Divine Winds RP: Dedication

[Danger10]

I was early for my afternoon workout, when I passed by a children's hospital and decided to stop by and give these kids some words of encouragement. The cold breeze from the air conditioner that hits me as I enter the hospital is refreshing on this blistering summer day. I chat with kids as we cross paths giving them word of encouragement, giving them a glimmer of hope and maybe even some faith as well. It's difficult to look these kids face to face telling them everything's going to be ok, while at the same time knowing that some of them will lose their battle. After meeting and talking with half a dozen or so kids I notice one kid being wheeled out of the physical therapy room. He looked exhausted, it looks like he doesn't have much fight left in him. I have to fight back tears just looking at him. There's so much in life this kid might not ever get to experience and it breaks my heart. I ask the nearby nurse about him and I'm told his name is Hayden but they call him Mighty Mouse, cause he's a fighter, she says because he refuses to give up.

I go and introduce myself and make small talk with Mighty Mouse. Despite his appearance of exhaustion he's surprisingly upbeat and positive.

"What's up little man, how are you?" I ask not realizing how stupid the question is until it leaves my mouth.

"Alright," he responds quietly.

"What are you in for?" I ask curiously as we begin to walk down the hall.

"Cancer, I had it since last year," he tells me.

"Oh dang," I reply shocked, "A whole year, that must be hard."

"Yeah, but it hasn't been too bad," he says to my surprise.

"No?" I ask somewhat confused.

"Nah, I'm just tired of being in hospitals and seeing all these doctors," he replies with some sadness as we turn the corner and head down another hall of the hospital.

"It's definitely tough, but you keep your head up," I tell him, "I know it gets exhausting but you can't stop fighting."

"I know, everybody tells me that," he says sadly, "but what do they know about fighting?"

"I'm a wrestler, so I know all about pulling through when you feel like you got nothing left in the tank." I point to my heart as I assure him.

"Really?" he asks curiously. "So you do know what it's like, sometimes I just get tired of hearing it from people who have never had to fight for anything in their lives."

"It's frustrating I'm sure, but they're right." I tell him as I get on one knee to be eye level with him. We stopped at a door in the hallway, apparently this is where his nurse was wheeling him to. He gives me a smile and a nod as our conversation has come to an end.

"You can't come in here with him,"another nurse appeared through the closed door.

As I was getting ready to leave I had one final thought to share with him.

I told the little guy, "I'm dedicating my next match to you."

The boy didn't respond but smiled.

"Remember, no matter how exhausting it gets don't stop fighting." I remind him as I stand to leave.

As I was leaving he looked like maybe, just maybe he had more fight left in him. My match with Penny Shannon at Divine Winds is on my mind now as I walk these hospital walls. I know she's gotta a lot of heart and she's more resilient then most competitors on the WFWF roster. It's only been 5 months since she was stabbed in the eye by Schneider and she's already back. Talk about having fight inside of you, most people would call it quits after something has happened to them but not Penny. Kind of makes me wonder if getting stabbed in the eye can't keep her down what will I have to do?

[Danger10]

I tried to post this last night but, in my defense, when I tried to login to wfigs I kept getting a technical difficulties message, not making excuses just trying to explain myself. Anyways, I'll be fine with taking the loss, just didn't wanna no show.

Onto my RP, it's way shorter than I intended it to be. Mainly because the second part that I was working on I had troubling finishing it so I just decided to scrap it. Unfortunately, some of the advice I received from my last RP was going to be incorporated into that second part.

[Mr. PerpetuaLynch Motion]

I can vouch for the login issues because I was definitely experiencing that too. I'll give this a read when I got a chance dude and edit this post with my thoughts

[Drakz]

One thing I will say is try not to be quite so 'on the nose' with the whole hope dealer thing. Right now it seems the only thing Shapiro does outside of a wrestling ring is pop into children's hospitals and orphanages, which is fine and all but gets a little bit tired and seems contrived to me. If he really spent that much of his time in institutions like that then would he really even wrestle at all? Why wouldn't he just work for said orphanage?

You need to start working on fleshing out the character of Shapiro, turning him into a more 3 dimensional character instead of just this squeaky clean guy with nothing to say except "You can do it!"

[Rated R]

On top of what Drakz said you've got to not just flesh out the character but think about exactly what you're writing. You've got a guy comparing wrestling to cancer, which comes off as a dick move unless you're a heel which Shapiro obviously isn't, and you ended the whole piece by making Shapiro look incredibly weak by basically saying he doesn't think he can do this. You posed the question of what does he have to do to beat Penny and that would have been great if this was the first scene of a larger piece that eventually ends with him laying out exactly what lengths he'll go to, but it didn't. It was too short and it didn't delve enough into what you were trying to do. It just felt like the first scene of a longer roleplay and you've got to work on fleshing out the writing and the scenes as well as the character.

[Deleted]

I really love your character and writing, but this didn't do it for me. I will tack one more thing on, using kids in RPs. Personally, I'm never been a huge fan and the one RP I did it I said to myself after every few lines, "Would an elementary school kid say this?" The kid saying the thing about he's "tired of hearing it from people who never had to fight for anything in their lives" took me out of the kid character. That's about it, the owners nailed it for everything else, keep improving mate.

[Dex]

I'll start off by saying, that I'd really wish to like this character; but I personally find him unrealistic and difficult to gravitate towards. I personally feel like true heroes and true villains are almost impossible, and that they are really different shades of gray, over a two dimensional black and white. To me, a literary hero needs to have edges around him that humanize him and make him relate-able to the audience, while still maintaining his heroic stance. Shapiro to me, desperately needs to have his own personal vices even if they are few and far in between. This is how you should flesh out this character, considering the universe he exists in, is our own. You have to think, could Shapiro really exist in our world?

I really struggled to gravitate towards this piece, you posed a question initially, only for your character to be slightly more dumbfounded than he at the start. Had you went in a more confident direction with the short monologue, it probably would have changed my outlook on the progression of the character in this piece. I'm assuming that there were serious time constraints, as you should have included more about Penny. I personally would have went in a different direction; "Shapiro, someone who's the prime example of a 'boy-scout,' has to bend and slightly break the moral code in more ways than he is comfortable with, to defeat Penny Shannon, even if his good guy image will begin to fade away." I feel like this piece could've been better than it was, but i'm still intrigued to see what you do next.