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Post by Kill Em' All on Jul 31, 2021 1:51:25 GMT -5
I found this to be a interesting topic; how much say or at all should your SO/Spouse have over your occupation and what it is?
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Post by ~*Young $ Money*~ on Jul 31, 2021 8:12:49 GMT -5
None. Asking their opinion is one thing but if they aren’t doing the job or have to go to it everyday why should they have a say in it? Especially if they met you while you were already there. I couldn’t imagine going to a job I hate everyday because that’s what my significant other wanted.
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Post by bWo on Jul 31, 2021 10:14:26 GMT -5
So if your wife or girlfriend told you she was quitting her job to go be a stripper you'd be okay with that?
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Retrospect
Main Eventer
Joined on: Sept 20, 2019 16:39:04 GMT -5
Posts: 1,056
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Post by Retrospect on Jul 31, 2021 12:25:27 GMT -5
Shades of grey on this question. If it’s a job that keeps you away from home for long periods of time like Trucking then I can see it being an issue. Ultimately you make the final decision but relationships need to be a compromise sometimes.
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Post by Kill Em' All on Jul 31, 2021 15:45:36 GMT -5
So if your wife or girlfriend told you she was quitting her job to go be a stripper you'd be okay with that? That’s where it gets gray pretty quick lol
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Post by Kill Em' All on Jul 31, 2021 15:46:59 GMT -5
Shades of grey on this question. If it’s a job that keeps you away from home for long periods of time like Trucking then I can see it being an issue. Ultimately you make the final decision but relationships need to be a compromise sometimes. I see it that way as well. My girlfriend hates me in law enforcement; and it’s caused some very bitter argurements. And I see where some of the points are made on her side.
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Post by Kill Em' All on Jul 31, 2021 15:48:02 GMT -5
None. Asking their opinion is one thing but if they aren’t doing the job or have to go to it everyday why should they have a say in it? Especially if they met you while you were already there. I couldn’t imagine going to a job I hate everyday because that’s what my significant other wanted. It’s heated topic; I think it only gets worse depending on how serious the relationship is and if there’s children involved. That would send like living hell.
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Post by Kill Em' All on Jul 31, 2021 15:51:08 GMT -5
None. Asking their opinion is one thing but if they aren’t doing the job or have to go to it everyday why should they have a say in it? Especially if they met you while you were already there. I couldn’t imagine going to a job I hate everyday because that’s what my significant other wanted. Definitely the factor of having the job before or after meeting them is big one. I been with my girlfriend since I was 17; so obviously I didn’t have a badge then. And I think that goes for most if you change work through the relationship it spells out growing pains
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Post by kennyw86v2 on Jul 31, 2021 16:32:45 GMT -5
Absolutely none.
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Post by Mongo Bears on Jul 31, 2021 18:44:55 GMT -5
Not much at all unless it makes them uncomfortable. Any known job someone has before a relationship begins must be accepted as a term of the relationship.
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Post by CM Poor: DeepFigureValue on Jul 31, 2021 19:26:42 GMT -5
I guess it depends on the circumstances. I mean, my wife and I have been married for thirteen years, and we've always sat down and discussed job or career changes with one another because we're of the opinion that that's what couples, you know, do. Our jobs affect each other due to how we've chosen to structure our household, though FWIW, neither of us has ever come to a point where we've discouraged the other from leaving or pursuing a job. Our one ground rule, primarily, is to not leave unless you have something else lined up - though this past year, I offered and even encouraged my wife to do just that, as the position she's recently left was making her completely miserable. My salary would have held us up long enough for her to finish school and find a job, but she stuck it out in the end, graduated, and was able to quit that job exactly one and a half weeks after graduating with a newer and more lucrative one all lined up.
I'm going to take a wild guess here, and wager that your girlfriend's reservations about your career path are either idealistic in nature or directly tied to the nature of the job and the risk associated. In either sense, both of these are serious conversations that the two of you need to have openly and honestly with another before you really consider letting the relationship stew any longer. Fortunately, you're at a relatively easy crossroads, as I'm guessing that, in addition to the fact that she's just your girlfriend, a) you're young and that b) there aren't children involved. If you've got a ring stashed away somewhere, then yeah, you need to sit down and decide what's more important - a career in LE, or her. Similarly, if she's hoping that you're the one and that there's a future with you, she needs to decide whether or not that future can come to fruition with you in a career in LE or not. The hardest part is that you need to have these discussions together.
Of course, that's if you want it to potentially work out. The TL;DR;Rash Decision version is break up, carry on, and find one of those girls that loves a man in uniform I've heard so much about.
