Post by Thunder on Dec 4, 2013 23:16:51 GMT -5
---OOC Note: This RP is intended for the battle royal and should be read BEFORE my other RP, as these events take place before that one.---
Michael couldn't sleep.
For hours upon hours, he had tried everything, and nothing was working at all. At one point he even tried counting sheep for a while, but he just focusing on how stupid and pointless the idea was. And then he just had to look it up on Wikipedia to find out where the dumb idea came out, which just served to make him more awake.
At this point, it had become quite annoying. He couldn't spend hour upon hour tossing and turning like this. On one hand, it was frustrating, and on the other hand, it was extremely detrimental. He had an early flight in the morning, and at this rate he was going to be running on no sleep.
The flights themselves were miserable enough to begin with. More than anything else, it was this aspect of his wrestling career that made him want to get away. The constant travel and bouncing around from place to place became too much at times. Sometimes he did wonder if it was truly worth it to keep doing it for long. His drive to succeed and reach the top of the WFWF was still strong within him, but it wasn't something he could continue forever. At some point he would need to accept that he had done enough and had to walk away. Ego would have to be out aside for a more domestic and stable life.
The pressure from within his own family and home life contributed to that decision as well. The fact of the matter was that it was a burden on the people who loved him the most sometimes. They had all somehow managed to stick with him, but sometimes their patience was stretched to the limits. For all they had endured, at a certain point he had to acquiesce to what they wanted, if only as a way to say thanks for all they had put up with.
For now, his main concern was just getting to sleep. At this stage, though, it seemed pretty unlikely. It seems more and more likely that he was going to be one miserable person on the flight. Well, that wasn't really much different from his typical flight experience.
Michael got out of bed ever so delicately, so not to wake up his bedmate. Just because he was sleep deprived didn't mean that he had to subject someone else to his misery. He also didn't dare out the lights on, which put him at a major risk for tripping on something and falling ass over teakettle. Even after all these years he wasn't sure enough of the full layout of the room to navigate it in the dark. And so he thrust his arms in front of him wildly to ensure he wasn't about to crash into anything. Ordinarily he would have been self-conscious about looking so moronic, but no one would ever see the stupid stuff he did in the dark.
One area where he did navigate well in the dark was the bathroom. Not wanting to subject himself to the terrible light adjustment that came from going from dark to light, he successfully took a leak without the aid of illumination. Well, it seemed successful at the present moment. With the lights on later, it was possible a different reality would emerge.
He attempted to make his way back to bed just as quietly, but those plans were thwarted. All was going fine until one floorboard creaked a little too much, and the jig was up. Now his guest was awake.
"Michael?" she asked, her voice muffled in the pillow. Although somewhat awake, she made no effort to move from her position in bed.
"Sorry, I just had to go to bathroom," he replied as he made his way back to bed. Now that she was awake anyway, he moved much faster, cutting down on the time it took to make it there.
"You need to get some sleep," she said. "Your flight is really early."
“I know, I know. Hopefully I'll be able to fall asleep now.”
Suddenly, having heard her soothing voice (even if he was technically being given orders), Michael was feeling a little romantic. He didn't really expect to lead to anything now, but his love for her was so great that he felt compelled to at least kiss her.
With her laying on her side facing opposite him, it would be a little fun surprise for her as well. Sometimes, he had learned, little showings of affection were important. After all these years, he was still learning things like this.
Sitting up, he realized he didn't really have a good angle to kiss her. To fix this, he ever so gently rested one hand on her shoulder. Taking his cue, she allowed herself to move to a position on her back.
Michael leaned down, bringing his face closer to hers. By the time he realized what was so very wrong, it was too late to pull away.
A cornucopia of maggots and various insects rushed in and all of Stacy's vacant eye sockets as if it was rush hour on an interstate freeway. He tried with all his might to pull away or at least advert his eyes, but his body would not let him. He was helpless to stop himself from staring at what the ravages of time had done to her. And the smell was somehow still horrible and
he sat up in bed and screamed. Sweat seemed to be pouring out of him all over, despite how bitterly cold it was. Of course there was not actually anyone next to him in bed. That was obvious right away, but he had to be sure. Multiple times he ran his hands over the air hanging above the pillow and bed, to confirm that there was really nothing there. Everything he did confirmed the suspicion that there really was nothing there. It was all just a dream.
There was a knock at the bedroom door. Although he jumped for a moment at the disruption, it became clear what was going on. With only one other person in the house, it was obvious who it was. He must have woken up Aaron, his son.
"Yeah?" Michael asked.
The door squeaked open ever so slowly, pushed open by a hand that was still very small. Although Aaron was big for his age, at the age of five he still had plenty of growing and maturing ahead of him.
"You okay, dad?" Aaron asked.
"Yeah, I just had a bad dream. Go back to bed."
"Alright."
His son sulked off, and Michael realized pretty quickly that he had been unnecessarily harsh with his tone. In his defense, he was still a little freaked out over what just happened. That still wasn't any reason to talk that way to his son. It had been part of a larger issue that had been compounding itself more.
His whole problems with not letting people into his life had, in some ways, effected his son as well. Sometimes he asked when he would get to see his uncle or his grandpa, which was not an easy question to answer when you weren't on speaking terms with those people. It seemed to annoy Aaron a bit.
But ultimately, and selfishly, these problems had to be worked out for himself. What Robin had said was absolutely right. True happiness had eluded him year after year, and if the didn't start letting people in and start to reconcile himself with Stacy's death, the happiness wouldn't come.
In theory, this didn't seem difficult. He had thus far been able to turn around his WFWF career after dismal failures before. That should have been more difficult since there was the uncertainty if it was even physically possible for him to achieving his goals.
No, this was going to be a lot more difficult, and it was going to take so long that wasn't even sure he had the patience or the ability for it. But he wasn't going to be happy relying only on his sister, and Malakai for a limited time only, for conversation while he openly found reasons to not like a woman.
And there was only one person he could reach out to to see how he start opening up. No, that didn't mean a shrink. If he was going to waste inordinate amounts of money, we would chose gambling over that, since there were at least flashing lights and the minuscule chance of getting something out of it.
He sat up in his bed spending far too long trying to figure out what to say to her that didn't make him sound like a complete idiot. As it turned out, there was no way to achieve that. There was really no nice way to phrase "Hey, I just realized you were right. I have been an a**hole all these years and now I require assistance to figure out how to rejoin society." Instead of that awful wording, he just sent a text that said "You were right. What can I do?" That seemed to get the message across without being too self-deprecating.
Almost immediately Robin responded in the form of a phone call. Michael's immediate inclination was to ignore the phone call, as he didn't feel comfortable going into the depths of his feelings over the phone like this. There were two problems with that attitude. For one, she would know he was ignoring him since he had literally just sent the text. And by ignoring it he was also taking part in one of the activities that had led him to this point. As painful as it was, he answered the call.
"Hello?" Michael said.
"I'm guessing you mean about the lecture I gave you in the car a couple of weeks ago."
"Jeez, what happened to hello, how are you?"
"I could ask you how you were, but you'd lie and say you are alright, so it seems pointless."
"You've got a point there," he said. "And yes, that is what I'm talking about."
"I'm just glad you're willing do something. That was more than I expected out of you, honestly."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal."
"Like you've really earned it," she said.
"Touché."
"Alright, let's focus here and not spend hours bickering over stuff that doesn't matter. Here's my advice on this whole thing. Not only have you made yourself miserable by shutting people out and turning them off personally, you've done the same thing romantically. Here's what you've got to realize. There are people who still care about you. You've tested their patience a lot of times, and they might not even like you much right now, but they still care about you. You wouldn't know that, however, because you make no effort to talk to any of those people, except for me.
"If you went ahead and talked to this people, maybe some of them will be willing to let you back into their lives. There's no guarantees there, but it's worth a try. If nothing else, it will be good to face the stuff you've ignored all the time. I know your natural inclination is to hide and ignore everything, and look where that's gotten you. For once, you're gonna have to face these things head on and talk to these people. The only way out of what you're at is to face it head on. The way out is the way in."
This wasn't the first time in his life that he had gotten some kind of variation of this speech from his sister. In form or another, he had heard some kind of thing like this many times. His regression and coldness at his mother's funeral years earlier had been one of those times, and one of the major events in further straining and breaking his relationship with his brother. It wasn't even major events like that which brought this kind of talk on, though. On a much more minor level, this kind of thing had been brought up all time.
And each time, it brought the same reaction from him. He was fine, he always thought, and it was downright silly to suggest that he needed to change something. It was all the other people's fault for not looking at things his way. None of them were able to understand and comprehend his correct point of view, so they were nothing but a burden to Michael. If they wanted to treat him that way, then they didn't deserve to be part of his life.
For the first time, what Robin was saying got through to him, because only in the last few weeks had his perspective finally changed. After the years of mostly loneliness, the revelation had ever so slowly started to creep into his mind. Now he had somewhat accepted the fact that the problem was mostly, if not entirely, his own fault.
And since he actually wanted to change, there was no choice but to listen to the person who was willing to talk.
"I guess you're right," he admitted sheepishly. "So how should I go about this?"
"I'm pretty sure you know who you need to talk to. That you can figure out. You know exactly who to talk to. I know there's some of them you don't want to talk to or won't be comfortable with, but just do it. And that includes the conversation that's going to be the hardest for you. But that's going to be the most important one for you going forward. So you better not wimp out."
"Who do you mean?" he asked.
"I mean Stacy's parents."
Michael pretty much knew who Robin was talking about before she even said it. He was hoping that wasn't what she was talking about, and sought to dispel his thoughts about what it was. But she was talking about the very people he feared talking to the most.
That was the conversation that was going to be the hardest. Of all the people he should have kept in contact with, except with maybe the exception of his brother,this was his worst offense. They were a very close link to Stacy, the most important person who had ever been in his life, and had somehow tolerated him the years the two of them were together. And like so many others, he had lost contact with them, which was especially ridiculous with them being the grandparents of his son.
So of course, in typical fashion, he put the idea on the back burner for the time being.
