Post by sonstuds on Nov 12, 2007 16:34:28 GMT -5
{The wheels lightly skid against the wet pavement as EBR slouches in the passenger’s seat. He looks out the window and makes an incredulous sigh. How much darker it seems in the few weeks before winter officially begins.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] You ever see “Click”?
{The question is asked as he continues his activity of staring through glass. His least favorite time of the week; the days he must reside in whatever city his job sends him. And of course, the list of people EBR knows and would willingly choose to hang out with is exclusive towards his current and former home towns. And when these shows aren’t located in Toronto, St. Louis, or Detroit he’s forced to stray himself into bars and clubs, alone and simply hoping to find someone who’ll at the very least offer to suck his cock by the night’s end. Maybe on the rare occasion he’ll contemplate being joined by his co-workers, but considering the general dislike on both sides it’s usually a thought with no reason to make it more than, just that, a thought. But a lack of ambition leaves him without the initiative to waste his time with a rent-a-car service, and thus he’s forced to ride with one of the two co-workers who, personalities aside, he likes enough not to stab in the throat with a sharp icicle that would melt and surely allow him to get away with man slaughter. Although, EBR does question his mental capacity several times for however long they’re around one another.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] Yeah, it’s a great movie. I liked the part where the dog humped the stuffed duck.
EBR:[/COLOR] That’s the problem with people like you.
Calvin Lee:[/color] People like me?
EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah, idiots; people who have no basic comprehension when they’re watching a movie. I mean, let’s be real here; “Click” is an Adam Sandler movie, and even though I only find him watchable when he’s chasing invisible penguins, I respect other people’s opinions enough to let it slide when they declare his movies funny. But “Click” is an entirely different story. Now he’s trying to keep his same brand of humor while also making a point. And what exactly is this point? “Live life to the fullest”? “It’s A Wonderful Life” made the same exact point, and better.
Calvin Lee:[/color] And “A Christmas Carol”.
EBR:[/COLOR] Exactly. Yet in “Click” they decide to have it both ways. He pulls down that hobbit’s pants and then runs out onto the street and dies while his family watches. Give me a break. And worst of all people buy into it and claim it has some {finger quotes}[/color] “deep” message.
Calvin Lee:[/color] You realize you’re analyzing a movie that involves him farting in David Hasselhoff’s face?
EBR:[/COLOR] That’s exactly my point. Let me ask you something. Did you laugh?
Calvin Lee:[/color] Multiple times.
EBR:[/COLOR] And then you went on to shed tears?
Calvin Lee:[/color] Two, three tops.
EBR:[/COLOR] And you never questioned why this movie would try and do both?
Calvin Lee:[/color] Several movies have involved elements of comedy and tragedy.
EBR:[/COLOR] Such as?
Calvin Lee:[/color] “Click”.
EBR:[/COLOR] God . . . you’re one of those movie goers.
Calvin Lee:[/color] What? It was funny and then sad. It makes for a good experience. You’ve suddenly created the rules of movie making? What’s acceptable and what’s not?
EBR:[/COLOR] I’m fine with combining the two genres. But I’m not gonna give credit to a movie that can barely do either, let alone both. Stanley Kubrick would be rolling around in his grave listening to you.
Calvin Lee:[/color] Who?
{Slowly, EBR looks at Calvin who stares at the road smiling.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah, you better be kidding.
{Predictably, EBR returns to his initial stance and gazes out the window as they continue driving. As per usual, ever since the infamous Forever Unscarred incident (or more specifically, the weeks leading up to) both are awkwardly silence towards one another, only sparingly engaging in a small talk conversation. It’s a shame. They used to be fairly good friends. And while EBR may forgive him it’ll always be in the back of his mind, and why shouldn’t it be? People often make the same mistakes.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So, what’s new with you?
Calvin Lee:[/color] Man, I met this girl the other week . . . I don’t want to jinx it or anything . . . keeping my fingers crossed . . .
{With his mouth slightly open and in a state of shock, EBR examines Calvin who’s subtly beaming with confidence while literally holding up his crossed fingers for view. EBR’s in awe at what he just heard, to the point he can’t even make a characteristic snide comment. The best he can do is intentionally cough and hope Calvin catches the design of the action. It only takes the passing of several seconds before EBR realizes he didn’t.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] You ever met a girl you thought might be the one?
