Post by Kyzer on Jun 6, 2015 5:03:59 GMT -5
It is as if Fate turned the path Gold before my very eyes.
Fate caused this.
Fate can be blamed for the result.
I am not responsible for my actions.
I am Michael Kyzer.
I am the man who is going to kill you.
That might be exaggerated to some degree. I am not going to kill you.
You see Nikki Dean still alive and kicking.
But the world also saw her ovaries on display when I ripped them out at Ascension.
I am Michael Kyzer.
I am never responsible for my actions.
I am the man who is going to f~ck his way to the top again.
I am the man who is going to rape and pillage until I am crowned King once again.
Donnie talks about war.
The Demon lost a war.
Drakz is a veteran of war.
Nikki Dean is a casualty of war.
It is time.
It is time for me to do what I do.
I win.
I am a winner.
It has been proven every single time I have stepped in the ring. I know everyone is tired of the same old song and dance. But when you just keep winning it is just hard to talk about anything else. I could ramble on about my family, about my personal life. I could even tell a story.
That is exactly what I will do.
I will tell a story.
But what story…
Maybe the one about how I became a National Icon in Thailand? Maybe the one where I sold a Dragon into captivity? I could even tell the one about how I broke the back of the World Champion.
That one might be a bit played out. It has been on repeat for over two years.
But I am so proud of it…
I have the perfect story to tell.
Come gather round. Ladies and Gentlemen, this story might be offensive and a bit too raw for the ears of younglings. It might be better if little fat p~ssy kids stop reading this right now.
This is the greatest story ever told.
ROOTS: The Saga of an American Family.
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Michael Kyzer hasn’t always been the wonderful and delightful personality that has been exposed to the world via the WFWF over the past ten years. At one point he was actually a miserable piece of sh~t.
He was that suburban schmuck. He had the perfect wife, the perfect house, the perfect job; he came up with an affluent family. He had the carpet rolled out for him everywhere he went since he could walk. He grew up as the Prince of Seattle.
Never heard about this have you? Everyone just assumed he appeared out of thin air, that the universe conjured hi m into existence in an effort to make the world more entertaining and enjoyable. No one figured he started off as a fetus.
He grew up as the Crown Prince of the Kyzer Family. The eldest of four children, Michael grew up as the heir apparent. His father made his bones in the investment banking business which eventually lead to him being the largest single holder of real estate in Seattle. His father was smart and saw where Seattle was going before others did. It paid off huge as he set up his family for life.
Michael grew up playing the role his father wanted him to play.
He went to private school as did all his siblings. Michael excelled in the academics. He left the athletics to his brother Sylis and his sister, Korina. The youngest Kyzerling, Tyler, took to the arts with music being primary focus.
The Kyzer Family. The Perfect American Family. Of course every American family has secrets right? Like Michael use to kill neighbor’s pets or sexually assault little girls right? He had to do something f~cked up like that to become who he is now. It is impossible to imagine he had a relatively normal childhood in a privileged family and he is what he is now.
Well that is where our story begins.
This is how Michael Kyzer became Your Stoned Messiah.
No names are changed. No one’s identity is protected. F~ck your lawsuits if you don’t like the truth. This is the absolute truth, no lies, no bullsh~t.
Here is the most secret, fact or whatever you will need to know about this story. Here goes…
Michael Kyzer…
Is…
The…
Son…
Of…
A…
Real Estate/Banking Mogul…
Yes folks. It is absolutely as boring as it sounds.
Michael Kyzer grew up that rich prick you were probably envious of. He grew up with the toys you wanted, he took the trips that you dreamed of, and he lived the life you envy while you stalk him on Facebook.
But think of it this way. Think of it if you were Michael Kyzer.
You grew up in a class above everyone. From birth you are told you are above the common people. Everything you want you got. You grew up with respect because your father earned his money. While generous he expected certain things. For a man who made his fortune the way Papa Kyzer did, he expected his children to outshine him. Enormous pressures, unrealistic expectations. It didn’t matter the field of study, sport, concert or performance.
Papa Kyzer was a hard man to please. He always wanted more. It was as if he fed off the accomplishments of his kids after his conquered the business world of Seattle. It was a pit that could never be filled. He was an always hungry monster on the lookout for his kids to be better than perfect.
Mama Kyzer was married for her looks not her brains. Sweet as she was, she acquiesced to her husband in all matters. It was Papa Kyzer’s house and there was no escape. But Iron Rule only creates ungrateful children. While withholding emotional acknowledgement of accomplishments, he didn’t withhold his wallet. Anything they asked for they got.