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Post by Kill Em' All on Aug 1, 2021 0:09:23 GMT -5
I guess it depends on the circumstances. I mean, my wife and I have been married for thirteen years, and we've always sat down and discussed job or career changes with one another because we're of the opinion that that's what couples, you know, do. Our jobs affect each other due to how we've chosen to structure our household, though FWIW, neither of us has ever come to a point where we've discouraged the other from leaving or pursuing a job. Our one ground rule, primarily, is to not leave unless you have something else lined up - though this past year, I offered and even encouraged my wife to do just that, as the position she's recently left was making her completely miserable. My salary would have held us up long enough for her to finish school and find a job, but she stuck it out in the end, graduated, and was able to quit that job exactly one and a half weeks after graduating with a newer and more lucrative one all lined up. I'm going to take a wild guess here, and wager that your girlfriend's reservations about your career path are either idealistic in nature or directly tied to the nature of the job and the risk associated. In either sense, both of these are serious conversations that the two of you need to have openly and honestly with another before you really consider letting the relationship stew any longer. Fortunately, you're at a relatively easy crossroads, as I'm guessing that, in addition to the fact that she's just your girlfriend, a) you're young and that b) there aren't children involved. If you've got a ring stashed away somewhere, then yeah, you need to sit down and decide what's more important - a career in LE, or her. Similarly, if she's hoping that you're the one and that there's a future with you, she needs to decide whether or not that future can come to fruition with you in a career in LE or not. The hardest part is that you need to have these discussions together. Of course, that's if you want it to potentially work out. The TL;DR;Rash Decision version is break up, carry on, and find one of those girls that loves a man in uniform I've heard so much about. Congrats to your wife and her sticking it out; I know that can be very challenging. I think big part is our relationship started when I was 17/She was 19; that was 3 years ago. Lots of growth of both of us. She graduated school and I became an officer in April 2020. I apreciate the advice and the detailed understanding of the situation; spot on as well. I am in the Corrections side of it; so I been working on going over to Police side of things; I am unsure if I am mentally burnt out with the jail side of things. However; going to the streets I swap out my dangers. I lose some dangers from leaving the jail; and gain new dangers going to the streets. But it's very much the danger and the negative traction LE has gotten over the past year; which I don't blame some of the publics outrage. That's another story though. I'll always chose her; until that destroys my happiness. I don't know where I stand in LE; I am convinced it's my early life adventure story. Or the things I tell at parties of how I use to be cool in 20 years. lol If it is my early adventure; I don't know what's next. But I been working on my Jiu Jitsu knowledge; and hope to become Controlled force instructor or go to Probation. Something more in the backround. I am not very; convinced on ranking up or the politics you play to earn brass on your collar. I think she supports me becoming Probation Officer; she wanted me to do that in the first place. However; I craved the excitement of working in jail. And I think I want little more of that; but I think when my marbles are ready I am ready to do something else. The uniform does help; and my department allows me to keep my Jesus hair. So; I play both parts on and off duty.
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Post by ¡Twist Of Cinnamon! on Aug 1, 2021 7:00:23 GMT -5
None. None at all.
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Post by HandsomeHollywood on Aug 1, 2021 8:23:41 GMT -5
Case by case. Me and my wife are partners. If I decided to change me job, she should be part of that decision. Just as I should be if the roles were reversed.
I also like to think she'd stop me from making any boneheaded decisions I may not have thought through.
Though ultimately, the decision is up to who is the one looking to change or gain a job. The other can support. I don't want my wife to blindly support everything I do though. She should be able to question me if I'm acting, well, questionable.
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Deleted
Joined on: Mar 28, 2024 13:08:34 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2021 12:23:00 GMT -5
A relationship is a partnership. That'll mean making decisions together. Typically when I think of career/job decisions my wife and I discuss together it has a lot more to do with specific jobs than career paths in general, though we have talked about those things together too. I started a new job recently that still pays well, but has a lower ceiling $$ wise than other paths I could have taken. It's a job I'm much happier in. That was a decision we made together, because it affected both of us.
I think the notion that a significant other should have no say in your career only really applies to newer relationships. Once you start to get really serious about building a life together, those decisions become joint decisions. Like yeah if I had a girlfriend of six months I'm not really including her in that decision. My wife on the other hand, yeah we are building our lives together so those types of decisions are things we discuss together.
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Post by J'Dinkalage Morgoone on Aug 2, 2021 11:52:45 GMT -5
none
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Post by Valbroski on Aug 2, 2021 12:42:18 GMT -5
My knee jerk reaction was to say none but if you’re married and have kids I think you owe it to your significant other to listen to their input.
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Deleted
Joined on: Mar 28, 2024 13:08:34 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2021 18:05:02 GMT -5
two generations back,both sets of my grandparents were conservative muslims. each grandpa tended to stay at places for a decent bit of time,and i don’t think either had more than two jobs. my guess is though,considering the fact that we’re talking about the 1950s-1970s,when each one did leave one company for another,it was definitely done “without asking permission,”so to speak. the male ran the tribe. my parents are obviously more modern,and i think if my dad were to leave his job today,he’d definitely talk it over with my mom,and vice versa. the “power” is a bit more equally distributed,the freedom as well.
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Post by Tim of thee on Aug 2, 2021 18:19:32 GMT -5
I’ll go the other way and say significant. You run a household with your partner so all things should be discussed.
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Post by k5 on Aug 3, 2021 13:35:43 GMT -5
I think it varies by individual and relationship. different dynamics work for different people, I don’t think it’s cut and dry.
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