Post by Johnny Mason on Nov 2, 2019 23:52:41 GMT -5
I just want to be happy
One of my many needs in this world
These things that I need in this world
My necessities
they seem like they are unattainable
And I'm always searching for them so that makes my life meaningless
It doesn't matter how many matches I win if my boy isn't here
He's the only thing that truly matters in my life and he's gone
Is this just temporary
Is this my new reality
I have no idea
All I know is that when I step into that arena
When I step into that ring
I can take out this darkness inside me out on my opponent
I can, if only for a moment, relieve myself of this pain and relieve myself of this guilt
I feel... cleansed
It doesn't matter the pain that my opponent inflicts on me
I deserve it
I feed off of it
Johnny is sitting in his Range Rover waiting for Hannah to get ready.
They're getting ready to go to dinner at a fancy restaurant.
Johnny forgets the name, something Italian.
It was Hannah's idea,
She hopes that maybe getting him out of the house will make him ease up a little.
Hannah makes her way to the car
She’s wearing an elegant black dress with her black high heels. Her long blonde hair gleaming in the light.
Wow you look great!
Thanks Johnny you look pretty handsome yourself.
Johnny smiles as he backs out of her driveway and starts going down the road
So what is this restaurant called, anyways
Volare.
My brother works there and is one of the higher ups so I was able to push our reservation forward more quickly
Oh that’s great says Johnny trying his best to sound even remotely excited
Trust me Johnny,
Once you get a bite of their food you’ll know exactly why I wanted you to come here
Yeah I guess says a defeated Johnny
They finally arrive at the restaurant
The ride there was long but didn’t seem so as Hannah and Johnny talk like they’ve known each other for years
After a longer than normal wait
They are seated and waited on
The smell of the restaurant is enough to win Johnny over and have him salivating over the food
Johnny I wanted to talk to you about something
Okay says Johnny
I’m all ears
Your match against maim
Johnny cringes at the sound of her name
You-you’re not like that around me
Why is it so difficult for you during your matches to keep your head
Johnny grits his teeth
I-I didn’t mean to upset you I was just-
No it’s fine says Johnny somewhat aggressively
I don’t really have an answer for you
Just, in the heat of the moment it gets me...
emotional.
Is there anything I can do to help
I don’t think so I just... I don’t know
I know that the match didn’t go as planned-
She can sense the anger in Johnny’s face
(The server gives them their food)
I’m trying to help I just don’t know what I could say
Then maybe we should just eat our dinner, Johnny quickly fires back
Hannah, shocked that Johnny snapped at her like that for the first time, goes back to eating her food quietly
This was the first time I’ve been pinned in the wfwf
I’m having problems remembering exactly what happened
But the one thing I know for sure is this pain
This regret
I haven’t felt this since the loss in my last match on the indies
Something that’s been haunting me to this very day
Now maim?
All I can think about is getting back at them
I can take the physical pain
But not the sting of these losses
Halfway through the superb meal the painfully awkward dinner is interrupted by a phone call
Johnny you’re supposed to keep your phone on silent-
Johnny gives her a look that makes the hair on the back of Hannah’s neck stand up and a chill go down her spine
He walks to the restroom and takes the phone call
The lemon scent in the room is overbearing
Hello
Hello is this Johnny,
Johnny Mason
Yeah this is him
Who am I speaking too
Johnny I am Dr. Browner
There has been a, complication with Bryce
When can you get down here
I’ll be down there as soon as possible
Is he okay?
What’s wrong ?
I think it’ll be better to talk about it once you’re here Johnny
Okay I’m on my way says Johnny fleeing the bathroom
A complication
What does that mean
Surely not something to serious, as the doctor sounded like it was no big deal
Still I can’t help but worry
Johnny goes back to his seat and tells Hannah the news
Oh, oh no Johnny.
I’ll go with you
No that’s okay I better go on my own Hannah
I’m sure it’s no big deal says Johnny nervously
Johnny I want to be there for you
Even if it’s no big deal.
He reluctantly agrees as they hurry to the car
The car ride there is quiet
The only sound is the Range Rover going down the road
Fifty mph, sixty, seventy.
Maybe we should slow down
I’m sure everything is fine
I can’t do that Hannah what if it’s something serious
They arrive at the hospital and quickly run up to the sliding doors
Johnny has to pull them apart as they are not fast enough
They get in the elevator and go to floor number three
What if something happened Hannah
I don’t know what id do without him
I’m sure he’s fine honey we need to stay strong for him
He’s a fighter
I’m sure whatever it is he’ll make it out
I need to see him
He gets up and while on his way to Bryce’s room he runs into the doctor
Johnny you might wanna come with me
He calls for Hannah to come and they take what seems like a mile walk to the chapel
Johnny’s heart thuds so loudly it’s deafening
They sit down
The familiar smell of the hospital is making Johnny nauseous
Mr. Mason I’m saddened to tell you the unfortunate news that your son has passed away
DREAMCATCHER
One week later
Johnny lays on his stomach on his bed with his head to his right
His arm out in front of him
Red vertical lines carelessly yet strategically placed
At the end of his arm lies his hand
4 bloody knuckles from the night before
On the nightstand to his left is a bottle of whiskey with a holy bible being used as the coaster.
