WFWF Presents International Assault - Results

[Rated R]

Pyro! Loud Music! Flashing lights! More pyro! Fancy computer animations on the Tunatron! Even more pyro! Rabid fans screaming at the top of their lungs! Did we mention the pyro!


It can only mean one thing.


The WFWF is on the air and it is time for a very special show: The WFWF presents International Assault featuring the International Championship Open Invitational Gauntlet!


If that doesn’t get your blood pumping then screw you because that’s all the intro we’ve got. It’s going to be a long night and we’re not wasting any time getting right to it.


Roll the graphic, production monkeys…





Smoke clears from the entrance stage and Lila Sleater is standing there basking in the glow of the spotlight, holding a black silk bag. Behind her stands the undisputed, reigning, defending International Champion David Brennan with the belt slung over his shoulder. Flanking him on both sides the rest of the competitors in the gauntlet, each one hoping tonight is the night they are the one who knocks off the David f’n Brennan. (He is also the WFWF World Heavyweight Champion but for tonight we don’t care about that. And don’t get us started on those Tag Belts he carries around. Is he or isn’t he? Who knows? And after all this time with a tag team division of zero teams, who cares?)


The wrestlers eye each other warily as Lila speaks to them and the fans packed into the arena.


Lila Sleater: Hello San Juan and welcome to the WFWF’s International Assault! Tonight we’re going to show you that one match is all we need to give you the best professional wrestling in the world because that one match is an open invitational gauntlet! The prize for the winner is the prestigious International Championship currently held by David Brennan!


The crowd cheers loudly. They see the wrestlers gathered behind Lila and you can hear some of their names being yelled out by supportive fans, certainly the champ and his more well known challengers like Anna Ahriman, Frank Lynn, Ante Whitner, and the unexpected return of Dave Demento. A few even cheer for the unassuming guy in overalls holding a mop. Or are they cheering for the mop? It’s hard to tell.


Lila Sleater: Now I know each one of these men and one woman behind me is ready to get the gauntlet started but first, we have to determine the order they will wrestle in. Never let it be said that I am unfair… although I’m sure someone will say it no matter what I do. I’m looking at you, Frank. In the interest of fairness, the order of the entrants will be determined by chance as each wrestler will pick a chip out of the bag with a number on it that determines the spot they will enter the gauntlet. Step right up and pick one. Ladies first, Anna.


Anna Ahriman steps up and reaches into the bag, swirling the chips around before pulling one out with a flourish. Without looking at it, she holds it up for Lila and the crowd to see. The crowd gasps audibly. She drew number one! Anna takes the news in stride. She takes the microphone from Lila and speaks her mind.


Anna Ahriman: Well well well. Looks like I have my work cut out for me. So what? I’m an Ahriman! Just like Shawn Malakai won the Scars and Stripes Battle Royal I will take on and beat every single one of you! Hurry up and pick your numbers losers. I’ll be waiting for you in the ring!


Anna hands the microphone back to Lila and strides to the ring, forgoing any of the usual WFWF entrance pageantry. Guess she doesn’t realize we have more pyro… lots and lots of pyro because we aren’t cheap bastards. In fact, we’re pyromaniacs. Flaming barbwire match, right?


Brennan pushes his way forward and picks his chip next, taking a quick glance at it before walking backstage giving no indication of what number he drew. He is followed by each of the other wrestlers - Dave Demento, Peter File, Ante Whitner, Frank Lynn, and Billy Broom - until the bag is empty and the order of the gauntlet is set.


Most of the wrestlers made their way backstage after choosing their chip but the seedy looking middle aged man everyone assumed correctly is Peter File remained on the stage. He looks at Lila with a smile as he holds up his chip showing the number two. Then he turns towards the teenage girl standing in the ring and his smile turns into a leer. He licks his fingers in what we assume he thinks is a seductive manner, slicks his hair back, smooths his eyebrows, and saunters to the ring.


Lila Sleater: We have our first match. Let the International Championship Open Invitational gauntlet begin! May the best man OR woman win!


Anna sees Peter File heading her way and starts to go through some warmup moves waiting for him to enter the ring.


Christa Adina: Ladies and gentlemen, the WFWF proudly presents the International Championship Open Invitational Gauntlet! For the first match, already in the ring… from Ira, Vermont… standing 5’6” and weighing 128 lbs… Anna Ahrimaaannn! And making his way to the ring is her opponent… from somewhere… standing upright and weighing about fifty pounds more than he should… Peter File!


Peter takes his time, stopping randomly along the ramp whenever he spots a fan who sparks his interest. For their part, the object of his interest usually backs away or is quickly pulled behind a protective adult. Ever quick to judge, the fans respond rather negatively raining boos down on Peter File.


Peter File ignores the crowd reaction, enters the ring by sliding undertone bottom rope, again in what we assume he thinks is a seductive manner, leers at Anna, and licks his lips. Anna makes a disgusted face, then orders the referee to ring the bell immediately.


DING DING DING!


Daniel Knight: Are you ready for a wild night of action Alecia? Lila’s latest brain child, the open invitational gauntlet is under way and we are already getting a taste of how diverse the field is going to be tonight.


Alecia Matthews: Yes indeed. On one side we have a rising star in Anna Ahriman who wants a good showing tonight to show that she is more than just a famous name. And on the other side we have an unknown wrestler of the kind that appears out of no where whenever the WFWF opens it doors to all comers. Is Peter File the next Hugh Jass?


Anna immediately charges at Peter File, hitting a shoulder block that barely moves him. She bounces off the ropes and tries again to little effect. One more try, this time a flying forearm that rocks File only slightly. He is still smiling lewdly at Anna as he looks her over from head to toe and back again. His behavior is starting to creep out Anna, the ref, and the crowd.


YOU ARE CREEPY!
YOU ARE CREEPY!
YOU ARE CREEPY!



Daniel Knight: I have to be honest, there’s something about this Peter File that seems a little off… and I don’t mean in the usual psychopathic way of many WFWF wrestlers


Alecia Matthews: Um yeah… you’re not the only one who sees it. Five seconds into his WFWF career and Peter File is already hated.


Anna charges in again but Peter catches her in a bear hug, each of his hands grabbing a handful of Ahriman buttocks and squeezing tight. Then he licks Anna’s face!


Alecia Matthews: *gagging sounds*


Anna headbutts Peter and he releases his grip, stumbling back a few steps as he wipes some blood off his lip. Anna follows in chopping away at File’s chest until he is backed into the corner. Anna does a backward somersault to get some room, then charges in and leaps at Peter to hit a high knee that hits him square on the chin. She gets her footing on the second rope and punches him repeatedly in the head as the crowd counts along.


Peter shakes off the assault, lifting Anna up and throwing her legs over his shoulders so that his face is buried in her crotch. He takes far too long holding her in that position before finally dropping her to the mat with a power bomb. Anna scrambles away wiping at her shorts. The referee delivers a warning to Peter File who shrugs, licks his lips yet again, and smiles that sickening leer of his.


Alecia Matthews: Ew gross. I can’t be impartial calling this match. Someone, namely Anna, needs to kick this creeps ass.


Daniel Knight: Everyone in the arena, myself included, agrees. Listen to those boos. They’re nonstop.


Anna is back on her feet and she comes at Peter again, kicking at his leg until he falls to one knee. She bounces off the ropes and comes at Peter intent on knocking his head off his shoulders with a Kinshasa but File ducks under the blow. He quickly grabs Anna from behind setting her up for a belly to back suplex, but again he takes his time holding her in the setup while grinding his pelvic region against her ass.


Anna screams in disgust and kicks him in the balls! The referee turns away and pretends to wipe something out of his eye.


Daniel Knight: Hey now! The ref completely missed that blatant low blow by Anna!


Alecia Matthews: He sure did. I hope Lila gives him a raise. Now hurry up and finish him off, Anna!


Peter File falls to his knees clutching his crotch, yet still smiling the whole time.


Anna bounces off the ropes and tries another Kinshasa that connects with a loud crack of knee to skull. Peter File flops to the mat. Anna drags him near the corner, then bounces off the top ropes for a split legged moonsault. She immediately goes for a cover.


1…


2…


Peter File kicks out.


Alecia Matthews: So close. Come on Anna, you got this girl!


Daniel Knight: For the sake of appearing professional, I’ll say that was a nice recovery by Peter File. Also, it lets Anna dish out some more punishment to the creepy Mr. File.


Anna wastes no time, helping Peter to his feet just so she can grab him by his hair and drop him back down with a vicious Triple A (Codebreaker). Peter File’s face bounces off Anna’s knees and he is propelled backwards flopping to the mat with a thud.


Anna goes for another cover.


1…


2…


3!


DING DING DING!


Christa Adina: The winner of the match and continuing in the gauntlet… Anna Ahrimaaannn! Peter File has been eliminated.


Alecia Matthews: Way to go girl! That’s teaching the creep a lesson he won’t soon forget.


Daniel Knight: I don’t think Anna is done…


Anna stands over the prone Peter File, actually teasing him with a hip gyrating dance before she stomps away at his head and chest to loud cheers from the crowd. When it is obvious Peter File has no fight left in him, she blows him a kiss, then spits in his face, and kicks his side until he rolls out of the ring. She leads the crowd in song as he stumbles away amidst a shower of beverages and snacks from disapproving fans.


NA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA
HEY HEY
GOODBYE!


Alecia Matthews: I don’t care how the rest of the gauntlet goes for Anna, that right there just made her night! I hope that’s the last we’ve seen of Peter File!