EBR:[/COLOR] I’m not gay, so . . .
Calvin Lee:[/color] How does liking a girl make you gay?
{Clearly stuck in a corner he can’t possibly talk himself out of, he simply disacknowledges the previous statement and forgets it ever happened.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] If I ever had . . . ugh . . . martial thoughts about a girl I certainly wouldn’t bring it up to someone who could care less.
Calvin Lee:[/color] . . . Did you have to say it like that?
{Again, neither makes any notice or mention of the other’s existence as opposite headlights shine through the windshield, emitting light into the relatively dim lit car. Annoyingly EBR begins to tap his hand on the dashboard with the intention to frustrate. He watches as Calvin continues to drive, paying no mind to EBR. This only encourages and motives him, causing him to speed up and hit the dashboard harder, simply to cause an insignificant confrontation. Only after hitting it for several more seconds does EBR slowly stop, marginally disappointed in himself.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So did you have sex with her yet?
Calvin Lee:[/color] I don’t know, I don’t feel comfortable talking about it. It’s not really any of your business.
{His stern yet unpleasant delivery gives the question its indirect answer.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So I take you’re not interested in pussy chasing?
{Briefly looking over, Calvin shakes his head in discouragement.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] That’s kind of disrespectful.
{Away from Calvin and rolling his eyes, EBR struggles to reach into his pocket and roughly pulls out a cigarette. He places it in his mouth as Calvin again briefly observes before spotting his eyes back on the road.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] Please don’t smoke in here.
{Innocently, EBR rolls down the window.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] Seriously.
{EBR keeps the cigarette in his mouth, a symbol for Calvin’s ascension into the depths of becoming a pussy. He sighs as they continue to drive, both temporally mad at one another. As they near the parking lot Calvin’s “Land Down Under” ring-tone goes off. He quickly grasps for his phone and looks at the number before smiling at EBR.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] It’s her!
{He pulls the car over, only several feet away from pulling into the parking lot. EBR looks around as Calvin quickly answers his phone.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] Hi! What’s up?
{They’re literally seconds away from the parking lot. EBR remains silent, waiting for Calvin to call her back. Calvin should be ending this any minute. Of course, that minute never arrives, at least not in the designated time period EBR expects and hopes for.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] No, no . . . I’m not busy right now . . .
{Unbelievable. He’d be at home jacking off if EBR never asked him to come along. Fuck that it’s Calvin’s car. EBR turns to Calvin, flashing an irritable stare which goes either unnoticed or uncared for. As he opens his mouth Calvin holds up his finger, cutting him off before he can even say anything. The nerve.
It’s like a dagger through his skull. Offended, EBR unbuckles his seat belt and storms out of the car.}[/color]
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I can’t help but feel we’ve done this before. This is what? Nearly the fifth time we’ve faced? I can’t help but feel somewhere along the lines we’ve become one of those small, one-sided rivalries where only one person can possibly care.
Do I have any reason to really dislike you? Not really. You’ve never done anything to make me think “hey, that guy’s a real threat”. The most you’ve ever done is make fun of my name and pee on my Hall of Fame bust. Oh, the humanity! Ahahaha . . . but what happened when you faced Alex and I that week? Hrm . . . if I remember the Anointed were the last Tag Team Champions before the titles were brought back. Maybe you should spend more of your time getting better before finding things to urinate on. When the situation came for you to elevate yourself at someone else’s expense you laid an egg and just embarrassed yourself. Congratulations? Sorry, but after that I sort of took you everything you said with a grain of salt.
Truth be told you are talented. You get my respect for that much. But you talk a lot of shit for someone who’s done relatively nothing in the grand scheme of things. You may have won a few Tag Team Titles along the way, but as I’ve said in the past, so have I. The only difference is I won them years after being inducted into the Hall of Fame. Does that make me better than you? Yeah, probably.
Before you go around opening your mouth you should think before you speak. Avoid any future embarrassment, you know? You might beat me this week (but I say that lightly. I won’t be the one who loses for our team, I can assure you that much) but it would have taken four tries.
And you know, I’m not unbeatable. Your friend Thunder proved that. But let’s look at it this way. He didn’t go out and proclaim me a has-been and that the victory was awarded before the match even took place. Yet you’ve done that multiple times now and it’s never happened. Maybe before you claim your pre-match victories you should realize you’re possibly the weak link of the Axis.
