Post by Revvie® on Nov 13, 2007 14:23:57 GMT -5
"If we are so desperately dependent on our connection to other human beings, why are we plagued with the peculiar notion that we should be detached, aloof, dignified, and independent? Why does the modern ideal of self-sufficiency appeal to us so strongly?"
"Over 200 billion red blood cells a day die in the interest of keeping you alive. Do you anguish over their demise? Like those red corpuscles, you and I are cells in a social super organism whose maintenance and growth sometimes requires our pain or elimination, suppresses our individuality, and restricts our freedom. Why, then, is it of any value to us?"
__________
ooc: I think this turned out quite nicely. I may have missed some coding but i checked over it for spelling, typos, everthing. Its possible I missed some but it ought to be more then readable. I'm happy with this rp regardless, i felt the rhythm of it was solid and gave more where I wanted and sped up where it needed to.
of course I do have many critics lmao...jk
but comments and critism are always welcome.
Revvie
PS: Good luck to Kyzer.
-Howard Bloom, The Lucifer Principle
##=================##
Sometimes we see ourselves, but do we truly, see ourselves? I don’t pretend to know anymore, I don’t pretend the world makes sense anymore, maybe it never did. At best the world never truly was meant to make sense. I peer into the mirror daily and every day I fade a bit more but not into nothingness, into someone else, something else. But these thoughts will not be my downfall; my fading image will not be my downfall. I find comfort elsewhere now, I find myself kneeling before another and worshiping another. This world is but a world of false idols and false hope but if you are lucky enough to find real truth amidst all the ignorant ranting of old fools, then I congratulate you. I, I have found my salvation, I am his and soon, I will be more the even he could have imagined. I need only put my faith in him and give up my loathsome life of lies. This is my truth, do you know yours?
##=================##
The waves of sunshine crashed into my eyes, brushing the sand from them and setting free the lids. I had fallen asleep; insomnia had become a consistency in the last week, the only true consistency in my life at the moment. I rustled around for a bit before finally standing up, as per my new normality I was somewhere that bared no clues as to how I may have arrived, I had gotten use to this mystery in my life. The sun was just now coming up, my eyes wanted nothing to do with it but I forced them into submission and they gave way and truly opened. I’m sure most people would have looked for clues at that time to where they were but truly, why should I give a damn? Does it really matter; will it really change my mindset? The last week had been filled with hallucinations and what seemed to be the beginning of narcolepsy, in the same right I often thought I had to be sleep-walking but again, what did it matter?
I made my way down the empty morning streets of only God knows where. I figured quickly that it had to be a weekend, not much commuter traffic. As I loathsomely walked down that empty street, my mind gave way to ponderings that I was trying to put so hard out of my head. Ponderings of God, Faith, Messiah, and all that revolved around said issue, I despise my mind. What did life hold for me truly though? My father…gone, my sister…gone. I had given my life to a God that only took advantage of my faith and used me for his needs and thus I lost everything, for what, for him? I ran my hands across my head in a stressful motion, the red streaks of stress showing on it as I did so. I tried to calm myself as the pace of my walk picked up, the knowledge of where I was going lessened as the pace quickened.
Messiah, he saved me. No, he gave me something more then salvation, but what was it that he gave me? Was it merely that his presence/existence was intoxicating? I couldn’t be sure, never could be sure. I was reborn, given new life, that couldn’t have been for nothing! At least, I hoped it was not all for nothing. I quickly dropped that thought; I couldn’t handle such negativity right now, to much on the agenda as is. I felt the thud, it was small yet the residual effects were saddening, it had rattled me back into the world, the world I hated, the life I hated. I looked down and gazed upon young child, his eyes were wide with astonishment and grievance for I am sure he assumed I would blame him for the crash. His skateboard lie nearby, he must have been dreaming as I had, I could not let him feel such grievance over this minor accident. I pushed my hand out, palm open and ready to pull him to his feet. He noticed the gesture and quickly took it before I changed my mind and decided he was at fault. “Are you ok, you were unharmed?” My words were surprising even to me; I did not speak much any more.
