Post by King Richius on Apr 13, 2016 15:42:38 GMT -5
Black Hole Sun RP: Introducing Frank Lynn (aka Frank tries to cut a promo aka You Ricky)
You are watching a YouTube video made on an iPhone. The picture is not centered and is bouncing around a lot. You see Frank Lynn in his leather jacket, red t-shirt, jeans, and hiking boots standing in front of a house with a picket fence.
Frank: “C’mon Ricky. Do you know what you’re doing? Are you recording this or are you sexting that waitress who gave you a free dessert last night?”
Ricky (who is always speaking from off camera): “Chill Frank, I got this. She didn’t give me her number anyway. You can start whenever you want.”
Frank: “You better get this right. I only get one chance to make a first impression and this is big. My promos have to be every bit as good as my wrestling or I will fall flat on my face.”
Frank stands by the gate in front of the house. He signals to Ricky that he is ready to start.
Frank: “Helloooooooooo WFWF! My name is Frank Lynn! You don’t know me now but very soon you will. You see, today I got a very important call. The WFWF is coming to my backyard, the TD Garden in the best city in the world, Boston, for the Black Hole Sun PPV and they gave me a match with Mike ‘the Fireman’ Jette. This will be my first wrestling match following my retirement after 4 years in MMA fighting. None of you know me and that leaves all of you wondering what to expect. I’m not going to tell you. I’m going to show you with a video tour of the most important places in my life. The first stop is right here in this house behind me where a 25 years ago baby boy was born to a hardworking single mother. Let’s go meet her.”
Frank signals for Ricky to stop taping, but he doesn’t.
Frank: “How was that? This promo stuff is a lot different from MMA. All we ever did there was have a press conference where we looked mean and said we would beat the hell out of our opponent.”
Ricky: “If you are going for boring, I think you nailed it. Maybe you should have some beers to loosen you up a bit.”
Frank: “Oh that’s great. I can see it now. ‘Hi, I’m Lank Frynn and I’m drunk.’ Then I fall down in a puddle of my own puke. That would be an awesome first impression.”
Ricky: “I dunno. At least I’d be entertained. But hey, if you wanna go with the nice boy next door thing maybe a few grandmothers will cheer for you.”
Frank: “Let’s go inside and record something with my mother.”
Ricky: “From boy next door to momma’s boy...you are a scary man.”
Frank: “ you Ricky.”
———
The recording skips to an interior shot of the living room. Frank is sitting on the couch next to his mother, Laura Lynn. She is in her mid 40s and is attractive in a cougar on the prowl way.
Frank: “Okay WFWF, this is my mother Laura Lynn. She raised me alone and raised me well. No matter how tough things got, she pushed through and made things work. I get my unbreakable spirit and good work ethic from her. We are sitting on the very same couch that 20 years ago we watched pro wrestling shows while pigging out on big bowls of popcorn. She is a big reason why I am coming to the WFWF. I stopped watching pro wrestling once I got to high school but she never stopped. When I decided to retire from MMA fighting, she gave me a pro wrestling DVD set. She suggested that this might be something I could succeed at and she would be thrilled to see me on her favorite wrestling program. I only had to watch a few matches from my favorite high flyers of the past to rekindle my interest in pro wrestling. Mom was right. I got trained, did some local indie shows, and the phone rang. So here I come WFWF.
Laura: “Is that supposed to be a promo son? Good God that is awful! And it isn’t even accurate. I want you to go to the WFWF and kick David Brennan’s ass. Such an awful person, he makes all of us Boston folks look bad. You’ll do that for me, won’t you?”
Ricky: “You tell him Laura!”
Frank (looking a little flustered): “Stop it! You can’t go calling out someone like Brennan when I haven’t even stepped into the ring yet. (looks to Ricky) We’ll have to edit that out later. And just who is doing this promo?”
Laura: “Sure isn’t you. I love you son but this isn’t going very well, is it?”