Little Princess Korina was driving a Bentley after her sixteenth birthday. Prince Sylis spent a month partying in Europe after graduating at the top of his class with honors and an athletic scholarship to the University of Washington. Prince Tyler received $10k in various musical equipment when he decided on a career in music. Everyone except Michael.
He never asked for anything. He was already given everything he could have possibly wanted without having to ask for more. He shared what he had with his friends growing up. Possessions, prestige, influence, none of this matter to the eldest Kyzerling. And this infuriated Papa Kyzer. His eldest son knew no ambition. He had no spark that could burn into a fire of achievement.
He did well in school because that was expected of him and all learning came very easily. He just never went beyond that like the rest of his siblings did. He had his small social circle and his interests but that is where it stayed. Watching his son read books like Anarchy, State, and Utopia and Being and Nothingness were not the interests that Papa Kyzer preferred for his heir apparent. His social circle consisted of failed intellectuals that had come to pollute Seattle over the years. Smart kids who have fallen off the path of educational enlightenment and fallen into this smug lower middle class status. Papa Kyzer didn’t like lazy hippies.
Michael Kyzer has so much more potential. More than all his brothers and sisters combined. But the one problem was nothing kept his interest long enough. It wasn’t until he met Ashley that he dated a girl for more than a couple of weeks. He was born with the natural charisma that caused wetness in the female gender. But not even Ashley kept his attention forever. Eventually he discarded her too.
But back to the point.
The way Michael Kyzer got caught up in wrestling is told in one of two myths. No one knows which way is true, no one has an account of it and Kyzer himself refuses to speak on the subject.
Myth 1. Michael Kyzer was at a party in college. At said party he became friends with the promoter of said party. This promoter invited Kyzer to few parties where he ended up meeting some wrestlers who in turn introduced him to local promoters. Kyzer’s amazing charisma and personality charmed these guys from the get go. Michael was already a physically gifted person despite no training. It was these guys who persuaded Kyzer should give it a shot. With the blessing of his soon to be wife, Kyzer did it.
Myth 2. Michael Kyzer sold drugs in college. Nothing serious, just some pot and ecstasy. He did it mostly to amuse himself but treading into a culture he was not a part of growing up. To say he embraced the criminal life is ridiculous. He enjoyed being an observer more than anything. But to observe anything he had to participate in some less than preferred activities. Well through some hocus pocus; Michael lost a very large sum of money. The people above him on the drug dealing totem pole had their hands in a wrestling promotion. They saw a way to make their money back in Kyzer. They liked him and didn’t want to do unpleasant things to him if they didn’t have to. Michael Kyzer certainly wasn’t going to go Papa Kyzer with this kind of problem. That would be the same as being castrated. Kyzer told his soon to be wife some variation of this tale and he became a wrestler.
We will leave it up to the reader to decide the truth. Beware, each myth is the beginning into a pick your destiny story.
Being a wrestler is a slap in the face to Papa Kyzer. It was as if Michael pulled his c~ck out and slapped his own father across the face while yelling that he is a Spartan.
But that act alone didn’t turn Kyzer into who he is now. Actually he didn’t turn towards the light for a few years.
But that was the first step…
That act also caused Papa Kyzer to establish a new heir apparent in Sylis. As far as Papa Kyzer felt, he only had three kids now. Mama Kyzer, without a backbone, stood behind her husband. Papa Kyzer couldn’t understand why his son chose to turn down all the money, chose to turn his back on his family, or why he chose to take up such a carny profession. It was disgraceful to the family.
And with that Michael Kyzer became an orphan with no family except for Ashley.
Anyone catch a theme to life?
Disappointment everywhere.
The other Kyzerlings became lemmings. They followed Papa Kyzer off the ledge and left Kyzer alone.
It was at that moment Michael learned that blood means nothing in this world or any other. Blood doesn’t equate to loyalty.
But the Kyzer’s are a resilient people. Michael bounced back. His family bounced back.
Something was always there…a hole maybe…a hunger…just like his father’s…Michael had it…
After the landscape of his life was forever altered, Michael married Ashley.
And he devoted his life to her.
Maybe it was a subconscious need to fill the growing hunger in him, maybe he actually loved her. He likes to think that at some point he did, that he wasn’t always a sociopath.
That worked.
For a few years anyways.
He excelled at everything he did in an effort to create a better life for his new wife. He excelled in the world of professional wrestling, taking it to like a teenage prodigy. He excelled in the world of finance as he kept his day job. Michael inherited Papa Kyzer’s keen business acumen and ability to handle money well. Soon enough, he left the finance world to spend more time in the world of wrestling and in the company of his wife. This is a version of Kyzer that the world wants us to deny the existence of. There is no way a man who is as selfish as Michael Kyzer would devote himself to the happiness of another individual.
