Dodged that bullet.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Touché.
Gina:[/color] And I was drinking so when I threw up in the morning it may have just been the hang over.
EBR:[/COLOR] Well, if you were drinking then you can’t remember if I was good or not . . .
Gina:[/color] And I’m pretty sure I know how the female body works better than you do.
EBR:[/COLOR] I could probably just google all that stuff . . .
{A long and awkward break momentarily stops the conversation EBR never wanted to be a part of anyways.}[/color]
Gina:[/color] All I’m saying is it’s a real possibility.
EBR:[/COLOR] You actually started off saying it was mine, so yeah . . . consistency . . . and no, I’m actually pretty sure it’s not. You were showing before we ever did it anyways – and that was before I was drunk - . . . and no, it does not make me a scum bag, it’s complicated.
{Whatever helps him sleep at night.}[/color]
Gina:[/color] Look, you have your story and I have mine.
EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah, but I have science and factual information on my side so like . . . three against one. I win.
{The confidence and pride beams off him. Not literally though, that’s impossible.}[/color]
Gina:[/color] I don’t know what else to really tell you.
EBR:[/COLOR] How about we go to a doctor?
Gina:[/color] They won’t be able to prove if it’s yours yet.
EBR:[/COLOR] No, I mean go ask a doctor if it’s actually possible for me to impregnate you in your time line. Pretty sure it’s not.
{And he could get an AIDs test just in case. Killing two birds with one stone; the EBR way.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Look, I know it’s not mine. I know what happened between us isn’t going to be in the Guinness Book of World Records. I’m not the Super Sperm; that’s Method Man and I’d appreciate it if you showed him the proper respect he deserves, kay?
{Taking his check book out of his pocket, he resumes.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Frankly, I don’t know if you’re just trying to pin this on me because you either don’t know who the father is or the father bounced. Now, if you simply believe it’s me then I apologize, but regardless what the situation is I don’t really care. It’s just not my problem, you know?
{He continues as he writes the check.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] If you’re just trying to extort me, which I suspect, then congratulations. And if you’re not? Then hey, consider this a gift. I just really don’t want to deal with this right now. Or ever, if we’re being perfectly honest.
{Ripping out the check he folds it before sliding it down the table.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So here’s the deal; you take this and we both move on and we act like this never happened.
{With his hand on his chin he briefly examines her, specifically her stomach. He nods slowly.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] When it’s born I’ll gladly give a DNA test. Otherwise? Like I said, this never happened.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
{America. Yeah!
Old Glory. The thirteen stripes. The fifty stars. The embodiment of freedom.
Our Champion stands in front of the piece of fabric (or whatever it’s made out of, let’s call it fabric) which occupies the screen. It’s a beautiful sight. You fight the urge to break out in tears. But let it out; it’s freedom.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Hello.
{He acknowledged us!}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] What is opportunity? Well, Webster’s dictionary defines opportunity as {finger quotes}[/color] “a situation or condition favorable for attainment of a goal”.
{Actually it was dictionary.com. And the second definition.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] But truly ask yourselves; what is opportunity? I mean really? What do you think opportunity is?
{He pauses, in turn making us feel horrible about ourselves for not answering such a charming man.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] As I see it, an opportunity is not what you receive but what you give back.
{That’s incredibly vague and random but because it was originally brought up in the form of a question it’s DEEP and THOUGHT PROVOKING.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] That’s what this is. In fact, that’s what my life is; giving back to the less fortunate.
{On cue the United Way logo flashes across the screen.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] In this case it’d simply be giving a match to someone who otherwise would be buried in the WFWF, ignored and most likely forgotten. In an industry built around back stabbing and deceit is this the most selfless act ever seen in the history of the WFWF?
{It is, yes.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] It’s really not mine to say. See, I don’t do it for the recognition. I’m not about that, man.
{At this point EBR’s passionate delivery begins to give us goose bumps. We’ll watch this again afterwards because of how memorable it will be. Historic moment.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] It’s about looking at a fellow wrestler and saying that dammit, I respect him! I respect him for what he does! I want him to achieve everything I’ve ever achieved! This is my version of Santa Claus, man!