Daniel Knight: You have to admit, the gauntlet is off to an interesting start. Before our next match though, we have a backstage interview with top contender Frank Lynn. It’s my pleasure to send it to the newest member of our team, the lovely Kay Fabe.

[Rated R]

We switch to a view outside a nondescript locker room where Frank Lynn and his manager Daphne Velasquez are being interviewed by Kay Fabe, a short, perky brunette in a low-cut black dress and glittery red scarf.


Kay Fabe: This is a big night for you Frank. Not only are you in the gauntlet but you are also awaiting news from Lila with regards to who your opponent will be in your “GM for a day” match. Will you be able to concentrate on the gauntlet with that hanging over your head?


Frank Lynn: I can chew gum and walk at the same time. It’s called multi-tasking. Besides, there’s no point worrying about my special stipulation match until I know who I’m facing and when the match will happen. Who knows what tricks Lila has up her sleeve? Let her lay her cards on the table before I react. Tonight is all about claiming the title shot that should have been mine from the get go.


Kay Fabe: Do you really think you deserve a title shot more than past champions, other rising stars, and top prospects?


Frank Lynn: Check your facts. Ante Whitner - beat him. Anna Ahriman - beat her. Trace Demon - beat him. Lucas Crowe - beat him. I earned a title shot and am offended that I have to beat the same people all over again to get it.


Kay Fabe: Let me remind you that there are a few wrestlers in the gauntlet you haven’t wrestled yet, former champion Dave Demento for example. But you’re entitled to your opinion. I’m sure it would be easier for you if you drew a high number so you don’t have to fight too many opponents before David Brennan. Would you mind telling us what number you drew?


Frank Lynn: No doubt, it would be easier if I drew a high number. I’d much prefer to face Brennan fresh. Unfortunately, as you and everyone else will soon find out, that isn’t how its going down tonight. I said I would beat Ahriman, Crowe, Demon, Whitner, and every retired former champion who can still walk if I had to and it looks like that is exactly what I will have to do.



Kay Fabe: So you drew a low number? Bad luck for you, eh?


Frank Lynn: Yes and no. Yes, I drew a low number, just how low you and everybody else will learn soon enough. No, it’s not bad luck for me. It’s bad luck for everyone else. I’m going to tear through the entire roster on my way to David Brennan. This is my title shot. I earned it. I deserve it. I didn’t get it so tonight I’m going to take it.


Kay Fabe: How low a number did you draw?


Frank Lynn: See for yourself.


Frank flips his chip to Kay who looks at it and then holds it up for the camera so we can see the number three on the chip.


Frank Lynn: If you’ll step aside and let me pass, I have to go to work now. There’s a spoiled princess in need of a spanking waiting for me in the ring.


Kay does as requested and steps aside so that Frank and Daphne can make their entrance. Once they pass, Kay turns to the camera.


Kay Fabe: That clears that up. Frank Lynn, a man on a mission, drew number three and is on his way to face Anna Ahriman. Back to you, Alecia and Daniel.


Before the shot can cut away, the wrestler dressed like a janitor comes up to Kay Fabe.


Billy Broom: That is one intense dude. He should probably switch to decaf. So, do you have any questions for “the Cleaner” Billy Broom. I’m in the gauntlet too, you know?


Before Kay can say anything, Billy Broom breaks all the rules and stares directly into the camera, making a goofy smile and waving.


Billy Broom: Hi Jenny! I hope you remembered to set the DVR.


Kay Fabe: What? Who? You? Aren’t you the janitor? Sorry, no questions for you. What is that smell?


Billy walks away dejectedly while mumbling to his mop. The shot fades to black but one last comment can be heard before Kay’s mic cuts out.


Kay Fabe: Holy crap. The freakin’ janitor really is in the gauntlet. I thought the WFWF was the big time.


Daniel Knight: Welcome to the team, Kay. Looking forward to more interviews from you… if you last the night. Janitor or not, the field is stacked. Anna Ahriman is already one match up and we now know her next opponent is Frank Lynn.


Alecia Matthews: I’m sure there won’t be any hard feelings between these two. I’m sure this will be a one of those honorable contests where both wrestlers show good sportsmanship. A shining example of Frank’s revolution.


Daniel Knight: Careful. Your sarcasm is showing.


Anna Ahriman never left the ringside area after beating Peter File and now she is pacing around the ring with microphone in hand.


Anna Ahriman: Come on Frank! Stop wasting time. I don’t need a break to get ready for you. Drag that wrinkly old ass of yours to the ring. I’ve got a super-sized serving of sh*t ready for you to feast on!


The arena goes black. The first psychedelic guitar screams of "Anthem of the Space" blast out over the arena speakers as multi-colored spotlights zoom around the arena, converging on the entrance stage to bathe Frank Lynn in a bright white light.  He stands with his arms spread and looks to the sky, soaking in the moment.  His manager Daphne comes out to join Frank on stage and they make a slow purposeful walk to the ring, the spotlight following each of their steps as it cycles through the colors of the spectrum.  They get to the ring, walking completely around it.  Frank lets Daphne walk up the steps first and she enters the ring.  She holds the ropes for Frank who steps into the ring and stands in the center with his arms spread.  The single white spotlight suddenly splits into many different colored spotlights which zoom out from them and dance around the crowd as the house lights come up.  As he is announced, Daphne removes his coat, carefully folds it up, and stands by his side for a stare down with Anna Ahriman.


Christa Adina: Ladies and Gentlemen, now entering the ring is the next entrant in the gauntlet… from Boston, Massachusetts… standing at 6’ 2” and weighing 232 lbs... The Lethal Weapon Frank Lyyynnnnnn!


Anna Ahriman: Ready for a little payback, old man?


Daphne Velasquez: Ha. You ready to suck it, puta? ‘Cuz you’re going down!


Anna and Daphne square off as if they are having the match, much to the alarm of Frank and the referee. Frank Lynn restrains Daphne, gently guiding her out of the ring. The referee manages to get Anna into her corner and settle her down. Once Daphne is out of the ring, he checks that both wrestlers are ready and calls for the bell.


DING DING DING!


Frank and Anna charge at each other meeting in the center of the ring and getting a collar and elbow lock up. Frank pushes Anna around easily until she drops onto her back and monkey flips Frank into the corner. Frank jumps right up and hits Anna with a clothesline that drops her to the mat but she kips up and they square off again in the center of the ring.


Anna tries a spinning heel kick to Frank’s head but he ducks under, countering with a leg sweep that Anna leaps over. Frank responds with a forearm smash to Anna’s forehead that knocks her backwards. He follows up with chops to the chest. Anna backs away, then drops down grabbing Franks pants at the waist and pulling him over her so that he falls neck first onto the middle rope.


Anna grabs the rope on either side of Frank’s neck and pulls it tight while applying pressure with her knee to his back. She continues her blatant choke in the rope hold until the ref gets to four in his five count. She releases Frank who coughs violently while trying to stand. Anna wraps her arm around his neck and drops him with a neckbreaker.


Daniel knight: Yep, pure honorable combat just like you said. Pre-match hand shake and nothing but respect between these two.


Alecia Matthews: Now whose sarcasm is showing?


Daniel Knight: It’s contagious. Sue me.


Alecia Matthews: Regardless, these two are having an incredibly fast paced and hard hitting match, the kind of match neither one wants if they are to go deep into the gauntlet.


Anna rolls behind him and puts Frank in a chin lock, dropping knees to the middle of his back for added damage. Frank struggles to his feet while Anna keeps the hold on. He reaches behind her head and drops down, hitting a stunner that sends Anna flying backwards in the air to land flat on her back.


Frank hits a springboard moonsault off the second rope, then grabs Anna’s arm and locks on a kimura. He grits his teeth as he cranks up the pressure until Anna starts to scream in pain. It’s not a pleasant sounds, somewhat reminiscent of hyenas howling that you would hear on a National Geographic special.


Daniel Knight: Frank isn’t holding anything back. I think he really wants to break Anna’s arm.


Alecia Matthews: Anna wouldn’t want him to hold anything back because she’s a female, if that’s what you’re implying. She’s playing for keeps too. They may not be trying to cut each other to pieces with knives while surrounded by flaming barbwire but the animosity between these two is every bit as intense as that between Whitner and Schneider.


Frank continues to wrench away at Anna’s arm while she wriggles around on the mat, eventually getting her foot on the bottom rope. The ref starts a five count which leads to Frank breaking the hold immediately. Daphne is screaming at him “Wait ’til four! Make the bitch suffer!”


Frank shakes his head at Daphne, telling her to chill out. Anna uses the distraction to run the ropes and land a brutal running high knee to the middle of Frank’s back. Frank sprawls into the ropes in obvious pain. Anna runs the ropes again and hits a Cactus Clothesline to the back of Frank’s neck sending both wrestlers over the top rope. Frank plummets to the floor while Anna catches herself on the apron.


Daniel Knight: I can’t believe how hard these two are going at each other.


Alecia Matthews: They have to so the match can end quickly. The longer this goes on, the more of a disadvantage the winner will be in the next gauntlet match.


Daphne helps Frank to his feet and just as they turn towards the ring, Anna comes running down the apron hitting both with a leaping cannonball splash, rolling off their fallen bodies in one smooth motion to a standing position and raising her arms to the cheers of the crowd.


Anna jumps back onto the apron, then climbs up the nearest corner to the top turnbuckle. She waits for Frank to get back to his feet, then leaps off for another flying splash. Frank counters with a forearm uppercut that catches Anna clean and sends her crashing down landing awkwardly on her head and neck. Frank scoops her up and turns towards the ring post. He gets a head of steam and rams the small of Anna’s back into the hard steel.