His eyes softened as he reached his feet, his muscles relaxed and he soon was at peace with what had happened I always had that affect on people, I always assumed that it was just part of the job. “Yes, I uh-I am sorry. I guess I should have been paying more attention, just a lot on my mind lately.” His words were sincere despite his grungy appearance; he could have been but maybe 16 or 17. Jeans holey and torn, dirty and gritty and the shirt was of black and some sort of name on it which I quickly attributed to possibly be some band the kid may have enjoyed. Shoes were worn and hair was tossed about and quite messy looking. Style, I never understood it, it never really mattered to me. Then as I scanned over all this info, I realized what he said; it was of course another hazard of what was my line of work. His words were short but meant more due to the tone and the person from which they came.
“Well, since your up early, I am up early, and one would assume we both need food to survive,” lame jokes, I had a million of them and all were as tacky as the last, “why don’t we get a bite to eat and you can let go what is on your mind?” Yes, he opened the door, gave me an understanding that he wanted to talk and despite my new found loss of faith, I still did as I would have, I gave him the option of an open ear, I hate my humility.
He peered at me cautiously, unsure of his next move. I understood his apprehension and only stood their solemnly. I did not push further nor did I pull away till he had made his decision, I was always precise in my approach according to how I read the person. He nodded as he spoke his peace to me. “Yea, I mean sure we can, if your buying,” the tone in his voice was calm and his small raise of his tone at the end gave way to a grin on his face.
“I would be more then happy too, do you have a place in particular you wish to indulge your palette with?” He looked at me with a dumbly; I realize that I had slipped up in my words. “Do you have anywhere that you wish to eat at this morning?” He gave the face of understanding and his eyes spoke the simple words of why didn’t you just say that to begin with. I got that look a lot and catered to it every time.
##=================##
Is it Fate, is it Karma, or is it just dumb luck that leads in life? We walk around assuming we have options, assuming we have a purpose but with so many people, we can’t all truly have a purpose. No, instead only a select few will rise and most will fall beneath their feet and squirm around for the scraps. But, if you wish to, can you make some one into more then they are? Can you bring dominance in a mind where there was none? I guess it depends on the way and who or maybe in and of itself, it was fate. My Messiah made me, Kyzer made me, but was it intentional; was I truly an offspring that was meant to exist or was I merely to be aborted by him and discarded like the rest? The questions haunt me every time I look at myself. I can still see the scars of His salvation, I can see feel the blood rushing down my face and the pain that I felt that night, it’s always with me. But what haunts me, his image, also brings me comfort. This is my conflict, this is my savior, this is my faith, and this is my way to breathe again another day.
##=================##
Silence is the only thing the table held, save for the food but that was quickly disappearing with each breathe, literally. It seemed as if he had fore gone chewing and went right for swallowing. His breathing was only in short bursts between the heaving of spoons and forks loaded with pieces of nourishment. I didn’t eat; I felt no hunger for food anymore. Then, all of a sudden, he gazed up with a stunned look on his face, he must have been somewhat fearful of my self composure. “Please, eat as much as you like.”
“Aren’t you hungry, I mean,” his voice trailed off into the silence from whence it came. I thought on his question, maybe a bit more thought then was intended. Was I hungry and if I was, what was I hungry for? I was hungry, I realized quickly how cliché this sounded in my head but it was not like it mattered, my thoughts were mine alone. I wanted respect, I had respect though but not every ones, some still believed me to be a novice compared-compared to him.
“No, I am not currently hungry. As I said before, I hold no judgment over you eating, it is what I offered.” I kept my voice sincere, I also kept my mind on the fact that he had wanted to talk, I wondered if I could put up enough of a façade for him to think that I actually cared. Or maybe I did care; I couldn’t tell difference and could care less to ponder on it further.
The moments passed, the clock spun slowly, it had only been maybe 20 minutes, felt like an eternity, if one could assume they understood that concept. Finally, amidst the conversation of the many others that had flooded the café, his voice cracked open and the tone was of a confessional and I personally cared not for such tones, it made an individual seem weak to another individual, but I listened regardless. “My name is-my name is Michael.” The name, it figures, it never went far from me. I smiled with a grin of falsified concern and love and then realized he was waiting for an introduction from me.
