Survivors Loaded RP: Have A Little Faith, Will Ya?

[One Love]

One beautiful fall day on October seventh, Flamez and his brother Shawn Roberts were sitting outside, enjoying there week off.

Flamez: Don’t you just love the fall?

Shawn: Why would I? It’s the road to winter. And winter means snows. And snows means shoveling. And shoveling means me.

Flamez: Well, ya, but the leaves! They change colors, they fall, ain’t it pretty?

Shawn: Who are you and what have you done with my brother.

Flamez: Hahahaha. Just enjoy it Shawn, just enjoy it.

Shawn: Whatever.

A small ring was then heard.

Shawn: Dude, isn’t that your phone?

Flamez: I’ll go check.

Flamez got up off his chair and quickly ran into the house. He then realized it was indeed his phone. He saw it was his fellow Project Hardcore member and friend David Williams. He immediately answered it.

Flamez: Hello?

Williams: Hey man.

Flamez: Hey Dave, what’s up?

Williams: Just wanted to wish you guys good luck tomorrow, and I hope there will be no hard feelings between me and BJ and you and Shawn?

Flamez: Ummm, what are you talking about?

Williams: Tomorrow, Loaded.

Flamez: But me and Shawn have the week off.

Williams: That’s impossible. Here, I’ll fax you the card for Loaded.

Flamez: Fine. But who are Shawn and I supposedly facing?

Williams: Let’s see, you and Shawn are facing me and BJ, Kay and Jay Mayhem, Spider and Shields, Dane and Horror, Lee and Castle, and Kurt Burton and McGurk. And it’s for the cups.

Flamez: If you are playing some silly joke on me, I’ll have to hunt you down and shoot you.

Williams: No joke.

Flamez: Fax is here, and…..you…are….right. I got to go.

Flamez abruptly hung up. He was frozen. He dropped the phone in shock as it cracked into tiny pieces. Shawn quickly ran in.

Shawn: What’s the matter?

Then Shawn saw the fax on the floor. He picked it up and read it in disbelief.

Shawn: What…..the……

Flamez: THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR WEEK OFF! BUT INSTEAD WE ARE BOOKED IN A MATCH WITH SOME OF THE TOP GUYS IN WFWF FOR A HS TITLE! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? I’M CALLING MANAGEMENT TO GIVE THEM A PIECE OF MY MIND!

Shawn: Slow down their partner, don’t open your mouth just yet. Think of it this way, when we win, we’ll be some of the top guys in WFWF.

Flamez: But you don’t get, we aren’t gonna win.

Shawn: Don’t say that! Now it’s in MSG, so let’s get down there now. Pack your bags, you are driving. My legs still hurt from HS 37.

Flamez: Fine, but we are wasting our time. We should just forfeit.

Shawn: You’re hopeless…….

A few minutes later both there bags were packed and they headed for NY.

Flamez: This is bs. The cups are house shows titles, not Loaded. Yet we have to defend them against Loaded superstars.

Shawn: Will you calm down? You need to look on the bright side, we can prove we are the best of the best.

Flamez: You are not listening to me, we don’t stand a chance against these guys!
Then there was silence for the next twenty minutes. Until they got to the GWB, where there was a back up of traffic as long as the Great Wall of China.

Flamez: Awww crap.

Shawn: This should be a while.

Then there was once again an utter silence. Not a glance at each other. All you could hear was beeping horns and people screaming.

Flamez: Look, I’m sorry for yelling at you before. I’m just frustrated. I mean look at who we are facing.

Shawn: I understand that, but you got to have a little faith.

Flamez: How can I? I mean we are facing the top guys……

Shawn: You are repeating yourself.

Flamez: Let me finish will ya! We are facing the top guys, AND, you got your legs hurt. And you have been limping pretty much all week.

Shawn: I’ll be fine. We just need to focus.

Then traffic started moving.

Flamez: It’s about time.

Shawn: Don’t worry Dave, they will be with us tonight.

Flamez: Who?

Shawn: Mom and Dad.

Flamez: Well…..

Then it begin to poor.

Flamez: Yup, they are with us now for sure.

Shawn: Things like these work out in funny ways.

Flamez: You know what, you are right.

Shawn: Now let’s sing what we sang at the pre show when we won! We…..are the champions……my friends…take it away Dave!
Flamez: We…will…keep on fighting……till the end!

Flamez and Shawn: We are the champions……we are the champions…….no time for losers…..cause we are the champions……of the world!

Shawn: That’s the spirit!

Flamez: Let’s do this!

Shawn: We will survive this match, cause after all, we are the Survivors.

Flamez: Can they survive? HECK NO THEY CAN’T!

The two laughed as they got off the GWB and drove into NY.

[One Love]

OOC: Dialouge wise, I think this is my best rp. Overall, I'm happy with the outcome. Good luck to everyone in the match.

[Markw]

*Note to self focus on Shawns Legs* Yeah nice RP Your going to have some big comprtition from the guys I see you used me *Shifty Eyes * I also see now you can't ask Yukio (I'm not sure you did but) you get me to tell you just don't bring up how you find out it's pointless the overall message was good might want to give a bit more description while you where in the traffic jam however the description of dropping the phone was good

t9mets said:

Flamez: Hello?

Williams: Hey man.

Flamez: Hey Dave, what’s up?

Williams: Just wanted to wish you guys good luck tomorrow, and I hope there will be no hard feelings between me and BJ and you and Shawn?

Flamez: Ummm, what are you talking about?

Williams: Tomorrow, Loaded.

Flamez: But me and Shawn have the week off.

Williams: That’s impossible. Here, I’ll fax you the card for Loaded.