Beside the Bible lies another bottle
A different bottle
An empty pill bottle
Last night a full one
For the first time since Bryce’s funeral Johnny feels something
For last night
He tried to die
My last time seeing my son
I promised him I would win
I’m a liar
He didn’t deserve to die
I did
I deserve to die
I’m never going to be with my son again
he is in heaven
And I’ll be going to hell
Johnny drags his close to lifeless body out of his bed.
Wearing the same white T-shirt that he wore yesterday his ears are ringing and the room is spinning around him
He walks into the bathroom and bends over the sink, shaking and lost in his thoughts until he hears his phone ring
He thinks about letting it ring but picks up at the last second
Hey Hannah
Johnny you finally answered
How are you doing
Can I see you
I-I don’t really feel like getting out
That’s okay
How are you doing
Im fine
Johnny glances down at his glossy red scars
That’s great Hannah says knowing Johnny isn’t being honest
Talk to me about it honey
I’m here for you
I know we haven’t been seeing each other long but we’ve always been able to talk to each other
What could you possibly want to know that you don’t already
How do you feel
Mentally and physically
I’m so worried about you
Want me to come over?
I’m in pain
Is that what you want to ing hear
Johnny-
No Hannah you wanted to know
I’m in pain
I want to die
I feel so powerless over my own life
Like it’s not in my own hands
And whose would it be in then
Johnny your life is in gods hands
Well If I’m being honest if there is a god I’m not too sure I want to go to heaven
Let alone deserve to be there
Johnny hangs up the phone
Something Johnny almost instantly regrets because he knows she’s just trying to help but at the same time doesn’t even care about
He goes back to bed and lays his head down on his cold pillow
He wraps himself up in Bryces Batman blanket and sleeps until he can’t sleep anymore
No dreams
Just nothing
Johnny imagines this is what it is like to be dead
When he wakes up he stares up at the ceiling but so deep in his thoughts that he isn’t processing what he’s seeing
I wish I would have went through with it says Johnny thinking about the gun he threw away
How did those pills not work
I must have taken over 100 of them
He looks up at the ceiling that is surrounded by 4 blank walls that feel as if they are caving in
F^ck you screams Johnny
F^ck you
He screams this over and over until his throat is sore and he bursts out in tears
Just please for one minute bring me back to having you here with me
Ask me for ice cream
Ask for me to play with you
Tell me you love me
I swear to you I’ll do anything you want
Anything you need of me
Johnny hasn’t showered or ate in what seems like forever
He went from forcing himself to do these things to giving up trying
Today the only trace of a connection to the outside world was a phone call
A phone call from Lila Sleater telling Johnny who his next opponent is
Frank Lynn
Thank you so much for this opportunity
I won’t disappoint you
I’ll walk away as champion
For Bryce Johnny says proudly
Uh Johnny
This is a non title shot but if you win I’m sure you’d be next in line-
That bastard won’t even give me a title shot! Screams Johnny
Now not only severely depressed
But pissed off
He is slowly losing grip of reality
Johnny-
I need this title
I need to be international champion
Are you sure you’re going to be able to compete Johnny
Maybe you should take some time to rest
To heal
Heal?
My scars have healed because I’m the one who f^cking sewn them shut screams Johnny looking down at his arms
Johnny hangs up the phone
This isn’t their fault
This is Franks fault
He’s to occupied with his dreams of becoming world champ that he has turned the international title scene into a nightmare
“Longest reigning champ” johnny laughs maniacally
When I’m done crushing your dreams you’re either going to become a jobber or carry your mohawked ass to GFL with your tail tucked between your legs
At least you’ll have something between those legs frank
The more that I think about it
The more that it becomes more real
Me, Johnny Mason
Standing overtop a broken Frank Lynn
Who is pleading, no begging to be with his mother
Something im more than happy to give him
Something im more than happy to give him
Johnny goes to his fridge and grabs a bottle of alcohol out of his freezer
I haven’t cared
I haven’t cared about a damn thing besides the wfwf since Bryce died
I’ve been tearing myself apart about losing my last match
To a little girl for s sake
But now
Now I have meaning
My meaning is that international championship
It will be wrapped around my waist
It will become my greatest accomplishment for Bryce
He’ll be so proud of me
He finishes off the fifth before getting into bed
Wrapping himself up in the Batman blanket once again, and passing out
Help me daddy
Help me!
I’m coming!
Keep yelling so I can find you
Johnny is in what he seems to think is an abandoned hotel
Dad it’s coming help
What’s coming son
No response
Bryce!
He runs through the musty hallway checking every room
Every inch of the hotel for Bryce
All he’s seen is mold and bugs
He ends up at the end of the hallway
Dad!
The elevator! Thinks Johnny
He runs over to the elevator and pulls apart the doors
He sees Bryce inside with tubes down his throat and his eyes closed
Bryce are you okay!
Bryce answer me!
What do I have to do son cry’s Johnny
Please open your eyes
Please son
Bryce slightly opens his eyes
Dad?-
The elevator goes dark and suddenly it drops down floor by floor while Bryce screams until it crashes to the ground
Johnny jumps up in bed
Shocked and sweaty he is greeted by the unforgiving silence of his new reality