After taking his son off to school, he found himself sitting in his living room, just wondering what he should do next. He had turned the TV on punk sitting down, but that proved to pointless. It was just barely noticeable background noise, like those stupid sounds of wind you were supposed to play to stimulate babies that hadn't been born, or crap like that. All he was doing was trying to think of was just who it was he should be and wanted to be in contact with.
The number of bridges he burned over the years were numerous, and the types of people it encumbered varied greatly. There were family members like his brother, family members by association like Stacy's parents, and the practically dozens of guys in his professional life in WFWF. In some ways, the stuff he had done in the WFWF was most absurd of all with the way he had acted and treated others. Most of the people in his personal he had alienated through ignoring them or being disrespectful. For the people in WFWF, it sometimes became a lot worse.
It was a wonder to him that he and Malakai were on the terms that they were again. The very idea that people could rekindle their friendship after literally setting themselves on fire seemed crazy. There had been so much animosity and betrayal there it seems certain that relationship was beyond repair.
As he sat and contemplated all of this, it struck him for the first time how amazing it was that he had gone back and reconnected with Shawn. It was so completely out of character for him that it surprised himself as much as it did Shawn. The motives were always clear every time he talked someone about it: he figured out that was in bad shape, and wanted to be there for him and to help him out.
But that was a lie.
It wasn't a lie to just everyone else, it was a lie to himself.
He could pretend all he wanted that he had come into contact with Shawn, and in turn parlay it into a return to WFWF, was to benefit Shawn, but that was just a lie. When he now sat alone thinking about where he was at, the lie now became clear. He had done this for himself, and not for Shawn. That was the real end game. Ultimately it was just as selfish as could be, and fell within the same principles of what Robin was talking about.
Reconnecting with Malakai was nothing more than trying to make himself feel better. From his home, he saw a man struggling with his health on TV and out of nowhere sprung into action to be by his side again. It hadn't been Shawn's struggle that drew him in his direction. It had been been seeking to fill his own void and emptiness, and deal with his own sense of guilt.
By the time he saw Malakai on TV and jumped into action, the feeling of emptiness was already almost overwhelming. In some ways, it was his lowest point. The thing about having a low point is that it doesn't have to be some dramatic movie-like moment where you overdose on something and end up trying to kill yourself. Low points can just happen in ways that don't make for interesting high drama.
But it was his low point. The relationship he was faking his way through could no longer be repaired. He had been faking his way through it anyway for a while, and it was only now coming off the rails.
And what did he have going on his life? Not a damn thing. The only thing that ever served as a distraction in his life was wrestling in the WFWF. For years upon years as his personal life deteriorated, wrestling was his solace. That was the one way he could escape and distract himself. Constantly trying to obtain higher goals and become the greatest in his field was the driving force, and often the sole driving force, in his life.
As he sat on his couch that day watching WFWF on TV, there was literally nothing going on in his day or his life. Every single solitary day was exactly the same as every day. If not for his son, there was absolutely no reason to wake up in the morning.
In was in that context that he saw an opening to change things. There was a chance for purpose and personal fulfillment, coupled with a chance to revive his career and remake his last run in the company.
He took that step without the benefit of prodding from Robin, but that was easier than what she was suggesting. In some ways, it was easiest to reconcile things with Shawn, more than anyone else. That was for a multitude of reasons. For starters, their rift was a lot more recent than most of the people he had ruined things with. The cluttered mess of ruined relationships often went back many years, making chances of fixing things harder.
And most importantly, Shawn was someone who needed people in his life, even if he wouldn't admit it. This was a relatively easy way for Michael to get some of his life back, by taking a person at the height of their vulnerability and trying to lie to himself that he wasn't helping them for selfish reasons.
"I'm not a good person," he said out loud to no one at all.
With sudden guilt rushing through every bit of his body, Michael took another uncharacteristic move. He quickly whipped his phone out of his pocket and called Shawn. This newfound weight had to be lifted off his shoulders.
It kept ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And . . . that's right, you guessed it, ringing.
When it finally got to voicemail, Michael contemplated leaving a message, but as there was no easy way to say the necessary things, he chickened out and hung up. He wondered if he would even get up the nerve to try calling Shawn about this later on. It seemed unlikely. The moment had been fleeting, and that time may have just passed.
But he remembered what Robin said. His natural instinct was, as always, to give up and not pursue what she told him he needed to do. That had gotten him nowhere at all. While he was in this mood, he had to commit to at least something. There was one other former WFWF friend that sprung to mind immediately. The number was no longer in his phone, but he knew where to find it.
It took some time, but after rummaging through some boxes in the basement, he found the number he was looking for.
In some ways, he owed his entire success in the WFWF to Kurt Burton. Kurt didn't have to kick out his current partner and allow a guy like Thunder, a never was, to team with him. But Kurt saw something in Thunder and had let him form a team with him. It was in that team that Thunder first started to show more than just faint glimpses of promise. It was there that he started to look like the real deal. And that all started with Kurt's faith in him.
Over time, along with Wayne, they became just like an honest to god legit family. The bond was there and it was strong. This was a group of men that would have done anything for each other. It seemed like an unbreakable bond at the time.
And then things changed. A lot. One man's massive ego altered the course of The Axis and forever splintered the group. It wasn't just the brutal, sickening matches with Wayne and Kurt that made it so horrible. It was those moments like grabbing Vanessa and forcibly kissing her on live TV. Morally reprehensible things were done. It was no wonder the relationship with Kurt and Wayne later failed. It was well deserved, and it was no fault of his own.
At the time, it sure seemed like the right idea to get away from them. They, like so many others, just didn't seem to be on his side. They didn't get where he was coming from and only stood in his way, and in a major fashion.
Oh, how wrong he had been. All he lost in the matter was some of the people closet to him. It wasn't just a matter of losing people who had his back in the ring. They also made those awful journeys from town to town not only tolerable, but bearable. Having that level of companionship was rare in life, and he flushed that all away.
Was it possible to get any of that back? Almost certainly not. It didn't hurt to try and to try to make amends.
Michael took a deep breath and then punched in the numbers.
The loud screeching sound exploded in his ear, followed by a robotic voice.
"The number you've reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service," the voice said.
Michael double checked the number and saw that he didn't misdial. This number was just a dead end. This was quite the great start he was off on.
The more he thought about it, Kurt probably wouldn't have wanted to talk to him in the first place. Shawn still would at this point, but after what he planned on telling him, it was quite possible Shawn would be done with him to. Somehow even when he tried to make things right, that still failed miserably.
Moments later, his phone started going off. Checking his caller ID, he saw that it was Shawn calling him back. He almost just let it keep ringing without answering. That was the much easier option, the way to avoid further conflict.
But that was what he always did, and it got him to this low point to begin with. Answering was the better option. For once, he had to face this head on and deal with it. Walking around with permanent guilt was in no way any better than this.
"Hello?" Michael said.
"Hey. You just called me?"
"Yeah, I was just thinking about something."
"That's a change of pace," Shawn said.
"I'm serious about this. There was something I really wanted to talk about."
"Alright, alright. What is it?"
"This was something I should have talked to you about earlier, but to be honest, I didn't realize it myself. Now that I've been thinking about what I've done, there's some things I need to say to you."
"Go on," Shawn said.
"To get right down to it, I owe you an apology. There were a lot of things I said to you when we started talking again and made my return to WFWF. It was the same thing I told everybody about why I had a sudden change of heart and came back. And in my heart of hearts, I believed I was telling you and everyone the truth.
"But I wasn't. It was all a complete lie. Coming back wasn't about you at all. It was for me and about me. That's all it really was. I've never gotten into it with you fully, and it's so inconsequential compared to you're situation that it's not worth even getting into briefly. Needless to say, I haven't been happy with myself or my life for a long time. I've been pretty damn empty for far too long. All I did was exploit your situation as a reason to help myself professionally and personally. Not only was an excuse to fill a void by wrestling again, but I also was making a connection to a person I once severed ties with, filling that void as well. And now that it's hit me, I realize how big of an a**hole I am, and for that I really am sorry."
"When are you going to tell me something I don't know?" Shawn asked.
"What are you talking about?"
"This is not news to me at all. I don't think you fully consider how well I know you. Apparently it's more than you know yourself. I knew from the very beginning that this was what you were up to."
"I don't get it," Michael said. "How could you know that when I didn't even know what I was doing?"
"Because that's who you are. That's your nature. You've gotten to where you are by using people. You're a master at it, and just like a habitual liar you don't always know that you're doing it. So I had no doubts about what you were doing this whole time. I know you well enough to know what's up. There's good in you but you just can't help yourself."
"Then how the hell are you okay with this?" Michael asked.
"It's not that bad. I've accepted it because that's just the way it is. It's not the best situation ever, but let's be honest here, I didn't exactly treat you great in the very recent past."
"Oh, you're right about that."
"So it's whatever," Malakai said. "Ultimately it has been beneficial to me and it's better to have you around than not have you around. You're just being yourself and that's all it really is."
"But I don't want to be that person. Being that person, a douche, got me to where I am now."
"It also got you a lot of what you have. You got to the top by stepping on people and using them. Maybe you just got where you are by overplaying your hand. You can be good and, I know this will sound like a major shock, but can be worth spending time with. But the part of you that is a bad guy and that does use people creeps in sometimes too much. Sometimes people get sick of that."
"Thanks," Michael said, and hung up without warning.
For once, he wasn't using sarcasm, which was the most common way of speaking with Shawn. It was a genuine guttural reaction of thanking him, for pointing out something he had not known. And once he knew it, he had to get off the phone to consider the implications.
No, he wasn't a bad person as he surmised only moments before Shawn called back. If that was the case, people wouldn't have been so willing to be around him in the first place. Robin and Shawn wouldn't still put up with him currently, Stacy would have never fallen in love with him and stayed with him despite all he did to her. A bad person wouldn't have gotten so many people to get so completely and totally close to him over the years.
But did people get sick of him and the way he acted? Oh hell yeah.
That was the whole reasoning that indirectly led to Stacy's death. Even now, he tried to act like that wasn't the case, but it sure as hell was. If Michael hadn't treated her so poorly in the face of her pregnancy she never would have broken it off that night and gone out driving. And if she hadn't been out driving, she wouldn't have gotten by the car and died during the delivery of the baby.
