Post by Kurt Burton: Script Doctor! on Dec 23, 2007 15:45:53 GMT -5
At times I wonder why I continue to work here. My email and voicemail are completely innundated with offers from other federations. GWC, NWF, PTW, IWC, etc etc. I mean, lets face facts here. Wherever I go, I would probably make the same ammount of money, but I wouldn't have to deal with aall the nimrods and douchebags that I have to around here.
Let me begin with the Chemical Reaction. Two punks, who have been here for months, struggling to scrape by on their meager talents, and even more meager brains, finally get to Loaded. They have made it to the big time. But who was responsible for that. Masybe it was Wayne McGurk, who pulled them out of that cesspool Yukio Blaze calls a developmental spot, and how do they repay him. The tar and feather him, dress up like us, say he has no penis, say his wife is a man, and then dump more crap on us. Now, I said before that they had little pea brains, but honestly, what kind of an idiot attacks and assaults the man who gave them their break?
Laugh all you want, little boys. You're time is comingMaybe it was a mistake to bring you up here, but it is a mistake that will soon be rectified. Pretty soon, it will be SuperBrawl, and much like my opponents from last year, you will disappear afterwards, too ashamed to show your faces.
All too many times I have seen people coming up in this place, trying to steal the flavor that their opponents use (hmm), and all too often I have seen them crash and burn. So boys, if you want to continue trying to be a second rate Axis, but only coming up with third rate knockoffs, you can screw around till your hearts are content.
Let me move on, as we have weeks left to settle this issue. I have a million things on my mind right now, but I have to focus on the task ahead of me. Three men, two of whom I cannot escape.
Obo and EBR. Jesus Christ in a handbag, I am facing you two again. Does Wayne hate me? Honestly. It doesn't matter what I do. I outshine Obo so brightly, yet he gets lucky with a kick in my mush, and pulls out the win. We fight to a draw, due to the fact that there was a time limit in the match with no rules, which in itself is a rule. It seems that even though, hands down everyone seems to think that my victory was asured, you have weaseled your little gapped bunghole out of your loss.
Never have I found a situation more puzzling and disturbing than my win loss record against you. You are a psychotic lunatic, saying that you have half a brain is an absurdly vast overstatement, and you're style is straight out of a redneck's backyard. You don't deserve to be here. You deserve to be behind bars, or bouncing around on your little trampoline ring, dreaming of the success that a true athelete such as myself deserves. But instead, you are here, annoying the snot out of me. Bitcxhing and moaning like a pre-menstrual whore. Oh wait, I forgot, it's that time of the month
EBR, what are you doing with this stupid ass. You should be ruling this organization with an iron fist, not hanging around a Syphallitic psycho like Obo. Are you that scared of us EBR? That you have to turn and align yourself with a man like Obo, to give yourself the illusion of control. You are one of the greatest athletes to ever grace our ring. Yet, you associate with a man who cannot go back to a family reunion, too many outstanding warrants. I don't get you. I probably never will. I know that you are a cold calculating man, who shows no sign of regard for others, and thus I know you are using Obo on your path to the World title. But I also know that Obo is an idiotic attention seeker who has a tendancy to self destruct. It doesn't matter if its a police light or a spot light, as long as he has the attention he's happy. And so he's liable to snap and turn on you in an instant.
Several times I have seen people try to leash a tiger, only to find there insides on the outside. EBR, that will be you. You must know that, deep down, Obo will betray you. He will feed you to the wolves, and laugh in glee as they devour every limb. Be careful, trick him, string him along as long as you need to, but get rid of him before he drags you down with him.
Here I am though, complaining, during Christmas, and I almost forgot about the blessings that I have been given. The Axis is FINALLY united in a match. Sadly, Possessed Child is in Japan, where he is a giant among men. Seriously, it's like watching Godzilla walk down the streets of Tokyo. But I am finally side by side with both of my brothers in arms. And I have a new opponent.
Even though he seems to fall in with the wrong crowd, I am glad to be facing Deville. Number one, because if we win this week, I get to say "I'm ready for my close up Mr. Deville." Hah! I love plays on names. But in addition to that wonderfully cheesy line, it will be a chance to view the next generation. But are you the choice of the Next Generation, or merely a reflection of the past. Men like you have come here before Deville, risen quickly, gaining acceptance, and then, before you know it, they are gone, with out a trace. And then Andy Garcia freaks out, and leads a team of investigators to find them. But they are never found, men like Josh Dean.