That Michael did exist.
Ashley can attest to that much.
But let’s be real, she deserved it. If there was one person in the world that no a single soul could say something bad about then it was Ashley Xavier Kyzer. She came from an affluent family same as Michael. Meeting in college, they were married within a few years. Michael was smart to lock her down when he could. She was smart, funny, good-natured, laid back and nonjudgmental. She even kept a cool head at all the poor judgement calls that Michael would make in the beginning due to his whimsical nature. But then she was there the day the earth shook. She saw the wreckage. She patched up the broken man.
And he became devoted to her.
At least for a few years anyways.
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Kyzer: You don’t know where your sister is do you?
He stares at me fuming. I know he is pissed off. I know where I am at and that I am in the proverbial lion’s den. I just don’t care. He can be angry, I don’t give a f~ck. My mind is preoccupied with stuff that flies over his head. Maybe it was rude of me to begin with that? I don’t have the energy or the patience today though. I am worn out after the last few days. I had to celebrate sterilizing Nikki Dean. He doesn’t seem to appreciate what I did for him by calling out that b~tch. All she was another hornet coming from the nest he is trying to exterminate. Ungrateful bunghole midget.
DMK: You have some f~cking balls.
I don’t know what kind of dwarven magic this midget knows but somewhere he has a blade the size of his arm in his hand. The point is stabbed into the wood putting the hilt eye-level to the sitting psychopath.
Kyzer: Big ones.
Maybe I shouldn’t antagonize him.
DMK: I am trying this new technique where I count to ten before I explode in anger.
Kyzer: How is that working for you?
DMK: I haven’t gutted you yet so I would say better than last time.
This guy really doesn’t know how to embrace old friends. He still hasn’t let go of the handle of the blade as he sits behind his desk. It has been awhile since I have been in his office but it still looks exactly like Tony’s from The Sopranos. I notice a map of 17th century Korea which is about normal for DMK.
Kyzer: Interesting map.
DMK: Stay out of my f~cking business!
He snaps at me so harshly I am almost offended. I ignore his anger and casually sit across from him in one of his overpriced chairs.
Kyzer: Then answer my question.
DMK: You do what you do to me, to Zmey, to my army and then come here like nothing is wrong.
Yeah pretty much.
Kyzer: I did you a favor with Drakz and Khagan is nothing but a weapon meant for destruction. I had nothing to do with all your boys losing their titles. Maybe you shouldn’t have hooked up with a loser like Ahriman and your Dragon wouldn’t have lost. Ante has a lot of potential but he is still green and so is Zmey. You lack any real experience in your little “faction”. I mean I had to send you Ryan Brockie so that you could even grasp how the wrestling world works.
I think it is bringing up his former associate that set him off. His blade flies by my head and sinks itself deep into the wall behind me.
Kyzer: You wouldn’t be where you are without me. You can’t deny it. You wouldn’t have even had the means to get into the WFWF without me. You need to be a bit more grateful to me.
It is as if I am unable to not taunt him.
DMK: F~CK YOU!
He screams and spit comes flying out. I know it is taking a lot for him to not fly over the desk at me.
Kyzer: But I am not here for gratitude.
DMK: You better tell me soon why you are here before Zmey finds out you are here and rips your arms off. He isn’t too happy with you either.
F~ck Subutai Khagan.
Kyzer: F~ck Tugarin Zmey. I don’t care about your pet. Don’t doubt who I am and how you got him in the first place.
DMK: What the f~ck do you want?
Kyzer: Back to my original question, do you know where your sister is?
If he would have just answered it to begin with he wouldn’t be so angry now and I could get on to preparing for my match with Nikki and Trace…
HA! Good one, I know.
DMK: Why would I know? I am not exactly on speaking terms with my family either thanks to you. I know she said she was moving but didn’t tell me anything beyond that. Seth would know.
I hate my lawyer. My lawyer hates me. His firm has him stuck with me. I do get some perverse fun from that part of it.
Kyzer: He isn’t going to tell me. She finally moved. He is probably happier than her.
He doesn’t say anything. I don’t know what is going on in his head. He chose me over her when I left. He knows her attachment to that house though. I never talked to him about anything going on with Ashley to avoid awkward moments like this. But I need a clue as to where she is at. There is something in me, picking at me, pushing me to find her. I might still be in shock that she left.
