FDS RP8/27/07-Main Eventer

[The Mayhem is Commin]

When a man maks it to the top there are only two choices. Fall and restart your climb. Or hold your ground and reign above all

Main Eventer

Jay is sitting in his hotel room watching family guy as Kay enters the room and they begin to talk.

Kay-So you wanna go train?

Jay-Sure.

Jay and Kay head down to the gym and begin to train. Jay starts with doin some stretches and push-ups as Kay begins right with running the ropes. Jay finishes up stretching and does 50 more push-ups. He then walks over to the ring and sees Kay doing some old school wrestling moves. Against one of the workers and the worker was getting worked. Jay began to move closer and was watching in amazement of how gracefully Kay moves in the ring. Then Kay picks up the worker in a crucifix and then fell backwards. Kay then rolled him over and got the pin. Jay climbed in the ring and helped Kay up.

Jay-Where did you learn to wrestle like that?

Kay-Josh gave me some lessons.

Jay-Damn did you ever think of joining the WFWF?

Kay-Not really, but I guess I could try out

Jay-Yeah I’ll talk to Yukio about getting ya in ok.

The two continued to train until 4:00 pm. So they headed back to the hotel room to grab there stuff and headed to the arena. As they arrived many fans were standing outside. Jay walked over the back door as some fans came running for autographs. So he signed some and took pictures. He then headed inside to think about his Main Event match tonight.

Jay-Tonight I’ve got a tag match with Dane Christian. But were facing two of the best Josh Dean and Calvin Lee. I don’t care if I win or lose tonight I just want to show the fans that I am a main eventer. And when that is complete I will stand tall with my name in big letters for I will be a champion soon.

Jay stands up and heads over too the entrance area and is ready to fight.

END

[sonstuds]

Alright, I know you're capable of more so I'm gonna contribute this to being double booked with your interest being moreso towards the HS.

That said, there was really nothing here. It started off with a fairly good direction "when a man...", then it just kind of goes downhill. The opening dialogue was flat and the description is written in a "matter of fact" way. You write that they leave their hotel room and go to a gym in a sentence. Is it really that close to their hotel room? Just work on stuff like that and expand on. Is there a reason you wrote Jay being in his room before going to the gym? If not, then just start the roleplay off in the gym.

As for the training scene (and I swear, every time I read a RP from a HS guy on FDS it always takes place in a gym), again there was nothing there. It's just stuff like "Jay does push ups, Kay wrestles a worker who is working who is getting worked while working".

Obo brought it up in Flamez' RP. What did this RP really accomplish? You could have had something if you went with the entire "main event" theme you had in the first sentence, but you completely dropped that and went for something that had no direction.

[zombiesx]

Well man I think this will have a lost marked on you. As lets face it little detail and that I think it was awful. But am not gonna bash as it bites me back on the ass. It seems awful like just slammed in very fast. The training was sort of bad though man but as I said I have did worse.

Over all awful rp.