But I do have to give you one thing, Deville, you are smart. You chose as your allies two former World Champs. Although if you were really as smart as you think, you would have allied yourself with us. You seem like a fun guy, stealing your most hated rivals wife, using her to lure him out of retirement, I would have had a lot of fun DDing for you. But here we are, facing off, because you don't like us. But we like you. And we'll show you our affection with presents. Acid Crunches, Blister City Slams, Chopping Blocks. You ain't gonna have a bigger Christmas than this.
Let me tell you a little secret. I know what you are doing. I know you are better than your position. You hold the second most worthless title ever created, and you want to propel yourself out of your situation. I get that. SO you join up with EBR and Obo, slide into their jet stream, and use their momentum to throw you over the top. I applaud you, and I wish you well. Just remember to toss Obo out like the bloody used tampon that he is.
Even though I do understand what you are doing and why, don't expect me to lay down like some punk bitch. See, you have a history revisionist in your ranks, who likes to live in his own world, and spout off his own version of events. I can't figure out if it's because he doesn't have enough brain cells to retain information, or if his mind really is just so small he cannot comprehend the events around him, I am not the **** punk he makes me out to be.
Don't take his word on anything. Be it his little alliance with Kyzer, that never happened, or the fact that EBR took out CBT. I watched that match. It was amazing. Especially how me and Wayne sat outside the ring, eating popcorn, while EBR did both of our finishers, and actually pulled off doing the Chopping Block all by himself. And then he left, but it wasn't over for CBT. Oh no. Because then a unicorn came into the ring, and grazed on CBT's tights, as little munchkins from the Wizard of Oz came out and danced an irish jig.
Totally Awesome.
Obo, seriously, why do you try to give everyone this false impression that the Axis has never accomplished anything. We were the ones who ridded this place of the boil known as Tha CBT. I took out Trent Draven, leading up to SUperBrawl 4. I remember it very distinctly. I had him in the Feedback, Drakz had bashed him in the face with my lead pipe, and I heard him choke on his own blood, it was the coolest sound I have ever heard. I also took out Justin Tyger, Justin Tyme, Skyler Striker, Kid Spandex, the Black Ninja, Joe Kessen, and for a short period of time, Calvin Lee.
Don't go underestimating your opponents, and spreading falsehoods. I know, I walked down that path. It gives you nothing but broken pride and broken bones. I mean, honestly, don't you know better by now? After you spent all that time, saying Thunder doesn't matter, and he took everything you had, including your cronies interference, and he still beat you. I watched that match. I remember volunteering to help Thunder out, saying I could come up from under the mat, but he told me no, I have to do this on my own. And he did. And now you are left with nothing, which is what you are, nothing.
Even with your delusions that you are more than that hobo from a couple years ago, even with the delusion that you are the harbinger of the Apocalypse, you must realize that you are never going to take us down. In a company where allainces are formed and die within spans of months, the Axis has been here since the Regime. Though the name has changed three times, we stand strong and proud, the single most destructive, cohesive and generally amazing faction in the history of the WFWF. Well, maybe the Annointed could top us, but it would probably be a damn close race.
And even though, you don't give us the credit that is due, you do have to recognize, we are more than the punk bitches you make us out to be. Ask EBR, he at least gives the devil his due. ANd that is one person you don't want to short, the devil. Mess with the devil, you get the horns.
That just about brings my rant of the week to an end. What? There's a huge void left by CBT, and someone has got to fill it. At least I am coherent and make sense. So before I exit, I want to announce this week on Loaded, the rebirth of Metal Mayhem. You know you love it. And next week on Loaded, Kurt Burton, facing someone he hasn't faced a million times before. And so I leave you with a song. Sung by the Axis choir.
Happy Holidays!!!! Bitches.
The opening bars of the twelve days of Christmas play, as a choir breaks out into glorious song.
Since its formation, the Axis gave to us.
A World title that we took from Obo...
Since its formation, the Axis gave to us...
2 International Champions
And a World title that we took from Obo...
Since its formation, the Axis gave to us...
3 Main Events
2 International Champions
And a World title that we took from Obo...
Since its formation, the Axis gave to us...
4 Tag team titles
3 Main Events
2 International Champions
And a World title that we took from Obo...
Since its formation, the Axis gave to us...
5 CAREERS ENDED
4 Tag team titles
3 Main Events
2 International Champions
And a World title that we took from Obo...
OK... skip to the good part.
Since its formation, the Axis gave to us...