Because he was a good person, he was able to reconcile with her and experience her love once again. But by that point, the damage was already done.
For the first time in years, Michael found himself so overcome with emotion that tears emerged, ever so slowly, trickling down his face. It was a good thing there wasn't anyone around.
Was that part of the reason why he couldn't get over Stacy's death and move on to an actual legitimate romantic relationship? Was the knowledge, always lurking beneath the surface, that he was somewhat to blame for what happened to her, the problem?
That was something he couldn't possibly answer for sure, but he also knew it was a distinct possibility.
And he also knew he had to talk to Stacy's parents. No ifs ands or buts about it. The only way out was the way in. He had to face all of his guilt in its many manifestations, and that was the only place to do it.
Once again, Michael pulled his phone out to make a difficult call. He still had the number of Henry, Stacy's father, in his phone. The number never got used now, but it seems vaguely important to have just in case.
"Hello?" Henry said.
"Hey Henry, it's Michael."
"Michael?! Is everything okay?"
It's never a good sign of a relationship when the immediate response to contacting is that something must be wrong.
"Yeah, everything's fine. Well. I guess technically nothing's wrong that's important, but I have some of my own problems. I know this is way out there is we haven't talked in so long, but would you be okay with me coming over to talk?"
"I . . . I guess so. I'm free now," Henry said.
"Great, thanks. I'll be leaving now."
Well, he couldn't exactly leave yet. He had one other phone call to quickly make.
"Hello?" Robin said.
"Can I ask you a favor real quick?"
"What is it?"
"Can you pick up Aaron from school?" Michael asked.
"Why?"
"I'm going to see Stacy's parents now."
Michael gripped the steering wheel so tight that his fingernails were leaving indentations in the wheel. This nearly one hour drive to her parents' house was looking like one of the longest of his life.
The relationship between him and Henry and Claire had always been tumultuous at best. Since he even started dating Stacy, he wondered if they liked him that much. Henry seemed to, at the very least, tolerate him, which seemed good enough at the time.
But things had changed.
Michael wasn't even sure of the last time they talked. He knew for sure that some time, maybe a little over a year ago, he got a call from Henry that he didn't answer or return. Prior to that reaching out, who knew when it was before then. It had been a long, long time before that, he knew that much.
But what was going to happen now? Malakai had left him off the hook pretty easily for his indiscretions. There was no guarantee Henry would let him off so easy. If anything, he had more reason to hate him that anyone else. Through the elusiveness of Michael, they hadn't even seen their grandchild in years. It was a wonder to him that they didn't pursue legal action to see their grandchild again. Even with the absence of that, there was doubt he wasn't a popular man in their minds.
He deserved any hate they wanted to give out. And if he wanted to make amends, he had to be prepared to accept it.
Michael made one stop before he reached the house. He kind of had to go ahead and make the stop. It would have been so wrong not to stop the cemetery.
It was embarrassing how long it had been since he'd been to Stacy's grave. The kind of thing had naturally happened since he never visited Stacy's parents any more, and the cemetery was right by their house.
And he knew what the other issue was as well. He feared so much that his grief and guilt would overwhelm him if he visited. Carrying around the baggage of knowing your girlfriend died because of you was bad enough on its own, and visiting her grave site was only likely to make it worse.
Further embarrassment befell him almost the moment he walked into the cemetery. While wandering aimlessly trying to find the site, he went ass over teakettle tripping over one headstone. To his benefit, at least no one saw him do it.
No one saw the embarrassment of him failing to find her grave, but that provided him enough shame on his own. He thought he knew exactly where it was at, but then he found himself staring at the grave of a guy named Omar, and he knew he was way off.
When he finally found Stacy's grave, he was struck by the large array of flowers that adorned her plot. It was clear from looking at the beautiful display that the flowers were very fresh.
That alone was a bit to much for him to emotionally handle. He had no doubt that the flowers were from Stacy's parents. Outside of him, they were closest to her. And they apparently had the proper sense to pay respects for their fallen loved one, unlike some people.
What kind of person was he, ignoring Stacy and trying to hide from her memory? Not only had he indirectly caused her death but now he didn't even have the decency to pay her the proper respect.
He had to leave right away. It was all too much to bear.
The initial knock on the door was unanswered. When he tried again, Henry swung the door open.
"Hello, Michael," he said. Henry seemed to have gotten a lot grayer since the last time he saw the man. If he had seen him with some degree of frequency over the years, maybe the difference in age wouldn't have been so surprising. But when you don't see someone for years, those kind of things tend to stick out.
"Hey. Thanks for letting me come and see you."
Henry led Michael into the living room without saying another word. Michael felt the sudden urge to just get out. The tension was just too much.
There was another woman around Henry's age already in the living room. She got up and extended her hand.
"Hi, I'm Lisa. Nice to meet you."
"I'm Michael," he said as he accepted her handshake.
"I'll leave you two alone," she said, and promptly headed out of the room.
"I've never met her before," Michael remarked as he sat down. It was his attempt to make casual conversation and lighten the mood. "Is that your sister?"
"That's my wife."
"What do you mean?"
"That's the woman I'm married to," Henry said.
"What happened to Claire?"
"She died a year and a half ago."
"Oh my god," Michael said. "I'm so sorry."
And then, instinctively, he said what seemed to be the logical statement. It was a question that had popped into his head. And it was a very, very dumb one.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, and walked straight into A**hole-Ville.
"I tried to tell you. You never answered my calls."
Michael, quite literally, hung his head in shame. It was just a kick in the nuts that it deflated him completely.
"I, I can't believe I did that. I can't even put into words how horrible I feel about this now. I guess I've been more out of it then I ever knew."
"To be frank with you, Michael, I knew that already."
"What do you mean?" Michael discovered he was asking that question way too much than he typically preferred to, all in one day.
"A person doesn't just fall off the face of the earth for no good reason. That's not the actions of someone who does doing okay. You're not not a bad person, so I knew that wasn't the situation. I just knew something was probably wrong. And it wasn't my position to try to interfere and intervene."
"That's the second time today I've heard someone tell me something like that. And the reason why I talked to that person and to you is that it occurred to me just how awful my life was right now, and how I abused and ruined the relationships I had with everybody."
"That isn't what's going on, Michael."
"Yes, it is. That's what got me here. I feel like I'm a good person but I use people that's why my life has gone all to hell and why it's been that way for a long time. And that's why Stacy's dead. She is dead because of me."
Maybe Henry wasn't so old and feeble. That statement got him to leap to his feet, taking Michael completely off guard.
"Don't you ever say that," Henry said. "I don't want that thought to ever even enter your head again. If you paint yourself as a villain like this, you will never be happy. It's bad enough to dwell on using people and getting down on yourself, but to blame yourself for her death is beyond absurd. If you want to be happy again, you need to stop being your own worst enemy.
"You can't go through life carrying that load on your back," he continued. "If it was anyone else in the situation, you would be able to objectively look and tell them it wasn't their fault. But you just can't look at it from that way."
"But how can I move on and be with someone else when I know that my actions--"
"Michael, stop. Stacy's life ended because of that car crash. I don't want to see another life permanently crippled as a result of it. You've got to be able to live a life afterwards. You've got to at least try to be happy and live the best you can.
"Do you know how much pain I feel every day?" Henry continued. "I lost my daughter and then, more recently, the woman I was married to for over twenty years. There isn't a day that doesn't go by when my heart doesn't ache for them. And when Claire died, I did blame myself a little bit. I was just mulling around the living room, letting her sleep in late in bed. It was very uncharacteristic of her, but I just let it happen. When I finally went in to get her up a few hours later, she was dead. The question has lived with me since then of not knowing if she could have been saved if I checked on her sooner and for her help. That question haunted me, just like you're still haunted.
"I knew for sure I would never love again. It just wasn't possible. I was going to spend my last years alone, there was no two ways about it. But then I thought of what Claire would have wanted. Would she have wanted me to spend the rest of my life grieving and miserable? No, not at all. When she was alive all she wanted was for me to be happy, and that's still what she would want from me now. I allowed myself to be open to a full life again, and today I'm very happy. I still hurt very much over Stacy and Claire, but I am still happy. You need to quit blaming yourself and hating yourself. Do your best to move on."
"I know," Michael said. "But it's so hard."
"Trust me, I know it's hard. This is not an easy thing to come back from. But you have to try. Otherwise, you're guaranteeing you'll always be miserable."
"You're making a lot of sense," Michael said as he got up. "I think I might get it now. You're a lot smarter than I am."
"I'm not any smarter than you. You know all of this is true. You just haven't been able to see it."
They hugged, and in that moment Michael felt more genuine caring and love than he had ever expected from this conversation.
"Okay, I think we can let go now," Henry said after the embrace had started to look like a bit too much.
"Sorry about that. But thank you. I feel much better now."
"I'm glad to hear that. Don't be a stranger, now."
"I won't," Michael said. "I'll be bring Aaron over to visit soon."
Michael left the house with a smile.
It all made sense now. The lightbulb had born off during both his talks with Shawn and Henry. The person he needed to be was inside him, and if he just let the good come out, and if he tried to live a happy and active life, everything would be okay.
He had to tell Robin right away. She would be so relieved and happy for him. He called her as soon as he got in the car.
"Hello?" Robin said.
"Hey, I just got done talking to Henry, and I just had to tell you you were right."
"Oh, how I love to hear that. It's music to my ears."
"I feel so much better now," Michael said. "You have no idea."
"You'll have to tell me all about it on our trip."
"Trip? What trip?"
"There's one other person you really need to talk to in order to feel better, and we're going to see him."
"Huh?" he muttered.
"We're leaving for Paris tomorrow to see your brother."
"Are you kidding me? There's no way I'm doing that on a whim. It's only a few days before Scars & Stripes."
"We'll only be there one day, and it will be worth it. Consider this your last step in making amends."
"I'm sorry, but I just can't do this."
"Too late now," she said. "I just finished arranging everything."
"You don't understand, I can't do it."
And yet, he knew he would.
A wise man once said "you can check out any time you like, but you just can't ever leave." Well, I guess whether or not you think he's a wise man depends on how much you like The Eagles. Personally, they seem a bit overrated to me, although "Life in the Fast Lane" has a pretty good grove.