I don’t know what you’re gonna say this week, if anything. If you don’t? Congratulations. It means you finally learned. But if history dictates anything it’s that you will. And if that’s the case you better win. Your credibility can’t take much more of a hit.
That said, I’d still take you over CBT.
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{He stands against a chain link fence which stands to the right of the parking lot, watching as various cars pull in. They should already be in the bar, much less the parking lot. He’ll get the occasional look from the driver or the passengers, sometimes both. He looks ridiculous, or at least assumes he does. Some guy just standing on borderline dead grass smoking a cigarette. Calvin’s a real classy guy to force someone into that situation. But of course, he can’t just go into the bar without him. That’d be inexplicably rude, and if he waits then maybe, just maybe, he’ll give Calvin a guilty conscience. After all, he has been talking on his phone to some girl he’s a virgin too for nearly twenty minutes, basically forcing EBR to stand outside. It’s wet. It could start raining at any second. Ungrateful piece of shit. The thought angers EBR the more he thinks about it. He’s stuck waiting; waiting for Calvin to grow male genitalia.
His right pocket begins to vibrate. It’s close to his balls and is a rather pleasant sensation, causing him to wonder how it feels for a woman when she’s using a vibrator. He hopes it’s better than a vibrating phone on his balls. While enjoyable it’s still particularly uneventful and boring. He procrastinates for several seconds before he looks at the caller ID. Smiling, EBR waits several more seconds before he answers it, as annoying as he can possibly fathom.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] ‘Yello.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Learn to pick up your fucking phone.
EBR:[/COLOR] {Tongue in cheek}[/color] And who might this be?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] You really are an asshole.
EBR:[/COLOR] I don’t know if I’d go that far . . .
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Yeah . . . ugh . . .
{Even on the phone EBR can picture Weinstein, the exact expression on his face; the look of irritation, the want to roll his eyes without ever actually rolling them. It’s hilarious to EBR. Maybe he is an asshole.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] You find me any work yet?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Why else would I call? Believe me; talking to you isn’t high on my priority list.
EBR:[/COLOR] Unless it involves work.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] {Mocking}[/color] “Duh . . . unless it involves work”. Do you always have to add your smart ass snarky comments?
EBR:[/COLOR] Sorry, didn’t mean to tick you off.
{He’s lying. That’s exactly what he wanted to do. The smile on his face gives it away. So much more entertaining to talk on the phone, when the person on the other end can’t see what you really mean.}[/color]
Robert Weinstein:[/color] I know you’re lying.
EBR:[/COLOR] . . . Really?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Tone. You try and lie on the phone yet you say everything with the same expression you normally would.
{With an agreeable and understanding nod E mouths the word “tone”. Live and let learn.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] But it does make me more interesting to talk to.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Except for the fact I’m talking to you.
EBR:[/COLOR] Ouch, I’m hurt.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Stop being a woman.
EBR:[/COLOR] I was being sarcastic.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Remember our last conversation about your bad execution of sarcasm? – And don’t even try and pass this off as you disguising your tone. I’m not buying that.
{His ammo taken away, EBR simply ignores the last comment.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So, this work you got me?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] You ever see those United Way commercials they play during sport broadcasts? You know, with athletes planting trees and Roy Williams pushing a bunch of kids on a never ending swing set?
EBR:[/COLOR] Uh oh . . .
Robert Weinstein:[/color] No, no. You’ll be filming one.
EBR:[/COLOR] Nice. How’d you pull that one off?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] You’re not a celebrity, so don’t start thinking it’s an ego boost. It’s not about “EBR wants you to help with the community”, it’s “this random guy wants you to help with the community”.
EBR:[/COLOR] Results are results, are they not? Besides, this way it just looks like I don’t want any name credit, like I’m actually doing it for the children, or whatever I’m advocating.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] However you want to spin it, that’s your deal.
EBR:[/COLOR] Hrm . . . and the money?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] You’re doing it for free. You love giving your time to the community.
EBR:[/COLOR] I do?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Yes, you want to spread the message that everyone should do the same.
EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah . . . yeah! Of course I do.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] If you want money you’d look like a prick. E, you’re not a prick are you?