DMK: Well if I hear anything I will be sure to not tell you either. F~cking douchebag. You steal my motherf~cking moment, my chance to show the f~cking world that I am a legit badass, to finally shut Drakz up once and for all; you take all that from me and then expect help? Go f~ck yourself. You have no loyalty. You are nothing but a jackal. You just wait for the right moment and then pick off the weak. F~ck you Michael Kyzer. I was always loyal to you. I always had your back in everything. I needed you and you told me to f~ck off. You steal my moment; you turn my fortunes around 180°. Everything went to sh~t the moment you came back and pissed all over me. Don’t expect forgiveness Michael. I hope you win your match, not for my boy Ante, but so I can watch Zmey rip you apart in the ring. Whatever is left, I will leave for Drakz. I know he wants himself some.
I am impressed. He actually believes his Dragon can hurt me.
Kyzer: That is a lot of words to say you don’t know. Pleasure Hoggle.
I stand to leave.
DMK: Everyone is eventually going to see the old man I see before me right now. You b~tch about people being weak in their emotions and yet you look for your ex-wife.
Kyzer: I want to settle up on my child support. I don’t want to go to jail like I am trailer trash.
I lie to him. But f~ck him for throwing my own logic in my head in my face. This is different though. This isn’t everyone else. This is me. A whole different set of standards apply to me. DMK should know this. He has known me long enough. Disloyal? Loyalty exists as long as someone is useful.
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Michael Kyzer was a novice when he entered the world of professional wrestling. But he was a savant for it. He absorbed everything he could and utilized his natural gifts. His charisma, his natural endurance and naturally lean body. It didn’t take much for him to get into shape. It was as if fat just slide off his body without him exerting any effort.
And the people they loved him. A charismatic babyface, he looked as if he stepped foot off a magazine with his model looks. The girls loved him, and then when the bell sounded, the men cheered for him. He was impressive in the ring. He had developed an arsenal of devastating moves. He was something else.
He was spurred on by a hunger. He ate up everything he could. His ambition knew no ends. It only took Papa Kyzer cutting him loose to inspire ambition in his firstborn. What irony. But this ambition, this hunger, it couldn’t be filled. Michael was coming to understand why his father was unrelenting in his pursuit of perfection in his kids. He was beginning to understand why his father did what he did.
And it disgusted him.
By the time he had realized it, he was years into a marriage that appeared perfect to everyone including his wife. He was a rising star in the wrestling world that he had come to embrace. He had so much built around him. He had a life that had other lives intertwined and reliant on other lives. He felt that ever-growing hole call out for food.
He didn’t want to be his father.
He didn’t want that life.
He had just followed the path in front of him for so long he hadn’t paid attention to the fact it lead to the man who stabbed him in the heart.
What was he going to do?
Continue to live the life? Continue to become his father? What is going to happen with the hunger can never been satiated? Will he consume Ashley with it? That was the one thing in his life that was good and pure. She was the shining light through all the darkness and bullsh~t. She was a genuine angel sent from God. He knew eventually she would turn into his mother. Spineless…broken…worthless…
He didn’t want that for her. He didn’t want to ruin her, to extinguish that fire in her that made her who she is.
Ambition…hunger…some indescribable urge in him to consume everything. All the good, all the bad. He wanted everything. Power, attention, love, admiration, gratitude, fear he wanted that from everyone. He wanted to eat them up and spit them out to get it.
He didn’t want to consume her though.
So he did what he thought was best.
He crushed her world.
But she was alive. She could rebuild. He gave her a second chance at life. He knew what he was going to become and he didn’t want her to be a part of it. It was the best present he could have given her.
He didn’t know when he left her he would become famous for drug abuse and sexual activities. He just knew that was about to become someone that could never understand true happiness and true satisfaction. He could only imitate it through hedonism and self-gratification.
At some point Michael Kyzer suffered a mortal wound to his soul, his conscious. That is another story. But that wound, it eventually festered as expected. The result is the Kyzer that accomplished so much by feeding his ego, showing no respect, no regard, and no remorse. He became a man who said “f~ck all” to the rules and did things his way. He became a man who destroyed many lives, ruined many people’s dreams. He didn’t do these things out of some sort of evilness.
Michael Kyzer is not evil.
He is indifference. Indifferent to codes of honor, history or anything else that doesn’t elevate his life or progress his machinations in some fashion.
He is not the Devil.
He calls himself the God of F~ck. But he is more the Lord of Nothing.
His pleasures are fleeting; his attention is constantly shifting for something new and exciting. Everything is only temporary though.
Following his whims and desires no matter how carnal and raw has done nothing to fix Michael Kyzer’s problem. He bores quicker and quicker as he gets older. The hunger becomes more substantial.
He anticipates the day to come that he is completely lost in the hunger. Some may say that has already happened but rest assured he had always been grounded to some degree.
