Post by Swarm on Feb 15, 2008 19:51:02 GMT -5
Well...
I mean, I guess it wasn't bad and was written pretty well, but like, the entire thing had nothing to do with the main event of SuperBrawl except for like, half a page of dialogue. I'm not going to judge the actual RP as a piece of writing on that, but I feel like you basically made the WFWF, SuperBrawl, and WFWF Title seem, more or less, worthless to your character. Like, he says that it's crucial and cuts this big promo, but then goes out knowing his plan could end up getting him killed. So what's more important; Him getting revenge on the blackmailer or the WFWF Title? Well, one got half a page of text and the other was essentially the entire RP.
As for the RP itself, I thought it was pretty good. Tough to tell you the truth, at certain points it felt less like a thriller and more like one of those comedies where there's multiple plots going on at once, that all converge at the end to the same point. It was like Super Bad, but with cops. Actually, it was exactly like Super Bad. But seriously, it was pretty well written but I feel like some stuff wasn't really explained well enough. Ala, Steve driving past Michael's house. You gotta think about like, what street does Michael's house reside on, what highway is it near, etc... That information makes explaining things a little easier for the writer to lead, and a little easier for the reader to follow as well. I also, personally speaking, don't really like how it's formatted. It looks like you're going for a more novel-like approach rather than the traditional script-like approach, but just because everything bold doesn't mean anything specifically stands out. I'm not really sure, with the structure you use, how I'd make things more readable, but I'm sure there's a way to do it okay.
So yeah, not bad but, I dunno man, I feel like an RP about a character competing in an e-fed, especially at the main event for their biggest title on the biggest show, should probably have some aspect of his life be defined by that said e-fed. It seems almost like an afterthought here.
I mean, I guess it wasn't bad and was written pretty well, but like, the entire thing had nothing to do with the main event of SuperBrawl except for like, half a page of dialogue. I'm not going to judge the actual RP as a piece of writing on that, but I feel like you basically made the WFWF, SuperBrawl, and WFWF Title seem, more or less, worthless to your character. Like, he says that it's crucial and cuts this big promo, but then goes out knowing his plan could end up getting him killed. So what's more important; Him getting revenge on the blackmailer or the WFWF Title? Well, one got half a page of text and the other was essentially the entire RP.
As for the RP itself, I thought it was pretty good. Tough to tell you the truth, at certain points it felt less like a thriller and more like one of those comedies where there's multiple plots going on at once, that all converge at the end to the same point. It was like Super Bad, but with cops. Actually, it was exactly like Super Bad. But seriously, it was pretty well written but I feel like some stuff wasn't really explained well enough. Ala, Steve driving past Michael's house. You gotta think about like, what street does Michael's house reside on, what highway is it near, etc... That information makes explaining things a little easier for the writer to lead, and a little easier for the reader to follow as well. I also, personally speaking, don't really like how it's formatted. It looks like you're going for a more novel-like approach rather than the traditional script-like approach, but just because everything bold doesn't mean anything specifically stands out. I'm not really sure, with the structure you use, how I'd make things more readable, but I'm sure there's a way to do it okay.
So yeah, not bad but, I dunno man, I feel like an RP about a character competing in an e-fed, especially at the main event for their biggest title on the biggest show, should probably have some aspect of his life be defined by that said e-fed. It seems almost like an afterthought here.