EBR:[/COLOR] No. I’m a common man who loves to spend time in the community.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] There you go, that’s all you have to say. {Chuckling}[/color] And you think I never do anything for you . . .
EBR:[/COLOR] I’ve never said that . . .
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Sarcasm.
EBR:[/COLOR] Now who’s bad at being sarcastic?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] No, you’re just an idiot.
EBR:[/COLOR] Wait, that’s not fair. How come –
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Don’t worry about it. But F.Y.I – that’s “for your information”.
EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah, I know . . .
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Sarcastic?
EBR:[/COLOR] . . . No.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] . . . Ugh . . . anyways, F.Y.I, you’re gonna have to start actually doing things in your community.
EBR:[/COLOR] But I really don’t want to.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] That’s a shame. However, I’m not going to allow people to think I’m giving self indulging work to clients that have done jack shit to deserve it. Work at a damn soup kitchen, put a goofy smile on your face, and act like you give a rat’s ass, much like I do whenever you ask me for help.
{EBR remains silent.}[/color]
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Don’t sulk.
EBR:[/COLOR] Bah . . .
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Now, notwithstanding, I’m still trying to find you better things. I can’t help but feel you need me to hold your hand when you walk across the street.
EBR:[/COLOR] I do have a habit of screwing things up . . .
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Exactly, you’re like my puppet. I pull the strings and you dance.
EBR:[/COLOR] And then I get the credit.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] And then I get a cut of the profits.
EBR:[/COLOR] Which you got me.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] And we’re both happy.
{He nods, assuming Weinstein does the same.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Should I call you in a couple weeks or something?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Urgh . . . God no.
EBR:[/COLOR] . . . Did you have to say it like that?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Look, I have better things to take care of, get off the line.
EBR:[/COLOR] . . . You called me.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Okay, but – wait, if I have work for you why would you call me?
EBR:[/COLOR] I dunno, I was just offering to be nice?
{An exasperated sigh is heard.}[/color]
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Goodbye, E.
{Weinstein hangs up, leaving EBR to stand with is proverbial thumb up his ass. He looks back. Calvin’s still in the car. He really needs to grow a penis, hopefully sooner rather than later. It’s getting cold out.}[/color]
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We’re better than this. Let me tell you something; with the exception of an opponent I faced last month whose name is unnecessary I’ve never hated an opponent since I’ve returned. I suppose that’s not really surprising. After all, I’ve seen so much shit in my time that pedestrian cat calls become generic, run of the mill phrases. Half the time I can’t even tell you who said what. Really, until things are made personal I just take it as business being business, and depending on my mood, sometimes I’ll even roll with it; unless I have better things to do, of course.
But more importantly, I’ve never liked an opponent, much less respected one. Now I go into a match at Scars & Stripes that, let’s be frank, I probably stand no chance of winning. And you know, I’m competitive at heart. It’s not so much that I like to win it’s that I hate to lose. So don’t get me wrong; I won’t be happy with the results. But at least my half of the titles will go to one of the two men I don’t want to stab with a sharp icicle (because it would melt and then I’d get away with murder). So that’s cool. Hopefully after saying this you don’t turn around and call me a has-been or anything. That would be my luck . . . hrm . . .
You’re one of the few. You’re not a cocky even though you have every right to be. You’re not a dick even though you hang around with two of them (can’t comment on Thunder; I’ve only heard him speak a couple times. I thought he was mute for two months. True story). You’re a good guy, and hey, CBT beating you is the greatest moment of his career. So you’re also a giver. You’re like the Santa Claus of the WFWF.
Everything considered, our match certainly doesn’t mean much. If I didn’t have an annoying partner I’d probably have forgotten I even had one half of the Tag Team Titles. If you and Kurt Burton really want the straps then hey, more power to you. But let’s be real; I have bigger things to do at Scars & Stripes. We both do. It’s trendy and politically correct to stress that anyone has a chance, but honestly – the Battle Royal comes down to three men. I’ll let you guess who the third is.
Out of the three of us it’s our match to lose. You may pin me in some tag match no one’s gonna remember (alright, you’ll probably pin CBT), but meh; I’ve just been running through the motions ever since I won the titles in the first place. For rightful reasons that’s not where my mind’s going to be. Nor should it be where yours is.
