FDS: Calm During The Storm

[recklessmatten]

Reckless is sitting outside in an empty field by a barn. Raine is falling down heavily. Reckless is sitting on a log, his hair dripping wet from the rain. Reckless is looking up at the sky.

Those clouds make me think a storm is coming. Dark, gloomy skies, the air smelling fresh, yeah a storm is sure on the way.

Reckless and gets up and walks inside the barn. Inside he has a little fire going with a pot of water boiling on top. Beside the fire is a bag of what looks like food. There is also a little chair and a blanket nearer to the door. There is a tiny little candle lamp beside the chair.

Its nice having a place away from the real life outside, a place where you can relax and not have a care in the world. A place, safe away from the noise of wrestlers chatting and working. The fans chanting, booing and making noise. Only the sounds of nature, weather and the occasional plane up above in the sky. There wont be any tonight, not with the weather.

There is a huge clap of thunder, shortly followed by lightning. The bolt lights up the whole of the barn. Reckless gets up and pulls the door closed. The rain is crashing on the roof top, leaking into one corner. Reckless moves the chair closer to the fire. He sits down and puts on a glove and removes the pot of water from the fire. He takes out some teabags and some milk from his bag and a cup. He makes himself a drink.

Its funny, I come here to get away from it all, yet I am still reminded of it. The weather, the thunder reminds me of the WFWF International Champion, Thunder. I can’t help but think, will he come at me like a bolt of lightning. Yes he will, but I can’t help but think that I will be a break in the storm, a ray of sunshine peering through the clouds. You see, I have a chance to prove I am championship material.

Reckless stands up and walks outside. The sun is out. The wet fields shine as the suns rays reflect of the drops of water. Reckless pushes the doors open wide. He walks back into the barn and collects his stuff together. He pours the water remaining in the pot over the fire to put it out. He picks up his bag and walks out. He shuts the doors and locks them behind him. He puts the key under the log he was sitting on earlier and walks across the fields.

I am on a mission, to prove to everybody that I am not a push over. Yes I know Raine showed how easy I was to manipulate and how easy I could be lead on, but that was before I realised what was important, myself and my friends. I need to focus on what ahead of me. But, I am not going to let Raine get away with this. But that is HS business. This is FDS business. I am back in the big leagues and I earned my place, like it or not. Raine I will deal with you at the HS’s, but my major goal, is a championship. Beating Thunder would stake my claim to the gold.

Reckless starts to run through the field. He jumps through a bush and is now standing back in the public. He heads towards the arena. He walks in the back way and heads straight for the locker room. Reckless takes his place by putting his bag down. He takes out some wrist tape and heads over to the trainer’s room. He knocks on the door and someone lets him in. He gives a guy some tape and his wrists begin to be taped.

Trainer: How are you today?

Reckless: I am fine, feeling a lot more focused today.

Trainer: How you feeling about going up against Thunder?

Reckless: I see it as a huge opportunity for me. If I can beat the champ, that surely has to put me up in the rankings maybe even get me in title contention.

Trainer: Hope so man. You’re all taped up now. Go put on a show.

Reckless smiles and leaves the room. He heads back over to the locker room. He siss down by his bag and gets changed. As he ties up his paces he notices a note in front of him. He picks it up and starts to read it.

Dear Reckless, I know you want to find out who I am, but at this time you can’t. Not until Raine is gone. Give up trying to find me. I will tell you when the time is right. Just focus on tonight and Thunder, not me or Raine. Just win.

Reckless looks around him. He puts the note inside his bag. He goes back to tying his laces. He stands up and puts his clothes in his bag. He grabs his bag and heads towards the loading area. He places his bag on a loading box and sits on top of it. He crosses his leg, leans his head back and closes his eyes.

This is my chance. To prove my critics wrong. To prove everyone wrong. To prove that I can fight with the best and have a chance at beating the best. This one match could make or break me. I wont let this slip away.


-Reckless-

[sonstuds]

With the exception of things possibly being written better it seems all my critiques still apply on a weekly basis. You still have Reckless doing multiple actions in a monologue for no reason. You still start it off with a monologue then voyage into his personal life (kind of) which doesn't make sense in that context, seeing as now we're lead to believe a camera man just follows Reckless for multiple hours at a time.

The trainer scene was pretty pointless and the "thunder" analogy was lame. I dunno, it just seems you always have the same flaws.

[recklessmatten]

you have a very clear point there. I think its where i only do certain parts at a time and forget what i had planned for the whole thing. I am hoping my RP for the ppv is differant coz i have that written already.

[Thunder]

EBR covered just about everything, but one other thing you should try is to fix is how you begin sentences in your description. Maybe it's just me, but I find it a worse read when every sentence is "He did this. He did that. He did this after he did that." Just try to mix up the way you write that and it should be better. As far as what you said about forgetting what you had planned, it might help if you do an outline of everything you want to cover in an RP before you go ahead and begin writing any of it.

[CBT]

I'm just noting I intend to reply tomorrow, hopefully this is not locked.