Post by dustinrenegade on Feb 13, 2008 8:48:19 GMT -5
My misery has become unbearable, just the thought of other people disgust me. There is no one out there to help me and now the thought of suicide has become a pure lust. The sweet seduction of my blood leaving my body until my life pours from me.
It's disgusting to know that I lost to that has been known as wez because of the sickeningly bad JUBA, its just the stupidest thing ever, Wez can't win with outside interference with no payment for it...and JUBA will not suffer his consequences either...its just digesting how these people can get away with that crap...I know why its so also...because they're "oldies", and me...the future apparently means nothing. They are looking at the next Champ and don't even care...its sickening.
My problems all started when my mom died...then everything has gone downhill, then everything my life has just went into a whirling pool of nothing
I sit alone, like I have for to many days to count. This empty kitchen, I thirst but there is nothing to drink, I hunger but there is nothing to eat, there is no light, no electricity, just me and this empty house. I look around me at the white refrigerator, white cabinets with painted green leaves on them, the black and white stove with empty pots just piling up. As much as I desire interaction I must fight it off.
The sound of a knock at the door distracts me from looking at the nothing in this empty kitchen. I walk into the living room and open the door wondering who could possibly want to see me? As the door opens and the light comes through into the darkened house. It is my brother two years younger than me I over tower him because he only stands at 5 '10" he's also very skinny and he's wearing his work clothes I can tell, the shirt I bought him for his birthday last year...the red lynard skynard shirt...he's the only family I have left, I hadn't seen him since our mothers funeral and even then I didn't talk to him.
He says, "Vinson, where have you been?"
I respond, "Here letting the darkness suck the life out of me...come in."
We walk in and he goes to flip the switch on the wall...nothing...
"Eddie I haven't payed any bills..."
"I know...I payed your house payment..."
"You know that you don't need to do that, I can fend for myself."
"Apparently you can't...I've seen you go down hill for to long...right after mom died, and I don't even know how your surviving here."
I start pacing around
"Look man, I can handle things myself I'm a grown man, I have a job, I just have no purpose left, and why should I give those bastards money I have earned for something I should be entitled to?"
"Vinson thats how things work, you can't just give up on everything, whether or not you like it or not you have to pay for things, you need to grow up and do what needs to be done!"
I grab him by his shirt collar and raise my fist to hit him...I let him go, I should not grab my family in such a way...
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! NOW!"
he walks towards the door opens it and as he walks away the last thing I hear him say is "Vinson I love you, even if you don't love me...you're my brother"
I sit down on my couch and stare at the ground with my mouth covered by my hands...I sit there for a long time just to calm myself down as the I let my self sink in a train of thought then one that I never thought I would think of came to my head. I get up walk to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror...
"look at you...you sick freak...you nearly hit your own brother someone who cares for you...I hate you...I wish you'd die just like you should..."
I shatter the mirror with fist, I cut my right hand bad...between my middle and index finger all the way to my wrist...I can see the inside of my hand while the blood pours out like a fountain...I push the shattered glass onto the ground in anger of my pain...in a sick moment I find it in the strange part of my soul...that I like it...I fall down and smack the floor with my head...I was nearly sure that I was knocked out, everything was black for nearly 3 seconds but seemed like 3 hours...
I get down on my hands and knees and grab one of the shattered pieces of glass...it was about 4 inches long and 3 inches thick...it was cut sharp...I even checked, I felt of it with my finger and a shock of pain alarmed with that it had cut me...
I look at it for a long time then put it to my wrist and briskly cut at it like I was cutting down a tree...4 clean cuts...bleeding heavly...my whole arm was covered in blood along with the puddle below it...
As I sit my Vision goes blurry, I stand up and start walking everything in a haze, I keep hitting into walls and can't keep my balance. Then it happens, I fall. I lay there unable to move and I can feel my self going cold. I look all around where I can and I can truly see is the bottom of this white wall and this blue carpet. I feel my self gradually slipping from my own grasp as everything goes black.
Then suddenly I come upon a light, a very bright light shining in my face, it seemed to cure everything wrong with me and I was wearing all white cloths...I stood up and ran at the light and when I got so far a voice stopped me...
"Vinson it is not your time, make things right."
Then suddenly I wake up on the floor in the bathroom, my hand is cut but not my wrist and my head is in massive pain, I was knocked out when I fell down...now that I think about it...theres no way I'm gonna let those bastards get a better chance at the title that will be mine...and I need to make her proud up there and no one else matters...