Frank shifts Anna’s body over his shoulders and runs full force at the security barriers, driving her through the barrier and into the crowd with a loud crash. Security moves in to get the fans out of harms way as simultaneous “Holy Sh*t!” and “This is awesome!” chants start.


Alecia Matthews: Good lord, this is just the second match of the gauntlet. If its any indication, the rest of the night is going to be awesome.


Daniel Knight: The crowd agrees. This gauntlet could be one of Lila’s best ideas ever. All these wrestlers fighting tooth and nail for a shot at David Brennan and his International Championship. If the rest of the matches are equal to or better than this one, then we are in for an epic night.


Daphne yells at Frank, warning him that the ref is counting them out and is up to seven! Frank picks up the limp body of Anna Ahriman and walks over to the ring, shoving her under the bottom rope and sliding in before the ref gets to ten.


Frank picks up Anna and whips her into the ropes. He hits a sling blade and goes for a cover.


1…


2…


Anna kicks out.


Alecia Matthews: Close call for Anna but she’s not done yet. She really does have the heart of an Ahriman beating in her chest.


Frank picks Anna up and whips her into the ropes again. Frank goes for a spinning heel kick but Anna baseball slides under the move grabbing Frank’s ankle as she goes by. Frank loses his balance and crashes face first to the mat. He gets to his knees and is greeted by a series of hard kicks to his chest and back. Anna runs the ropes and hits a Kinshasa! She quickly covers Frank.


1…


2…


Frank Lynn kicks out!


Daniel Knight: Frank’s not done just yet either. Whether he’s fighting for the revolution or for the International Championship, he always gives everything he has and then some.


Alecia Matthews: But are both of them giving too much? Doesn’t matter who wins, they are going to be half dead with the majority of the gauntlet competitors still waiting for their turn.


Anna backs away and eyes Frank, contemplating her next move. Frank gets to his knees and Anna pounces, hitting a spike-canrana and rolling through so she has Frank in a full mount. She rains blows down from her dominant position.


Frank fights back desperately, grabbing Anna’s hair and pulling her head into his. The headbutt leaves both stunned. Anna half rolls/half flops off of Frank so that both are lying on the mat side by side.


Daphne pounds on the apron furiously trying to get the crowd behind her man. She gets dueling chants of “Let’s go Frank! Let’s go Anna!” for her efforts.



Frank and Anna simultaneously drape an arm limply across the chest of their opponent. The ref drops to the mat and starts to count.


Daniel Knight: Wait, which wrestler is the ref counting? They both have their shoulders on the mat and an arm on the other.


Alecia Matthews: Could we see a double pin, eliminating both Anna and Frank?


1…


2…


Both wrestlers kick out, by which I mean they both sit up and look at the other angrily. They stand up and back away from each other, taking a moment to get their wits back.


Alecia Matthews: Whew. They both avoided the pin. This match is too good to end that way. We need a decisive winner and loser.


They run the ropes, missing each other on the first and second passes. Anna drops down to the mat as Frank jumps over her on the third pass, then Anna jumps high and Frank ducks under her. On the next pass, Anna greets Frank with a perfect dropkick to his face that drops him like a ton of bricks.


Anna picks him up and lifts him onto the top turnbuckle. She climbs up and tries to set up for a superplex. Frank fights back, punching her several times in the abdomen. Then he turns the tables, hooking her neck and leg so he can hit a spinning fisherman’s superplex that rocks the ring!


Frank goes for a cover.


1…


2…


Anna kicks out… barely.


Daniel Knight: How… did… she… kick out? Un-f***ing-believeable!


Alecia Matthews: I have no idea. She’s not moving. It must have been pure instinct.


Seeing that Anna is not moving, Frank springs to the top turnbuckle like a cat, points to the sky, and leaps off to hit a five star frog splash.


Frank goes for another cover.


1…


2…


3!


DING DING DING!


Christa Adina: The winner and continuing in the gauntlet… The Lethal Weapon Frank Lyyynnnnnn! Anna Ahriman has been eliminated.


Alecia Matthews: Amazing match. Anna showed she can go in that ring but Frank showed that he is one of the elite.


Daniel Knight: He said he deserved to be the one to face David Brennan and I’m starting to believe him. His problem is his own bad luck in the draw. He might have had a chance if he drew a higher number but drawing number three… I don’t see how he wins four matches against the likes of Whitner AND Demento.


Alecia Matthews: It does seem like a lot to ask of one man. Even if he does make it to the end, Brennan will eat him up and spit him out.


Daphne jumps into the ring and starts to taunt Anna, but Frank pulls her away and tries to calm her down. Frank goes over to Anna, who is slowly recovering her senses. “You’re still not good enough to beat this old man. Go home, princess, and don’t come back until you are a better wrestler… a lot better.”


Anna glares at Frank but her body language says she knows she was beat fair and square. She turns away from Frank and Daphne who are celebrating in the corner and heads up the ramp, her shot in the gauntlet now over.


Frank leaves the ring and comes over to the announcers table. He sits down next to Alecia and Daniel, taking a bottle of Gatorade gratefully from a staffer at ringside. He takes a long drink and then turns to the announcers.


Frank Lynn: Sixty seconds and a Gatorade. That’s all I need to get ready for the next man up.


Daniel Knight: Are you sure? You took a beating out there.


Frank Lynn: And I’ll take another beating or two before the night is over. I’m going to fight for what should already be mine… a shot at David Brennan. God help anyone who gets in my way.


Alecia Matthews: Well, you’re going to get more than sixty seconds. We’re taking a short break before the next competitor comes out.


A video plays showing WFWF wrestlers like Anna Ahriman and Billy Broom helping with hurricane relief efforts. The video ends with information for making donations on the WFWF website.

[Rated R]

Alecia Matthews: And we’re back. Frank Lynn is in the ring looking ready for the next entrant although he has to be sore after his match with Anna Ahriman.


Daniel Knight: Doesn’t matter. He has to fight through the pain if he wants to continue in the gauntlet. The big question now is… who’s next?


Without warning, the thrashing metal guitar riffs of "Gimme Chocolate" by Babymetal deafen everyone in the arena.  "The Cleaner" Billy Broom comes out on stage in dark blue overalls swinging a mop above his head like a madman.  After ten seconds or so, he smashes the mop on the stage.  Then he rips off the overalls and flings them aside revealing his wrestling attire, still thrashing his head and arms to the music.  He "moshes" his way to the ring slapping the hands of fans along the way until he slides in under the bottom rope to face off with Frank Lynn.


Christa Adina: Now entering the ring is the next entrant in the gauntlet... from Pittsburgh, PA... standing 6' 3" and weighing 240 lbs... "The Cleaner" Billy Broooooom!


Alecia Matthews: This guy is such an interesting character. The fans don’t know him but those of us who hang around backstage and talk to people do. He is “The Cleaner” Billy Broom.


Daniel Knight: Really Alecia? Tell the whole story. He’s the janitor. The honest to God cleans toilets for a living janitor! This is as big a joke as Hugh Jass in the Supreme Gauntlet.


Alecia Matthews: That shows how little you know about the non-wrestlers who work for the WFWF. Billy is the head of our road crew AND a retired Army ranger. He may not be a seasoned professional wrestler but he knows how to fight and just look at him… he’s in great shape. And he happens to be a very nice guy.


Daniel Knight: Oh he’s a nice guy. That changes everything. Nice guys always last long in the WFWF. Remember the Dog Who Eats Cheeseburgers? Nice guy, right? Human flambé courtesy of Phillip Schneider.


Alecia Matthews: Just sit back and enjoy. I have a feeling “the Cleaner” has a few surprises for us and “the Lethal Weapon”.


While our announcers continue their love hate relationship let’s turn our attention to the ring. A new ref has made his way to the ring, checked both wrestlers for foreign objects, and been genuinely surprised by the lack of attitude or antics from either Frank Lynn or Billy Broom. The two wrestlers even exchanged a hand shake before he called for the bell. Score one for the revolution.


DING DING DING!


Frank and Billy circle each other trying to size each other up. Frank’s hesitation is clear as he really has no idea what to expect from the janitor. As for Billy, he’s just nervous as hell. You can see his lips moving as he talks to himself, doing a last little pep talk before engaging in combat.


A hush comes over the crowd as the two men continue to circle, making feints at each other but no physical contact. The anticipation gives way to impatience and the fans try to urge the wrestlers on.


Billy makes the first move, going for a judo throw into an armbar. He looks confused as to what to do next which gives Frank a chance to reverse the hold. Frank twists Billy around into a half nelson, driving him to his knees. Frank then grabs Billy’s head and leaps over him, driving Billy face first into the mat.


Billy springs up quickly and squares up with Frank again. Frank dives in and gets Billy in a front face lock. He twists Billy’s head around trying to stress his neck. Billy responds by wrapping his arms around Frank’s waist and flipping him over with a bridging snap suplex. Frank quickly kicks out, the ref not even having time to start a count.


Daniel Knight: Billy the janitor is playing this way too cautious. He has a few moves but he isn’t stringing them together like a real wrestler would.


Alecia Matthews: He looks nervous and out of his element. Frank Lynn is not the ideal first opponent for a rookie with no training as a wrestler.


They close in again and Billy executes a series of judo chops and taking Frank down with another judo throw leading to a wristlock. This time Billy doesn’t hesitate, twisting Frank’s wrist back as far as it will go, then chopping down on Franks shoulder with a forearm blow that drives Frank to the mat. Billy transitions smoothly into an STF.