But that's besides the point.
That statement is absolutely true of my entire career in the WFWF. I've wondered before if people think of me a little strange for the way I seem to change my mind about the WFWF so much. My first exit from this company was back in 2005, and it's been a series of departures and returns since then. If I were to leave again tomorrow, every single fan and wrestler would probably expect me to come back for sure at some point in time.
So what keeps drawing me to come back to the WFWF? And really, what makes so many other people come back too? This is not just a problem that exists within myself. It's a flat out epidemic. Just look at this card. You've got Drakz and Scheinder, two guys I feuded with when a different president was in office, back and competing with each other. Guys just keep coming back here, which explains why nobody new ever gets to hold the WFWF Title. I have no doubt in my mind that there will be a bunch of "surprise" entrants in the Rumble, other guys looking make another run here by barging into the Rumble and hoping to get another title shot in their first match back. That kind of thing pisses me off. It's more or less a slap in the face to every guy walking into the match who has busted their asses for months. Those are the guys who have earned a spot in the match, unlike people who come back and expect a red carpet and a free title shot. We had it once with Drakz and I intend to make sure it doesn't happen again.
But make no mistake about it. Those people will be returning, just like all the others, myself included, have. So what is the reason why we all can't stay sway from the WFWF?
It's certainly not the ownership. Between you and me, it's amazing the company has survived so long with so many inept numbskulls running the place. Well, that's a little unfair. Not all of them have been numbskulls. Some of them have been and still are just conniving deceitful power hungry bungholes. It's kind of a prerequisite for the job.
And it's not the friendship and atmosphere either. This is not a fun workplace to be in. There has never been a lot of nice people in that locker room, and if you ask around I probably fall into that category according to some. So no, it's not that either. It's something else.
It really comes down to the competition in this company. Above all else, WFWF has always been home to some of the toughest competition you can find anywhere. If you succeed and make it in this company, you've earned it and proved your worth in the process. I can't speak for everyone, but I think that ultimately defines why people keep returning to the WFWF. They all do it to reach the top of the company once more or maybe for the first time, and they know that if they do it here, the whole world will not that they are the best.
That's been the current of my entire career here. From 2003 to 2005 I toiled in this place and had nothing to show for it. The only level I could reach was running around as a lackey for a couple different groups. I couldn't hang with the top guys, or even those at the middle of the card. It was completely disheartening and I felt like a failure. Do you have any idea what it's like to work so hard for years at a career and having nothing to show for it? It's hard to face the fact you tried something and devoted so much time to it only to utterly fail. I left here with my tail between my legs.
When I came back in 2006, there was one very clear and simple reason. I had always wanted nothing more than to succeed as a professional wrestler, to accomplish what I had never been able to before. It wasn't good enough for me to be just forgotten part of WFWF history, one of those countless nameless faceless guys who shows up, runs on the opening match treadmill for a while, and then they just disappear into the atmosphere. We've all seen hundreds of those guys. They all got tired of going nowhere like I did, and they all left.
But I didn't want to be forgotten like that whole group of lost souls. When I came back, I was determined to not be forgotten. I had to not only prove to the world but to myself that I wasn't a failure. I came back to be something. It wasn't going to be easy. Quite frankly, at the time it seemed almost impossible. But when I saw a former stablemate, Obo, reaching the top of the company, I knew that it was possible to rise above the level one had been at.
Level by level, I slowly made progress. At first, even getting together a string of victories was a major step forward. That was something I had never even experienced before, and it just enticed me to keep stepping up other levels. First it was the tag team titles, then it was the International Title, and finally at Scars and Stripes I etched my name into WFWF immortality by doing what no one thought I was capable of. Hell, no one even thought I could win the Survival of the Fittest Match to earn that shot. But I was able to prove everybody wrong.
From there, through the various ups and downs, I had one of the greatest careers in WFWF history. You can count all of the Grand Slam Champions on one hand, and I'm one of them. It was a Hall of Fame career that I'm extremely proud of. But, as some might lead to you believe, I hung around too long in the end. They would say that by the end I was a washed up shell of my former self, someone who was tarnishing their great legacy in the company.
And you know what? They'd be right. I can't argue with that at all. There is no way to defend myself. By the time I had walked out of this company, I was no longer the same man I had been from 2007 and on. I was no more than a throwback to the guy I had been back in 2004 and 2005.
It was a hard decision to come back. There were a lot of things to consider and a lot I had to mull over. And there was a time when I thought I wasn't coming back just for myself. No, I was also being magnanimous and helping Malakai out. But that was never the main reason, and I was lying to myself and others whenever I said that.
This return was all about my pride and my legacy. Both of those were tarnished in my last run, and I had to work to rebuild all of that. No one believed the hype when I came back. I wasn't even perceived as a threat, and rightfully so. Respect is something to be earned, and I hadn't reached that level yet.
But now that's all changed. I'm starting to feel pretty damn good about myself, and I think everyone is quite aware of what I'm capable of. I have been making the key steps to rewriting my history. No longer will I be someone who over stayed their welcome.
Scars and Stripes is the day I've been working towards. This is the culmination of everything I've been working for. If I can accomplish what I set out to do, it will not only be one of the greatest nights of my career, but one of the singular best nights anyone in this company has ever had. Not only can I regain a title I've held many times before, but I can add a new accomplishment to my resume, and join an even more elite group with even fewer members, those who have won the Scars & Stripes Rumble.
That accomplishment would put me in my third Superbrawl main event, and it would give me the chance to achieve what I ultimately want, a fourth WFWF World Title reign. Only three others have had that many reigns. It will be my chance to further make history.
Let's make things very clear. The Rumble is, in all likelihood, the toughest match that exists in the WFWF lexicon. Thirty superstars, all of them some of the toughest competitors on the planet, will step into that ring. Every single one of them is hungry. Every single one of them knows that this is their moment and their best chance to make history. Never again will you see a higher level of competition than the men and women that will be assembled in that ring. And the person that walks out the victor will have shown they are the best and that they deserve that Superbrawl main event.
And all of us are going to come out and boast with confidence that we're going to win. Listen to any participant and they're all ultimately going to say the same thing, that they are the best and they will win. One thing you can say about WFWF wrestlers is that they have more than enough to spare in the ego department. Everyone is determined to win, and every one of them thinks they will win.
Some of them have good reason to believe that they will win. Take Malakai, for instance. I know him better than anyone else in the company does. Although it's true that you can never truly know a person, at least on a professional level I think I know him very well. It eats at him that he's never held the WFWF Championship. All the way back since when he was a member of Chemical Reaction, he more than anything else wanted to reach the top of the company and become WFWF Champion. And, you know, he's rightfully upset about getting robbed out of the title the way he did. When you've gotten so close to the title but weren't able to get it, it almost makes that desire and determination to get the title stronger.
Well, actually, I'm just assuming on that part seeing as I won the WFWF Title in my first shot. But I understand that not everyone has that luxury.
All the same, this match is of the upmost importance to Malakai, and I know that. After all the years of being just below being THE guy, he had his chance and it was taken away from him. Now he gets one more chance to get another shot. So I have no doubt in my mind that he will do everything in his power to win.
The same goes for Ace Bennett. I've been both partners and his opponent recently and to be perfectly honest, I've been impressed by him. He's been on that cusp of being a top contender for a while now, and I fully expect that some day he will be there. Maybe that day is soon. Maybe it's not. Time will tell on that.
My association with these two guys means absolutely nothing to me in this match. Anyone that thinks they have a friend walking into this battle royal is a moron. As far as I'm concerned, I'm alone out there in the match, and that's fine. If I have to take those two out in the match, I will do so in a heartbeat. And I suspect I may have to.
Amongst the rest of the group, there's a lot of guys like Demento, my opponent in my other match, and Joe Bishop, guys who have had a modicum of success but want to go to the next level. And along with that, there are plenty of guys like Crow and Chase Landon who are looking to make a splash and almost immediately catapult themselves to the main event level.
Every single person in this match has a story, and the story pretty much ends the same way for all of them. Whatever their background and history, they all believe that this is their moment.
And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it's not. It's not the moment for any of these guys I've mentioned.
You want to know why? Just look at the history of this match. There have only been four winners, all of them elite wrestlers, who were the best in their time. It takes a truly elite wrestler to win a match like this. And as much as I like a lot of those guys, they don't fit that description. There is only one elite wrestler in the match, and that's me.
Who in that match can say that they have been at the top of this place and have shown they can survive any situation? There's only one. There's the one and then there's a bunch of guys that have been hovering around for years and never got there. And below there, a bunch of other guys who are months or years away from being anything, if they ever produce something at all.
There is only one who has done it all, with the exception of winning this match. I'm the only one with the proven track record. I'm the only one who has gotten the job done before.
Does anyone need a refresher on my resume? I would print out physical copies, but I don't want to kill so many trees with all the paper it would take. Every WFWF legend you can name I have beat. Every title that's been put in front of me I have won, usually more than once. I haven't just gotten close to the top of the mountain. I spent years there.
If the Thunder of 2007 through 2010 walks into that ring, everyone else might as well go home. No one in that ring can hold a candle to whatever that person is capable of. The Thunder that existed in those years beat anyone that was put in front of him, and sure as hell could do the same with anyone in the match. That Thunder was unstoppable.
Everyone one else entering the battle royal has a much more difficult time, because they have to find something within themselves that has never been there before. All I have to do is bring out the man that was once there. If the Thunder that went in to this same show six years ago, completely out of his element and won is there, then this match will go to me. If that guy shows up, it's my match to win.
I think that guy is still inside of me. That fire still exists, and it's time for it to show itself again. The reason why I could do what I did back then, the reason why that fire existed, was because I was hungry. I was hungry and determined to prove myself and my worth.
Somewhere down the line, I lost that fire and hunger. And that was my downfall. The desire wasn't there any more and I became complacent and weak. It led to a dismal time both professionally and personally.
Now I know what I need. Now I know why I came back and how I can accomplish what I set out to do. It's been within me the whole time. Although it may have been dormant, it's still there. Now I know what I need to do to win, and I can do it. If I want out of the slump I've been in, the only way is to face it head on and unleash that fire one more time. That's the way out.