12 skulls cracking
11 bones breaking
10 tooths a-flying
9 muscles tearing
8 women flashing
7 lead pipes smackings
6 bitch slaps sounding
5 CAREERS ENDED
4 Tag team titles
3 Main Events
2 International Champions
And a World title that we took from Obo!
Let me begin with the Chemical Reaction. Two punks, who have been here for months, struggling to scrape by on their meager talents, and even more meager brains, finally get to Loaded. They have made it to the big time. But who was responsible for that. Masybe it was Wayne McGurk, who pulled them out of that cesspool Yukio Blaze calls a developmental spot, and how do they repay him. The tar and feather him, dress up like us, say he has no penis, say his wife is a man, and then dump more crap on us. Now, I said before that they had little pea brains, but honestly, what kind of an idiot attacks and assaults the man who gave them their break?
Laugh all you want, little boys. You're time is comingMaybe it was a mistake to bring you up here, but it is a mistake that will soon be rectified. Pretty soon, it will be SuperBrawl, and much like my opponents from last year, you will disappear afterwards, too ashamed to show your faces.
All too many times I have seen people coming up in this place, trying to steal the flavor that their opponents use (hmm), and all too often I have seen them crash and burn. So boys, if you want to continue trying to be a second rate Axis, but only coming up with third rate knockoffs, you can screw around till your hearts are content.
Let me move on, as we have weeks left to settle this issue. I have a million things on my mind right now, but I have to focus on the task ahead of me. Three men, two of whom I cannot escape.
Obo and EBR. Jesus Christ in a handbag, I am facing you two again. Does Wayne hate me? Honestly. It doesn't matter what I do. I outshine Obo so brightly, yet he gets lucky with a kick in my mush, and pulls out the win. We fight to a draw, due to the fact that there was a time limit in the match with no rules, which in itself is a rule. It seems that even though, hands down everyone seems to think that my victory was asured, you have weaseled your little gapped bunghole out of your loss.
Never have I found a situation more puzzling and disturbing than my win loss record against you. You are a psychotic lunatic, saying that you have half a brain is an absurdly vast overstatement, and you're style is straight out of a redneck's backyard. You don't deserve to be here. You deserve to be behind bars, or bouncing around on your little trampoline ring, dreaming of the success that a true athelete such as myself deserves. But instead, you are here, annoying the snot out of me. Bitcxhing and moaning like a pre-menstrual whore. Oh wait, I forgot, it's that time of the month
EBR, what are you doing with this stupid ass. You should be ruling this organization with an iron fist, not hanging around a Syphallitic psycho like Obo. Are you that scared of us EBR? That you have to turn and align yourself with a man like Obo, to give yourself the illusion of control. You are one of the greatest athletes to ever grace our ring. Yet, you associate with a man who cannot go back to a family reunion, too many outstanding warrants. I don't get you. I probably never will. I know that you are a cold calculating man, who shows no sign of regard for others, and thus I know you are using Obo on your path to the World title. But I also know that Obo is an idiotic attention seeker who has a tendancy to self destruct. It doesn't matter if its a police light or a spot light, as long as he has the attention he's happy. And so he's liable to snap and turn on you in an instant.
Several times I have seen people try to leash a tiger, only to find there insides on the outside. EBR, that will be you. You must know that, deep down, Obo will betray you. He will feed you to the wolves, and laugh in glee as they devour every limb. Be careful, trick him, string him along as long as you need to, but get rid of him before he drags you down with him.
Here I am though, complaining, during Christmas, and I almost forgot about the blessings that I have been given. The Axis is FINALLY united in a match. Sadly, Possessed Child is in Japan, where he is a giant among men. Seriously, it's like watching Godzilla walk down the streets of Tokyo. But I am finally side by side with both of my brothers in arms. And I have a new opponent.
Even though he seems to fall in with the wrong crowd, I am glad to be facing Deville. Number one, because if we win this week, I get to say "I'm ready for my close up Mr. Deville." Hah! I love plays on names. But in addition to that wonderfully cheesy line, it will be a chance to view the next generation. But are you the choice of the Next Generation, or merely a reflection of the past. Men like you have come here before Deville, risen quickly, gaining acceptance, and then, before you know it, they are gone, with out a trace. And then Andy Garcia freaks out, and leads a team of investigators to find them. But they are never found, men like Josh Dean.
But I do have to give you one thing, Deville, you are smart. You chose as your allies two former World Champs. Although if you were really as smart as you think, you would have allied yourself with us. You seem like a fun guy, stealing your most hated rivals wife, using her to lure him out of retirement, I would have had a lot of fun DDing for you. But here we are, facing off, because you don't like us. But we like you. And we'll show you our affection with presents. Acid Crunches, Blister City Slams, Chopping Blocks. You ain't gonna have a bigger Christmas than this.