If/when you win the Tag Team Titles I’ll be the first one to congratulate you. But obviously, it won’t be the last time we see each other.
EBR:[/COLOR] You ever see “Click”?
{The question is asked as he continues his activity of staring through glass. His least favorite time of the week; the days he must reside in whatever city his job sends him. And of course, the list of people EBR knows and would willingly choose to hang out with is exclusive towards his current and former home towns. And when these shows aren’t located in Toronto, St. Louis, or Detroit he’s forced to stray himself into bars and clubs, alone and simply hoping to find someone who’ll at the very least offer to suck his cock by the night’s end. Maybe on the rare occasion he’ll contemplate being joined by his co-workers, but considering the general dislike on both sides it’s usually a thought with no reason to make it more than, just that, a thought. But a lack of ambition leaves him without the initiative to waste his time with a rent-a-car service, and thus he’s forced to ride with one of the two co-workers who, personalities aside, he likes enough not to stab in the throat with a sharp icicle that would melt and surely allow him to get away with man slaughter. Although, EBR does question his mental capacity several times for however long they’re around one another.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] Yeah, it’s a great movie. I liked the part where the dog humped the stuffed duck.
EBR:[/COLOR] That’s the problem with people like you.
Calvin Lee:[/color] People like me?
EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah, idiots; people who have no basic comprehension when they’re watching a movie. I mean, let’s be real here; “Click” is an Adam Sandler movie, and even though I only find him watchable when he’s chasing invisible penguins, I respect other people’s opinions enough to let it slide when they declare his movies funny. But “Click” is an entirely different story. Now he’s trying to keep his same brand of humor while also making a point. And what exactly is this point? “Live life to the fullest”? “It’s A Wonderful Life” made the same exact point, and better.
Calvin Lee:[/color] And “A Christmas Carol”.
EBR:[/COLOR] Exactly. Yet in “Click” they decide to have it both ways. He pulls down that hobbit’s pants and then runs out onto the street and dies while his family watches. Give me a break. And worst of all people buy into it and claim it has some {finger quotes}[/color] “deep” message.
Calvin Lee:[/color] You realize you’re analyzing a movie that involves him farting in David Hasselhoff’s face?
EBR:[/COLOR] That’s exactly my point. Let me ask you something. Did you laugh?
Calvin Lee:[/color] Multiple times.
EBR:[/COLOR] And then you went on to shed tears?
Calvin Lee:[/color] Two, three tops.
EBR:[/COLOR] And you never questioned why this movie would try and do both?
Calvin Lee:[/color] Several movies have involved elements of comedy and tragedy.
EBR:[/COLOR] Such as?
Calvin Lee:[/color] “Click”.
EBR:[/COLOR] God . . . you’re one of those movie goers.
Calvin Lee:[/color] What? It was funny and then sad. It makes for a good experience. You’ve suddenly created the rules of movie making? What’s acceptable and what’s not?
EBR:[/COLOR] I’m fine with combining the two genres. But I’m not gonna give credit to a movie that can barely do either, let alone both. Stanley Kubrick would be rolling around in his grave listening to you.
Calvin Lee:[/color] Who?
{Slowly, EBR looks at Calvin who stares at the road smiling.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah, you better be kidding.
{Predictably, EBR returns to his initial stance and gazes out the window as they continue driving. As per usual, ever since the infamous Forever Unscarred incident (or more specifically, the weeks leading up to) both are awkwardly silence towards one another, only sparingly engaging in a small talk conversation. It’s a shame. They used to be fairly good friends. And while EBR may forgive him it’ll always be in the back of his mind, and why shouldn’t it be? People often make the same mistakes.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So, what’s new with you?
Calvin Lee:[/color] Man, I met this girl the other week . . . I don’t want to jinx it or anything . . . keeping my fingers crossed . . .
{With his mouth slightly open and in a state of shock, EBR examines Calvin who’s subtly beaming with confidence while literally holding up his crossed fingers for view. EBR’s in awe at what he just heard, to the point he can’t even make a characteristic snide comment. The best he can do is intentionally cough and hope Calvin catches the design of the action. It only takes the passing of several seconds before EBR realizes he didn’t.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] You ever met a girl you thought might be the one?
EBR:[/COLOR] I’m not gay, so . . .
Calvin Lee:[/color] How does liking a girl make you gay?