The way out is the way in.
Michael couldn't sleep.
For hours upon hours, he had tried everything, and nothing was working at all. At one point he even tried counting sheep for a while, but he just focusing on how stupid and pointless the idea was. And then he just had to look it up on Wikipedia to find out where the dumb idea came out, which just served to make him more awake.
At this point, it had become quite annoying. He couldn't spend hour upon hour tossing and turning like this. On one hand, it was frustrating, and on the other hand, it was extremely detrimental. He had an early flight in the morning, and at this rate he was going to be running on no sleep.
The flights themselves were miserable enough to begin with. More than anything else, it was this aspect of his wrestling career that made him want to get away. The constant travel and bouncing around from place to place became too much at times. Sometimes he did wonder if it was truly worth it to keep doing it for long. His drive to succeed and reach the top of the WFWF was still strong within him, but it wasn't something he could continue forever. At some point he would need to accept that he had done enough and had to walk away. Ego would have to be out aside for a more domestic and stable life.
The pressure from within his own family and home life contributed to that decision as well. The fact of the matter was that it was a burden on the people who loved him the most sometimes. They had all somehow managed to stick with him, but sometimes their patience was stretched to the limits. For all they had endured, at a certain point he had to acquiesce to what they wanted, if only as a way to say thanks for all they had put up with.
For now, his main concern was just getting to sleep. At this stage, though, it seemed pretty unlikely. It seems more and more likely that he was going to be one miserable person on the flight. Well, that wasn't really much different from his typical flight experience.
Michael got out of bed ever so delicately, so not to wake up his bedmate. Just because he was sleep deprived didn't mean that he had to subject someone else to his misery. He also didn't dare out the lights on, which put him at a major risk for tripping on something and falling ass over teakettle. Even after all these years he wasn't sure enough of the full layout of the room to navigate it in the dark. And so he thrust his arms in front of him wildly to ensure he wasn't about to crash into anything. Ordinarily he would have been self-conscious about looking so moronic, but no one would ever see the stupid stuff he did in the dark.
One area where he did navigate well in the dark was the bathroom. Not wanting to subject himself to the terrible light adjustment that came from going from dark to light, he successfully took a leak without the aid of illumination. Well, it seemed successful at the present moment. With the lights on later, it was possible a different reality would emerge.
He attempted to make his way back to bed just as quietly, but those plans were thwarted. All was going fine until one floorboard creaked a little too much, and the jig was up. Now his guest was awake.
"Michael?" she asked, her voice muffled in the pillow. Although somewhat awake, she made no effort to move from her position in bed.
"Sorry, I just had to go to bathroom," he replied as he made his way back to bed. Now that she was awake anyway, he moved much faster, cutting down on the time it took to make it there.
"You need to get some sleep," she said. "Your flight is really early."
“I know, I know. Hopefully I'll be able to fall asleep now.”
Suddenly, having heard her soothing voice (even if he was technically being given orders), Michael was feeling a little romantic. He didn't really expect to lead to anything now, but his love for her was so great that he felt compelled to at least kiss her.
With her laying on her side facing opposite him, it would be a little fun surprise for her as well. Sometimes, he had learned, little showings of affection were important. After all these years, he was still learning things like this.
Sitting up, he realized he didn't really have a good angle to kiss her. To fix this, he ever so gently rested one hand on her shoulder. Taking his cue, she allowed herself to move to a position on her back.
Michael leaned down, bringing his face closer to hers. By the time he realized what was so very wrong, it was too late to pull away.
A cornucopia of maggots and various insects rushed in and all of Stacy's vacant eye sockets as if it was rush hour on an interstate freeway. He tried with all his might to pull away or at least advert his eyes, but his body would not let him. He was helpless to stop himself from staring at what the ravages of time had done to her. And the smell was somehow still horrible and
~ ~
he sat up in bed and screamed. Sweat seemed to be pouring out of him all over, despite how bitterly cold it was. Of course there was not actually anyone next to him in bed. That was obvious right away, but he had to be sure. Multiple times he ran his hands over the air hanging above the pillow and bed, to confirm that there was really nothing there. Everything he did confirmed the suspicion that there really was nothing there. It was all just a dream.
There was a knock at the bedroom door. Although he jumped for a moment at the disruption, it became clear what was going on. With only one other person in the house, it was obvious who it was. He must have woken up Aaron, his son.
"Yeah?" Michael asked.
The door squeaked open ever so slowly, pushed open by a hand that was still very small. Although Aaron was big for his age, at the age of five he still had plenty of growing and maturing ahead of him.
"You okay, dad?" Aaron asked.
"Yeah, I just had a bad dream. Go back to bed."
"Alright."
His son sulked off, and Michael realized pretty quickly that he had been unnecessarily harsh with his tone. In his defense, he was still a little freaked out over what just happened. That still wasn't any reason to talk that way to his son. It had been part of a larger issue that had been compounding itself more.
His whole problems with not letting people into his life had, in some ways, effected his son as well. Sometimes he asked when he would get to see his uncle or his grandpa, which was not an easy question to answer when you weren't on speaking terms with those people. It seemed to annoy Aaron a bit.
But ultimately, and selfishly, these problems had to be worked out for himself. What Robin had said was absolutely right. True happiness had eluded him year after year, and if the didn't start letting people in and start to reconcile himself with Stacy's death, the happiness wouldn't come.
In theory, this didn't seem difficult. He had thus far been able to turn around his WFWF career after dismal failures before. That should have been more difficult since there was the uncertainty if it was even physically possible for him to achieving his goals.
No, this was going to be a lot more difficult, and it was going to take so long that wasn't even sure he had the patience or the ability for it. But he wasn't going to be happy relying only on his sister, and Malakai for a limited time only, for conversation while he openly found reasons to not like a woman.
And there was only one person he could reach out to to see how he start opening up. No, that didn't mean a shrink. If he was going to waste inordinate amounts of money, we would chose gambling over that, since there were at least flashing lights and the minuscule chance of getting something out of it.
He sat up in his bed spending far too long trying to figure out what to say to her that didn't make him sound like a complete idiot. As it turned out, there was no way to achieve that. There was really no nice way to phrase "Hey, I just realized you were right. I have been an a**hole all these years and now I require assistance to figure out how to rejoin society." Instead of that awful wording, he just sent a text that said "You were right. What can I do?" That seemed to get the message across without being too self-deprecating.
Almost immediately Robin responded in the form of a phone call. Michael's immediate inclination was to ignore the phone call, as he didn't feel comfortable going into the depths of his feelings over the phone like this. There were two problems with that attitude. For one, she would know he was ignoring him since he had literally just sent the text. And by ignoring it he was also taking part in one of the activities that had led him to this point. As painful as it was, he answered the call.
"Hello?" Michael said.
"I'm guessing you mean about the lecture I gave you in the car a couple of weeks ago."
"Jeez, what happened to hello, how are you?"
"I could ask you how you were, but you'd lie and say you are alright, so it seems pointless."
"You've got a point there," he said. "And yes, that is what I'm talking about."
"I'm just glad you're willing do something. That was more than I expected out of you, honestly."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal."
"Like you've really earned it," she said.
"Touché."
"Alright, let's focus here and not spend hours bickering over stuff that doesn't matter. Here's my advice on this whole thing. Not only have you made yourself miserable by shutting people out and turning them off personally, you've done the same thing romantically. Here's what you've got to realize. There are people who still care about you. You've tested their patience a lot of times, and they might not even like you much right now, but they still care about you. You wouldn't know that, however, because you make no effort to talk to any of those people, except for me.
"If you went ahead and talked to this people, maybe some of them will be willing to let you back into their lives. There's no guarantees there, but it's worth a try. If nothing else, it will be good to face the stuff you've ignored all the time. I know your natural inclination is to hide and ignore everything, and look where that's gotten you. For once, you're gonna have to face these things head on and talk to these people. The only way out of what you're at is to face it head on. The way out is the way in."
This wasn't the first time in his life that he had gotten some kind of variation of this speech from his sister. In form or another, he had heard some kind of thing like this many times. His regression and coldness at his mother's funeral years earlier had been one of those times, and one of the major events in further straining and breaking his relationship with his brother. It wasn't even major events like that which brought this kind of talk on, though. On a much more minor level, this kind of thing had been brought up all time.
And each time, it brought the same reaction from him. He was fine, he always thought, and it was downright silly to suggest that he needed to change something. It was all the other people's fault for not looking at things his way. None of them were able to understand and comprehend his correct point of view, so they were nothing but a burden to Michael. If they wanted to treat him that way, then they didn't deserve to be part of his life.
For the first time, what Robin was saying got through to him, because only in the last few weeks had his perspective finally changed. After the years of mostly loneliness, the revelation had ever so slowly started to creep into his mind. Now he had somewhat accepted the fact that the problem was mostly, if not entirely, his own fault.
And since he actually wanted to change, there was no choice but to listen to the person who was willing to talk.
"I guess you're right," he admitted sheepishly. "So how should I go about this?"
"I'm pretty sure you know who you need to talk to. That you can figure out. You know exactly who to talk to. I know there's some of them you don't want to talk to or won't be comfortable with, but just do it. And that includes the conversation that's going to be the hardest for you. But that's going to be the most important one for you going forward. So you better not wimp out."
"Who do you mean?" he asked.
"I mean Stacy's parents."
~ ~
Michael pretty much knew who Robin was talking about before she even said it. He was hoping that wasn't what she was talking about, and sought to dispel his thoughts about what it was. But she was talking about the very people he feared talking to the most.
That was the conversation that was going to be the hardest. Of all the people he should have kept in contact with, except with maybe the exception of his brother,this was his worst offense. They were a very close link to Stacy, the most important person who had ever been in his life, and had somehow tolerated him the years the two of them were together. And like so many others, he had lost contact with them, which was especially ridiculous with them being the grandparents of his son.
So of course, in typical fashion, he put the idea on the back burner for the time being.
After taking his son off to school, he found himself sitting in his living room, just wondering what he should do next. He had turned the TV on punk sitting down, but that proved to pointless. It was just barely noticeable background noise, like those stupid sounds of wind you were supposed to play to stimulate babies that hadn't been born, or crap like that. All he was doing was trying to think of was just who it was he should be and wanted to be in contact with.