Frank squeezes an arm under Billy’s hands and with a massive effort, breaks the hold. He flips Billy onto his back and spins around into side control. The two struggle on the mat, Frank trying to get passed Billy’s guard while Billy tries to free himself from Frank and get back to a standing position. Billy puts up a pretty good fight against the MMA veteran and the result is several minutes of old fashioned mat wrestling with neither man gaining much of an advantage or doing any damage to the other.


Daniel Knight: The crowd is not pleased. They came to see professional wrestling and an MMA match broke out instead.


Alecia Matthews: I’m not sure but I think Frank might be sandbagging just a bit as he uses this time to recover physically from his match with Anna. It’s well known tactic used by MMA fighters because the one in control uses much less energy than the one trying to escape.


Daniel Knight: That’s a very insightful analysis. Somebody’s been doing her homework.


Alecia Matthews: Fu… *audio cuts out briefly* …is chanting “boring” now.


Frank’s expression shows that he is not pleased to hear the fans chant “Boring”.


Frank releases his hold on Billy and jumps to his feet, offering a hand to Billy so he can get up too. Billy takes Frank’s hand, stands up, and looks at Frank cautiously. Frank releases Billy’s hand and shrugs at him, says “Let’s try this again, WFWF style.” He kicks Billy in the gut. Billy doubles over allowing Frank to grab him and hit a snap suplex… and another… and another before he releases his hold on a stunned Billy Broom.


Frank whips Billy into the ropes, then clotheslines him so hard Billy does a full three sixty degree spin in the air before finally landing hard on the mat. Frank picks him up again and prepares to whip him into the ropes but Billy surprises him, reversing the whip so it is Frank who is running out of control into the ropes. Frank comes back towards Billy who hits pop-up power bomb that draws “oohs” and “ahs” from the fans.


Billy goes for a sloppy cover, forgetting to hook a leg for extra leverage.


1…


2…


Frank kicks out!


Alecia Matthews: See, I told you! Billy does have something for us. He caught Frank with the pop-up power bomb and almost got the pin.


Daniel Knight: I think it was more luck than skill. The janitor is in over his head. He’ll be mopping up the bathrooms soon enough.


Alecia Matthews: Killjoy.


Frank rolls away to the corner where he looks at Billy with a newfound respect. Frank knows he can’t afford another mistake or Billy could end his gauntlet run right now.


Billy is the one who makes a mistake. He doesn’t have a wrestler’s instincts. Instead of following up his move, he waits in the center of the ring for Frank to come to him.


Frank comes in slowly, looking for a collar and elbow tie up. Billy fumbles around and Frank easily gets him in a hammer lock. Billy ducks and twists to reverse the lock, then switches to a head lock. He makes a rodeo style whirling motion with his free hand, takes a few steps and drops Frank with a bulldog. He goes for a cover but Frank again kicks out immediately.


Daniel knight: I don’t think Billy Broom is doing himself any favors with these attempts to pin Frank Lynn. He hasn’t done anywhere near enough damage to keep Frank down and it is just pissing Frank off.


Billy grabs Franks behind his head and delivers several muay thai knee strikes. Frank blocks them all with his forearms, wraps his arms around Billy, and slams him hard to the mat with a belly to belly suplex.


Frank picks him up and nails him with a half dozen forearm strikes to the head. Frank positions the dazed Billy for his next move. Frank yells loud enough for all to hear “Play times over Billy! Time to go to sleep!”


Frank hits the Canadian Destroyer! Then he locks on the Dasochoku, grape-vining his legs around Billy’s waist. The look of resignation on Billy’s face says it all. He knows he isn’t getting out of the Dasochoku so he taps out.


DING DING DING!


Christa Adina: Your winner and moving on again… The Lethal Weapon Frank Lyyynnnnnn! Billy Broom has been eliminated from the gauntlet.


Alecia Matthews: That was exactly the kind of match Frank needed, quick and relatively painless.


Daniel Knight: No surprise, the janitor wasn’t up to snuff. He gave it the proverbial college try but he was out of his league. Frank will need to do a lot more to beat Ante Whitner or Dave Demento.


Alecia Matthews: There’s a name I didn’t think we would be saying ever again. Dave Demento. Wasn’t he supposed to be in prison or dead or something like that.


Daniel Knight: Something “like” dead? What is that, a coma? I think comas are Ante’s thing, not Demento’s.


Frank shakes Billy’s hand one more time and whispers something into his ear before Billy leaves the ring and heads back to the locker room. The crowd gives Billy a subdued but appreciative applause as he exits, leaving Frank and Daphne in the ring celebrating another victory.


Alecia Matthews: Frank has won two in a row. Its a good start but his night is just beginning. And its only going to get harder.


Daniel Knight: At least he gets a short break to recuperate before we find out who’s next.


A video package plays detailing the long and storied history of the International Championship, just long enough to keep the fans entertained without boring them.

[Rated R]

The video ends and the arena remains black as “Gangster's Paradise” by Like A Storm hits the PA system. Bluish-colored smoke plumes out from the stage to reveal a shadow. The shadow starts to slowly fade into oblivion with a mysterious-looking Ante Whitner appear on the stage. The smoke returns, this time, a red color, as Ante pulls up his hooded, gray, sweatshirt. He places his two index fingers on his head and yells out. The crowd roars with boos as Ante just smirks and walks down the ramp. He slides into the ring, almost licking the canvas and slowly gets up. He looks in amazement at the capacity-crowd and just smirks. He pulls off his sweatshirt, throws it in the crowd, and yells out: "Are you with me or not?!”


Daniel Knight: The “Bloodied Eagle” Ante Whitner is the next entrant in the gauntlet!


Alecia Matthews: This is gonna’ be great. These two spent the first half of the year feuding over the Golden Opportunity with Ante getting the best of Frank twice before Frank came out on top in a non-title three way dance at Ultimate Supremacy.


Daniel Knight: There were hard feelings between these two over the questionable actions of Ante that resulted in Joshua Dean getting injured. I thought they made peace with each other after their last match but maybe not. Ante does not look happy.


Alecia Matthews: When has he ever looked happy?


Ante is pacing back and forth in his corner of the ring like a caged animal. Frank is in his corner getting some last words of advice and encouragement from Daphne. Both are ready for the latest match in the Gauntlet. The official signals to both men, asking if they're ready. No hesitation from either of them as they both step forward, ready to-


Lila Sleater: Hold on just a second.


All eyes turn to the ramp as Lila Sleater, the general manager of the WFWF, as she steps out onto the stage, microphone in hand. Frank Lynn looks the most perturbed to see her as he takes his eyes off of Ante, stepping right up to the ropes to ask Lila what she's doing out here.


Lila Sleater: Frank, you look surprised to see me? But I thought we had a deal? Last week I gave you what you wanted, the chance to do my job for one night. All I asked was that you win a match for it, and if you lose, you shut it with all this revolution nonsense. You remember that, right Frank? Then you'll also remember that I promised to reveal who you'd be facing in that match right here tonight.


Frank doesn't look impressed in the slightest, shouting at Sleater that he's a little busy right now. Lila doesn't even acknowledge it.


Lila Sleater: Now I'm a woman of my word, so I thought I should come right out here and make the announcement not just to you but to all of the WFWF fans that you claim to be fighting for. I hope you understand that, with a match with so much on the line, I couldn't just get anyone to compete against you. No, it had to be a challenge. And that's what you want, right? Competition? So it took me some time to find the right opponent for you, somebody who I knew wouldn't only be a challenge but would fight till their last breath to beat you. Because like you keep saying opportunities should be earned so I want to make sure you earn yours. Of course there wasn't a shortage of possibilities, but I'll admit the following name wasn't even on my list. I'm not beyond saying that I was shocked when he even offered his services, let alone the fact I've taken him up on them. So Frank, let me introduce you to your opponent, the man who you'll have to defeat if you want any hope of making these changes you keep preaching about. Let me, begrudgingly as it may be, welcome...


She signals to the curtain behind her as a man walks out. The crowd erupts at the sight of him, less the fact he's out here, more that he's stood practically side by side with Lila Sleater, a woman he himself has pledged to destroy multiple times. Yes, that's right, the King of Demons is here.


Lila Sleater: Trace Demon.


Alecia Matthews: What in the world?


Daniel Knight: Lila Sleater and Trace Demon are... working together? That just seems wrong on every single level.


Frank's eyes almost pop out of his head for the same reason as everybody else. Trace Demon stands there, smirking at Lynn who is equally baffled and furious at the sight of his frequent foe. The WFWF's resident Villain just watches him, unable to hide his amusement.


Lila Sleater: Now I could offer you an explanation on why I've partnered with a man I utterly despise in this endeavour but honestly Frank, I'm not sure I feel the need. In fact I'll let Trace Demon explain that to you himself next week in that ring because we're going to have ourselves a good old-fashioned contract signing. I'm not sure if that fits into your little revolution's perspective of the WFWF and honestly, I don't care. So good luck with the rest of the match Frank, I have a feeling you'll need it.


Lila turns and walks away, Trace Demon not following. He lifts his hand like a gun, pointed directly at Frank Lynn who's screaming at him to come and face him right here, right now.


Alecia Matthews: You have to wonder at the timing of the announcement but there you have it. Frank Lynn will face Trace Demon with the entire WFWF on the line.


Daniel Knight: That’s a bit of an exaggeration. If Frank can defeat Trace Demon then he gets to be GM for a day… one single twenty four hour day.