“I am, Jason.” I kept it simple, no more Reverend and Shadow was always a stage name for WFWF. I thought of WFWF, where it all began, but only for a moment, the past did not need to be revisited, I had more then enough of that in my nightmares. “So, tell me Michael,” I pictured Kyzer in my head for a moment before shaking it off, “what seems to be bothering you?” I made my move, I wondered if it was the right time but it was too late to stop now. His face became uneasy, but I could see his eyes, they contained many of thoughts and were being sorted through as we sat there.
His lips fell open and a glaze encompassed his eyes, “My father, he-he passed away and-and I couldn’t take it, I ran off last night after the funeral.” The coincidences were getting ridiculous, I pinched myself, I felt nothing, no pain, no jolt, was I dreaming? Did it really matter if I was, I couldn’t tell anymore, everything felt surreal. I decided it best to just play along, it was better than my recent delusions.
“That can be rough, but do you really feel like leaving the rest of your family to deal with it alone was the right thing?”
His eyes turned to fountains and what sprang forth was only sorrow and sadness. “I-I have no other family!” It was an outburst and given the circumstance, it was much understood.
##=================##
Sometimes we see ourselves, but do we truly, see ourselves? I don’t pretend to know anymore, I don’t pretend the world makes sense anymore, maybe it never did. At best the world never truly was meant to make sense. I peer into the mirror daily and every day I fade a bit more but not into nothingness, into someone else, something else. But these thoughts will not be my downfall; my fading image will not be my downfall. I find comfort elsewhere now, I find myself kneeling before another and worshiping another. This world is but a world of false idols and false hope but if you are lucky enough to find real truth amidst all the ignorant ranting of old fools, then I congratulate you. I, I have found my salvation, I am his and soon, I will be more the even he could have imagined. I need only put my faith in him and give up my loathsome life of lies. This is my truth, do you know yours?
##=================##
The waves of sunshine crashed into my eyes, brushing the sand from them and setting free the lids. I had fallen asleep; insomnia had become a consistency in the last week, the only true consistency in my life at the moment. I rustled around for a bit before finally standing up, as per my new normality I was somewhere that bared no clues as to how I may have arrived, I had gotten use to this mystery in my life. The sun was just now coming up, my eyes wanted nothing to do with it but I forced them into submission and they gave way and truly opened. I’m sure most people would have looked for clues at that time to where they were but truly, why should I give a damn? Does it really matter; will it really change my mindset? The last week had been filled with hallucinations and what seemed to be the beginning of narcolepsy, in the same right I often thought I had to be sleep-walking but again, what did it matter?
I made my way down the empty morning streets of only God knows where. I figured quickly that it had to be a weekend, not much commuter traffic. As I loathsomely walked down that empty street, my mind gave way to ponderings that I was trying to put so hard out of my head. Ponderings of God, Faith, Messiah, and all that revolved around said issue, I despise my mind. What did life hold for me truly though? My father…gone, my sister…gone. I had given my life to a God that only took advantage of my faith and used me for his needs and thus I lost everything, for what, for him? I ran my hands across my head in a stressful motion, the red streaks of stress showing on it as I did so. I tried to calm myself as the pace of my walk picked up, the knowledge of where I was going lessened as the pace quickened.
Messiah, he saved me. No, he gave me something more then salvation, but what was it that he gave me? Was it merely that his presence/existence was intoxicating? I couldn’t be sure, never could be sure. I was reborn, given new life, that couldn’t have been for nothing! At least, I hoped it was not all for nothing. I quickly dropped that thought; I couldn’t handle such negativity right now, to much on the agenda as is. I felt the thud, it was small yet the residual effects were saddening, it had rattled me back into the world, the world I hated, the life I hated. I looked down and gazed upon young child, his eyes were wide with astonishment and grievance for I am sure he assumed I would blame him for the crash. His skateboard lie nearby, he must have been dreaming as I had, I could not let him feel such grievance over this minor accident. I pushed my hand out, palm open and ready to pull him to his feet. He noticed the gesture and quickly took it before I changed my mind and decided he was at fault. “Are you ok, you were unharmed?” My words were surprising even to me; I did not speak much any more.