The number of bridges he burned over the years were numerous, and the types of people it encumbered varied greatly. There were family members like his brother, family members by association like Stacy's parents, and the practically dozens of guys in his professional life in WFWF. In some ways, the stuff he had done in the WFWF was most absurd of all with the way he had acted and treated others. Most of the people in his personal he had alienated through ignoring them or being disrespectful. For the people in WFWF, it sometimes became a lot worse.
It was a wonder to him that he and Malakai were on the terms that they were again. The very idea that people could rekindle their friendship after literally setting themselves on fire seemed crazy. There had been so much animosity and betrayal there it seems certain that relationship was beyond repair.
As he sat and contemplated all of this, it struck him for the first time how amazing it was that he had gone back and reconnected with Shawn. It was so completely out of character for him that it surprised himself as much as it did Shawn. The motives were always clear every time he talked someone about it: he figured out that was in bad shape, and wanted to be there for him and to help him out.
But that was a lie.
It wasn't a lie to just everyone else, it was a lie to himself.
He could pretend all he wanted that he had come into contact with Shawn, and in turn parlay it into a return to WFWF, was to benefit Shawn, but that was just a lie. When he now sat alone thinking about where he was at, the lie now became clear. He had done this for himself, and not for Shawn. That was the real end game. Ultimately it was just as selfish as could be, and fell within the same principles of what Robin was talking about.
Reconnecting with Malakai was nothing more than trying to make himself feel better. From his home, he saw a man struggling with his health on TV and out of nowhere sprung into action to be by his side again. It hadn't been Shawn's struggle that drew him in his direction. It had been been seeking to fill his own void and emptiness, and deal with his own sense of guilt.
By the time he saw Malakai on TV and jumped into action, the feeling of emptiness was already almost overwhelming. In some ways, it was his lowest point. The thing about having a low point is that it doesn't have to be some dramatic movie-like moment where you overdose on something and end up trying to kill yourself. Low points can just happen in ways that don't make for interesting high drama.
But it was his low point. The relationship he was faking his way through could no longer be repaired. He had been faking his way through it anyway for a while, and it was only now coming off the rails.
And what did he have going on his life? Not a damn thing. The only thing that ever served as a distraction in his life was wrestling in the WFWF. For years upon years as his personal life deteriorated, wrestling was his solace. That was the one way he could escape and distract himself. Constantly trying to obtain higher goals and become the greatest in his field was the driving force, and often the sole driving force, in his life.
As he sat on his couch that day watching WFWF on TV, there was literally nothing going on in his day or his life. Every single solitary day was exactly the same as every day. If not for his son, there was absolutely no reason to wake up in the morning.
In was in that context that he saw an opening to change things. There was a chance for purpose and personal fulfillment, coupled with a chance to revive his career and remake his last run in the company.
He took that step without the benefit of prodding from Robin, but that was easier than what she was suggesting. In some ways, it was easiest to reconcile things with Shawn, more than anyone else. That was for a multitude of reasons. For starters, their rift was a lot more recent than most of the people he had ruined things with. The cluttered mess of ruined relationships often went back many years, making chances of fixing things harder.
And most importantly, Shawn was someone who needed people in his life, even if he wouldn't admit it. This was a relatively easy way for Michael to get some of his life back, by taking a person at the height of their vulnerability and trying to lie to himself that he wasn't helping them for selfish reasons.
"I'm not a good person," he said out loud to no one at all.
With sudden guilt rushing through every bit of his body, Michael took another uncharacteristic move. He quickly whipped his phone out of his pocket and called Shawn. This newfound weight had to be lifted off his shoulders.
It kept ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And . . . that's right, you guessed it, ringing.
When it finally got to voicemail, Michael contemplated leaving a message, but as there was no easy way to say the necessary things, he chickened out and hung up. He wondered if he would even get up the nerve to try calling Shawn about this later on. It seemed unlikely. The moment had been fleeting, and that time may have just passed.
But he remembered what Robin said. His natural instinct was, as always, to give up and not pursue what she told him he needed to do. That had gotten him nowhere at all. While he was in this mood, he had to commit to at least something. There was one other former WFWF friend that sprung to mind immediately. The number was no longer in his phone, but he knew where to find it.
It took some time, but after rummaging through some boxes in the basement, he found the number he was looking for.
~ ~
In some ways, he owed his entire success in the WFWF to Kurt Burton. Kurt didn't have to kick out his current partner and allow a guy like Thunder, a never was, to team with him. But Kurt saw something in Thunder and had let him form a team with him. It was in that team that Thunder first started to show more than just faint glimpses of promise. It was there that he started to look like the real deal. And that all started with Kurt's faith in him.
Over time, along with Wayne, they became just like an honest to god legit family. The bond was there and it was strong. This was a group of men that would have done anything for each other. It seemed like an unbreakable bond at the time.
And then things changed. A lot. One man's massive ego altered the course of The Axis and forever splintered the group. It wasn't just the brutal, sickening matches with Wayne and Kurt that made it so horrible. It was those moments like grabbing Vanessa and forcibly kissing her on live TV. Morally reprehensible things were done. It was no wonder the relationship with Kurt and Wayne later failed. It was well deserved, and it was no fault of his own.
At the time, it sure seemed like the right idea to get away from them. They, like so many others, just didn't seem to be on his side. They didn't get where he was coming from and only stood in his way, and in a major fashion.
Oh, how wrong he had been. All he lost in the matter was some of the people closet to him. It wasn't just a matter of losing people who had his back in the ring. They also made those awful journeys from town to town not only tolerable, but bearable. Having that level of companionship was rare in life, and he flushed that all away.
Was it possible to get any of that back? Almost certainly not. It didn't hurt to try and to try to make amends.
Michael took a deep breath and then punched in the numbers.
The loud screeching sound exploded in his ear, followed by a robotic voice.
"The number you've reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service," the voice said.
Michael double checked the number and saw that he didn't misdial. This number was just a dead end. This was quite the great start he was off on.
The more he thought about it, Kurt probably wouldn't have wanted to talk to him in the first place. Shawn still would at this point, but after what he planned on telling him, it was quite possible Shawn would be done with him to. Somehow even when he tried to make things right, that still failed miserably.
Moments later, his phone started going off. Checking his caller ID, he saw that it was Shawn calling him back. He almost just let it keep ringing without answering. That was the much easier option, the way to avoid further conflict.
But that was what he always did, and it got him to this low point to begin with. Answering was the better option. For once, he had to face this head on and deal with it. Walking around with permanent guilt was in no way any better than this.
"Hello?" Michael said.
"Hey. You just called me?"
"Yeah, I was just thinking about something."
"That's a change of pace," Shawn said.
"I'm serious about this. There was something I really wanted to talk about."
"Alright, alright. What is it?"
"This was something I should have talked to you about earlier, but to be honest, I didn't realize it myself. Now that I've been thinking about what I've done, there's some things I need to say to you."
"Go on," Shawn said.
"To get right down to it, I owe you an apology. There were a lot of things I said to you when we started talking again and made my return to WFWF. It was the same thing I told everybody about why I had a sudden change of heart and came back. And in my heart of hearts, I believed I was telling you and everyone the truth.
"But I wasn't. It was all a complete lie. Coming back wasn't about you at all. It was for me and about me. That's all it really was. I've never gotten into it with you fully, and it's so inconsequential compared to you're situation that it's not worth even getting into briefly. Needless to say, I haven't been happy with myself or my life for a long time. I've been pretty damn empty for far too long. All I did was exploit your situation as a reason to help myself professionally and personally. Not only was an excuse to fill a void by wrestling again, but I also was making a connection to a person I once severed ties with, filling that void as well. And now that it's hit me, I realize how big of an a**hole I am, and for that I really am sorry."
"When are you going to tell me something I don't know?" Shawn asked.
"What are you talking about?"
"This is not news to me at all. I don't think you fully consider how well I know you. Apparently it's more than you know yourself. I knew from the very beginning that this was what you were up to."
"I don't get it," Michael said. "How could you know that when I didn't even know what I was doing?"
"Because that's who you are. That's your nature. You've gotten to where you are by using people. You're a master at it, and just like a habitual liar you don't always know that you're doing it. So I had no doubts about what you were doing this whole time. I know you well enough to know what's up. There's good in you but you just can't help yourself."
"Then how the hell are you okay with this?" Michael asked.
"It's not that bad. I've accepted it because that's just the way it is. It's not the best situation ever, but let's be honest here, I didn't exactly treat you great in the very recent past."
"Oh, you're right about that."
"So it's whatever," Malakai said. "Ultimately it has been beneficial to me and it's better to have you around than not have you around. You're just being yourself and that's all it really is."
"But I don't want to be that person. Being that person, a douche, got me to where I am now."
"It also got you a lot of what you have. You got to the top by stepping on people and using them. Maybe you just got where you are by overplaying your hand. You can be good and, I know this will sound like a major shock, but can be worth spending time with. But the part of you that is a bad guy and that does use people creeps in sometimes too much. Sometimes people get sick of that."
"Thanks," Michael said, and hung up without warning.
For once, he wasn't using sarcasm, which was the most common way of speaking with Shawn. It was a genuine guttural reaction of thanking him, for pointing out something he had not known. And once he knew it, he had to get off the phone to consider the implications.
No, he wasn't a bad person as he surmised only moments before Shawn called back. If that was the case, people wouldn't have been so willing to be around him in the first place. Robin and Shawn wouldn't still put up with him currently, Stacy would have never fallen in love with him and stayed with him despite all he did to her. A bad person wouldn't have gotten so many people to get so completely and totally close to him over the years.
But did people get sick of him and the way he acted? Oh hell yeah.
That was the whole reasoning that indirectly led to Stacy's death. Even now, he tried to act like that wasn't the case, but it sure as hell was. If Michael hadn't treated her so poorly in the face of her pregnancy she never would have broken it off that night and gone out driving. And if she hadn't been out driving, she wouldn't have gotten by the car and died during the delivery of the baby.
Because he was a good person, he was able to reconcile with her and experience her love once again. But by that point, the damage was already done.