Alecia Mathews: What he does with that one day could change the WFWF forever. Imagine if… wait, what the hell is going on in the ring?


As Trace Demon 'pulls the trigger', throwing his hand in the air and mouthing "boom" Ante Whitner takes advantage of the distraction and attacks Frank from behind, laying into him with sledge hammer blows. Trace chuckles to himself and takes his leave as the gauntlet continues.


A shocked Frank Lynn rolls out of the ring while the referee tries to restrain Ante. Ante pushes the referee to the mat and scowls at him before resuming his attack on Frank.


Ante jumps over the top rope and hits Frank with a suicide dive. They are very close to the timekeepers area. Ante grabs the bell and takes a swing at Frank’s head, connecting with a loud clanging sound. Frank falls to the floor clutching his head.


Alecia Matthews: What the hell is wrong with Ante? Is he nuts? He’s going to blow his chance in the gauntlet!


Daniel Knight: People wondered if his feud with Phillip Schneider might have pushed him over the edge. There is the answer. He’s gone full blown psycho!


Daphne runs over to protect Frank. She tries to grab the bell from Ante. The referee joins her and the two of them struggle with Ante over possession of the bell. Ante fights back against both but realizing he is going to lose, he releases his grip. The referee falls backwards with the bell clutched to his chest.


Ante kicks Daphne in her stomach, then pulls her in and hits a pile driver onto the thin mats covering the concrete floor. Daphne hits hard and the crowd is sickened as she falls from Ante’s grip to lie there almost motionless. Her eyes roll up into the back of her head and the only sign of life is some spastic twitching in her legs.


Daniel Knight: NO! Why Ante, why?


Alecia Matthews: That’s despicable! She could be seriously hurt! There was no reason for it!


Frank sees what Ante did to Daphne and charges at him, flying through the air to hit Ante with a spear that sends both men sprawling to the ground where they continue to trade blows. The referee and several security jump in and separate the men while other staff check on Daphne. One of them throws up the “X” signaling for the paramedics.


Somehow, the referee gets Frank and Ante back into the ring into neutral corners. The referee can be heard warning Frank and Ante: “Technically I can’t disqualify either of you because the match hasn’t started. I really should disqualify the both of you. Now stay in your corners and do nothing while the medics take care of Ms. Velasquez.” Ante’s fear of losing his chance at the International Championship and Frank’s concern for Daphne were enough to let the referee restore some order.


The paramedics place Daphne in a neck brace, strap her to a board, and wheel her away on a stretcher. Daphne gives a thumbs up sign to Frank and the crowd which draws a supportive cheer from the fans.


Alecia Matthews: The referee has Ante and Frank under control but its too little too late for Daphne. She’s on her way to the nearest medical facility.


Daniel Knight: Every one hopes its not as bad as it looked. Our prayers are with her.


Alecia Matthews: Agreed. The ref is finished with his warnings to both Ante and Frank. I think we’re going to have a match but these two will be on a short leash from here on out.

Christa Adina: Ladies and Gentleman, already in the ring for the next match in the gauntlet… “The Lethal Weapon” Frank Lynn vs “The Bloodied Eagle” Ante Whitner!


DING DING DING!


The match is officially under way and neither man wastes any time. They meet in the center of the ring and exchange a furious flurry of punches and kicks, no quarter given by either. Ante attempts a roundhouse kick but Frank ducks under it and gets behind Ante. He picks him up and hits a german suplex.


Frank keeps his grip around Ante’s waist, lifting him up and dropping him back down for a reverse atomic drop. Frank steps back and jumps up, hitting a standing dropkick to the back of Ante’s head. Ante stumbles forward and ends up in the corner, turning to face Frank who is charging at him.


Ante lifts his legs and nails Frank in the face with his knees, then twists around and over Frank to take him down with a sunset flip, holding on for a cover.


1…


2…


Frank Lynn kicks out.


Ante whips Fran into the ropes and hits him with a clothesline, following up with a somersault leg drop and another cover.


1…


2…


Frank kicks out.


Daniel Knight: Ante is trying to make quick work of Frank, probably a good idea since this is Frank’s third match of the night.


Alecia Matthews: He has an obvious advantage. Frank is already tired, sore, and Ante’s pre-match attack with the ring bell didn’t help. Seriously, why did Ante do that? Is he afraid that Frank has his number after their last match when Frank choked him out?


Daniel Knight: Never underestimate the Schneider effect. Ante is a changed man after his no rope flaming barbwire match. He seems to want mayhem and mutilation now. I think he enjoys it.


Alecia Matthews: I’d think he would want to avoid that kind of carnage again before he ends up in another coma… or worse! It’s a miracle he can even walk much less wrestle.


Ante whips Frank into the ropes again and hits a spinning back breaker. He picks Frank up and puts him in an abdominal stretch, slamming his elbow into Franks exposed ribs.


Frank fights back, flipping Ante over and holding him down with an armlock. Frank steps back switching to a wrist lock and hitting Ante in the chest with a series of stiff kicks. Frank takes Ante to the mat with a quick elbow drop to his extended and contorted arm. He rolls over Ante’s body, keeping his grip on the wrist. As he gets to a standing position he lifts Ante up for a pump handle slam back down to the mat.


Frank lifts Ante up again and whips him into the ropes, hitting a spinning heel kick when Ante comes bouncing back towards him. Frank stands over Ante for a moment sizing him up, then drops a knee to Ante’s forehead. He stays on his knees and slams Ante’s head into the mat repeatedly. Frank gets a satisfied look on his face and stands up.


Daniel Knight: Frank is showing his nasty side. He usually wrestles a very technical style, not a brawling bounce your opponent’s head off the mat style.


Alecia Matthews: This night is pushing him to his limits, both mental and physical. We’re seeing just what he is made of and how far he can be pushed before he pushes back.


Ante rolls around trying to clear his head, attempts a kip up that comes up short and falls back to the mat. Frank actually laughs, a mocking laugh that angers Ante. He kips up again, making it to his feet this time but is immediately greeted by a super kick.


Ante is rocked but stays on his feet so Frank whips him into the ropes and hits a scoop power slam, grabbing a leg for a cover.


1…


2…


Ante kicks out.


Frank picks Ante up and whips him into the ropes again, attempting a clothesline. Ante ducks under, slides to the mat and grabs Frank in a roll up for a pin attempt.


1…


Frank kicks out. Ante grabs an arm and twists it violently, then drops several knee shots onto Frank’s arm. Ante pulls Frank to his feet, wrenching away at his arm the entire time. Then he spins Frank around for a short arm clothesline. He quickly pulls Frank back to his feet keeping hold of the arm, spins Frank around again and hits a high knee to the chin that drops Frank.


Ante goes for the cover.


1…


2…


Frank Lynn kicks out.


Daniel Knight: The pin attempts are coming fast and furious as each man wants to end this and move on to the next match.


Alecia Matthews: They’re hitting some high powered offense but still not enough to put one or the other down for a three count. Both men have too much drive to give up that easily.


Daniel Knight: Plus there’s a real rivalry between these two. Neither one wants to admit that the other beat them.


Both men get to their feet and run the ropes, hitting each other with clotheslines and they both crash to the mat. They roll to opposite sides of the ring and use the ropes to get back to their feet. Ante runs at Frank who catches him in a fireman’s carry. Frank attempts a neck breaker but puts a little too much on it and Ante lands on his feet. Ante throws a wild punch that Frank avoids, then counters with a spinning heel kick that connects with Ante’s jaw.


Ante stumbles backwards unable to keep his balance and falls through the ropes to the floor. Frank gets a running start and dives between the middle and top rope attempting a suicide dive. Ante steps to the side and avoids Frank’s flying body, more due to the luck of a timely stumble in the right direction than any planned counter move. Frank crashes into the security barrier.


Alecia Matthews: Oh no, they’re outside the ring. What’s going to happen now?


Daniel Knight: Nothing good I bet.


Ante seems to regain some of his composure and scans around him, his eyes finally settling on a nearby chair abandoned by a staffer who cleared out of the area. He grabs the chair, folding it shut, and stalks back towards Frank.


The ref stops his count and jumps out of the ring to try and get between Ante and Frank but he is too slow. Ante winds up and hits Frank in the head with a vicious chair shot that leaves a huge dent in the chair. Frank goes down to his knees. Ante follows it up with a second even more vicious chair shot to Frank’s back. The referee grabs the chair and yells at Ante that he is about to get disqualified.


Alecia Matthews: Jesus what a chair shot to the head. Frank could have a concussion!


Daniel Knight: I’m sure we will hear about it if he does. It will be one more thing for him to preach about when he goes off on a revolution rant.


Alecia Matthews: After what we’ve seen between these two, can you blame him? This is not what anybody would call a safe work environment.


Even in his crazed state, Ante gets the point and lets the ref take the chair. He grabs Frank and tosses him into the ring apron, then picks him up and slides him into the ring.


Ante tries to get back in the ring but the referee grabs his arm and gets in his face, yelling at him, “This is your LAST warning. Keep it in the ring, keep it clean, or you will be disqualified!”


Ante looks disgusted by the ref but nods his head and turns to get back into the ring. He doesn’t get far as Frank Lynn runs at him and hits a baseball slide kick that knocks Ante into the security barrier.


Daniel Knight: Somewhat cheap tactics by Frank. Effective but cheap.


Alecia Matthews: It’s within the rules, which is more than I can say about some of Ante’s tactics so far.