His eyes softened as he reached his feet, his muscles relaxed and he soon was at peace with what had happened I always had that affect on people, I always assumed that it was just part of the job. “Yes, I uh-I am sorry. I guess I should have been paying more attention, just a lot on my mind lately.” His words were sincere despite his grungy appearance; he could have been but maybe 16 or 17. Jeans holey and torn, dirty and gritty and the shirt was of black and some sort of name on it which I quickly attributed to possibly be some band the kid may have enjoyed. Shoes were worn and hair was tossed about and quite messy looking. Style, I never understood it, it never really mattered to me. Then as I scanned over all this info, I realized what he said; it was of course another hazard of what was my line of work. His words were short but meant more due to the tone and the person from which they came.
“Well, since your up early, I am up early, and one would assume we both need food to survive,” lame jokes, I had a million of them and all were as tacky as the last, “why don’t we get a bite to eat and you can let go what is on your mind?” Yes, he opened the door, gave me an understanding that he wanted to talk and despite my new found loss of faith, I still did as I would have, I gave him the option of an open ear, I hate my humility.
He peered at me cautiously, unsure of his next move. I understood his apprehension and only stood their solemnly. I did not push further nor did I pull away till he had made his decision, I was always precise in my approach according to how I read the person. He nodded as he spoke his peace to me. “Yea, I mean sure we can, if your buying,” the tone in his voice was calm and his small raise of his tone at the end gave way to a grin on his face.
“I would be more then happy too, do you have a place in particular you wish to indulge your palette with?” He looked at me with a dumbly; I realize that I had slipped up in my words. “Do you have anywhere that you wish to eat at this morning?” He gave the face of understanding and his eyes spoke the simple words of why didn’t you just say that to begin with. I got that look a lot and catered to it every time.
##=================##
Is it Fate, is it Karma, or is it just dumb luck that leads in life? We walk around assuming we have options, assuming we have a purpose but with so many people, we can’t all truly have a purpose. No, instead only a select few will rise and most will fall beneath their feet and squirm around for the scraps. But, if you wish to, can you make some one into more then they are? Can you bring dominance in a mind where there was none? I guess it depends on the way and who or maybe in and of itself, it was fate. My Messiah made me, Kyzer made me, but was it intentional; was I truly an offspring that was meant to exist or was I merely to be aborted by him and discarded like the rest? The questions haunt me every time I look at myself. I can still see the scars of His salvation, I can see feel the blood rushing down my face and the pain that I felt that night, it’s always with me. But what haunts me, his image, also brings me comfort. This is my conflict, this is my savior, this is my faith, and this is my way to breathe again another day.
##=================##
Silence is the only thing the table held, save for the food but that was quickly disappearing with each breathe, literally. It seemed as if he had fore gone chewing and went right for swallowing. His breathing was only in short bursts between the heaving of spoons and forks loaded with pieces of nourishment. I didn’t eat; I felt no hunger for food anymore. Then, all of a sudden, he gazed up with a stunned look on his face, he must have been somewhat fearful of my self composure. “Please, eat as much as you like.”
“Aren’t you hungry, I mean,” his voice trailed off into the silence from whence it came. I thought on his question, maybe a bit more thought then was intended. Was I hungry and if I was, what was I hungry for? I was hungry, I realized quickly how cliché this sounded in my head but it was not like it mattered, my thoughts were mine alone. I wanted respect, I had respect though but not every ones, some still believed me to be a novice compared-compared to him.
“No, I am not currently hungry. As I said before, I hold no judgment over you eating, it is what I offered.” I kept my voice sincere, I also kept my mind on the fact that he had wanted to talk, I wondered if I could put up enough of a façade for him to think that I actually cared. Or maybe I did care; I couldn’t tell difference and could care less to ponder on it further.
