Post by Markw on Jun 27, 2015 16:37:00 GMT -5
WFWF Choke Hold – Cross
Personally I've never seen the problem with burning your bridges. It's no use being sentimental. Clinging on to the past, having it as a fall-back, because if you do that, you'll never move forward.
But if the last year or so has taught me anything, it's that you shouldn't do it when you're half way across the bridge. That doesn't tend to end well.
It's fair to say that I've
ed things up. It's not that long ago that I was on a role, steaming towards the top of the WFWF, and I would have got there. Had I stuck with Trace certainly. Even if I'd never aligned myself with him in the first place, never got wound up in the politics of the WFWF, I'd probably be a lot closer.And it's not just inside the ring. I isolated myself from the rest of the world to focus on this war. I destroyed every connection I have. And it's rapidly becoming clear that that was yet another mistake.
Do I regret calling for revolution. In some respects, it's hard not to. I don't like Lila Sleater, I don't think she's especially good at her job. But she's putting bums on seats, apparently this is what the fans want, and while I don't agree with it, it's pretty clear that I am incapable of changing it. So yeah. I regret it.
My obsession with changing the WFWF has done nothing but distract me from what has always been my goal and what should have been my goal for the last year and a half. Pushing closer to the top, climbing the ladder, competing with the best. And instead, I'm failing to compete with people, like Daniel Kirkbride, who I was beating not that long ago. So I doubt I'll have a chance against Penny Shannon who beat with relative ease last time we met. Or Josh Dean, who continues to rise, while I sink like a stone.
Is that the attitude to have going into this match? Is that the attitude of a winner.
No. Of course it's not. But it's the truth.
And maybe it's not a rational response to main eventing a WFWF show while still the International Champion. But my defeat to Trace, my failure to bounce back instantly. That is significant. I wish it wasn't, but I know it is. Because it means, really, that I'll never be where I want to be. And in an industry as psychological as the WFWF, that makes you a loser. That makes you a punching bag.
I love professional wrestling. I love stepping in that ring. But to tell you the truth, right now, I feel nothing but apathy. Apathy for Daniel Kirkbride. Apathy for Josh Dean. Apathy for Penny Shannon. Apathy for the International Championship. I just don't give a crap.
And that should hurt, because I cared so much. Because it's the only thing I've ever cared about.
It's not that I'm okay with the situation, of course not. But it is what it is. I've destroyed any chance of moulding the WFWF into what I feel it should be, and I took my eye away from the chasing pack for too long, to hold my position. It's slipping away and to tell you the truth, I've accepted that.
I'd love to be sitting here and badmouthing Penny Shannon and Josh Dean. Talking up myself and Daniel. Telling the world that we're going to win because I'm going to make it happen.
But the truth is, if we win this match, it'll be in spite of Joe Bishop.
The WFWF is everything for me. It's all I've ever had. And I have too much respect for it, to walk out and leave this company without an International Champion. I have too much respect to go out there and give less than I feel capable of on the night. Even if I don't respect the woman that runs it. But it's a sorry state of affairs, when a professional wrestler doesn't believe that'll be enough to win the day.
That's where we are. I've shot myself in the foot, and now I bleed to death.
OOC: Participation monologue again, sorry (especially to Kirkbride/Josh/Mike). I've completely lost any sort of direction I had and the spark to reignite it, hence I'll be taking an indefinite break after the PPV to focus on my last year at Uni and think about what I want to do WFWF wise. The t key on my keyboard is
ed up so if there's any missing apologies.
