*CRACK* a Black Hole Sun RP

[#DI-WHY?]

*Hansen and Mike Jette enter an old warehouse*

Jette: Where are we Hank? It reeks in here?

Hansen: An old training ground of mine. This is where we're going to prep you for this match. Now close your eyes and lets get started.

Jette: Uh, alright.... *closes eyes*

Hansen: On second thought, put this on.

*Hansen tosses Jette a blindfold and jette puts it on*

Hansen: Alright, you ready?

Jette: Hank, I'm in the WFWF now. I think can handle whatever you have plann-

*CRACK*

[Jette feels a sharp pain go through his back and shoulders. It hurts. Bad.]

Jette: HOLY , WHAT WAS THAT!?

Hansen: That my friend was a chair shot. As you could probably tell, they hurt. Prepared to get hit with a few. But you also need to be prepared on how to use them properly and effectively. So the basics on chairs: pick them up and swing it with both hands and try to crack it over Lynn's back. Hitting a move on top of a steel chair or two would also be pretty effective.

Jette: I got it. *mutters* but Jesus Christ Superstar that hurt...

*Hansen begins to lead Jette up some stairs*

Jette: Why are we going up stairs? What are you prepping me f-OOOOOOORRRR!!!!

*CRASH*

[ A horrible shattering noise rings throughout the warehouse. Jette realizes that he just fell through a table. Jette is silent for a good 15 seconds, until he broke the silence]

Jette: Table?

Hank: Table. Now listen up. You'e probably going through one or two of those at Black Hole Sun. Arch your back and tuck your shoulders when you're about to go through. It'll somewhat reduce the pain. Now on how to use the,: Im going to tell you a secret. 99.9% of the time you set up a table, it's probably not gonna be used how you planned it to. But they usually are used once set up. The important thing about tables are that you have to not only adapt your style to be wary of the, but you need to keep your ring presence up. Keep track of where that table is at all time, and if you don't-

Jette: Let me guess? I get put through another table?

Hank: Now you're getting it. Before we go back to normal training we're going to do some more obscure weapons just in case they come up. First off, sledgehammers. Use two hands, with one on the head, and the other on the handle. It'll give you more control. Next up is a Singapore Cane, which is more commonly referred to as a Kendo Stick. Just grab it and start whipping people with it. As hard as you can.

Jette: Alright. Am I getting hit with these weapons or what? I see a hammer over there, and there's a cane around here somewhere, so lets get some training going!

Hank: Boy, you really are a nut job aren't you? Alright well lets just go over the last couple. Steel steps are heavy, and can backfire easily, but when you hit someone with them it is effective. A dropkick to someone who is carrying them should effectively neutralize them. Last up is the barricades. Throw people into them, jump off them, or tackle people through them. Whatever you do just use them to your advantage and make sure Lynn can't.

*There's a solemn silence until Hank speaks up*

Hank: One more thing, You're going to have an ace up you sleeve.

Jette: I am? Well don't keep me in suspense man, what is it?

Hank: Don't fret my little protege. Good ol' Hank Hansen will have your back. Now are you ready to finally win one in your biggest match yet?

Jette: All I know is that his street fight is going to be dangerous. Frank Lynn has an extreme background that I don't. But thats okay. I have the passion. I have the motivation. I haven't won yet and it's been eating at me every second of every day. I can't swallow another loss. It just can't happen. I will fight with every last breath to make sure I can finally win one. I didn't come here to become a jobber, so I can't let myself go on a losing streak. I am 110% sure that my motivation will perservire over Lynn's experience. It honestly has to.

*Jette grabs the sledgehammer and tosses it to Hansen*

Jette: Now lets get started. We're burning daylight.

[ A sick smile appears on Hansens face as he lurches forward]




*CRACK*

[King Richius]

I know we are matched against each other so I should probably say every possible bad thing I can think of. Problem is, I thought it was a fun read as Hank Hansen prepared Mike Jette for a street fight. It made me laugh, particularly the BS excuse for wielding a sledgehammer Triple H style. I'm not sure how much character development occurred, if any. All I know is Jette is tired of losing, something I hope continues for one more match Good focus on the upcoming match.

Technically, a quick proof read for spelling and tense errors would be useful. It doesn't take away from the piece for me but you are providing the grammar police with a loaded gun.

[Cameron Stone]

It was a fun read. A couple suggestions if I may. It's something I struggle with myself and have a real trouble fixing, but I'm caught iny ways of years of doing things like that, so it would be easier to change for you than it is for me. The very beginning when they walk into the warehouse. Try to add a bit more detail there. The middle transition lines aren't as important, but that establishing moment should pop more. Describe the state of the warehouse a little more. Have him notice that smell as he walks in, before he comments on it. Making that even three sentences instead of one would help us to visualize the moment better, which adds to the overall effectiveness of the scene. Like I said, the middle transitions don't need to be as in depth, especially if the dialogue is solid. Look at my rp if you'd like an example the scene with my characters wife after he puts his daughter to bed. When I first had that written, it literally was one sentence, saying "Cameron Stone had his daughter in his arms, and laid her in her crib before leaving the room and seeing Christy". Now what I ended up with wasn't spectacular by any means, but it sets the tone a bit more than that.

Second point is to be careful of having one character give all the points in an exchange with the other just being a sounding board. I've also really struggled with this in the past and have been trying to improve that. I think my RP scene with Josh Dean is a strong example where both characters give points and each character gets to learn something and have a takeaway from the scene. It is tougher to do that with a mentor/student type relationship as you seem to have here, but if you can pull it off it makes the conversation much more engaging to the reader.

All in all a really solid piece to start out with here. I look forward to more from you.

[Rated R]

This was a fun way to address the match, I like that Jette is simply crazy enough to basically take getting blindfolded and put through a table all in the name of getting ready for a match, more characters should have that batcrap mentality in them now and then. Outside of that though this felt kind of just there. It was good but did it really tell us anything about Jette that we don't already know? I've always been a firm believer that with these kind of one scene RP's that scene has to be top class to really impact, it has to either develop story or develop character otherwise it's just kind of there, which is the one thing none of us want. Again, it's good, but you could have taken it up a notch and that's what I want to see you doing.

[Mr. PerpetuaLynch Motion]

This was a fine piece but for a PPV I feel like you could've busted out a little bit more. I appreciated this unique approach to having the character prepare for a street fight. It's kinda like if he's so willing to take this in a training setting then what is he capable of dishing out when it comes to an actual match. I enjoyed that. Some of the dialogue though came off as kind of wooden, just a touch on the bland side. The description of how to use a sledgehammer in a wrestling match was silly and maybe it's just me but I've always thought the way Triple H used the sledgehammer was silly. He only ever used the damn thing right once to my recollection. So it would've been kinda neat if you would've had Jette touch on how Hank is explaining how all these weapons can be used practically in a match but the sledgehammer he describes the worst way to use it in the context of a fight.