Post by cureforthesickness on Aug 24, 2007 8:42:47 GMT -5
If I leave here tomorrow..
Would you still remember me?
For I’mma speed traveling on now..
There’s just too many places I’ve got to see..
For if I stay here with you girl..
Things just couldn’t be the same..
Cause I’m as free as a bird now..
And this bird you cannot change..
_____________________________________________________________________________________
In front of some random web page, in it’s own little screen inside a screen sits a chart on a computer screen. The chart is white with a few height levels, ranging anywhere from three feet to eight feet, but nothing comes above the six foot mark. Nothing to scientific, but it gets the job done for what it’s needed to do. At the beginning of the chart is a small monkey hunched over and on all fours, apparently unable to stand on his/her own. Next is a monkey who stands with a major slouch, able to stand on it‘s own if it so desired, but unwilling to do so. Next to this lazy monkey is another monkey but this monkey stands almost entirely straight, almost smirking on it‘s ape face. This monkey has slightly human features, but is still a dirty looking ape. Following this monkey on the chart is what looks like a caveman. Not commercial caveman, but science book caveman. He stands upwards like a human, but is still very hairy like a monkey. His face actually looks a little less human than the previous monkey. By the confused look on his face, he obviously has no idea what’s going on. Finally on the chart stands Jake Slash, giving some stupid death metal tongue out pose, holding up the WFWF Hardcore X title like the proverbial caveman club from generations past. Pulling away from this computer screen, we see Obo sitting in a rather uncomfortable looking computer chair. Hanging from his body are khaki cargo shorts and a loose fitting green button up shirt, both looking rather unkempt and wrinkled. The shirt has various stains of paint and blood on it, the collar in particular is really stained with blood. Obo looks at the computer with a smirk, proud of his accomplishment. He then quickly hits a small red X in the corner. When a prompt asks him if he wishes to save, he clicks yes.
In recent weeks, some people have been debating what exactly hardcore is. Is hardcore all about blood and guts. Is hardcore all about light bulb tubes, thumbtacks, and weedwhackers? Is hardcore about having a title that says “Hardcore” on it around your waist? Or is hardcore something else.. I personally think hardcore is something else.
Hardcore is about wrestling on another level. Not blood and gore, but going into an empty gym with three people watching and wrestling for ninety three minutes for a worn out championship. Hardcore is about breaking your god damn arm and continuing the match. Hardcore is taking the “big bumps” but not making sure to do it right in front of the hard camera to make sure to get name value for it. Jake Slash is not hardcore.
Clicking around on the computer and opening the internet explorer that previously lingered in the background, Obo clicks into a random underground wrestling site, finding a page about the live coverage of the WFWF Hardcore X tournament. Looking at some of the carnage, Obo seems pleased, but displeased at the same time. A GIF floats on the site, showing Jake Slash being thrown over the top rope into a table and being impaled by a fork. This actually gets a slight cringe out of Obo, but he shakes it off with a displeased look.
Jake Slash.. What have you accomplished in your short span to make you think that challenging the biggest dog of the yard is a good idea? I’ve seen a little bit of your work. It’s funny. You’re a funny guy. You should consider doing comedy. You could find an old pair of cut off jeans and a bucket of fried chicken and call it a gimmick. Your whole deal at the Hardcore X Cup was hilarious. Funniest thing I have seen ever. I mean, how do you get beat up so badly by a giant Amish guy that doesn’t scream CHICKENS!!?
Jake Slash.. For you to think you’re hardcore makes me laugh so hard I almost cry. You have a belt that says you’re hardcore. So do I. And I actually beat someone worth while to get it. Do a little research and I’ll show you my eight foot tall trophy. Ask CBT what hardcore is. He’s got a much better scar than your little rendezvous with the fork.
The footage of Slash and his forking continues to loop, but Obo ignores it. His destruction is so meaningless that Obo cannot devote three seconds of his life to rewatching the GIF. Instead, he clicks a link that takes him to barely legal bikini babes, but upon realizing his distraction, he closes it.
Jake Slash.. You remind me of someone I met. An over zealous fan. He was quite annoying, but he was obsessive. No matter how much I burned him, he kept coming back for more. He reminded me a lot of you, because no matter what anyone told him, he had his ideas stuck into his head and he stayed with them. That’s you. You’re an idiot, but damn it, you’re a dedicated idiot!
Fuck it. You’re a wash. I don’t even know why I’m wasting my time with you. Because my original opponent is off fucking some whore? That instantly makes you the next contender, not for the championship, but for thou? Because you’re a champion and you beat a “walking circus”, you’re now on Obo’s level. Fuck you.
You’re not who I’m after. You’re not who I’m set to kill. Seek and destroy mode is set though and you’ve crossed my path. I’m becoming like a broken record but when I look across the ring, I don’t see my opponents. I don’t see Calvin Lee cutting himself with a razor blade or Jake Slash generally sucking, I see Wayne McGurk. I see Vanessa McGurk playing with my child. I see Wayne McGurk smoking and blowing the smoke in my child’s face.