{Clearly stuck in a corner he can’t possibly talk himself out of, he simply disacknowledges the previous statement and forgets it ever happened.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] If I ever had . . . ugh . . . martial thoughts about a girl I certainly wouldn’t bring it up to someone who could care less.
Calvin Lee:[/color] . . . Did you have to say it like that?
{Again, neither makes any notice or mention of the other’s existence as opposite headlights shine through the windshield, emitting light into the relatively dim lit car. Annoyingly EBR begins to tap his hand on the dashboard with the intention to frustrate. He watches as Calvin continues to drive, paying no mind to EBR. This only encourages and motives him, causing him to speed up and hit the dashboard harder, simply to cause an insignificant confrontation. Only after hitting it for several more seconds does EBR slowly stop, marginally disappointed in himself.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So did you have sex with her yet?
Calvin Lee:[/color] I don’t know, I don’t feel comfortable talking about it. It’s not really any of your business.
{His stern yet unpleasant delivery gives the question its indirect answer.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So I take you’re not interested in pussy chasing?
{Briefly looking over, Calvin shakes his head in discouragement.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] That’s kind of disrespectful.
{Away from Calvin and rolling his eyes, EBR struggles to reach into his pocket and roughly pulls out a cigarette. He places it in his mouth as Calvin again briefly observes before spotting his eyes back on the road.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] Please don’t smoke in here.
{Innocently, EBR rolls down the window.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] Seriously.
{EBR keeps the cigarette in his mouth, a symbol for Calvin’s ascension into the depths of becoming a pussy. He sighs as they continue to drive, both temporally mad at one another. As they near the parking lot Calvin’s “Land Down Under” ring-tone goes off. He quickly grasps for his phone and looks at the number before smiling at EBR.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] It’s her!
{He pulls the car over, only several feet away from pulling into the parking lot. EBR looks around as Calvin quickly answers his phone.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] Hi! What’s up?
{They’re literally seconds away from the parking lot. EBR remains silent, waiting for Calvin to call her back. Calvin should be ending this any minute. Of course, that minute never arrives, at least not in the designated time period EBR expects and hopes for.}[/color]
Calvin Lee:[/color] No, no . . . I’m not busy right now . . .
{Unbelievable. He’d be at home jacking off if EBR never asked him to come along. Fuck that it’s Calvin’s car. EBR turns to Calvin, flashing an irritable stare which goes either unnoticed or uncared for. As he opens his mouth Calvin holds up his finger, cutting him off before he can even say anything. The nerve.
It’s like a dagger through his skull. Offended, EBR unbuckles his seat belt and storms out of the car.}[/color]
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I can’t help but feel we’ve done this before. This is what? Nearly the fifth time we’ve faced? I can’t help but feel somewhere along the lines we’ve become one of those small, one-sided rivalries where only one person can possibly care.
Do I have any reason to really dislike you? Not really. You’ve never done anything to make me think “hey, that guy’s a real threat”. The most you’ve ever done is make fun of my name and pee on my Hall of Fame bust. Oh, the humanity! Ahahaha . . . but what happened when you faced Alex and I that week? Hrm . . . if I remember the Anointed were the last Tag Team Champions before the titles were brought back. Maybe you should spend more of your time getting better before finding things to urinate on. When the situation came for you to elevate yourself at someone else’s expense you laid an egg and just embarrassed yourself. Congratulations? Sorry, but after that I sort of took you everything you said with a grain of salt.
Truth be told you are talented. You get my respect for that much. But you talk a lot of shit for someone who’s done relatively nothing in the grand scheme of things. You may have won a few Tag Team Titles along the way, but as I’ve said in the past, so have I. The only difference is I won them years after being inducted into the Hall of Fame. Does that make me better than you? Yeah, probably.
Before you go around opening your mouth you should think before you speak. Avoid any future embarrassment, you know? You might beat me this week (but I say that lightly. I won’t be the one who loses for our team, I can assure you that much) but it would have taken four tries.
And you know, I’m not unbeatable. Your friend Thunder proved that. But let’s look at it this way. He didn’t go out and proclaim me a has-been and that the victory was awarded before the match even took place. Yet you’ve done that multiple times now and it’s never happened. Maybe before you claim your pre-match victories you should realize you’re possibly the weak link of the Axis.