For the first time in years, Michael found himself so overcome with emotion that tears emerged, ever so slowly, trickling down his face. It was a good thing there wasn't anyone around.
Was that part of the reason why he couldn't get over Stacy's death and move on to an actual legitimate romantic relationship? Was the knowledge, always lurking beneath the surface, that he was somewhat to blame for what happened to her, the problem?
That was something he couldn't possibly answer for sure, but he also knew it was a distinct possibility.
And he also knew he had to talk to Stacy's parents. No ifs ands or buts about it. The only way out was the way in. He had to face all of his guilt in its many manifestations, and that was the only place to do it.
Once again, Michael pulled his phone out to make a difficult call. He still had the number of Henry, Stacy's father, in his phone. The number never got used now, but it seems vaguely important to have just in case.
"Hello?" Henry said.
"Hey Henry, it's Michael."
"Michael?! Is everything okay?"
It's never a good sign of a relationship when the immediate response to contacting is that something must be wrong.
"Yeah, everything's fine. Well. I guess technically nothing's wrong that's important, but I have some of my own problems. I know this is way out there is we haven't talked in so long, but would you be okay with me coming over to talk?"
"I . . . I guess so. I'm free now," Henry said.
"Great, thanks. I'll be leaving now."
Well, he couldn't exactly leave yet. He had one other phone call to quickly make.
"Hello?" Robin said.
"Can I ask you a favor real quick?"
"What is it?"
"Can you pick up Aaron from school?" Michael asked.
"Why?"
"I'm going to see Stacy's parents now."
~ ~
Michael gripped the steering wheel so tight that his fingernails were leaving indentations in the wheel. This nearly one hour drive to her parents' house was looking like one of the longest of his life.
The relationship between him and Henry and Claire had always been tumultuous at best. Since he even started dating Stacy, he wondered if they liked him that much. Henry seemed to, at the very least, tolerate him, which seemed good enough at the time.
But things had changed.
Michael wasn't even sure of the last time they talked. He knew for sure that some time, maybe a little over a year ago, he got a call from Henry that he didn't answer or return. Prior to that reaching out, who knew when it was before then. It had been a long, long time before that, he knew that much.
But what was going to happen now? Malakai had left him off the hook pretty easily for his indiscretions. There was no guarantee Henry would let him off so easy. If anything, he had more reason to hate him that anyone else. Through the elusiveness of Michael, they hadn't even seen their grandchild in years. It was a wonder to him that they didn't pursue legal action to see their grandchild again. Even with the absence of that, there was doubt he wasn't a popular man in their minds.
He deserved any hate they wanted to give out. And if he wanted to make amends, he had to be prepared to accept it.
~ ~
Michael made one stop before he reached the house. He kind of had to go ahead and make the stop. It would have been so wrong not to stop the cemetery.
It was embarrassing how long it had been since he'd been to Stacy's grave. The kind of thing had naturally happened since he never visited Stacy's parents any more, and the cemetery was right by their house.
And he knew what the other issue was as well. He feared so much that his grief and guilt would overwhelm him if he visited. Carrying around the baggage of knowing your girlfriend died because of you was bad enough on its own, and visiting her grave site was only likely to make it worse.
Further embarrassment befell him almost the moment he walked into the cemetery. While wandering aimlessly trying to find the site, he went ass over teakettle tripping over one headstone. To his benefit, at least no one saw him do it.
No one saw the embarrassment of him failing to find her grave, but that provided him enough shame on his own. He thought he knew exactly where it was at, but then he found himself staring at the grave of a guy named Omar, and he knew he was way off.
When he finally found Stacy's grave, he was struck by the large array of flowers that adorned her plot. It was clear from looking at the beautiful display that the flowers were very fresh.
That alone was a bit to much for him to emotionally handle. He had no doubt that the flowers were from Stacy's parents. Outside of him, they were closest to her. And they apparently had the proper sense to pay respects for their fallen loved one, unlike some people.
What kind of person was he, ignoring Stacy and trying to hide from her memory? Not only had he indirectly caused her death but now he didn't even have the decency to pay her the proper respect.
He had to leave right away. It was all too much to bear.
~ ~
The initial knock on the door was unanswered. When he tried again, Henry swung the door open.
"Hello, Michael," he said. Henry seemed to have gotten a lot grayer since the last time he saw the man. If he had seen him with some degree of frequency over the years, maybe the difference in age wouldn't have been so surprising. But when you don't see someone for years, those kind of things tend to stick out.
"Hey. Thanks for letting me come and see you."
Henry led Michael into the living room without saying another word. Michael felt the sudden urge to just get out. The tension was just too much.
There was another woman around Henry's age already in the living room. She got up and extended her hand.
"Hi, I'm Lisa. Nice to meet you."
"I'm Michael," he said as he accepted her handshake.
"I'll leave you two alone," she said, and promptly headed out of the room.
"I've never met her before," Michael remarked as he sat down. It was his attempt to make casual conversation and lighten the mood. "Is that your sister?"
"That's my wife."
"What do you mean?"
"That's the woman I'm married to," Henry said.
"What happened to Claire?"
"She died a year and a half ago."
"Oh my god," Michael said. "I'm so sorry."
And then, instinctively, he said what seemed to be the logical statement. It was a question that had popped into his head. And it was a very, very dumb one.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, and walked straight into A**hole-Ville.
"I tried to tell you. You never answered my calls."
Michael, quite literally, hung his head in shame. It was just a kick in the nuts that it deflated him completely.
"I, I can't believe I did that. I can't even put into words how horrible I feel about this now. I guess I've been more out of it then I ever knew."
"To be frank with you, Michael, I knew that already."
"What do you mean?" Michael discovered he was asking that question way too much than he typically preferred to, all in one day.
"A person doesn't just fall off the face of the earth for no good reason. That's not the actions of someone who does doing okay. You're not not a bad person, so I knew that wasn't the situation. I just knew something was probably wrong. And it wasn't my position to try to interfere and intervene."
"That's the second time today I've heard someone tell me something like that. And the reason why I talked to that person and to you is that it occurred to me just how awful my life was right now, and how I abused and ruined the relationships I had with everybody."
"That isn't what's going on, Michael."
"Yes, it is. That's what got me here. I feel like I'm a good person but I use people that's why my life has gone all to hell and why it's been that way for a long time. And that's why Stacy's dead. She is dead because of me."
Maybe Henry wasn't so old and feeble. That statement got him to leap to his feet, taking Michael completely off guard.
"Don't you ever say that," Henry said. "I don't want that thought to ever even enter your head again. If you paint yourself as a villain like this, you will never be happy. It's bad enough to dwell on using people and getting down on yourself, but to blame yourself for her death is beyond absurd. If you want to be happy again, you need to stop being your own worst enemy.
"You can't go through life carrying that load on your back," he continued. "If it was anyone else in the situation, you would be able to objectively look and tell them it wasn't their fault. But you just can't look at it from that way."
"But how can I move on and be with someone else when I know that my actions--"
"Michael, stop. Stacy's life ended because of that car crash. I don't want to see another life permanently crippled as a result of it. You've got to be able to live a life afterwards. You've got to at least try to be happy and live the best you can.
"Do you know how much pain I feel every day?" Henry continued. "I lost my daughter and then, more recently, the woman I was married to for over twenty years. There isn't a day that doesn't go by when my heart doesn't ache for them. And when Claire died, I did blame myself a little bit. I was just mulling around the living room, letting her sleep in late in bed. It was very uncharacteristic of her, but I just let it happen. When I finally went in to get her up a few hours later, she was dead. The question has lived with me since then of not knowing if she could have been saved if I checked on her sooner and for her help. That question haunted me, just like you're still haunted.
"I knew for sure I would never love again. It just wasn't possible. I was going to spend my last years alone, there was no two ways about it. But then I thought of what Claire would have wanted. Would she have wanted me to spend the rest of my life grieving and miserable? No, not at all. When she was alive all she wanted was for me to be happy, and that's still what she would want from me now. I allowed myself to be open to a full life again, and today I'm very happy. I still hurt very much over Stacy and Claire, but I am still happy. You need to quit blaming yourself and hating yourself. Do your best to move on."
"I know," Michael said. "But it's so hard."
"Trust me, I know it's hard. This is not an easy thing to come back from. But you have to try. Otherwise, you're guaranteeing you'll always be miserable."
"You're making a lot of sense," Michael said as he got up. "I think I might get it now. You're a lot smarter than I am."
"I'm not any smarter than you. You know all of this is true. You just haven't been able to see it."
They hugged, and in that moment Michael felt more genuine caring and love than he had ever expected from this conversation.
"Okay, I think we can let go now," Henry said after the embrace had started to look like a bit too much.
"Sorry about that. But thank you. I feel much better now."
"I'm glad to hear that. Don't be a stranger, now."
"I won't," Michael said. "I'll be bring Aaron over to visit soon."
Michael left the house with a smile.
~ ~
It all made sense now. The lightbulb had born off during both his talks with Shawn and Henry. The person he needed to be was inside him, and if he just let the good come out, and if he tried to live a happy and active life, everything would be okay.
He had to tell Robin right away. She would be so relieved and happy for him. He called her as soon as he got in the car.
"Hello?" Robin said.
"Hey, I just got done talking to Henry, and I just had to tell you you were right."
"Oh, how I love to hear that. It's music to my ears."
"I feel so much better now," Michael said. "You have no idea."
"You'll have to tell me all about it on our trip."
"Trip? What trip?"
"There's one other person you really need to talk to in order to feel better, and we're going to see him."
"Huh?" he muttered.
"We're leaving for Paris tomorrow to see your brother."
"Are you kidding me? There's no way I'm doing that on a whim. It's only a few days before Scars & Stripes."
"We'll only be there one day, and it will be worth it. Consider this your last step in making amends."
"I'm sorry, but I just can't do this."
"Too late now," she said. "I just finished arranging everything."
"You don't understand, I can't do it."
And yet, he knew he would.
~ ~
A wise man once said "you can check out any time you like, but you just can't ever leave." Well, I guess whether or not you think he's a wise man depends on how much you like The Eagles. Personally, they seem a bit overrated to me, although "Life in the Fast Lane" has a pretty good grove.
