Post by Deleted on Mar 1, 2015 23:15:46 GMT -5
LET'S TAKE A FLASH BACK HERE SHALL WE? WELL YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE ANYWAYS YOU BIG IDIOT. IT WAS RHETORICAL.
Last week, on Big Trouble in Little Seattle, unmanly man(?) and CEO of the horrible product known as Thornstowe's Axels (great way of spelling axle wrong the big idiot), Axel Thornstowe attempted to do the unthinkable. He attempted to rid the world of one it's most precious international treasures. He tried to defile the Mona Lisa. He attempt to spray paint a DickButt on the Sistine Chapel. HE HAD THE GALL TO TRY TO SHAVE THE GLORIOUS, BUSHY, FULL, MOIST, FLAWLESS, PERFECT, AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, BODACIOUS, INDESCRIBABLE, DESCRIBABLE, BOUNDLESS, IMMEASURABLE, GROOVY, MUSTACHE OF STAN MCMANN, THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN. A crime only a little more bad than only putting one N in McMann. Seriously, it's way more manly with two.
However, as was established in our last edition, Axel Thornstowe is either a woman or an unmanly man, and therefore is not intelligent. Axel Thornstowe failed to realize that the sheer manliness of Stan McMann does not allow him to not have a mustache. If Axel had succeeded in his foolhardy attempt to defile the masculine, chiseled upper lip, an upper lip with more muscle mass than the entire body of Axel Thornstowe, the immortal mustache would have simply grown back. What a big dumb idiot.
But we have plenty of time to talk about the mustache that no words can describe. After the events of Big Trouble in Little Seattle, Stan McMann hops aboard his stead whose manliness can only be measured in either pure whiskey laced testosterone or in comparison to that of Stan McMann the manliest manly man himself. Huck the Bearded THIRTEEN Point Buck. That's right, he's so manly that he grew another point since last time. Stan McMann hops aboard the rugged hide of Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck as the force of manhood lifts them straight to the sky, blasting a hold in the arena's ceiling as they leave.
Stan McMann: Where are we off to now, oh God of all manly men?
Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck: WE SET OFF ON OUR JOURNEY TO THE KINGDOM OF MANLINESS, MOTHERER. THIS IS A PLACE WHERE ONLY THE TOP 0.0000000000000000000001% OF ALL MANLY MEN CAN GO. AND BECAUSE YOU, STAN MCMANN THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN IS SURELY THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN THAT SURE CAN, MANLIER THAN A FRYING PAN, MANLIER THAN CANNED HAM, MANLIER THAN MY WORLD OF WARCRAFT CLAN, YOU STAN MCMANN THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN SURELY CAN ACCESS THE KINDGOM OF MANLINESS.
Stan McMann: Wait, how do you play World of Warcraft without thumbs?
Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck: WHERE WE'RE GOING, YOU DON'T NEED THUMBS.
Fire blows out of the anus of Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck as they head towards their destination at speeds only comprehensible by people who have nothing in common with Axel Thornstore and Axle Aomori, meaning people with testicles and a penis that are also manly.
Stan McMann: Hold on, who is Axle Aomori? And why didn't they teach Thornstowe how to spell Axle?
Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck: THAT IS NOT, NOR WILL IT EVER BE IMPORTANT. HE'S A BITCH, NUFF SAID.
And that's all that was said. Axle Aomori, while actually being able to spell Axle, is also an unmanly man. Or maybe a woman, I don't know I haven't looked down his pants or anything like that. I just know he's not a manly man.
And with that, Stan McMann and Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck arrived at their destination. The horns of heaven chimes as clouds part and reveal a Roman Coliseum-esque building. EXCEPT IT'S MADE OUT OF THE PURE HARDENED TESTOSTERONE. You may be asking, how is that possible? ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU'RE MANLY ENOUGH, BITCH.
Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck lands on a cloud and gallops 10 miles about the speed limit towards the entrance. If you go slower than that you're an unmanly man or woman and if you go faster than that you're a dick. But like a tiny, 2 inches when erect dick that is infected with Chlamydia dick. A dick that totally couldn't give a woman an orgasm, like Stan McMann can. They enter the gates, with absolutely no resistance as anyone with eyes can see how manly Stan McMann and Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck are.
Sitting at a table is Chuck Norris, Rambo, and Ron Swanson, three of the manliest men you will ever lay your eyes on. The three men each enjoy a handle of Jack Daniels, drinking it straight from the bottle and eating an entire cow. Don't lie, you just came in your pants thinking about how manly that was. Stan McMann approaches, and greets the men with a tip of his mustache. Chuck Norris pees his pants in sheer fear of being in the presence of the manliest manly man. Rambo's left bicep COMPLETELY EXPLODES, kinda like all the guys he killed in the original movie, THE SEQUELS. Ron Swanson, completely against his own will, SHAVES HIS OWN MUSTACHE. This is the ultimate respect one manly man can pass another. One problem for Mr. Swanson though, his mustache can't instantly grow back like Stan McMann's. With one single manly tear, Ron Swanson leaves the Kingdom of Manliness, knowing facial hair is a requirement.
Bowing to Chuck Norris and Rambo, having inadvertently just embarrassed and/or maimed two very manly men, but men who aren't as manly as him, Stan McMann the manliest manly man walks away and tries to avoid eye contact with the other members of the Kingdom of Manliness knowing that even though there's a high level of manliness required to be a part of the group, a level of manliness higher than that of anyone in the WFWF other than Stan McMann himself, Stan McMann is still infinitely manlier than all of them.
Stan McMann: So, why are we here?
Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck: BECAUSE I SAID SO, BITCH.
And that's it, because I don't feel like writing anymore.
Last week, on Big Trouble in Little Seattle, unmanly man(?) and CEO of the horrible product known as Thornstowe's Axels (great way of spelling axle wrong the big idiot), Axel Thornstowe attempted to do the unthinkable. He attempted to rid the world of one it's most precious international treasures. He tried to defile the Mona Lisa. He attempt to spray paint a DickButt on the Sistine Chapel. HE HAD THE GALL TO TRY TO SHAVE THE GLORIOUS, BUSHY, FULL, MOIST, FLAWLESS, PERFECT, AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, BODACIOUS, INDESCRIBABLE, DESCRIBABLE, BOUNDLESS, IMMEASURABLE, GROOVY, MUSTACHE OF STAN MCMANN, THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN. A crime only a little more bad than only putting one N in McMann. Seriously, it's way more manly with two.
However, as was established in our last edition, Axel Thornstowe is either a woman or an unmanly man, and therefore is not intelligent. Axel Thornstowe failed to realize that the sheer manliness of Stan McMann does not allow him to not have a mustache. If Axel had succeeded in his foolhardy attempt to defile the masculine, chiseled upper lip, an upper lip with more muscle mass than the entire body of Axel Thornstowe, the immortal mustache would have simply grown back. What a big dumb idiot.
But we have plenty of time to talk about the mustache that no words can describe. After the events of Big Trouble in Little Seattle, Stan McMann hops aboard his stead whose manliness can only be measured in either pure whiskey laced testosterone or in comparison to that of Stan McMann the manliest manly man himself. Huck the Bearded THIRTEEN Point Buck. That's right, he's so manly that he grew another point since last time. Stan McMann hops aboard the rugged hide of Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck as the force of manhood lifts them straight to the sky, blasting a hold in the arena's ceiling as they leave.
Stan McMann: Where are we off to now, oh God of all manly men?
Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck: WE SET OFF ON OUR JOURNEY TO THE KINGDOM OF MANLINESS, MOTHERER. THIS IS A PLACE WHERE ONLY THE TOP 0.0000000000000000000001% OF ALL MANLY MEN CAN GO. AND BECAUSE YOU, STAN MCMANN THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN IS SURELY THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN THAT SURE CAN, MANLIER THAN A FRYING PAN, MANLIER THAN CANNED HAM, MANLIER THAN MY WORLD OF WARCRAFT CLAN, YOU STAN MCMANN THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN SURELY CAN ACCESS THE KINDGOM OF MANLINESS.
Stan McMann: Wait, how do you play World of Warcraft without thumbs?
Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck: WHERE WE'RE GOING, YOU DON'T NEED THUMBS.
Fire blows out of the anus of Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck as they head towards their destination at speeds only comprehensible by people who have nothing in common with Axel Thornstore and Axle Aomori, meaning people with testicles and a penis that are also manly.
Stan McMann: Hold on, who is Axle Aomori? And why didn't they teach Thornstowe how to spell Axle?
Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck: THAT IS NOT, NOR WILL IT EVER BE IMPORTANT. HE'S A BITCH, NUFF SAID.
And that's all that was said. Axle Aomori, while actually being able to spell Axle, is also an unmanly man. Or maybe a woman, I don't know I haven't looked down his pants or anything like that. I just know he's not a manly man.
And with that, Stan McMann and Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck arrived at their destination. The horns of heaven chimes as clouds part and reveal a Roman Coliseum-esque building. EXCEPT IT'S MADE OUT OF THE PURE HARDENED TESTOSTERONE. You may be asking, how is that possible? ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU'RE MANLY ENOUGH, BITCH.
Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck lands on a cloud and gallops 10 miles about the speed limit towards the entrance. If you go slower than that you're an unmanly man or woman and if you go faster than that you're a dick. But like a tiny, 2 inches when erect dick that is infected with Chlamydia dick. A dick that totally couldn't give a woman an orgasm, like Stan McMann can. They enter the gates, with absolutely no resistance as anyone with eyes can see how manly Stan McMann and Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck are.
Sitting at a table is Chuck Norris, Rambo, and Ron Swanson, three of the manliest men you will ever lay your eyes on. The three men each enjoy a handle of Jack Daniels, drinking it straight from the bottle and eating an entire cow. Don't lie, you just came in your pants thinking about how manly that was. Stan McMann approaches, and greets the men with a tip of his mustache. Chuck Norris pees his pants in sheer fear of being in the presence of the manliest manly man. Rambo's left bicep COMPLETELY EXPLODES, kinda like all the guys he killed in the original movie, THE SEQUELS. Ron Swanson, completely against his own will, SHAVES HIS OWN MUSTACHE. This is the ultimate respect one manly man can pass another. One problem for Mr. Swanson though, his mustache can't instantly grow back like Stan McMann's. With one single manly tear, Ron Swanson leaves the Kingdom of Manliness, knowing facial hair is a requirement.
Bowing to Chuck Norris and Rambo, having inadvertently just embarrassed and/or maimed two very manly men, but men who aren't as manly as him, Stan McMann the manliest manly man walks away and tries to avoid eye contact with the other members of the Kingdom of Manliness knowing that even though there's a high level of manliness required to be a part of the group, a level of manliness higher than that of anyone in the WFWF other than Stan McMann himself, Stan McMann is still infinitely manlier than all of them.
Stan McMann: So, why are we here?
Huck the Bearded Thirteen Point Buck: BECAUSE I SAID SO, BITCH.
And that's it, because I don't feel like writing anymore.