It's disgusting to know that I lost to that has been known as wez because of the sickeningly bad JUBA, its just the stupidest thing ever, Wez can't win with outside interference with no payment for it...and JUBA will not suffer his consequences either...its just digesting how these people can get away with that crap...I know why its so also...because they're "oldies", and me...the future apparently means nothing. They are looking at the next Champ and don't even care...its sickening.
My problems all started when my mom died...then everything has gone downhill, then everything my life has just went into a whirling pool of nothing
I sit alone, like I have for to many days to count. This empty kitchen, I thirst but there is nothing to drink, I hunger but there is nothing to eat, there is no light, no electricity, just me and this empty house. I look around me at the white refrigerator, white cabinets with painted green leaves on them, the black and white stove with empty pots just piling up. As much as I desire interaction I must fight it off.
The sound of a knock at the door distracts me from looking at the nothing in this empty kitchen. I walk into the living room and open the door wondering who could possibly want to see me? As the door opens and the light comes through into the darkened house. It is my brother two years younger than me I over tower him because he only stands at 5 '10" he's also very skinny and he's wearing his work clothes I can tell, the shirt I bought him for his birthday last year...the red lynard skynard shirt...he's the only family I have left, I hadn't seen him since our mothers funeral and even then I didn't talk to him.
He says, "Vinson, where have you been?"
I respond, "Here letting the darkness suck the life out of me...come in."
We walk in and he goes to flip the switch on the wall...nothing...
"Eddie I haven't payed any bills..."
"I know...I payed your house payment..."
"You know that you don't need to do that, I can fend for myself."
"Apparently you can't...I've seen you go down hill for to long...right after mom died, and I don't even know how your surviving here."
I start pacing around
"Look man, I can handle things myself I'm a grown man, I have a job, I just have no purpose left, and why should I give those bastards money I have earned for something I should be entitled to?"
"Vinson thats how things work, you can't just give up on everything, whether or not you like it or not you have to pay for things, you need to grow up and do what needs to be done!"
I grab him by his shirt collar and raise my fist to hit him...I let him go, I should not grab my family in such a way...
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! NOW!"
he walks towards the door opens it and as he walks away the last thing I hear him say is "Vinson I love you, even if you don't love me...you're my brother"
I sit down on my couch and stare at the ground with my mouth covered by my hands...I sit there for a long time just to calm myself down as the I let my self sink in a train of thought then one that I never thought I would think of came to my head. I get up walk to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror...
"look at you...you sick freak...you nearly hit your own brother someone who cares for you...I hate you...I wish you'd die just like you should..."
I shatter the mirror with fist, I cut my right hand bad...between my middle and index finger all the way to my wrist...I can see the inside of my hand while the blood pours out like a fountain...I push the shattered glass onto the ground in anger of my pain...in a sick moment I find it in the strange part of my soul...that I like it...I fall down and smack the floor with my head...I was nearly sure that I was knocked out, everything was black for nearly 3 seconds but seemed like 3 hours...
I get down on my hands and knees and grab one of the shattered pieces of glass...it was about 4 inches long and 3 inches thick...it was cut sharp...I even checked, I felt of it with my finger and a shock of pain alarmed with that it had cut me...
I look at it for a long time then put it to my wrist and briskly cut at it like I was cutting down a tree...4 clean cuts...bleeding heavly...my whole arm was covered in blood along with the puddle below it...
As I sit my Vision goes blurry, I stand up and start walking everything in a haze, I keep hitting into walls and can't keep my balance. Then it happens, I fall. I lay there unable to move and I can feel my self going cold. I look all around where I can and I can truly see is the bottom of this white wall and this blue carpet. I feel my self gradually slipping from my own grasp as everything goes black.
Then suddenly I come upon a light, a very bright light shining in my face, it seemed to cure everything wrong with me and I was wearing all white cloths...I stood up and ran at the light and when I got so far a voice stopped me...
"Vinson it is not your time, make things right."
Then suddenly I wake up on the floor in the bathroom, my hand is cut but not my wrist and my head is in massive pain, I was knocked out when I fell down...now that I think about it...theres no way I'm gonna let those bastards get a better chance at the title that will be mine...and I need to make her proud up there and no one else matters...