The referee looks at Frank angrily, yelling a similar warning to him. Frank shrugs his shoulders and backs away to the middle of the ring, dropping down to sit there cross legged, hands rubbing his temples as he is in obvious pain from the chair shot.


The referee glances at Ante, then hops back into the ring and starts a count. Ante lets out a scream and rushes back into the ring. He charges at Frank who uncrosses his legs and does a split so he can duck under Ante’s attempt knee strike. Ante’s momentum takes him into the ropes and he bounces back towards Frank who takes him down with a Thezs Press.


Alecia Matthews: Are we going to see the Spaz Attack? Yes! Frank is bringing the pain now. He’s going to beat Ante into another coma.


Daniel Knight: I cannot believe Frank is still going strong in his third match of the night. At this rate he might pull it off, win the gauntlet and take the belt away from David Brennan.


Alecia Matthews: Let’s not get carried away. Frank is doing well but Brennan and Demento are still waiting in the wings. The odds are not in Frank’s favor. Ante would have a better chance if he can find a way to counter Frank’s offense.


Frank drops a few extra hard elbow strikes to Ante’s head, then gives in to his anger and grabs Ante’s ears so he can slam his head into the mat multiple times. Frank can see the lights going out for Ante so he lifts him to a standing position. Ante wobbles, seemingly unaware of where he is or what is happening.


Frank leaps onto the middle rope and does a springboard back flip landing right next to Ante, grabbing him around the neck and dropping him with a reverse DDT that rattles the ring.



Alecia Matthews: That was beautiful. Frank hit it perfectly and carried all his momentum from the flip into the reverse DDT.


Daniel Knight: Ante has to be seeing stars right now, that is if he is seeing anything at all.


Alecia Matthews: Frank is moving into position for.. yes.. he has it locked on. The DASOCHOKU! This could be the end for Ante Whitner.


Frank gets behind Ante and locks on the Dasochoku! It doesn’t take long for Ante to tap as he was almost unconscious already. The ref calls for the bell.


DING DING DING!


Christa Adina: The winner and moving on in the gauntlet… Frank Lyyynnnnnn! Ante Whitner has been eliminated.


Frank rolls off of Ante and crawls to the nearest corner to sit against the bottom rope, ignoring the attempts by the referee to raise his arm. He rubs his temples again.


Ante rolls out of the ring and staggers up the ramp like a crooked man walking a crooked mile. The paramedics are waiting at the top of the ramp, obviously worried that Ante may collapse at any moment.


Alecia Matthews: Another win for Frank Lynn. He is putting on an impressive showing tonight despite some tough times. His manager is in the emergency room right now, he’s taken multiple blows to the head from foreign objects and may be concussed, and possibly the two most dangerous wrestlers are yet to enter the gauntlet.


Daniel Knight: It will all be worth it if he can win the International Championship. He’s more than half way there. He just has to survive Dave Demento and David Brennan.


Alecia Matthews: Frank has a few minutes to recover before the next match.


Daniel Knight: Will it be enough? We’ll find out after this short break.


A trailer for the new Cameron Stone movie plays to the delight of the fans who chant “One more match!” when it is over.

[Rated R]

Alecia Matthews: Welcome back. Hope you all enjoyed that sneak peak at Cam’s latest flick.


Daniel Knight: I was in a movie once.


Alecia Matthews: Was it a home movie your parents made? No, don’t answer. Nobody cares. Let’s get back to the gauntlet.


During the entire break, Frank Lynn remained in the ring sitting against the bottom rope and holding his head. He looks up at the stage as the capacity crowd erupts and the arena lights dim, the whistling melody of "The House of the Rising Sun" echoing throughout the arena. A thin, low hanging fog fills the stage as a hue of green and orange searchlights pan across the audience.


“There is a house in Sin City
they call The Rising Sun,
and it's been the ruin
of many a poor boy,
and God, I know, I'm one.”


As the music kicks into full gear, nearly deafening the cheers from the sold out crowd, the beams of light converge upon the stage as David Brennan slowly steps out from behind the curtain, casting a glow upon him as he pauses to survey the crowd before him. With his attention focused sharp upon the ring, he begins his march down the ramp, casting passing glances to the ringside fans clamoring to either side of him. Making his way toward the ringside steps, he pauses once more to stare up at the sheer height and depth of the crowd, affording the fans all the way toward the back a rare glimpse of attention, before turning to climb the steel steps, passing through the ropes and into the ring. Pacing the interior perimeter of the ring, he stops in the corner opposite the steps, a hand on either plane of the top rope. As the lights return and his music fades, he glances out toward the crowd once more before beating his chest with his right first, turning his attention back toward the center of the ring.


Christa Adina: Ladies and gentlemen, the next entrant in the gauntlet… he is the undisputed, reigning, defending International Champion… from Boston, Massachusetts… 6’2” tall and weighing 243 lbs… David Breeennnnnnaaannn!


Alecia Matthews: It’s on now. This is the man Frank wanted, the man he said he had earned a shot at. You’ve got what you wanted Frank. Are you up to the task?


DanielKnight: That’s a damn good question. Frank hasn’t moved since he pinned Ante. He looks tired and beat up.


David stands firm in the center of the ring looking down at Frank. Frank grabs the top ropes and slowly pulls himself up, never taking his eyes off his latest opponent.


Brennan points to a fan in the front row who is wearing his new t-shirt. Then Brennan points at Frank and gives a slight bow. You can tell from the smile on his face that it isn’t a sign of respect. He is mocking Frank for accidentally coming up with the idea for the shirt. The fans make it even worse as they start to chant:


DB F’N WF! DB F’N WF! DB F’N WF!


Frank takes a good look at the crowd for the first time tonight and sees a sea of Brennan shirts, more of them than he ever saw of his own revolution shirts.


Frank turns his cold stare back to Brennan, slowly and deliberately walking to the center of the ring. He extends his hand. Brennan just looks at it. Frank says “Didn’t think so. Let’s do this.”


Frank’s display of defiance as well as the effort he has put in so far in the gauntlet inspires the crowd. Some continue to support David Brennan but just as many start to support Frank Lynn. The crowd reaches an almost fever pitch anticipating a great match.


DAVID BRENNAN!
FRANK LYNN!
DAVID BRENNAN!
FRANK LYNN!
DAVID BRENNAN!
FRANK LYNN!


Alecia Matthews: Frank and David are ready. I’m ready. You’re ready. The fans are absolutely ready. Come on ref! Ring the bell and let’s get it started.


The referee assignments have cycled around so that the same one who called for the bell before Frank’s first match against Anna Ahriman checks David Brennan for weapons and turns towards the timekeeper. He raises his hand to signal for the bell.


Suddenly, the lights dim in the arena, to a complete blackness. “Tear Jerker” by Jamie Maddox begins to play over the P/A system.


Daniel Knight: What the hell? Is the gauntlet now entering as three ways?


Alecia Matthews: Not that I know of?


Daniel Knight: Who’s entering now, then?


Brennan and Lynn turn their attention to the entrance way. The answer becomes clear to everyone. Through the crowd, Phillip Schneider has entered. Frank Lynn sees him, but only enough to catch a spinning back elbow to the chin, immediately rocking him into the ropes. The referee scolds Schneider, who proceeds to throw a fireball directly into the referee’s face.


Daniel Knight: Oh for the love of God! I thought we were over this fire stuff!


Schneider peels off his black hooded sweatshirt throwing it out of the ring, revealing a plain white tee. Frank Lynn backs up. David Brennan has simply bailed, realizing this is an issue between Schneider and Lynn. Lynn rushes at Schneider, getting in a few good shots before catching an elbow directly to the top of the head, followed up by a second spinning back elbow, this one splitting Frank wide open above the left eyebrow.


Alecia Matthews: Why is it every time Schneider shows up, things degrade to complete and total chaos?


Daniel Knight: Isn’t that exactly what Frank Lynn has been preaching? And likely what’s brought on this attack from Schneider?


Schneider is calling for something. An apparatus begins to lower from the lighting rig. It looks very similar to the apparatus used for ladder matches, with a pole replacing the usual metal ring. Hanging from that pole are two chains, with large hooks on them. Schneider stomps and kicks at Frank Lynn while he awaits his descending apparatus. Schneider digs in his pocket, producing a thick chain. Schneider wraps the chain around his fist and punches away at Frank Lynn’s face, further opening the already bleeding wound. The apparatus has made it to the ring. Schneider grabs it by the hooks. Quickly and with little remorse, Schneider digs a hook into Frank Lynn’s bare back on the left side. Lynn screams as the hook pierces his skin, trying to fight away but only catching another elbow to the face for his efforts. With the same ruthless intent, Schneider jams the other hook under the skin on Frank Lynn’s right side. Then, to the horror of everyone watching, the apparatus begins to ascend.


Alecia Matthews: Oh God.. OH GOD!


Daniel Knight: TRUCK, STOP! STOP WHOEVER IS ROLLING THAT UP!


The slack in the apparatus has been eliminated. It’s tightening. Frank is dragged to his feet. He’s trying to fight off, but soon, one foot is off the ground. He’s able to sway back and forth and keep one foot on the ground, but only momentarily. Soon, he’s hanging inches from the ground. Schneider swings the chain and strikes at Frank Lynn like a macabre piñata as Frank Lynn continues to rise.


Alecia Matthews: I’ve seen some really sick stuff, but this is crossing so many lines. Get him down!


Daniel Knight: Seriously, get him down right now!