Obo surfs around and finds a picture of Wayne McGurk online, which takes via a hotlink takes him to an amateur porn site, as most hotlinks on the internet do. After a brief glance at the jailbait tail that is getting pounded, Obo closes this and reopens the graph. He right clicks and quickly pastes the picture he found of Wayne McGurk onto the timeline, just past Jake Slash.
But this week.. This week I’m going to try to bring myself away from this “Destroy McGurk” cult of personality, because this week I want to end you. Sure, you’ve done nothing to me. In fact, you’ve actually supported me. You have a big collection of my tapes. Too bad none of my tapes have actually been released. That makes you a bootlegger. I hate bootleggers. Fuck you for stealing money from me. I’m going to kill you to send a message to all you net nerds out there.
Maybe I’ll light your head on fire and throw it on Wayne McGurk’s porch when I’m finished.
Maybe.
La revolución viene pero usted no lo temerá. Cuándo día de apocalipsis le alcanza, su alma llega a ser la mina y su cuerpo le fallará.
- Obo[/I]
So, how did your dad end up getting off?
This mysterious man’s words echo from his lips. Clad in silver flashy jeans and a matching silver jacket, he looks like something typical from the future. On his wrist is a very fancy and complicated looking watch. Sitting across from him is a girl. Shoulder length blonde hair, but with blue highlights on the bangs. She’s wearing high boots with a short black skirt, and again, the same hideous silver jacket.
Because he convinced the judge it was all an act.
The boy looks skeptical
I’m skeptical
The girl seems like she was expecting this response, judging by his body language.
I could tell you were going to say that..
How?
Your body language
So what happened? Was it an accident?
How could it be an accident? That’s all shoot man.. I feel sorry for Jake Slash though.. He really shouldn’t have messed with my dad. Twenty years later, and he’s still in a coma..
The boy changes the subject.
So, changing the subject, you were in wrestling back then, right?
Well, kind of.. One of my dad’s enemies messed with me. They had this big cage match and they hurt each other real bad. It was a long time ago and I don’t really remember what all happened, but I remember them falling a long way onto wood.
Ouch..
Dad was real messed up. I ended up having to hang out with some guy named Flamer or something. I only remember him because he was really gay and some nurse at the hospital beat him up. He was so pathetic..
Remind me to never mess with your dad..
Gotcha
And if we ever.. You know..
Believe me, we won’t..
Well if we do.. Don’t tell him
The two share a passion kiss as Obo wakes up. He sits up in a comical manner very fast, so fast the hat he was wearing goes flying across the room. He rubs his eyes for a moment and then goes back to sleep.
Would you still remember me?
For I’mma speed traveling on now..
There’s just too many places I’ve got to see..
For if I stay here with you girl..
Things just couldn’t be the same..
Cause I’m as free as a bird now..
And this bird you cannot change..
_____________________________________________________________________________________
In front of some random web page, in it’s own little screen inside a screen sits a chart on a computer screen. The chart is white with a few height levels, ranging anywhere from three feet to eight feet, but nothing comes above the six foot mark. Nothing to scientific, but it gets the job done for what it’s needed to do. At the beginning of the chart is a small monkey hunched over and on all fours, apparently unable to stand on his/her own. Next is a monkey who stands with a major slouch, able to stand on it‘s own if it so desired, but unwilling to do so. Next to this lazy monkey is another monkey but this monkey stands almost entirely straight, almost smirking on it‘s ape face. This monkey has slightly human features, but is still a dirty looking ape. Following this monkey on the chart is what looks like a caveman. Not commercial caveman, but science book caveman. He stands upwards like a human, but is still very hairy like a monkey. His face actually looks a little less human than the previous monkey. By the confused look on his face, he obviously has no idea what’s going on. Finally on the chart stands Jake Slash, giving some stupid death metal tongue out pose, holding up the WFWF Hardcore X title like the proverbial caveman club from generations past. Pulling away from this computer screen, we see Obo sitting in a rather uncomfortable looking computer chair. Hanging from his body are khaki cargo shorts and a loose fitting green button up shirt, both looking rather unkempt and wrinkled. The shirt has various stains of paint and blood on it, the collar in particular is really stained with blood. Obo looks at the computer with a smirk, proud of his accomplishment. He then quickly hits a small red X in the corner. When a prompt asks him if he wishes to save, he clicks yes.
In recent weeks, some people have been debating what exactly hardcore is. Is hardcore all about blood and guts. Is hardcore all about light bulb tubes, thumbtacks, and weedwhackers? Is hardcore about having a title that says “Hardcore” on it around your waist? Or is hardcore something else.. I personally think hardcore is something else.
Hardcore is about wrestling on another level. Not blood and gore, but going into an empty gym with three people watching and wrestling for ninety three minutes for a worn out championship. Hardcore is about breaking your god damn arm and continuing the match. Hardcore is taking the “big bumps” but not making sure to do it right in front of the hard camera to make sure to get name value for it. Jake Slash is not hardcore.