But that's besides the point.
That statement is absolutely true of my entire career in the WFWF. I've wondered before if people think of me a little strange for the way I seem to change my mind about the WFWF so much. My first exit from this company was back in 2005, and it's been a series of departures and returns since then. If I were to leave again tomorrow, every single fan and wrestler would probably expect me to come back for sure at some point in time.
So what keeps drawing me to come back to the WFWF? And really, what makes so many other people come back too? This is not just a problem that exists within myself. It's a flat out epidemic. Just look at this card. You've got Drakz and Scheinder, two guys I feuded with when a different president was in office, back and competing with each other. Guys just keep coming back here, which explains why nobody new ever gets to hold the WFWF Title. I have no doubt in my mind that there will be a bunch of "surprise" entrants in the Rumble, other guys looking make another run here by barging into the Rumble and hoping to get another title shot in their first match back. That kind of thing pisses me off. It's more or less a slap in the face to every guy walking into the match who has busted their asses for months. Those are the guys who have earned a spot in the match, unlike people who come back and expect a red carpet and a free title shot. We had it once with Drakz and I intend to make sure it doesn't happen again.
But make no mistake about it. Those people will be returning, just like all the others, myself included, have. So what is the reason why we all can't stay sway from the WFWF?
It's certainly not the ownership. Between you and me, it's amazing the company has survived so long with so many inept numbskulls running the place. Well, that's a little unfair. Not all of them have been numbskulls. Some of them have been and still are just conniving deceitful power hungry bungholes. It's kind of a prerequisite for the job.
And it's not the friendship and atmosphere either. This is not a fun workplace to be in. There has never been a lot of nice people in that locker room, and if you ask around I probably fall into that category according to some. So no, it's not that either. It's something else.
It really comes down to the competition in this company. Above all else, WFWF has always been home to some of the toughest competition you can find anywhere. If you succeed and make it in this company, you've earned it and proved your worth in the process. I can't speak for everyone, but I think that ultimately defines why people keep returning to the WFWF. They all do it to reach the top of the company once more or maybe for the first time, and they know that if they do it here, the whole world will not that they are the best.
That's been the current of my entire career here. From 2003 to 2005 I toiled in this place and had nothing to show for it. The only level I could reach was running around as a lackey for a couple different groups. I couldn't hang with the top guys, or even those at the middle of the card. It was completely disheartening and I felt like a failure. Do you have any idea what it's like to work so hard for years at a career and having nothing to show for it? It's hard to face the fact you tried something and devoted so much time to it only to utterly fail. I left here with my tail between my legs.
When I came back in 2006, there was one very clear and simple reason. I had always wanted nothing more than to succeed as a professional wrestler, to accomplish what I had never been able to before. It wasn't good enough for me to be just forgotten part of WFWF history, one of those countless nameless faceless guys who shows up, runs on the opening match treadmill for a while, and then they just disappear into the atmosphere. We've all seen hundreds of those guys. They all got tired of going nowhere like I did, and they all left.
But I didn't want to be forgotten like that whole group of lost souls. When I came back, I was determined to not be forgotten. I had to not only prove to the world but to myself that I wasn't a failure. I came back to be something. It wasn't going to be easy. Quite frankly, at the time it seemed almost impossible. But when I saw a former stablemate, Obo, reaching the top of the company, I knew that it was possible to rise above the level one had been at.
Level by level, I slowly made progress. At first, even getting together a string of victories was a major step forward. That was something I had never even experienced before, and it just enticed me to keep stepping up other levels. First it was the tag team titles, then it was the International Title, and finally at Scars and Stripes I etched my name into WFWF immortality by doing what no one thought I was capable of. Hell, no one even thought I could win the Survival of the Fittest Match to earn that shot. But I was able to prove everybody wrong.
From there, through the various ups and downs, I had one of the greatest careers in WFWF history. You can count all of the Grand Slam Champions on one hand, and I'm one of them. It was a Hall of Fame career that I'm extremely proud of. But, as some might lead to you believe, I hung around too long in the end. They would say that by the end I was a washed up shell of my former self, someone who was tarnishing their great legacy in the company.
And you know what? They'd be right. I can't argue with that at all. There is no way to defend myself. By the time I had walked out of this company, I was no longer the same man I had been from 2007 and on. I was no more than a throwback to the guy I had been back in 2004 and 2005.
It was a hard decision to come back. There were a lot of things to consider and a lot I had to mull over. And there was a time when I thought I wasn't coming back just for myself. No, I was also being magnanimous and helping Malakai out. But that was never the main reason, and I was lying to myself and others whenever I said that.
This return was all about my pride and my legacy. Both of those were tarnished in my last run, and I had to work to rebuild all of that. No one believed the hype when I came back. I wasn't even perceived as a threat, and rightfully so. Respect is something to be earned, and I hadn't reached that level yet.
But now that's all changed. I'm starting to feel pretty damn good about myself, and I think everyone is quite aware of what I'm capable of. I have been making the key steps to rewriting my history. No longer will I be someone who over stayed their welcome.
Scars and Stripes is the day I've been working towards. This is the culmination of everything I've been working for. If I can accomplish what I set out to do, it will not only be one of the greatest nights of my career, but one of the singular best nights anyone in this company has ever had. Not only can I regain a title I've held many times before, but I can add a new accomplishment to my resume, and join an even more elite group with even fewer members, those who have won the Scars & Stripes Rumble.
That accomplishment would put me in my third Superbrawl main event, and it would give me the chance to achieve what I ultimately want, a fourth WFWF World Title reign. Only three others have had that many reigns. It will be my chance to further make history.
Let's make things very clear. The Rumble is, in all likelihood, the toughest match that exists in the WFWF lexicon. Thirty superstars, all of them some of the toughest competitors on the planet, will step into that ring. Every single one of them is hungry. Every single one of them knows that this is their moment and their best chance to make history. Never again will you see a higher level of competition than the men and women that will be assembled in that ring. And the person that walks out the victor will have shown they are the best and that they deserve that Superbrawl main event.
And all of us are going to come out and boast with confidence that we're going to win. Listen to any participant and they're all ultimately going to say the same thing, that they are the best and they will win. One thing you can say about WFWF wrestlers is that they have more than enough to spare in the ego department. Everyone is determined to win, and every one of them thinks they will win.
Some of them have good reason to believe that they will win. Take Malakai, for instance. I know him better than anyone else in the company does. Although it's true that you can never truly know a person, at least on a professional level I think I know him very well. It eats at him that he's never held the WFWF Championship. All the way back since when he was a member of Chemical Reaction, he more than anything else wanted to reach the top of the company and become WFWF Champion. And, you know, he's rightfully upset about getting robbed out of the title the way he did. When you've gotten so close to the title but weren't able to get it, it almost makes that desire and determination to get the title stronger.
Well, actually, I'm just assuming on that part seeing as I won the WFWF Title in my first shot. But I understand that not everyone has that luxury.
All the same, this match is of the upmost importance to Malakai, and I know that. After all the years of being just below being THE guy, he had his chance and it was taken away from him. Now he gets one more chance to get another shot. So I have no doubt in my mind that he will do everything in his power to win.
The same goes for Ace Bennett. I've been both partners and his opponent recently and to be perfectly honest, I've been impressed by him. He's been on that cusp of being a top contender for a while now, and I fully expect that some day he will be there. Maybe that day is soon. Maybe it's not. Time will tell on that.
My association with these two guys means absolutely nothing to me in this match. Anyone that thinks they have a friend walking into this battle royal is a moron. As far as I'm concerned, I'm alone out there in the match, and that's fine. If I have to take those two out in the match, I will do so in a heartbeat. And I suspect I may have to.
Amongst the rest of the group, there's a lot of guys like Demento, my opponent in my other match, and Joe Bishop, guys who have had a modicum of success but want to go to the next level. And along with that, there are plenty of guys like Crow and Chase Landon who are looking to make a splash and almost immediately catapult themselves to the main event level.
Every single person in this match has a story, and the story pretty much ends the same way for all of them. Whatever their background and history, they all believe that this is their moment.
And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it's not. It's not the moment for any of these guys I've mentioned.
You want to know why? Just look at the history of this match. There have only been four winners, all of them elite wrestlers, who were the best in their time. It takes a truly elite wrestler to win a match like this. And as much as I like a lot of those guys, they don't fit that description. There is only one elite wrestler in the match, and that's me.
Who in that match can say that they have been at the top of this place and have shown they can survive any situation? There's only one. There's the one and then there's a bunch of guys that have been hovering around for years and never got there. And below there, a bunch of other guys who are months or years away from being anything, if they ever produce something at all.
There is only one who has done it all, with the exception of winning this match. I'm the only one with the proven track record. I'm the only one who has gotten the job done before.
Does anyone need a refresher on my resume? I would print out physical copies, but I don't want to kill so many trees with all the paper it would take. Every WFWF legend you can name I have beat. Every title that's been put in front of me I have won, usually more than once. I haven't just gotten close to the top of the mountain. I spent years there.
If the Thunder of 2007 through 2010 walks into that ring, everyone else might as well go home. No one in that ring can hold a candle to whatever that person is capable of. The Thunder that existed in those years beat anyone that was put in front of him, and sure as hell could do the same with anyone in the match. That Thunder was unstoppable.
Everyone one else entering the battle royal has a much more difficult time, because they have to find something within themselves that has never been there before. All I have to do is bring out the man that was once there. If the Thunder that went in to this same show six years ago, completely out of his element and won is there, then this match will go to me. If that guy shows up, it's my match to win.
I think that guy is still inside of me. That fire still exists, and it's time for it to show itself again. The reason why I could do what I did back then, the reason why that fire existed, was because I was hungry. I was hungry and determined to prove myself and my worth.
Somewhere down the line, I lost that fire and hunger. And that was my downfall. The desire wasn't there any more and I became complacent and weak. It led to a dismal time both professionally and personally.
Now I know what I need. Now I know why I came back and how I can accomplish what I set out to do. It's been within me the whole time. Although it may have been dormant, it's still there. Now I know what I need to do to win, and I can do it. If I want out of the slump I've been in, the only way is to face it head on and unleash that fire one more time. That's the way out.
The way out is the way in.