Frank Lynn has elevated about six feet off the ground now, Schneider straining to strike at him any more, but he continues to ascend. Both the wounds from his back and his face are streaming blood, dripping down to the canvas below and quickly spattering Schneider’s white tee with blood. Schneider rolls out of the ring, grabbing a chair and rolling back in, recklessly flinging it upwards at Frank Lynn. He misses and the chair goes sailing into the front row.


Daniel Knight: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET SCHNEIDER OUT OF HERE!


Frank Lynn is now fully suspended about ten feet above the ring. Schneider stands proud of himself for a moment before a parade of referees and security finally show up to cart him away. Schneider leaves with very little protest and as quickly as he rose, Frank Lynn descends. He’s passed out from the pain, falling limp to the mat. While complete chaos interrupts the gauntlet, Brennan looks on stone faced. A new referee has stuck around, replacing the referee Schneider burnt, who whispers briefly to Christa Adina at ringside.


Christa Adina: Frank Lynn has been eliminated from the gauntlet. David Brennan moves on.


Daniel Knight: No….. s**t…..


Alecia Matthews: Schneider needs to be thrown in jail!


Daniel Knight: You’ll get no argument from me. Lock Schneider up and throw away the key.


Alecia Matthews: We’re going to take a break before the main event. I think we all need it.


While WFWF staff and paramedics work on Frank Lynn, a video package is shown covering the career of Dave Demento.


The Dave Demento video is not nearly long enough for the medics to patch up Frank Lynn and get him out of the ring so a hastily thrown together video is played showing highlights of the Gauntlet from the drawing of the chips to Frank Lynn choking out Ante Whitner.

[Rated R]

”Black Skinhead” by Kanye West starts playing over the PA system. All eyes turn to the entrance as Dave Demento comes. No fancy light show or pyro accompanies his entrance, whether thinks he doesn’t need it or the production monkeys haven’t had time to put anything together for him. The big man’s return to the WFWF gets a lukewarm reception from the fans who aren’t sure quite what to make of him.


Demento doesn’t care. He is focused on the man standing in the middle of the ring with the International Championship belt over his shoulder: David f’n Brennan! Dave takes his time climbing the ring steps, pumping his fists with each step. He grabs the top rope and for the first time takes a look round the arena taking it all in. He almost smiles, grabs the top rope, and jumps over to find himself face to face with the champ.


Christa Adina: Ladies and gentlemen, now entering the ring for the final match of the International Championship Open Invitational Gauntlet… standing 6’2” and weighing 265 lbs… from Ottawa… please welcome back to the WFWF… Dave Dementoooooo!


The referee takes the title belt from Brennan, shows it to Demento who strokes it once like a long lost lover, and then holds it up while doing a three sixty spin so everyone gets a good look at the prize up for grabs in the match.


Christa Adina: Already in the ring, his opponent… the undisputed, reigning, defending International Champion… David Brennaaannn!


Daniel Knight: Dave Demento is back. He looks good… you might even say he is looking jacked, baby!


Alecia Matthews: You might say that, if you’re drunk or bad at your job. Demento better be in good shape and shaken off all the ring rust in his training because he has to face David Brennan, the cream of the WFWF crop.


Daniel Knight: Brennan is the king of the mountain. He hasn’t had to wrestle a match yet tonight thanks to Phillip Schneider. He’s fresh as a daisy and ready to kick some ass. That’s the worst case scenario for Dave Demento.


The referee makes a show of checking each wrestler for foreign objects and gives them a warning to keep it clean, then signals for the bell.


DING DING DING!


Christa Adina: Here we go! Two of the more tenured veterans of the WFWF who, if I’m remembering correctly, are squaring off for the first time ever.


Daniel Knight: I think you’re right. Dis gonna’ be gud!


Alecia Matthews: Stop that before you become a meme.


Brennan and Demento lock up in the center of the ring and test their strength, each one trying to push the other around but neither actually getting the upper hand. First Demento gets pushed back a step or two, then Brennan, and so on.


Demento breaks the hold, changing levels for a double leg takedown but Brennan holds his ground. Brennan hits a knee strike to Demento’s chest that lifts him off the mat. He follows it up with forearm blows to Demento’s back, the blows softened by the tactical vest he is wearing.


Demento gathers his strength and pushes Brennan backwards into the ring corner, ramming his shoulder into Brennan’s midsection forcing all the air out of Brennan’s lungs. Demento rams his shoulder into Brennan several more times, then switches to kicks.


Daniel Knight: This is like watching two rams butting heads.


Alecia Matthews: Both men are heavy hitters who can take as much as they give. We could be in for a slobberknocker.


Brennan punches back and the two big men are rocking each other, sweat and spit flying from the force of the blows. Demento spins around attempting a tornado clothesline but Brennan blocks it with a forearm and rains more punches to Demento’s head. Demento starts to back away and Brennan pursues, catching Demento with a scoop slam followed by stomps to the arms and legs.


Brennan tries a standing elbow drop but Demento rolls out of the way. Brennan pops back up and tries another elbow drop but Demento rolls out of the way again, this time close enough to the ropes that he slides under them out of the ring. Demento takes a walk to water himself. Brennan tries to follow but the referee gives him stern look and starts a count.


Alecia Matthews: Demento taking a walk to gather himself. He hasn’t been around in a while so maybe he wasn’t prepared for the wrestler Brennan has become.


Daniel Knight: He definitely needs to rethink his game. Trying to go power for power against Brennan is not going to get the job done tonight.


Demento walks to the ring steps and slowly makes his way back up to the apron. He tells the ref to make Brennan back away so he can enter safely. Brennan sneers at Demento but listens to the ref and gives him the space he wants. Demento steps in between the middle and top rope. He is almost completely in the ring when Brennan pounces, hitting him in the head with a punt kick.


Demento backs out again and yells at the ref. Brennan laughs as he backs away. Demento tries to enter the ring again, much more cautiously this time. As soon as his foot hits the mat and he is all the way in the ring, Brennan charges like a bull and hits a clothesline that sends Demento spilling over the top rope and back to the floor.


Brennan verbally taunts Demento to the amusement of the fans. The referee, frustrated with Brennan not letting Demento back in the ring, does not start a count. Instead he pushes Brennan away from the ropes and beckons Demento to get back in the ring and get the match going.


Daniel Knight: Brennan is toying with Demento now. He’s in Demento’s head and he knows it.


Demento grabs the top rope and lifts himself onto the ring apron. Brennan brushes the ref aside and charges, hitting a clothesline that drops Demento to the apron. Brennan reaches over the ropes and grabs Demento’s hair, lifting him up and setting him up for a suplex. He wants Demento back in the ring but he was to do it his way.


Brennan tries to lift Demento up but he blocks it. Demento tries to lift Brennan up for a suplex of his own, something that gets the crowd excited. More than a few fans wouldn’t mind seeing Brennan dropped all the way to the floor by Demento. The two men tease hitting a suplex but neither can actually get the other up and over.


Daniel Knight: What a test of strength, skill, and will by these two. This is a could be a crucial turning point in the match.


Alecia Matthews: They’re playing with fire but that just shows what lengths both men will go to for the International Championship.


Finally, with a herculean effort, Demento gets Brennan up to the vertical position but Brennan grabs the ropes and kicks with his legs to get some momentum, dropping Demento to the ring apron with a DDT. The impact of Demento’s head with the apron sounds like a cannon shot in the arena.


Brennan drops to the floor and grabs hand full of Demento’s hair, slamming his head into the apron multiple times. He spins Demento around and drives his back into the ring. Then he tears away at the clasps on the tactical vest, ripping it off Demento and throwing it into the crowd. Brennan unleashes a vicious serious of chops to Demento’s chest. Brennan finishes off his rapid fire offense by whipping Demento into the ring steps.


Alecia Matthews: David had enough of Dave’s vest. Good for him too. What kind of a wrestler wears a tactical vest to a match.


Daniel Knight: Maybe he is protecting a lingering rib injury? We don’t know. Demento hasn’t been around for over a year. Who knows what happened to him during his absence.


Alecia Matthews: Maybe he’s a p*ssy, looking for any cheap advantage he can get. There are so many questions about his past and present. What’s real and what’s bullsh*t?


Daniel Knight: What’s real right now is that Brennan is kicking his ass. The champ is in top form.


Demento looks at Brennan with a touch of fear in his eyes. The juggernaut is starting to get on a roll. Brennan charges at Demento, but his veteran instincts kick in. He lifts Brennan up and over with a back body drop. Brennan crashes down onto the ring steps.


Alecia Matthews: OUCH! Demento just turned the tables on Brennan with one of the most basic moves in wrestling, but one made deadly with the addition of the steel ring steps.


Demento moves in to pick Brennan up but the ref chooses that moment to join them on the floor, gesturing wildly and yelling for them to “Get back in the ring! NOW!”


Demento storms past the ref, lifts Brennan up and drops him with a backbreaker onto the security barrier. He moves right in grabbing Brennan by the arm and shoulder and whips him into the ring post. Again, the ref yells at him and starts counting.


Demento grabs Brennan and slams his head into the ring post again, then rolls him into the ring. He turns to the ref and asks “Happy now?” Demento slides under the bottom rope into the ring.


Daniel Knight: Now is the time for Demento. He’s one big move away from finishing Brennan and reclaiming the International Championship.


Alecia Matthews: If he does, it would be one hell of a way to make his return to the WFWF.


Demento lifts Brennan up and hits a flapjack. Then he locks Brennan in a Boston Crab, leaning way back for maximum effect. Brennan struggles to break free, his face twisted by the effort. He slaps at the ropes but is too far away to grab them. Demento continues to rock back trying to punish Brennan’s back.