Clicking around on the computer and opening the internet explorer that previously lingered in the background, Obo clicks into a random underground wrestling site, finding a page about the live coverage of the WFWF Hardcore X tournament. Looking at some of the carnage, Obo seems pleased, but displeased at the same time. A GIF floats on the site, showing Jake Slash being thrown over the top rope into a table and being impaled by a fork. This actually gets a slight cringe out of Obo, but he shakes it off with a displeased look.
Jake Slash.. What have you accomplished in your short span to make you think that challenging the biggest dog of the yard is a good idea? I’ve seen a little bit of your work. It’s funny. You’re a funny guy. You should consider doing comedy. You could find an old pair of cut off jeans and a bucket of fried chicken and call it a gimmick. Your whole deal at the Hardcore X Cup was hilarious. Funniest thing I have seen ever. I mean, how do you get beat up so badly by a giant Amish guy that doesn’t scream CHICKENS!!?
Jake Slash.. For you to think you’re hardcore makes me laugh so hard I almost cry. You have a belt that says you’re hardcore. So do I. And I actually beat someone worth while to get it. Do a little research and I’ll show you my eight foot tall trophy. Ask CBT what hardcore is. He’s got a much better scar than your little rendezvous with the fork.
The footage of Slash and his forking continues to loop, but Obo ignores it. His destruction is so meaningless that Obo cannot devote three seconds of his life to rewatching the GIF. Instead, he clicks a link that takes him to barely legal bikini babes, but upon realizing his distraction, he closes it.
Jake Slash.. You remind me of someone I met. An over zealous fan. He was quite annoying, but he was obsessive. No matter how much I burned him, he kept coming back for more. He reminded me a lot of you, because no matter what anyone told him, he had his ideas stuck into his head and he stayed with them. That’s you. You’re an idiot, but damn it, you’re a dedicated idiot!
Fuck it. You’re a wash. I don’t even know why I’m wasting my time with you. Because my original opponent is off fucking some whore? That instantly makes you the next contender, not for the championship, but for thou? Because you’re a champion and you beat a “walking circus”, you’re now on Obo’s level. Fuck you.
You’re not who I’m after. You’re not who I’m set to kill. Seek and destroy mode is set though and you’ve crossed my path. I’m becoming like a broken record but when I look across the ring, I don’t see my opponents. I don’t see Calvin Lee cutting himself with a razor blade or Jake Slash generally sucking, I see Wayne McGurk. I see Vanessa McGurk playing with my child. I see Wayne McGurk smoking and blowing the smoke in my child’s face.
Obo surfs around and finds a picture of Wayne McGurk online, which takes via a hotlink takes him to an amateur porn site, as most hotlinks on the internet do. After a brief glance at the jailbait tail that is getting pounded, Obo closes this and reopens the graph. He right clicks and quickly pastes the picture he found of Wayne McGurk onto the timeline, just past Jake Slash.
But this week.. This week I’m going to try to bring myself away from this “Destroy McGurk” cult of personality, because this week I want to end you. Sure, you’ve done nothing to me. In fact, you’ve actually supported me. You have a big collection of my tapes. Too bad none of my tapes have actually been released. That makes you a bootlegger. I hate bootleggers. Fuck you for stealing money from me. I’m going to kill you to send a message to all you net nerds out there.
Maybe I’ll light your head on fire and throw it on Wayne McGurk’s porch when I’m finished.
Maybe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
La revolución viene pero usted no lo temerá. Cuándo día de apocalipsis le alcanza, su alma llega a ser la mina y su cuerpo le fallará.
- Obo[/I]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, how did your dad end up getting off?
This mysterious man’s words echo from his lips. Clad in silver flashy jeans and a matching silver jacket, he looks like something typical from the future. On his wrist is a very fancy and complicated looking watch. Sitting across from him is a girl. Shoulder length blonde hair, but with blue highlights on the bangs. She’s wearing high boots with a short black skirt, and again, the same hideous silver jacket.
Because he convinced the judge it was all an act.
The boy looks skeptical
I’m skeptical
The girl seems like she was expecting this response, judging by his body language.
I could tell you were going to say that..
How?
Your body language
So what happened? Was it an accident?
How could it be an accident? That’s all shoot man.. I feel sorry for Jake Slash though.. He really shouldn’t have messed with my dad. Twenty years later, and he’s still in a coma..
The boy changes the subject.
So, changing the subject, you were in wrestling back then, right?
Well, kind of.. One of my dad’s enemies messed with me. They had this big cage match and they hurt each other real bad. It was a long time ago and I don’t really remember what all happened, but I remember them falling a long way onto wood.
Ouch..
Dad was real messed up. I ended up having to hang out with some guy named Flamer or something. I only remember him because he was really gay and some nurse at the hospital beat him up. He was so pathetic..
Remind me to never mess with your dad..
Gotcha
And if we ever.. You know..
Believe me, we won’t..
Well if we do.. Don’t tell him
The two share a passion kiss as Obo wakes up. He sits up in a comical manner very fast, so fast the hat he was wearing goes flying across the room. He rubs his eyes for a moment and then goes back to sleep.
you for stealing money from me. I’m going to kill you to send a message to all you net nerds out there.