Flamez: Fine. But who are Shawn and I supposedly facing?

Williams: Let’s see, you and Shawn are facing me and BJ, Kay and Jay Mayhem, Spider and Shields, Dane and Horror, Lee and Castle, and Kurt Burton and McGurk. And it’s for the cups.

Flamez: If you are playing some silly joke on me, I’ll have to hunt you down and shoot you.

Williams: No joke.

Flamez: Fax is here, and…..you…are….right. I got to go.

Seriously if I was joking you'd be facing Obo and Deville but then again I wouldn't be calling you cause my character franckly doesn't give a S*** about you because he's an A** ;D

The singing at the end did seem kind of pointless as well however I guess you where putting acroos how they felt but I think Flamez shouldn't have changed his mind perssonally (And You should change his name to Inferno)

His relatsionship with his brother is good

overall it was a good RP I don't think you'll win with it (Because your facing me LOL)

I wish you the best of luck Flamez

[Thunder]

Rant time.

Why the hell does every HS guy need to do a segment where they're told what their told what their match is? SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME WHY IT'S SUCH A GREAT IDEA. It's stupid enough to begin with, but this one was so much worse because we are supposed to find it logical that Flamez DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD A MATCH. Stupid.

Your description is always repetitive. It's something like this every week.

Flamez did this. He did this. He did that. He did some other stuff. He did this other thing too.

The point I'm trying to make is that when EVERY SENTENCE starts out with "He" I find it really repetitive and it annoys me. There's enough words in the English language that can start out the description than "he" and "then."

You said you think this was your best dialogue, but I have to disagree. Flamez saying "we're going to lose" over and over again got annoying. Shawn even basically said that. And then if Flamez is so sure they're going to lose, just start singing We Are The Champions? That was, at least in my mind, not only a contradictory moment, but a stupid way to end any RP.

No offense, but this was a step back in my opinion. Good luck this week.

[Kurt Burton: Script Doctor!]

I like the fight between the brothers, but I think Thunder nailed everything on the head in his statement. Good luck in your match.

[The Mayhem is Commin]

nice rp i agree with thunder on this oneand the singin is silly but whatevergoo luck flamez

[Markw]

jaymayhem said:

nice rp i agree with *Insert Name* on this oneand (One And) the *Insert part that happened at the end* is silly but whatevergoo (Whatever Good ) luck *Insert name* Oh and yeah youneed (You Need) more desription (Description)

My Jay Mayhem template for replying lol sorry man

[Calvin]

One beautiful fall day on October seventh, Flamez and his brother Shawn Roberts were sitting outside, enjoying there week off.

This seriously reminds me of a debut opening. What makes this day so beautiful? EXPLAIN! You say they are sitting outside. WHERE OUTSIDE!? Where is your setting? Thats what is missing here.

I'm just going to not get into the rest of the rp, because well. Yeah, You need to stop all this stupid drama. He breaks his phone over being booked? Seriously..

[sonstuds]

realscan said:

Why the hell does every HS guy need to do a segment where they're told what their told what their match is? SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME WHY IT'S SUCH A GREAT IDEA. It's stupid enough to begin with, but this one was so much worse because we are supposed to find it logical that Flamez DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD A MATCH. Stupid.

Heh, I'll argue to the bitter end when I did that vs. Calvin in my return match it made sense, but for the most part I agree completely. It just never really adds up. Why would David Williams know about the match but Flamez and Shawn Roberts don't? I mean, did Wayne fax everyone BUT them for a specific reason? It's just such an unnatural segway, especially considering weekly it seems Flamez needs someone to tell him who he's facing.

Description was yeah, pretty weak. You toggled time far too much. They'll be at their house (I guess, you never did tell us that), then you'll just write one line along the lines of {They pack their bags and are now on the highway}. I don't think that really ever works in the context you use it, but putting that aside now we're under the impression either

a) Flamez and Shawn have been talking about the match the entire time, and apparently it takes them an hour or so in before they can finish

or b) They'd continually stop talking about, and sporadically bring it up later.

As for the dialogue in itself, similar thing. It was repetitive, which I don't so much have a problem with cause I do it all the time, but it never lead to anything. It was basically just

Flamez: We're gonna lose.

Shawn: Nuh uh.

Flamez: Yuh uh.

Shawn: Nuh uh.

Flamez: Yeah.

Shawn: No.

Flamez: Your legs hurt.

Shawn: We're gonna win.

Flamez: Okay.

Shawn: We are the champions, my friend.

Flamez: We'll keep on fighting till the end.

Shawn: Cause we are the champions.

Flamez: Whatcha 'gonna do, when the Survivors surive all over you!!

And all that honestly could be fine and comical, but you just never really embrace that style. Instead it just truthfully comes off as bland dialogue.

[Kurt Burton: Script Doctor!]

sonstuds said:

realscan said:

Why the hell does every HS guy need to do a segment where they're told what their told what their match is? SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME WHY IT'S SUCH A GREAT IDEA. It's stupid enough to begin with, but this one was so much worse because we are supposed to find it logical that Flamez DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD A MATCH. Stupid.

Heh, I'll argue to the bitter end when I did that vs. Calvin in my return match it made sense, but for the most part I agree completely. It just never really adds up. Why would David Williams know about the match but Flamez and Shawn Roberts don't? I mean, did Wayne fax everyone BUT them for a specific reason? It's just such an unnatural segway, especially considering weekly it seems Flamez needs someone to tell him who he's facing.

He could potentially turn it into a positive by having every week someone tell him he's in a match... and protray his character as too lazy to read the card... or too stoned to remember... stuff like that.