{He begins to calm himself down pretty easily, before he continues.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So I asked myself; “who needs this opportunity the most?”. The answer came to me pretty quickly. It’s a man who with enough tinkering and improvement could rise above from his otherwise futile career and become a poor man’s Obo. For the record, Obo is an exceptional wrestler so that’s actually a compliment to both men.
{Loving that class, E.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So the man who will be appearing on the second “Land of Opportunity” is none other then Jack Slash. Now, have I followed his career? No, I have not. And why is that? Because for months Jeb Slash was forced to compete in the minor league House Shows, starving for food and made to hit other men with silly weapons and gadgets. It’s really unfair.
{And silly.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] I’m sure John Slash is a rather intelligent young man who is a valuable member of our society, yet typecasting has lead to him only being seen as some guy who loves pain and has several nicknames about him being “hardcore” in one way or another. But you see, Joe Slash and I actually have a lot in common.
{He begins to hit his fingers as if going through a list.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] For starters we’re both wrestlers. We both won titles at Superbrawl. Our names both have vowels in them. As you can see we’re cut from the same cloth, and I consider it nothing short of an honor to face a man the level of Jay Slash. I have never seen a man work has hard as Jeff Slash does to win a quarter of his matches. If every man had the work ethic and dedication of Jeremy Slash than the WFWF would truly be a better place.
{To give his message more intensity and credibility he points with his index finger. It works, by the way. Definitely more intrigued.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Jamal Slash, I want you to beat me on Loaded. I want you to prove that you’re exactly what I say you could be. And then, I want to defend my title against you. And then? I want you to beat me for the Heavyweight Championship. Why? Because you’re Josh Slash, and you deserve it. Now, will that happen? I can’t tell you. I’m not a psychic. But hopefully you take full advantage of what I’m giving you, and hopefully you don’t just treat this or me like you’d treat anybody else. You know, claiming that you’re going to “kick my ass” and “destroy me”, stuff like that. After all, that’d make you look like a pretty big jerk to be disrespecting some guy who’s giving you the biggest break of your career. It’d probably just make me more likeable. Yeah, that’s probably what would happen.
{And then his likeability will be too much for the average man to handle.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Now, I wish I could just talk about Jim Slash, but as per usual, with every great idea comes the second rate knock offs. And no, not a comparison between myself and CBT – rest in peace, kid – but with Thunder and his little idea to start his own “Land of Cloudy Days” or whatever name he’s choosing to call it. See, Thunder thinks it’d be cute for him to start mocking me and my great deed to the general public within the WFWF. He’s a very bitter man.
{Grow up, Thunder.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] And you know, if you want to disrespect me then fine. That’s your deal. But to begin to disrespect the members of the WFWF who can’t defend themselves? That’s low, even for some one who throws Yukio Blaze several feet onto concrete. See, all you’re showing is that you’re missing the point. The “Land of Opportunity” isn’t about me; it’s about attempting to elevate my opponent. But now you make it so that you’re facing two men? If they beat you then big deal; they won a handicap match that logic would say they’re supposed to win. Yet if they lose they’re the guys who couldn’t beat one guy.
{Thunder knows a thing or two about that.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So you’re elevating them how, exactly? Oh right, you’re not because you’re stupid and you don’t get it.
{Thunder’s a jerk.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Luckily I’ve come up with a viable solution to this entire mess; everyone in attendance turns around and everyone at home turns off their television. If no one sees it then did it really happen?
{If a tree falls in a forest and no one’s around . . .}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Now, I apologize to Jermichael Slash. Believe me; my idea of fun is not talking about some guy no one cares about.
{Thunder? Wasn’t he that guy EBR beat at Superbrawl V?}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] I wish you all the luck in the world, Javier Slash. Fly . . . fly to greatness. Fly so very high. Fly in the air like this flag behind me.
{Metaphorical object!}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Fly to immortality . . . like I’ve done . . . twice.
{The chills run up our spine as EBR closes his eyes. We feel inspired and better about ourselves.
. . . God bless EBR . . .}[/color]
out.