Frank: “(sighs) Not really. I just want to fight. I don’t want to give long speeches. I have to if I am to succeed so I’ll keep trying until I get it right. Right now I just want to fight! I want to take names and kick ass! I want to be a champion and let my actions speak for me!”
Ricky: “That’s a little better. At least it had some feeling to it.”
Laura: “My boy, the asskicking mute. Makes a mother proud.”
———
The recording skips again to a rundown neighborhood gym, the kind of place that smells every bit as bad as it looks...and this one looks really bad. Frank is in a make shift ring with a sparring partner throwing combinations of punches and kicks. An older man still in fighting shape is at ringside giving instructions. He turns to the camera.
Ricky: “Start whenever you’re ready, Paulie. Tell the people about Frank.”
Paulie: “Yo, I’m Paulie. I been training Frankie since he was a snot-nosed brat. I’m telling you, I seen his potential from the first moment his momma brought him in here. Mmmm, Frankie’s momma...dat Laura Lynn is a firecracker. Don’t tell Frankie I said this but I’d show his momma a real good time if only she’d let me.”
Ricky: “Dude, that’s his mother!”
Paulie: “So...that just means she ain’t no virgin. (winks) But you ain’t come here so’s I can talk ‘bout Frankie’s mom. You wanna hear about Frankie. As I was sayin’, he had potential and I knew it right away. He watched everything and picked it all up real fast. He trained harder than anyone I’d ever seen. He has the heart of a champion and mind of a killer. Yessir, a real wicked killer instinct. That’s how he won so many MMA fights. The older guys, they was more experienced but they couldn’t plan for his killer instinct. You give Frankie the smallest opening and he goes right for the jugular. This guy he’s wrestling at the Gahden, what’s his name?”
Ricky: “It’s Mike ‘the Fireman’ Jette.”
Paulie: “A fireman? What’s up wit dat? He come down to the ring in one of them yellow coats and funny hats with his hose in his hand? (laughter) Really, a fireman? These two aren’t going to put out a fire, they are going to have a fight. Frankie is a fighter. You hear me? He is a FIGHTER! No fireman is going to beat him. I’d bet the rent on it.”
The camera pans back to the ring for a wide shot and we see Frank executing some of his off the rope moves. He stand on the apron, jumps up onto the top rope, and launches himself at his sparring partner. He hits a perfect Lou Thezs press. From the full mount position, he rains down a flurry of forearm smashes to the other guys head, which is thankfully protected by headgear.
Paulie: “You see that? Did you see that?!? I taught him that early on in his MMA training. A while back I trained a guy named Anthony Spazoli and he would do the same thing, so’s I called it the ‘Spaz Attack’. Told dat to Frankie and he laughed, then told me he would keep on calling it the ‘Spaz Attack’. Names don’t matter nohow, what matters is that you hit your opponent fast, hard, and as many times as possible. Make ‘em bleed, maybe even knock ‘em right out. Frankie does that to this fireman and it’s all over.”
Frank comes over to the side of the ring and leans over Paulie.
Frank: “That’s what I intend to do. I’m going to beat Mike Jette and start climbing that ladder up to the top.”
Paulie: “I damn sure hope so. I don’t train no losers.”
Frank looks into the camera and tries to look intense...sadly he fails and just looks constipated.
Frank: “That’s right WFWF. I wasn’t trained to lose. I was trained to be a winner by this man right here. ‘Paulie don’t train no losers.’ You heard him say it so it must be true. Get ready Jette, because you are facing a winner at the Black Hole Sun PPV.”
Ricky: “Still trying for a good promo? Needs work. You sounded like some internet fanboy making stuff up in front of a mirror.”
Frank: “ you Ricky.”
———
The recording skips again to the interior of an airplane. Frank is in parachute gear. With him are his friends Becky and Jimmy.
Ricky: “This is gonna get you over. How many people shoot a promo while falling from 20,000 feet?”
Frank: “I can’t think of any. We’re getting close to the drop zone. Everybody ready?”