The moments passed, the clock spun slowly, it had only been maybe 20 minutes, felt like an eternity, if one could assume they understood that concept. Finally, amidst the conversation of the many others that had flooded the café, his voice cracked open and the tone was of a confessional and I personally cared not for such tones, it made an individual seem weak to another individual, but I listened regardless. “My name is-my name is Michael.” The name, it figures, it never went far from me. I smiled with a grin of falsified concern and love and then realized he was waiting for an introduction from me.
“I am, Jason.” I kept it simple, no more Reverend and Shadow was always a stage name for WFWF. I thought of WFWF, where it all began, but only for a moment, the past did not need to be revisited, I had more then enough of that in my nightmares. “So, tell me Michael,” I pictured Kyzer in my head for a moment before shaking it off, “what seems to be bothering you?” I made my move, I wondered if it was the right time but it was too late to stop now. His face became uneasy, but I could see his eyes, they contained many of thoughts and were being sorted through as we sat there.
His lips fell open and a glaze encompassed his eyes, “My father, he-he passed away and-and I couldn’t take it, I ran off last night after the funeral.” The coincidences were getting ridiculous, I pinched myself, I felt nothing, no pain, no jolt, was I dreaming? Did it really matter if I was, I couldn’t tell anymore, everything felt surreal. I decided it best to just play along, it was better than my recent delusions.
“That can be rough, but do you really feel like leaving the rest of your family to deal with it alone was the right thing?”
His eyes turned to fountains and what sprang forth was only sorrow and sadness. “I-I have no other family!” It was an outburst and given the circumstance, it was much understood.
##=================##
"Over 200 billion red blood cells a day die in the interest of keeping you alive. Do you anguish over their demise? Like those red corpuscles, you and I are cells in a social super organism whose maintenance and growth sometimes requires our pain or elimination, suppresses our individuality, and restricts our freedom. Why, then, is it of any value to us?"
-Howard Bloom, The Lucifer Principle
##=================##
Necessary evil, its presence is known throughout history. Many of books have been spoken on it and many more have been written with it in mind. We all have our values and morals and we all understand this in different ways. Death, pestilence, starvation, and even prostitution have a purpose to someone and to everyone. Maybe it only gives us something to call evil but its existence is a needed one. Can we ever be sure what is right and wrong? And if not, can we still survive a world where the line is blurred? I would assume that no matter how far we come, perception will always be the biggest factor in our lives. I have come to except that with all greatness there is both life and death and in it, I will live forever.
##=================##
The rest of the meal had been in the quiet serenity that was the diner. Despite the crowd, the movement, the constant noise, we both basked in silence. His composure, movements, posture all began to mimic my own. I noticed this subtle change with much curiosity and confusion. I cocked my head sideways just a bit and as I did, so did he. I moved my arm, he did as well. “Why do you mimic me?”
“Why do you mimic me?” His voice was cold; his tone was on key with mine. A chill circled about my body in such a fashion that I had not felt for quite some time. He was mine to control. Control, it felt good, I could feel the exhilaration. I decided to try something new, something that I could not imagine working.
“Worship me.”
“We shall worship you forever and ever.” The room echoed around me, everyone sat as I did, everyone moved as I did, everyone was as I was. I felt a glow from my soul, it shown through my chest like a spotlight in the sky. I grab my chest, I tried to subdue the light but it would not go out, it was apart of me. I stood up and ran from the diner, as did the crowd, each movement, each panting, all were in unison with mine. Why would they not just leave me be! I don’t want this responsibility anymore!
I turned around and as I did they all stopped, the light was shining upon them. The glow from the light began to consume them one by one and became as they and they were as me. I felt a churning in my stomach and I spewed forth the essence of all those I had consumed. Gazing down upon the puddle of vomit I could see it now, really see it. The reflection was not of my own but was of him, Michael Kyzer….
..........The waves of sunshine crashed into my eyes, brushing the sand from them and setting free the lids.