As of now Kyzer fans out there, our hero stands firmly on the earth with his head looking up to the peak of the mountain that he is climbing. Crossing over the footholds Nikki Dean and Trace Demon, he sees a star hurdling towards him that he didn’t anticipate until higher up the mountain.
Don’t worry though; he is going to make it through this next thrilling adventure.
And we will have more stories from…
ROOTS: The Saga of an American Family
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In another life I would have probably liked Trace Demon. His goofy look aside he has had some serious accomplishments around here. He is ambitious, clever and ruthless. All things I like in someone. I even thought it was flattering how he paid homage to The New Epoch with his little Revolution thing.
Trace Demon and Michael Kyzer. WFWF Tag Team Champions.
Sounds weird when you say it.
Kyzer and Demon. Demon and Kyzer.
I don’t know. Maybe could have worked.
In another world, another dimension or something maybe it could have happened. But in the reality we live in, it won’t. I find myself standing across from Trace again. For someone with attributes I respect he has poor judgement. Let’s assume he didn’t use his owner magic to set this match and pairing intentionally, he still has the option to not take the match. And yet he chose to stand opposite of me.
So let’s start after I beat Trace at Superbrawl, he has had a pretty good run. A lengthy IC title reign that he took from Drakz, a nice little world title reign he lost to Shawn Malakai, which is just plain weak. Took ownership of the WFWF and waged a pretty little war against a woman in the company he owns. It doesn’t make sense to me either. And after being betrayed by his underling he is found God or something else to make himself righteous.
Whatever.
I don’t care.
Trace Demon, it is unfortunate I am going to beat you again. Truthfully I don’t care. I found you boring the first time I wrestled you. I can’t imagine it being much different this time around. Instead of having Ace Bennett getting b~tch-slapped, I get to violate sweet Nikki Dean again.
Josh, your girl, she likes my dick. She is coming back around for seconds. She is ready to take that shot to the back of the throat. Does she do that for you? Does she look up at you when she is on her knees? I see those eyes, asking me for approval, but of course she doesn’t want to take her mouth off my c~ck. It is a sweet site my friend. Maybe one day she will suck your dick like she is a porn star.
I know that West Virginia isn’t known for producing intelligent people but it has really done something special here. Here is a woman who got broken in half, f~cked in four different ways, and had her ovaries removed as a trophy coming back asking for more. I almost applaud the effort if I wasn’t sick from the lack of sense in the whole matter. Never mind Ante in the match, who will already want to wreck that pretty face again, you have me in it. And I won’t take it easy just because I made you cum like a b~tch last time.
It is going to be rough.
It is going to be unpleasant.
I am not going to take pleasure from this. It is to be used as a lesson. You need to learn for the sake of your bastard children and that useless sack of nut sweat where your limits are.
You don’t belong in the ring with me.
You proved that at Ascension. You are no one special. Your star has been extinguished. Now you think just because you have that little sh~t Trace next to you, there is a chance at greatness?
No b~tch is going to make their name on me. No b~tch is going to try and ride the coattails of a man in a win over me.
Nikki, you tied your horse to a lame stallion. Since Drakz neutered Mr. Demon, he has become soft and weak.
Ante may be young and green but he is strong and hungry. He has had setbacks but who doesn’t when they first start out in this business besides me? I remember a time when Drakz losing to chumps like Justin Tyme and Tha CBT. Everyone stumbles, again except me. And part of getting to the top is getting back his feet. This time he just has higher aspirations than the little trinket Nikki carries.
Kyzer and Whitner.
I like that better than Kyzer and Demon.
I don’t understand you, Trace. You have all the potential in the world and could achieve so much if you just didn’t side with the p~ssy. You never side with the p~ssy. I seem to remember some kind soap opera in your life because of p~ssy. Didn’t you learn from that?
F~cking disappointment.
I have been surprised by how much I have been let down since my return. Daniel Kirkbride underwhelmed, Nikki was a squirter which is messier than I prefer, and now this…
I want to build my legacy on the blood of the new and the bones of the young. So far I would give myself a C- for what I have accomplished thus far.
That means I need to step it up.
I need to get my sh~t together.
You’re gettin’ sloppy, Mike.
You’re better than this half ass bullsh~t, Mike.
I am a space pirate. I am a f~cking cowboy. I am a hard ass OG. I am as real as they come. I am all the other crazy sh~t that Lil Wayne calls himself. I am motherf~cking Yeezus.
I am going to New Dawn with my partner with the intention of winning the match. I am going to beat Nikki Dean again. I am going to beat Trace Demon again.
And then fate is going to deliver me Drakz on a silver platter for me to pick apart.
