New Dawn - Astray

[Deleted]

I sat down in my front yard, as a stray cat wandered across the street and onto my lawn. Looking into his lost, lonely eyes, I could only think of one thing.

Me.

This poor, skinny, forgotten mess of a creature was left behind by his own mother, doomed to wander the streets alone for the rest of his life. In a lot of ways, me and this cat are similar. Alone. Friendless. No family.

I look at him, shaking and jittering as he struggles to walk. The cat has a limp on his back leg, which gives him another similarity to me.

He's in constant pain.

See, I don't know if anybody knows, but every morning when I wake up, I am in pain. When I show up to work, I'm in pain. When I wrestle, I'm in pain. Every waking moment of my life, inside, I'm aching. I'm hurting. I'm bleeding. I'm in pain. I'm just like that stray cat. I'm a lost, forgotten about, tortured soul doomed to spend the rest of his days in a mental exile, on the borderline of insanity, barely managing to not lose my mind every single second of my life.

I moved a little bit closer to him, but he instantly backed away and ran up the streets, and this made me realise that me and this cat aren't similar at all. He was shitting himself at the thought of me coming closer, so he ran away.

Whereas, I don't run away from any challengers, and that's exactly what Daniel Kirkbride will find out at New Dawn.

If you think that you're aggressive and violent, just wait until you get in the ring with me. You're looking at a man who physically sucked the life out of Shapiro. You're looking at a man that went toe-to-toe with quite possibly the most physically imposing man in all of the WFWF, Devilkiller, and slapped him right in his deformed face. I'm like nothing you've ever faced before, Daniel, you do realise that, right? Whenever you do something bad, does that linger in the back of your mind? Does the fact that you turned your back on Joe Bishop at Ascension torture your brain because you realise what you've done? It does. And I know it does. Because when I look into your eyes, just like I did with that cat, I see one thing.

A pretender.

A phonie.

A fake.

A poser.

You are a façade of a human being, trying to pass himself off as a poor-mans Axel Thornstowe.

There's only room for one angry, reckless, bastard around here, and his name is Axel Thornstowe.

You'll find out exactly why they call me the new face of crazy.

[Deleted]

This was a pretty short piece, but I feel like it was still one of my best yet.

[Mr. PerpetuaLynch Motion]

Another RP this week that was short and sweet. I dug this one too. For some inexplicable reason I wasn't a big fan of the whole thing being in red but at the same time I understand it because it was basically an entire internal monologue. As you continue to improve I feel like you could become a pretty interesting competitor here. The only advice I could give would be to possibly delve a little bit deeper into describing the scene. But don't make the same mistakes I do when it comes to doing too much scene building. Haha. It's a fine line. I have always liked the idea of internal monologues, it's something I used to do often so I can appreciate a good one. Good luck in your match sir.

[Rated R]

There's a lot to be said about a good monologue but I don't want you to think that it can make up for a lack of character work that's best done through some well written scene work. I liked this don't get me wrong but I want to delve more into the character and see his life outside the ring and I think you're getting to the point as a writer where you could do some really good work if you put in the effort.

[The Gangsta]

Echoing Trace's sentiments, you need more outside development for Axel. The monologue is great, but if you can somehow tie it in with some stuff going on in Axel's personal life, that would be great. You mention how he has no friends nor family. I'm not gonna say to create them right away, but somehow indicate a shift towards a change in his character. Let him meet people around as a sense of a new direction. I remember you mentioning a while back that you either wanted to go into a new direction with Axel or scrap him entirely and create a new character. If you gravitate towards Axel trying to do whats better for himself, you can divulge and develop him from the people he meets.

[Deleted]

Trace hit the nail on the head with this. It's a very good monologue, especially considering you got your point across shortly and sweetly. Apart from these monologue look-ins though honestly, I can't recall any real character development with Axel. I don't really know what led him to a life where he's known as the new face of crazy. I seem to recall a while back there were some backstory pieces but I can't remember any follow-up in the past few shows. I understand being strapped for time, so hopefully once you get it we can see more into the character that is Axel along with consistent monologues.

EDIT: Adding on to Ante, I still feel you have plenty to write with for Axel. If you don't want to however, I feel it'd have to be someone that could be related to him. I feel as if it would, for lack of a better term, be cinematic. Axel is our intro character and the main one for the start, then boom, something happens and there's a new main. This is NOT saying you should drop him or even listen, that's just the vibe I get from your writing that you could knock that type of thing out of the park.