##=================##
Fate, Faith, Truth, Karma, Good, and even Evil are just words. Sometimes we see them as they are and sometimes they become as another. Evil as Good, Karma as Fate, Faith as Truth, I guess we will really never know what any of it means. I use to think that God was my savior, my truth. Then upon realization by a terrible tragedy, I realized that it was not my truth it was my faith and faith alone which is fine for some. I use to think that Kyzer and Obo and everyone were “evil” but in a turn of events they are just human and human alone. Humanity is more important then false belief in the world around us. Then of course I use to believe that Karma is the reason everything kept happening to me. It wasn’t Karma, it is Fate.
Kyzer, you are my Goliath. You are the one who shines over me and the one who may have seemingly created me. I love what I have become and I thank you for that, but that’s where it ends. I have no faith in you, you are not truth, and you are my rival. The world will know us as bitter enemies and as polar opposites. But I know different and I think you do too. This is our end and it is our beginning, prepare for a new awakening…
Necessary evil, its presence is known throughout history. Many of books have been spoken on it and many more have been written with it in mind. We all have our values and morals and we all understand this in different ways. Death, pestilence, starvation, and even prostitution have a purpose to someone and to everyone. Maybe it only gives us something to call evil but its existence is a needed one. Can we ever be sure what is right and wrong? And if not, can we still survive a world where the line is blurred? I would assume that no matter how far we come, perception will always be the biggest factor in our lives. I have come to except that with all greatness there is both life and death and in it, I will live forever.
##=================##
The rest of the meal had been in the quiet serenity that was the diner. Despite the crowd, the movement, the constant noise, we both basked in silence. His composure, movements, posture all began to mimic my own. I noticed this subtle change with much curiosity and confusion. I cocked my head sideways just a bit and as I did, so did he. I moved my arm, he did as well. “Why do you mimic me?”
“Why do you mimic me?” His voice was cold; his tone was on key with mine. A chill circled about my body in such a fashion that I had not felt for quite some time. He was mine to control. Control, it felt good, I could feel the exhilaration. I decided to try something new, something that I could not imagine working.
“Worship me.”
“We shall worship you forever and ever.” The room echoed around me, everyone sat as I did, everyone moved as I did, everyone was as I was. I felt a glow from my soul, it shown through my chest like a spotlight in the sky. I grab my chest, I tried to subdue the light but it would not go out, it was apart of me. I stood up and ran from the diner, as did the crowd, each movement, each panting, all were in unison with mine. Why would they not just leave me be! I don’t want this responsibility anymore!
I turned around and as I did they all stopped, the light was shining upon them. The glow from the light began to consume them one by one and became as they and they were as me. I felt a churning in my stomach and I spewed forth the essence of all those I had consumed. Gazing down upon the puddle of vomit I could see it now, really see it. The reflection was not of my own but was of him, Michael Kyzer….
..........The waves of sunshine crashed into my eyes, brushing the sand from them and setting free the lids.
##=================##
Fate, Faith, Truth, Karma, Good, and even Evil are just words. Sometimes we see them as they are and sometimes they become as another. Evil as Good, Karma as Fate, Faith as Truth, I guess we will really never know what any of it means. I use to think that God was my savior, my truth. Then upon realization by a terrible tragedy, I realized that it was not my truth it was my faith and faith alone which is fine for some. I use to think that Kyzer and Obo and everyone were “evil” but in a turn of events they are just human and human alone. Humanity is more important then false belief in the world around us. Then of course I use to believe that Karma is the reason everything kept happening to me. It wasn’t Karma, it is Fate.
Kyzer, you are my Goliath. You are the one who shines over me and the one who may have seemingly created me. I love what I have become and I thank you for that, but that’s where it ends. I have no faith in you, you are not truth, and you are my rival. The world will know us as bitter enemies and as polar opposites. But I know different and I think you do too. This is our end and it is our beginning, prepare for a new awakening…
__________
ooc: I think this turned out quite nicely. I may have missed some coding but i checked over it for spelling, typos, everthing. Its possible I missed some but it ought to be more then readable. I'm happy with this rp regardless, i felt the rhythm of it was solid and gave more where I wanted and sped up where it needed to.
of course I do have many critics lmao...jk
but comments and critism are always welcome.
Revvie
PS: Good luck to Kyzer.