Little birdie you fell from the nest. Little birdie cry out for mama. Little birdie let me put you to rest.
It is a little lullaby I am going to sing to your dog after its master doesn’t come around to feed it anymore. Don’t worry, I have a sweet spot for animals.
Just not little baby birds. I stomp on tha necks. Ya dig ***** D?
Fate caused this.
Fate can be blamed for the result.
I am not responsible for my actions.
I am Michael Kyzer.
I am the man who is going to kill you.
That might be exaggerated to some degree. I am not going to kill you.
You see Nikki Dean still alive and kicking.
But the world also saw her ovaries on display when I ripped them out at Ascension.
I am Michael Kyzer.
I am never responsible for my actions.
I am the man who is going to f~ck his way to the top again.
I am the man who is going to rape and pillage until I am crowned King once again.
Donnie talks about war.
The Demon lost a war.
Drakz is a veteran of war.
Nikki Dean is a casualty of war.
It is time.
It is time for me to do what I do.
I win.
I am a winner.
It has been proven every single time I have stepped in the ring. I know everyone is tired of the same old song and dance. But when you just keep winning it is just hard to talk about anything else. I could ramble on about my family, about my personal life. I could even tell a story.
That is exactly what I will do.
I will tell a story.
But what story…
Maybe the one about how I became a National Icon in Thailand? Maybe the one where I sold a Dragon into captivity? I could even tell the one about how I broke the back of the World Champion.
That one might be a bit played out. It has been on repeat for over two years.
But I am so proud of it…
I have the perfect story to tell.
Come gather round. Ladies and Gentlemen, this story might be offensive and a bit too raw for the ears of younglings. It might be better if little fat p~ssy kids stop reading this right now.
This is the greatest story ever told.
ROOTS: The Saga of an American Family.
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Michael Kyzer hasn’t always been the wonderful and delightful personality that has been exposed to the world via the WFWF over the past ten years. At one point he was actually a miserable piece of sh~t.
He was that suburban schmuck. He had the perfect wife, the perfect house, the perfect job; he came up with an affluent family. He had the carpet rolled out for him everywhere he went since he could walk. He grew up as the Prince of Seattle.
Never heard about this have you? Everyone just assumed he appeared out of thin air, that the universe conjured hi m into existence in an effort to make the world more entertaining and enjoyable. No one figured he started off as a fetus.
He grew up as the Crown Prince of the Kyzer Family. The eldest of four children, Michael grew up as the heir apparent. His father made his bones in the investment banking business which eventually lead to him being the largest single holder of real estate in Seattle. His father was smart and saw where Seattle was going before others did. It paid off huge as he set up his family for life.
Michael grew up playing the role his father wanted him to play.
He went to private school as did all his siblings. Michael excelled in the academics. He left the athletics to his brother Sylis and his sister, Korina. The youngest Kyzerling, Tyler, took to the arts with music being primary focus.
The Kyzer Family. The Perfect American Family. Of course every American family has secrets right? Like Michael use to kill neighbor’s pets or sexually assault little girls right? He had to do something f~cked up like that to become who he is now. It is impossible to imagine he had a relatively normal childhood in a privileged family and he is what he is now.
Well that is where our story begins.
This is how Michael Kyzer became Your Stoned Messiah.
No names are changed. No one’s identity is protected. F~ck your lawsuits if you don’t like the truth. This is the absolute truth, no lies, no bullsh~t.
Here is the most secret, fact or whatever you will need to know about this story. Here goes…
Michael Kyzer…
Is…
The…
Son…
Of…
A…
Real Estate/Banking Mogul…
Yes folks. It is absolutely as boring as it sounds.
Michael Kyzer grew up that rich prick you were probably envious of. He grew up with the toys you wanted, he took the trips that you dreamed of, and he lived the life you envy while you stalk him on Facebook.
But think of it this way. Think of it if you were Michael Kyzer.
You grew up in a class above everyone. From birth you are told you are above the common people. Everything you want you got. You grew up with respect because your father earned his money. While generous he expected certain things. For a man who made his fortune the way Papa Kyzer did, he expected his children to outshine him. Enormous pressures, unrealistic expectations. It didn’t matter the field of study, sport, concert or performance.
Papa Kyzer was a hard man to please. He always wanted more. It was as if he fed off the accomplishments of his kids after his conquered the business world of Seattle. It was a pit that could never be filled. He was an always hungry monster on the lookout for his kids to be better than perfect.
Mama Kyzer was married for her looks not her brains. Sweet as she was, she acquiesced to her husband in all matters. It was Papa Kyzer’s house and there was no escape. But Iron Rule only creates ungrateful children. While withholding emotional acknowledgement of accomplishments, he didn’t withhold his wallet. Anything they asked for they got.