Everybody gives a thumbs up. The pilot can barely be heard telling them 10 seconds to jump. The seconds tick by and all four jump out of the plane.
Frank (sometimes in frame, sometimes not): “Hrrmmm hrrmm brmmmmplllf blaaahhhttt!”
Ricky: “Whhhaaaaatttt? Can’t hear you! Speak louder!”
Frank: “Hrrmmm blmmmph grffftt!”
Ricky: “LOUDER!”
Frank (gives Ricky the finger and shouts louder): “THIS IS WHAT I DO FOR FUN! I JUMP OUT OF AIRPLANES! I JUMP OFF CLIFFS AND BUILDINGS! I CLIMB MOUNTAINS JUST SO I CAN JUMP OFF OF THEM!”
Becky and Jimmy each grab one of Franks hands while waving with the other. They shout something that could be either “That’s what he does!” or “That fart really smells!”
Frank: “WHERE OTHER PEOPLE SEE DANGER I SEE FUN! THERE IS NOBODY IN THE WFWF WHO SCARES ME BECAUSE NONE OF THEM CAN HIT AS HARD AS THAT GROUND BELOW IF MY CHUTE DOESN’T OPEN! YOU ALL BETTER GET USED TO SEEING ME DROP FROM ABOVE! I’M LIKE AN A-BOMB DROPPED FROM A B-52! I’M ABOUT TO BLOW UP THE WFWF!”
Frank notices that Becky and Jimmy have disappeared. Ricky is gesturing frantically. He pulls his rip cord. Ricky keeps filming Frank as he does a few more aerial moves and then pulls his rip cord. They all float safely to the ground.
Becky: “You crazy son of a bitch! Do you know how close you cut that?”
Jimmy: “You almost didn’t make it in time.”
Frank: “Wooooooo! That was intense! I did it on purpose. (looks straight into the camera) You see that WFWF! I like it on the edge. The more danger there is, the better I like it. There are no limits I won’t push. There is nothing I won’t do! I’m bringing that devil may care fearlessness to the WFWF ring and nothing can stop me! NOTHING! You better be ready Jette! I’m coming for you!”
Ricky: “That was almost good. And by ‘good’, I mean not boring. I wouldn’t do that woo thing either. There’s no way that would ever catch on.”
Frank: “ you Ricky.”
———
The recording skips to Frank standing in front of TD Garden as the sun is starting to set.
Frank: “I’m still pissed at you. So much of what we shot is unusable. You can’t hold the phone steady so most of it looks like it was shot in an earthquake.”
Ricky: “Sorry but it’s your fault. You won’t let me drink until after we finish shooting.”
Frank: “That stuff with Paulie is going to need some serious editing. I don’t want the world to see him perving on my mom.”
Ricky: “He has a point. Your mom is kinda hot.”
Frank: “You do know that I can kick your ass anytime I want to.”
Ricky: “Won’t make your mom any less hot.”
Frank: “(sighs) We’ll also have to edit out any mentions of Brennan. Why would any of you want to get me on his bad side before my first match?”
Ricky: “We don’t like him and we want to see you kick his ass.”
Frank: “Maybe sometime down the road but no way does a green rookie even get a shot at him. I have to prove myself first and that will be a lot easier without him angry at me.”
Ricky: “Wimp.”
Frank: “(sighs yet again) The parachuting stuff was cool but the sound is awful. Were Becky and Jimmy yelling about farts?”
Ricky: “Yours do smell pretty bad. You should stop eating mexican food.”
Frank: “You are one smartass remark away from an asskicking.”
Ricky: “No, I’m not.”
Frank: “Oh really?”
Ricky: “Yes, really. If you kick my ass I won’t take down the uncut video that I posted on YouTube.”
Frank: “WHAT? You posted this already. All of it?!?!”
Ricky: “Yep. You wanted the WFWF to know who you are. Well now they do. I can’t wait for the ‘Your mom is hot!’ chants. (laughter)”
Frank: “ you Ricky.”