Let me tell you a little secret. I know what you are doing. I know you are better than your position. You hold the second most worthless title ever created, and you want to propel yourself out of your situation. I get that. SO you join up with EBR and Obo, slide into their jet stream, and use their momentum to throw you over the top. I applaud you, and I wish you well. Just remember to toss Obo out like the bloody used tampon that he is.
Even though I do understand what you are doing and why, don't expect me to lay down like some punk bitch. See, you have a history revisionist in your ranks, who likes to live in his own world, and spout off his own version of events. I can't figure out if it's because he doesn't have enough brain cells to retain information, or if his mind really is just so small he cannot comprehend the events around him, I am not the **** punk he makes me out to be.
Don't take his word on anything. Be it his little alliance with Kyzer, that never happened, or the fact that EBR took out CBT. I watched that match. It was amazing. Especially how me and Wayne sat outside the ring, eating popcorn, while EBR did both of our finishers, and actually pulled off doing the Chopping Block all by himself. And then he left, but it wasn't over for CBT. Oh no. Because then a unicorn came into the ring, and grazed on CBT's tights, as little munchkins from the Wizard of Oz came out and danced an irish jig.
Totally Awesome.
Obo, seriously, why do you try to give everyone this false impression that the Axis has never accomplished anything. We were the ones who ridded this place of the boil known as Tha CBT. I took out Trent Draven, leading up to SUperBrawl 4. I remember it very distinctly. I had him in the Feedback, Drakz had bashed him in the face with my lead pipe, and I heard him choke on his own blood, it was the coolest sound I have ever heard. I also took out Justin Tyger, Justin Tyme, Skyler Striker, Kid Spandex, the Black Ninja, Joe Kessen, and for a short period of time, Calvin Lee.
Don't go underestimating your opponents, and spreading falsehoods. I know, I walked down that path. It gives you nothing but broken pride and broken bones. I mean, honestly, don't you know better by now? After you spent all that time, saying Thunder doesn't matter, and he took everything you had, including your cronies interference, and he still beat you. I watched that match. I remember volunteering to help Thunder out, saying I could come up from under the mat, but he told me no, I have to do this on my own. And he did. And now you are left with nothing, which is what you are, nothing.
Even with your delusions that you are more than that hobo from a couple years ago, even with the delusion that you are the harbinger of the Apocalypse, you must realize that you are never going to take us down. In a company where allainces are formed and die within spans of months, the Axis has been here since the Regime. Though the name has changed three times, we stand strong and proud, the single most destructive, cohesive and generally amazing faction in the history of the WFWF. Well, maybe the Annointed could top us, but it would probably be a damn close race.
And even though, you don't give us the credit that is due, you do have to recognize, we are more than the punk bitches you make us out to be. Ask EBR, he at least gives the devil his due. ANd that is one person you don't want to short, the devil. Mess with the devil, you get the horns.
That just about brings my rant of the week to an end. What? There's a huge void left by CBT, and someone has got to fill it. At least I am coherent and make sense. So before I exit, I want to announce this week on Loaded, the rebirth of Metal Mayhem. You know you love it. And next week on Loaded, Kurt Burton, facing someone he hasn't faced a million times before. And so I leave you with a song. Sung by the Axis choir.
Happy Holidays!!!! Bitches.
The opening bars of the twelve days of Christmas play, as a choir breaks out into glorious song.
Since its formation, the Axis gave to us.
A World title that we took from Obo...
Since its formation, the Axis gave to us...
2 International Champions
And a World title that we took from Obo...
Since its formation, the Axis gave to us...
3 Main Events
2 International Champions
And a World title that we took from Obo...
Since its formation, the Axis gave to us...
4 Tag team titles
3 Main Events
2 International Champions
And a World title that we took from Obo...
Since its formation, the Axis gave to us...
5 CAREERS ENDED
4 Tag team titles
3 Main Events
2 International Champions
And a World title that we took from Obo...
OK... skip to the good part.
Since its formation, the Axis gave to us...
12 skulls cracking
11 bones breaking
10 tooths a-flying
9 muscles tearing
8 women flashing
7 lead pipes smackings
6 bitch slaps sounding
5 CAREERS ENDED
4 Tag team titles
3 Main Events
2 International Champions
And a World title that we took from Obo!
ing Hell...