Little Princess Korina was driving a Bentley after her sixteenth birthday. Prince Sylis spent a month partying in Europe after graduating at the top of his class with honors and an athletic scholarship to the University of Washington. Prince Tyler received $10k in various musical equipment when he decided on a career in music. Everyone except Michael.
He never asked for anything. He was already given everything he could have possibly wanted without having to ask for more. He shared what he had with his friends growing up. Possessions, prestige, influence, none of this matter to the eldest Kyzerling. And this infuriated Papa Kyzer. His eldest son knew no ambition. He had no spark that could burn into a fire of achievement.
He did well in school because that was expected of him and all learning came very easily. He just never went beyond that like the rest of his siblings did. He had his small social circle and his interests but that is where it stayed. Watching his son read books like Anarchy, State, and Utopia and Being and Nothingness were not the interests that Papa Kyzer preferred for his heir apparent. His social circle consisted of failed intellectuals that had come to pollute Seattle over the years. Smart kids who have fallen off the path of educational enlightenment and fallen into this smug lower middle class status. Papa Kyzer didn’t like lazy hippies.
Michael Kyzer has so much more potential. More than all his brothers and sisters combined. But the one problem was nothing kept his interest long enough. It wasn’t until he met Ashley that he dated a girl for more than a couple of weeks. He was born with the natural charisma that caused wetness in the female gender. But not even Ashley kept his attention forever. Eventually he discarded her too.
But back to the point.
The way Michael Kyzer got caught up in wrestling is told in one of two myths. No one knows which way is true, no one has an account of it and Kyzer himself refuses to speak on the subject.
Myth 1. Michael Kyzer was at a party in college. At said party he became friends with the promoter of said party. This promoter invited Kyzer to few parties where he ended up meeting some wrestlers who in turn introduced him to local promoters. Kyzer’s amazing charisma and personality charmed these guys from the get go. Michael was already a physically gifted person despite no training. It was these guys who persuaded Kyzer should give it a shot. With the blessing of his soon to be wife, Kyzer did it.
Myth 2. Michael Kyzer sold drugs in college. Nothing serious, just some pot and ecstasy. He did it mostly to amuse himself but treading into a culture he was not a part of growing up. To say he embraced the criminal life is ridiculous. He enjoyed being an observer more than anything. But to observe anything he had to participate in some less than preferred activities. Well through some hocus pocus; Michael lost a very large sum of money. The people above him on the drug dealing totem pole had their hands in a wrestling promotion. They saw a way to make their money back in Kyzer. They liked him and didn’t want to do unpleasant things to him if they didn’t have to. Michael Kyzer certainly wasn’t going to go Papa Kyzer with this kind of problem. That would be the same as being castrated. Kyzer told his soon to be wife some variation of this tale and he became a wrestler.
We will leave it up to the reader to decide the truth. Beware, each myth is the beginning into a pick your destiny story.
Being a wrestler is a slap in the face to Papa Kyzer. It was as if Michael pulled his c~ck out and slapped his own father across the face while yelling that he is a Spartan.
But that act alone didn’t turn Kyzer into who he is now. Actually he didn’t turn towards the light for a few years.
But that was the first step…
That act also caused Papa Kyzer to establish a new heir apparent in Sylis. As far as Papa Kyzer felt, he only had three kids now. Mama Kyzer, without a backbone, stood behind her husband. Papa Kyzer couldn’t understand why his son chose to turn down all the money, chose to turn his back on his family, or why he chose to take up such a carny profession. It was disgraceful to the family.
And with that Michael Kyzer became an orphan with no family except for Ashley.
Anyone catch a theme to life?
Disappointment everywhere.
The other Kyzerlings became lemmings. They followed Papa Kyzer off the ledge and left Kyzer alone.
It was at that moment Michael learned that blood means nothing in this world or any other. Blood doesn’t equate to loyalty.
But the Kyzer’s are a resilient people. Michael bounced back. His family bounced back.
Something was always there…a hole maybe…a hunger…just like his father’s…Michael had it…
After the landscape of his life was forever altered, Michael married Ashley.
And he devoted his life to her.
Maybe it was a subconscious need to fill the growing hunger in him, maybe he actually loved her. He likes to think that at some point he did, that he wasn’t always a sociopath.
That worked.
For a few years anyways.
