Loaded 10/19 RP-Fading

[The Mayhem is Commin]

At times people feel the need to improve or hit the restart button. But at times you will recieve a message in your mind telling youyour choice

Fading

Jay is seen on a long country road as he looks off into the distance he can see the arena for the Loaded show later that night. As Jay leans against his car you can faintly hear the song “Fading Away” by Demon Hunter coming from his stereo. Jay pulls out a pack of Marlboro Red’s and lights one up. As he inhales the smoke thoughts begin running trough his head.

Jay-Lately it looks like I’m going nowhere, all these losses to people that I know I can beat especially the ones to Slash. He has no rights to say the crap that he has said to reporters and other superstars. So if you got something to say Slash why don’t you say it to my face? And I know all these losses lately have been tag team matches so I know for Kay to come in as a brand new wrestler and start a zero and three streak is no good. Well I hope he can recover over his week off. Well back to my first thought, everyone says I’m one of the best newcomers to the Loaded show and now it seems like I’m starting to fade in to the distance and become another wannabe. It’s beginning to feel like there’s no future here for me but the future I see is back in Phoenix with Kim and the babies where I could start a new job to support the kids and Kim better than I am right now. Right now I bring in about $11,000 a month which until Kim goes back to teaching third grade could not support a family. But then again any job I get there wouldn’t pay as close to as much there. But as other have told me if I were to quit I’d be giving up on my dream, passion, love, life, and one of the few things that keeps me sane. But for me it seems that there’s another life out there for me but that life doesn’t start just yet but as that day comes closer and closer I’m scared and worried that I won’t be able to handle the struggles of having two kids at the same time. But then I again I wonder who more I’ll turn out like my real Dad and leave my kids behind until 30 years later. Or like my Adopted Dad who loved me and treated me like his own. Laughed with me, Cried with me, Hugged me, and Loved me like no one else ever has.

Jay takes one last drag on his cigarette and tosses it out into the dried out brown fields on the side of the road. Jay then sits down on the ground and begins to cry.

Jay (yelling)-Ohh Chad why did you have to die that night. I wish you could have lived just two more days so I could tell you how much I love you for what you did for me these 30 years.

A voice is heard in the distance.

Voice-Jay don’t give up your story doesn’t end on some nameless country road.

Jay-What? Who’s there? Dad is that you?

Voice-Jay stop crying and Drive.

END

[The Mayhem is Commin]

OOC: this one i really enjy and would say on of my best ever the whole came to mer a i wrote it so let me knowwht ya think plz

[zombiesx]

It was cool at the end, where like the voice is I think it was Chad. Good job, I think here, and good luck.

[cureforthesickness]

not very good.. at all.. it seems like you took all the ideas you had for the charecter and turned them into a really bad monologue. then added a dream/halocuination at the end for no particular reason

[createawrestler]

great roleplay

[sonstuds]

I say this every week and this is gonna be my last time.

Your inner thoughts suck. You don't write them as inner thoughts, you write them as a promo.

Jay-Lately it looks like I’m going nowhere, all these losses to people that I know I can beat especially the ones to Slash. He has no rights to say the **** that he has said to reporters and other superstars. So if you got something to say Slash why don’t you say it to my face?

BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT TALKING TO HIM.

You know, I understand thinking of things you'd say to someone. It makes sense, but I really have a hard time believing you're not just writing standard speech and trying to pass it off as inner thoughts because you think it makes your RPs deeper. It doesn't, and actually ends up becoming a huge flaw.

And I know all these losses lately have been tag team matches so I know for Kay to come in as a brand new wrestler and start a zero and three streak is no good. Well I hope he can recover over his week off. Well back to my first thought

Same thing. Why would you need to tell yourself you're going to your original point?

Secondly, and this may just be a typo, but writing that $11,000 a month isn't enough to support a family is laughable. It's even funnier when you insinuate that you need a teacher's salary to help financially.

Lastly, the ending was also quite laughable. Dropping down into tears is way too over the top and melodramatic, and I don't get why in the one instance where you should have used inner thoughts you didn't.

I really do feel I can just keep posting the same critique every time. You're not listening to anything anyone else tells you. And that's fine, but again, you'll only go as far as you've gotten.