I don’t know what you’re gonna say this week, if anything. If you don’t? Congratulations. It means you finally learned. But if history dictates anything it’s that you will. And if that’s the case you better win. Your credibility can’t take much more of a hit.
That said, I’d still take you over CBT.
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{He stands against a chain link fence which stands to the right of the parking lot, watching as various cars pull in. They should already be in the bar, much less the parking lot. He’ll get the occasional look from the driver or the passengers, sometimes both. He looks ridiculous, or at least assumes he does. Some guy just standing on borderline dead grass smoking a cigarette. Calvin’s a real classy guy to force someone into that situation. But of course, he can’t just go into the bar without him. That’d be inexplicably rude, and if he waits then maybe, just maybe, he’ll give Calvin a guilty conscience. After all, he has been talking on his phone to some girl he’s a virgin too for nearly twenty minutes, basically forcing EBR to stand outside. It’s wet. It could start raining at any second. Ungrateful piece of shit. The thought angers EBR the more he thinks about it. He’s stuck waiting; waiting for Calvin to grow male genitalia.
His right pocket begins to vibrate. It’s close to his balls and is a rather pleasant sensation, causing him to wonder how it feels for a woman when she’s using a vibrator. He hopes it’s better than a vibrating phone on his balls. While enjoyable it’s still particularly uneventful and boring. He procrastinates for several seconds before he looks at the caller ID. Smiling, EBR waits several more seconds before he answers it, as annoying as he can possibly fathom.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] ‘Yello.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Learn to pick up your fucking phone.
EBR:[/COLOR] {Tongue in cheek}[/color] And who might this be?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] You really are an asshole.
EBR:[/COLOR] I don’t know if I’d go that far . . .
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Yeah . . . ugh . . .
{Even on the phone EBR can picture Weinstein, the exact expression on his face; the look of irritation, the want to roll his eyes without ever actually rolling them. It’s hilarious to EBR. Maybe he is an asshole.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] You find me any work yet?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Why else would I call? Believe me; talking to you isn’t high on my priority list.
EBR:[/COLOR] Unless it involves work.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] {Mocking}[/color] “Duh . . . unless it involves work”. Do you always have to add your smart ass snarky comments?
EBR:[/COLOR] Sorry, didn’t mean to tick you off.
{He’s lying. That’s exactly what he wanted to do. The smile on his face gives it away. So much more entertaining to talk on the phone, when the person on the other end can’t see what you really mean.}[/color]
Robert Weinstein:[/color] I know you’re lying.
EBR:[/COLOR] . . . Really?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Tone. You try and lie on the phone yet you say everything with the same expression you normally would.
{With an agreeable and understanding nod E mouths the word “tone”. Live and let learn.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] But it does make me more interesting to talk to.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Except for the fact I’m talking to you.
EBR:[/COLOR] Ouch, I’m hurt.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Stop being a woman.
EBR:[/COLOR] I was being sarcastic.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Remember our last conversation about your bad execution of sarcasm? – And don’t even try and pass this off as you disguising your tone. I’m not buying that.
{His ammo taken away, EBR simply ignores the last comment.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] So, this work you got me?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] You ever see those United Way commercials they play during sport broadcasts? You know, with athletes planting trees and Roy Williams pushing a bunch of kids on a never ending swing set?
EBR:[/COLOR] Uh oh . . .
Robert Weinstein:[/color] No, no. You’ll be filming one.
EBR:[/COLOR] Nice. How’d you pull that one off?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] You’re not a celebrity, so don’t start thinking it’s an ego boost. It’s not about “EBR wants you to help with the community”, it’s “this random guy wants you to help with the community”.
EBR:[/COLOR] Results are results, are they not? Besides, this way it just looks like I don’t want any name credit, like I’m actually doing it for the children, or whatever I’m advocating.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] However you want to spin it, that’s your deal.
EBR:[/COLOR] Hrm . . . and the money?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] You’re doing it for free. You love giving your time to the community.
EBR:[/COLOR] I do?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Yes, you want to spread the message that everyone should do the same.
EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah . . . yeah! Of course I do.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] If you want money you’d look like a prick. E, you’re not a prick are you?
EBR:[/COLOR] No. I’m a common man who loves to spend time in the community.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] There you go, that’s all you have to say. {Chuckling}[/color] And you think I never do anything for you . . .