Brennan pushes his upper body off the mat with his massive arms and twists from side to side, finally managing to flip Demento over onto his back into a pinning predicament.


1…



2…


Demento kicks out easily.


Daniel Knight: Brennan’s back must be in serious pain right now. Demento has been targeting David’s back and administering a lot of punishment.


Alecia Matthews: That could make it hard for David to hit the Charles River Plunge. Could be Demento had a plan and it just took a while for him to execute it.


He immediately goes back on the offensive, hitting Brennan with a series of suplexes that show off his repertoire: Northern Lights, gut wrench, double underhook. Brennan is getting rocked by the high impact moves. Demento finishes off with the REBIRTH (vertical suplex pile driver)!


Alecia Matthews: REBIRTH! A devastating move. Brennan is down. This could be it!


Demento covers Brennan for a pin.


1…


2…


David Brennan kicks out at 2 and 7/8ths. The crowd gasps as the ref’s hand scrapes the mat for the almost three count.


Daniel Knight: So close! Demento almost had him.


Demento takes a moment, showing both his frustration and his need to catch his breath before he tries again. Brennan rolls onto his stomach, then lifts himself to his hands and knees, looking at Demento with hate in his eyes. The champ isn’t done yet!


Demento comes at Brennan, attempting to punt kick him in the head. Brennan swats the kick away and drags Demento down to the mat. They roll around trading blows until Brennan manages to get a dominant position. Brennan is in full mount raining punches down on Demento’s face. Demento fights back desperately, poking Brennan in the eye.


Daniel Knight: That bastard. He poked Brennan in the eye. C’mon ref! Do your job!


Alecia Matthews: The ref has been giving these two a good amount of leeway despite his tough stance at the beginning of the match. A DQ finish would ruin what has been a really good match.


Brennan falls off Demento and backs away. Demento charges in, grabbing Brennan and hitting a spike DDT. He quickly goes for a cover.


1…


2…

Brennan kicks out.


Daniel Knight: Another close call for Brennan.


Alecia Matthews: Demento has kept the pressure on Brennan all match. He really wants to get his title back.


Demento stays on the offensive, trying to soften Brennan up with a series of European uppercuts. The blows seem to reinvigorate Brennan and he starts to counter with uppercuts of his own. Brennan gets the upper hand and backs Demento into the ropes. He whips him across the ring, then follows in to hit a running clothesline. He hits a series of standing elbow drops.


Demento shows a little fight and manages to get back to his feet but Brennan responds with the Evenflow DDT, going for a cover.


1…


2…


Demento kicks out!


Brennan picks Demento up for his finisher but Demento escapes and runs the ropes to take Brennan down with a big boot to the face. Demento grabs the staggered Brennan and hits him with his own finisher: the Charles River Plunge!


Alecia Matthews: Demento tries to finish Brennan with the CHARLES RIVER PLUNGE! He better get the pin because David is not going to like that, not one bit!


Demento, obviously taxed by his effort, falls onto Brennan for the cover.


1…


2…


Brennan kicks out! The crowd roars.


Brennan is furious that Demento tried to use his finisher against him. He charges Demento like a bull punching him over and over until Demento’s head is flopping around like a bobble head doll.


Daniel Knight: It’s like Brennan just switched to a higher gear.


Alecia Matthews: It’s Demento’s fault for using Brennan’s own move against him. He poked the bear and now the bear is pissed off.


Brennan picks up Demento and with a little extra flourish for the crowd, hits the CHARLES RIVER PLUNGE!


Brennan goes for the pin.


1…


2…


3!


DING DING DING!


Christa Adina: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the gauntlet and STILL International Champion… David Brennaaannnnnn!


The referee hands the International and World championship belts to David Brennan who nonchalantly tosses one over each shoulder and raises his arms in a victory pose. The crowd cheers him on. Dave Demento does his best to not be noticed as he slides out of the ring and walks up the ramp, something made very easy by all the fans’ attention being focused solely on David Brennan while they chant.


DB f’n WF!
DB f’n WF!
DB f’n WF!


Daniel Knight: Congratulations to David Brennan… still the man with all the titles.


Alecia Matthews: It’s David Brennan’s world and the rest of us just live in it.


Daniel Knight: Be sure to check WFWF.COM for a complete wrap up of the gauntlet, updates on the champ, Frank Lynn’s health, any punishment for Phillip Schneider, and more.


David Brennan stands victorious with the International title in one hand and the World Heavyweight title in another.


“You make me feel” by Archive begins to play. No one has forgotten whose theme song that is.


The New Epoch, motherf~ckers.


Brennan just stares at the entrance with the same tired old angry expression. People in hooded robes come from the back and begin walking to ring. Brennan’s angry grimace changes to a look of puzzlement as none of the people surrounding the ring are taller than 4 feet. The music stops.


Daniel Knight: What is going on here? The show’s over.


Alecia Matthews: Maybe the return of DMK?


Daniel Knight: The loud mouth midget with all the crackheads? I always had to watch my bags around them.


The possible crackhead midget gang climbs up on the edge of the ring. Nine strong, they enter the ring. Brennan looks around seeing they have him encircled. Making the same assumptions as everyone else about them being stupid junkies, he boots the closest one square in the face. The little thug falls straight to the mat causing his hood to be thrown back. Everyone is in shock. Brennan’s eyes are wide. Absolute silence.


It isn’t a crackhead midget.


Alecia Matthews: David Brennan just kicked a little boy in the face…


Daniel Knight: I don’t know what to say to this.


It is a young boy. The rest throw back their hoods revealing them all to be kids. The world just witnessed David Brennan kick a twelve year old Thai kid in the face. Before the world can make a noise, all the kids charge Brennan. He is suddenly under a flurry of kicks and fists from these kids. He tries to push one off and ends up catching a kick to the face. Another jumps on his back and begins biting his shoulder. Brennan manages to throw the one off his back. Anger gets the best of him as he begins fighting back.


Daniel Knight: Isn’t this child abuse or something?


One of the kids eats an elbow, another eats an uppercut. Brennan drops to one knee where one of the kids catches him in the ear with an elbow. More fists and kicks from these kids. Out of nowhere the lights go out. A moment later when they come back on, the Thai boys are nowhere to be seen. Instead Michael Kyzer is standing in the ring with a giant sh~t eating grin on his face. The arena erupts in boos. He makes a microphone appears through magic.


Kyzer: If you people will quiet down, I will be able to check and see if our prestigious champion is alive.


Brennan is attempting to pick himself up from the mat but the night is wearing on him.


Kyzer: It is okay, David. You can relax. I scared away the children who were beating the sh~t out of you. You are in a safe place.


Brennan leans against the ropes while still down on one knee.


Kyzer: You and I will be meeting soon enough in this ring. We are going to find out just how legitimate of a champion you are. Your little performance here didn’t impress me. All these schmucks aren’t real competition. If you are going to walk around with all that gold you need to beat someone of worth. It took you five long years to reach your potential. Let’s see if you are ready to stand on the mountain. Until you beat me, you aren’t anywhere close to the summit. So get yourself together, clean up all this blood and sweat, then come to Power Struggle. Because the world will be in for a treat, the God of F~ck will be there and he will be wrestling. I will be showing everyone that Michael Kyzer is still a bad motherf~cker. I still have many, many surprises for you. So until then…


Kyzer drops the mic as The New Epoch theme plays again and we fade to black.

[Rated R]

There you have it, the first ever 'all night long' match in the WFWF, and a hell of a match it was. A massive shout out to Frank Lynn who wrote pretty much the entire show himself with additional thanks to Schneider and Kyzer for providing segments. Great stuff all round I think you'll all agree.

[King Richius]

It was fun to write so I hope peeps enjoy it. Also, I have a newfound respect for our owners and promise that I will never ever complain about show results taking too long. It's a lot of work to put this sh*t together.

[Drakz]

Only just managed to read this. F*cking great stuff King Richius. You tied in a lot of different threads of WFWF throughout the match and the pacing of the segs made sense, even if they were all totally f*cking mental.

Kyzer wut wut!

[Kyzer]

Brennan fights a bunch of kids and no one says anything about it? This place is a shell.

[King Richius]

Nov 14, 2017 14:01:23 GMT -5 Kyzer said:

Brennan fights a bunch of kids and no one says anything about it? This place is a shell.

Sorry, still trying to get over my guy Frank getting hung from the rafters Saw style.

[Kyzer]

Nov 14, 2017 14:07:43 GMT -5 King Richius said:

Nov 14, 2017 14:01:23 GMT -5 Kyzer said:

Brennan fights a bunch of kids and no one says anything about it? This place is a shell.

Sorry, still trying to get over my guy Frank getting hung from the rafters Saw style.

That reminded me more of John Zandig being hung in a similar fashion by The Messiah and Hi-V in CZW back in the early 2000's.

[Drakz]

Loooooooooool

[CM Poor]

Boots on Thai was classic WFWF, ca. whenever Kyzer last ran rampant at full energy. These are the type of segments that were prevalent on every show. Remember that time that TNE laid out Raider and co. with a couple of cans of bear mace?

[Kyzer]

Nov 14, 2017 18:56:53 GMT -5 CM Poor said:

Boots on Thai was classic WFWF, ca. whenever Kyzer last ran rampant at full energy. These are the type of segments that were prevalent on every show. Remember that time that TNE laid out Raider and co. with a couple of cans of bear mace?

I reread that recently to get inspired for our thing. Still makes me laugh.