Shields HS49 RP: "Tying Up Some Loose Ends"

[Almost Like Flacco]

We open the scene in one of the more run-down, dimly-lit locker rooms of tonight's venue. Shields is sitting on a rusty old metal bench talking on his cell phone.

Shields: Don't try and pin this all on me...

.....

All I ever did was give you the contract. I expected that you were old enough to read the whole thing by yourself, but apparently I was wrong!

.....

Don't you dare try to guilt-trip me, Maria! If you would have read the fine print on that contract before signing it, you would have known that our relationship was strictly business.

.....

The contract clearly reads, "If, for any reason, Christian Shields is unable to compete in WFWF and must leave the company, any relationships would be terminated as well". How did you not understand that?

.....

Understand this, new contract, new manager.

.....

Honestly, Maria, do you really think I give a damn about what you do from here? It's not my fault that you didn't have a fallback.

.....

Yeah. Goodbye Maria. I'm busy.

Shields shuts his phone after the fight with his ex-manager/girlfriend. Shields' new manager, Ms. Yvonne Welk, walks into the scene. She's wearing glasses with her blonde hair tied back. She's holding a clipboard with the night's card clipped to it.

Yvonne: Who was that on the phone?

Shields: Just a...uh...former business partner. We were just tying up some loose ends left over from my last contract.

Yvonne: Very well. Have you had a chance to look over tonight's card?

Shields: Indeed I have Yvonne. Tonight should be a walk in the...

Shield's phone rings.

Shields: Excuse me one second.

He looks and sees that it is Maria calling again. He quickly opens and shuts the phone and then throws it against the wall. It shatters with a loud thud.

Yvonne: What was that all about?

Shields: I had to do something to keep her from calling again.

Yvonne: Wouldn't just simply changing your number be better?

Shields: It would, but this was the quicker option.

Yvonne: Would you like me to place a restraining order on her?

Shields: That would be great.

Yvonne takes note of it on her clipboard.

Yvonne: Back to the matter at hand, Mr. Shields...

Shields: Please, we've known each other long enough. Call me Christian.

Yvonne cracks a flirtatious smile.

Yvonne: Alright... Christian... I assumed you've looked over tonight's card?

Shields: Yes, yes I have. Do you know anything about this K1LL3R 1NST1NCT 3 that I'm facing?

Yvonne: I can't say that I do.

Shields: I saw this guy walking down the hallway a bit ago. He is, without a doubt, the freakiest guy I have ever seen. I don't mean freaky as in creepy, I mean this guy is a full-blown nutcase.

Yvonne: Oh yeah?

Shields: Yeah, he was just walking around, muttering something to himself.

Yvonne: What do you suppose it was?

Shields: (mimicking K13) I'm going to lose. I'm going to lose. I can't beat this guy. Boo-hoo-hoo.

Both Shields and Yvonne begin laughing. Gasping for air, Yvonne resumes the converstation.

Yvonne: I take it you are more than ready for this?

Shields: No doubt. I've been waiting for months to get back here. I miss the scenes of the locker rooms. By the way, they're usually much nicer than this one, this place is a dump. I missed destroying punks on a weekly basis. Hell, I even missed the stench of all those fat, sweaty people in the stands. It all gives me sort of a rush. They may call me "Mr. House Show" now, but soon enough, it will read "Mr. WFWF".

Yvonne laughs a little bit after Shields' last statement. He looks at her and eventually starts laughing himself.

Shields: Good Lord, that was lame.

Yvonne: Yes, very.

Shields grabs Yvonne by the hands and pulls her close.

Shields: What do you say we get out of this rust-bucket for a little while?

Yvonne: Sounds like a plan.

Yvonne unties her hair and lets it fall down. The two of them then walk out hand-in-hand.

[recklessmatten]

Nice one Shields.

I would advise more description though. But i cant talk, i lack that too lol

[Kurt Burton: Script Doctor!]

It seems like forever since I have seen an RP of yours... oh wait...

So the good... your formatting was nice and easy to follow. A lot of the speech was leagues above what you had done previously here. I liked the conversation between Christian and his ex-manager.

The bad... Practically no description. As I said I liked the cell phone conversation, but instead of the ellipses, maybe you could have described what Shields was doing as she talked, his body posture, any sarcastic gesture, facial expressions.

The ugly... That joke was so lame I cannot possibly imagine two people running out of breath laughing at it. The only way this made since in my head was to imagine Shields as a guy in lederhosen(as the German's have no sense of humor), and the manager just trying to humor him and make him feel good. Plus, why did they hook up at the end, I really don't feel Shields is that charming, so it was a bit of an oddity.

Well, there you go.