Ricky: “Right back at ya.”
Frankie: “(sighs) All right, let’s finish this. Start recording.”
Ricky: “Been on this whole time. Go.”
Frank makes sure he is standing so that you can clearly see he is in front of the TD Garden.
Frank: “Okay, no bull this time. (pause to compose himself) My name is Frank Lynn. I’m not here to play a character. I’m not here to spit out catchphrases. I’m not here to put on a good show and then lose. I am here to make sure the WFWF knows my name and remembers it for a very long time. I am here to win. Behind me is the TD Garden in my home, Boston, where in a few short weeks I will bring my own style of fast paced, high flying, hard hitting wrestling to the WFWF. This is where it all starts for me.”
“I get my spirit and determination from my mother. I get my fighting skill from my trainer. I get my fearlessness from my friends. They will all be right here at the Garden to support me in my first WFWF match against Mike ‘the Fireman’ Jette at the Black Hole Sun PPV. I’ve worked too hard to fail in front of them. I will use all that spirit, skill, and fearlessness to beat Mike Jette. I will show you all that I belong in the WFWF.”
Ricky: “Who knew? The sincere approach. Simple, but it could work.”
Frank: “Hey Ricky?”
Ricky: “What?
Frank: “We should go back to the gym tomorrow, shoot some footage of me training and try for one more promo that doesn’t suck.”
Ricky: “Sure, maybe you can try an old school promo. Tell Jette how bad you are going to hurt him. You don’t have to make sense if you yell a lot and flex your muscles. (pause) Can we go drink some beer now? The gang is probably a pitcher or two ahead of us already.”
Frank: “Sure Ricky, let’s go drink some beer.”
Silence as Frank and Ricky head into the subway to meet their friends at the bar.
Frank: “You didn’t really post the unedited video, did you?”
Ricky: “Nah, I was just messing with you. (keeps speaking just barely audible) But I will post it later tonight...heh heh.”
Frank: “I heard that. you Ricky.”
The video ends.
———
YouTube recommends you watch a video of a cat with a parachute being thrown off a roof into a kiddie pool by a bunch of teenage boys. Extreme kitty FTW. You watch and laugh because who doesn’t like cat videos? They’re the best. Then you see another video from Frank Lynn named “A personal message for Mike ‘the Fireman’ Jette”:
Frank Lynn is in the gym working with several sparring partners practicing his moves. He does several different suplexes, a nasty looking dropkick to the face, a spinning heel kick, some over the top rope moves, his big setup move - the “Spaz Attack”, and finishes with five star frog splash.
Once he finishes, he leans on the ropes looking down at the camera.
Frank: “Hey, Mike Jette! Yeah, I’m talking to you Fireman! You don’t know me but very soon you will… and you will regret it. At Black Hole Sun I plan to make a big statement and it will be at your expense. You seem like a nice guy but I don’t care. It’s not personal. At Black Hole Sun, you will be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The TD Garden is my house! You are the enemy and I will destroy you. I will be a man on fire and you won’t be able to put me out, Fireman! You will be the first rung on my ladder of success in WFWF. I am coming and you can’t stop me!”
Frank turns to one of his sparring partners, does what at first appears to be a hurricanrana but is actually a setup for a triangle choke. His victim quickly passes out. Frank rolls onto his stomach and crawls towards the camera.
“You are not ready for Frank Lynn! You are not ready!”
The video fades to black, 21st Century Schizoid Man starts playing, and the name Frank Lynn appears in big block letters. The video fades to black and a sentence scrolls across the screen: The journey begins at Black Hole Sun. Fade to black. The video ends.
———
Frank and Ricky watch the final edit of the gym promo.Frank: “Nice editing. Do you think that was good?”
Ricky: “I think its not bad and that will do. Don’t worry so much. You’ll get better the more you do this.”
Frank: “I hope so Ricky, I hope so. I want this, I want it real bad.”