EBR:[/COLOR] I’ve never said that . . .
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Sarcasm.
EBR:[/COLOR] Now who’s bad at being sarcastic?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] No, you’re just an idiot.
EBR:[/COLOR] Wait, that’s not fair. How come –
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Don’t worry about it. But F.Y.I – that’s “for your information”.
EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah, I know . . .
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Sarcastic?
EBR:[/COLOR] . . . No.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] . . . Ugh . . . anyways, F.Y.I, you’re gonna have to start actually doing things in your community.
EBR:[/COLOR] But I really don’t want to.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] That’s a shame. However, I’m not going to allow people to think I’m giving self indulging work to clients that have done jack shit to deserve it. Work at a damn soup kitchen, put a goofy smile on your face, and act like you give a rat’s ass, much like I do whenever you ask me for help.
{EBR remains silent.}[/color]
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Don’t sulk.
EBR:[/COLOR] Bah . . .
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Now, notwithstanding, I’m still trying to find you better things. I can’t help but feel you need me to hold your hand when you walk across the street.
EBR:[/COLOR] I do have a habit of screwing things up . . .
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Exactly, you’re like my puppet. I pull the strings and you dance.
EBR:[/COLOR] And then I get the credit.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] And then I get a cut of the profits.
EBR:[/COLOR] Which you got me.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] And we’re both happy.
{He nods, assuming Weinstein does the same.}[/color]
EBR:[/COLOR] Should I call you in a couple weeks or something?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Urgh . . . God no.
EBR:[/COLOR] . . . Did you have to say it like that?
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Look, I have better things to take care of, get off the line.
EBR:[/COLOR] . . . You called me.
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Okay, but – wait, if I have work for you why would you call me?
EBR:[/COLOR] I dunno, I was just offering to be nice?
{An exasperated sigh is heard.}[/color]
Robert Weinstein:[/color] Goodbye, E.
{Weinstein hangs up, leaving EBR to stand with is proverbial thumb up his ass. He looks back. Calvin’s still in the car. He really needs to grow a penis, hopefully sooner rather than later. It’s getting cold out.}[/color]
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We’re better than this. Let me tell you something; with the exception of an opponent I faced last month whose name is unnecessary I’ve never hated an opponent since I’ve returned. I suppose that’s not really surprising. After all, I’ve seen so much shit in my time that pedestrian cat calls become generic, run of the mill phrases. Half the time I can’t even tell you who said what. Really, until things are made personal I just take it as business being business, and depending on my mood, sometimes I’ll even roll with it; unless I have better things to do, of course.
But more importantly, I’ve never liked an opponent, much less respected one. Now I go into a match at Scars & Stripes that, let’s be frank, I probably stand no chance of winning. And you know, I’m competitive at heart. It’s not so much that I like to win it’s that I hate to lose. So don’t get me wrong; I won’t be happy with the results. But at least my half of the titles will go to one of the two men I don’t want to stab with a sharp icicle (because it would melt and then I’d get away with murder). So that’s cool. Hopefully after saying this you don’t turn around and call me a has-been or anything. That would be my luck . . . hrm . . .
You’re one of the few. You’re not a cocky even though you have every right to be. You’re not a dick even though you hang around with two of them (can’t comment on Thunder; I’ve only heard him speak a couple times. I thought he was mute for two months. True story). You’re a good guy, and hey, CBT beating you is the greatest moment of his career. So you’re also a giver. You’re like the Santa Claus of the WFWF.
Everything considered, our match certainly doesn’t mean much. If I didn’t have an annoying partner I’d probably have forgotten I even had one half of the Tag Team Titles. If you and Kurt Burton really want the straps then hey, more power to you. But let’s be real; I have bigger things to do at Scars & Stripes. We both do. It’s trendy and politically correct to stress that anyone has a chance, but honestly – the Battle Royal comes down to three men. I’ll let you guess who the third is.
Out of the three of us it’s our match to lose. You may pin me in some tag match no one’s gonna remember (alright, you’ll probably pin CBT), but meh; I’ve just been running through the motions ever since I won the titles in the first place. For rightful reasons that’s not where my mind’s going to be. Nor should it be where yours is.
If/when you win the Tag Team Titles I’ll be the first one to congratulate you. But obviously, it won’t be the last time we see each other.
