Indy Scene Loaded RP: "Black Tie and Cuff Links"

[Almost Like Flacco]

Over a black screen, we hear Shields' voice speaking.

Shields: Turmoil. You'd be hard-pressed to find a better word to describe this match. I suspect this will be a knock-down, drag-out affair so a black tie and cuff links are out of the question. Ha, funny. Stop doing that, comedy is going to get us nowhere. We need to stay focused. Why do I keep saying we? See, there it goes again. My mind keeps drifting off topic. Maybe I should see a shrink or something. Okay, that's it, no more drifting off. This is the Independent Scene's big chance to get back on top. Now, you see, that's the exact same thing I said last time we were in a spot like this. Oh my God, stop saying we. I don't have multiple personalities so saying "we" would be redundant. Is that the right use of the word redundant? Who cares...what really matters is those Tag Team Heritage Cups. If me and Spider can just come up with a great plan, the Cups will be...no, stop. Stop right there, do not go any farther...

Spider: Shields. Hey! Snap out of it! Do I need to smack him or something?...

The speech fades out. Fading in, is a view of Shields and Spider standing outside of a hotel room. The door is open just partially and Maria is standing on the other side of the door. Shields has been staring down at the carpet for a while now apparently. Spider and Maria are standing there, staring at him. After a few seconds, Maria walks out of the room and nudges Shields. Shields finally snaps out of his little thought coma.

Shields: Huh? What?

Maria: You alright?

Shields: What are you talking about?

Spider: You were staring down that carpet for quite a while. If you were having a contest, I think it won.

Maria chuckles.

Shields: What? No. I was just thinking about some things.

Maria: Anything important? Or were you just repeating "I will win this contest. I will win this contest" over and over?

Shields: Well, I can't lie. You figured it out. Come on, let's get out of here.

Shields wraps an arm around Maria. The group starts walking towards the elevators.

Maria: You know, it's been two days and I haven't heard you say a thing about the match this week.

Shields: And?

Maria: Well, it's not like you to just keep this quiet. That's usually Spider's job.

Maria chuckles again, believing that she made a joke.

Shields: I've been this quiet because I don't want to get my hopes up too high about the match.

Spider: Why? Afraid you'll jinx something?

The three get to the elevator doors. Spider hits the down button.

Shields: Well, I don't know if you want to be that blunt about it. Let's just say...I don't want to have anything go wrong.

Maria: Yeah, that's pretty much what Spider meant.

Shields: Okay then, I don't want to jinx anything.

Spider: Now that you've said that, you should realize you've just jinxed the outcome of the match.

Shields: That's just not funny.

The doors finally open and they step inside. Maria presses the lobby button.

Spider: So what's with all of this new "Don't wanna jinx us" stuff anyway?

Shields: I'm just giving it a shot. Normally I'd run my mouth about how great we are and all of that, but it's all been said before, no need to restate what has already been said. I thought maybe saying all of that was jinxing us.

Maria: You're a very strange man, you know that?

Shields: I'm just looking out for the best interest of the team, that's all.

The doors open back up and they step into the hotel lobby. They walk past the front desk.

Hotel Clerk: Good luck tonight...

Shields turns around.

Shields: Hey! Stop right there. Don't say another word.

Shields, Spider, and Maria step outside.

[Calvin]

people really gotta stop using 243284902384032 colours. If you are goign to use colours to show who is talking, only do the name of the person.

Shields: Hey! Stop right there. Don't say another word.

Like that.

[Kurt Burton: Script Doctor!]

OK... since Calvin went on a rant about colors (how bigoted of you Calvin), I'll talk about the actual RP.

It's been a while since I have read either of the two characters in here. And there's my problem, they are the exact same guys. You two both did decent jobs of RP'ing before, but I don't see any change really. Shields is still way too competetive, and Spider is a jackass. I think that both of you have potential, but the problem is, you seem to be fixated on the actual match aspect of the RP. Try to liven it up a little, let's delve into their personal life.

The dialogue als fell a little flat for me. I feel with how Spider & Shields are from totally different worlds, this could be one of those fun bickering tag teams. I liked where you were going in the jinx comments, but it should have continued on from there.

I hope I made sense, and good luck in our match.

[Calvin]

I'll be honest, I didn't even read the rp

[sonstuds]

Overall I'd say it was a fairly good job. Burton got most of it down.

The beginning was strange, but that said, the opening Christian Shields paragraph was a pretty good "explain the match" deal. The whole jinx thing was entertaining and something I wish you would have expanded off a bit more.