He excelled at everything he did in an effort to create a better life for his new wife. He excelled in the world of professional wrestling, taking it to like a teenage prodigy. He excelled in the world of finance as he kept his day job. Michael inherited Papa Kyzer’s keen business acumen and ability to handle money well. Soon enough, he left the finance world to spend more time in the world of wrestling and in the company of his wife. This is a version of Kyzer that the world wants us to deny the existence of. There is no way a man who is as selfish as Michael Kyzer would devote himself to the happiness of another individual.
That Michael did exist.
Ashley can attest to that much.
But let’s be real, she deserved it. If there was one person in the world that no a single soul could say something bad about then it was Ashley Xavier Kyzer. She came from an affluent family same as Michael. Meeting in college, they were married within a few years. Michael was smart to lock her down when he could. She was smart, funny, good-natured, laid back and nonjudgmental. She even kept a cool head at all the poor judgement calls that Michael would make in the beginning due to his whimsical nature. But then she was there the day the earth shook. She saw the wreckage. She patched up the broken man.
And he became devoted to her.
At least for a few years anyways.
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Kyzer: You don’t know where your sister is do you?
He stares at me fuming. I know he is pissed off. I know where I am at and that I am in the proverbial lion’s den. I just don’t care. He can be angry, I don’t give a f~ck. My mind is preoccupied with stuff that flies over his head. Maybe it was rude of me to begin with that? I don’t have the energy or the patience today though. I am worn out after the last few days. I had to celebrate sterilizing Nikki Dean. He doesn’t seem to appreciate what I did for him by calling out that b~tch. All she was another hornet coming from the nest he is trying to exterminate. Ungrateful bunghole midget.
DMK: You have some f~cking balls.
I don’t know what kind of dwarven magic this midget knows but somewhere he has a blade the size of his arm in his hand. The point is stabbed into the wood putting the hilt eye-level to the sitting psychopath.
Kyzer: Big ones.
Maybe I shouldn’t antagonize him.
DMK: I am trying this new technique where I count to ten before I explode in anger.
Kyzer: How is that working for you?
DMK: I haven’t gutted you yet so I would say better than last time.
This guy really doesn’t know how to embrace old friends. He still hasn’t let go of the handle of the blade as he sits behind his desk. It has been awhile since I have been in his office but it still looks exactly like Tony’s from The Sopranos. I notice a map of 17th century Korea which is about normal for DMK.
Kyzer: Interesting map.
DMK: Stay out of my f~cking business!
He snaps at me so harshly I am almost offended. I ignore his anger and casually sit across from him in one of his overpriced chairs.
Kyzer: Then answer my question.
DMK: You do what you do to me, to Zmey, to my army and then come here like nothing is wrong.
Yeah pretty much.
Kyzer: I did you a favor with Drakz and Khagan is nothing but a weapon meant for destruction. I had nothing to do with all your boys losing their titles. Maybe you shouldn’t have hooked up with a loser like Ahriman and your Dragon wouldn’t have lost. Ante has a lot of potential but he is still green and so is Zmey. You lack any real experience in your little “faction”. I mean I had to send you Ryan Brockie so that you could even grasp how the wrestling world works.
I think it is bringing up his former associate that set him off. His blade flies by my head and sinks itself deep into the wall behind me.
Kyzer: You wouldn’t be where you are without me. You can’t deny it. You wouldn’t have even had the means to get into the WFWF without me. You need to be a bit more grateful to me.
It is as if I am unable to not taunt him.
DMK: F~CK YOU!
He screams and spit comes flying out. I know it is taking a lot for him to not fly over the desk at me.
Kyzer: But I am not here for gratitude.
DMK: You better tell me soon why you are here before Zmey finds out you are here and rips your arms off. He isn’t too happy with you either.
F~ck Subutai Khagan.
Kyzer: F~ck Tugarin Zmey. I don’t care about your pet. Don’t doubt who I am and how you got him in the first place.
DMK: What the f~ck do you want?
Kyzer: Back to my original question, do you know where your sister is?
If he would have just answered it to begin with he wouldn’t be so angry now and I could get on to preparing for my match with Nikki and Trace…
HA! Good one, I know.
DMK: Why would I know? I am not exactly on speaking terms with my family either thanks to you. I know she said she was moving but didn’t tell me anything beyond that. Seth would know.
I hate my lawyer. My lawyer hates me. His firm has him stuck with me. I do get some perverse fun from that part of it.
Kyzer: He isn’t going to tell me. She finally moved. He is probably happier than her.
He doesn’t say anything. I don’t know what is going on in his head. He chose me over her when I left. He knows her attachment to that house though. I never talked to him about anything going on with Ashley to avoid awkward moments like this. But I need a clue as to where she is at. There is something in me, picking at me, pushing me to find her. I might still be in shock that she left.
DMK: Well if I hear anything I will be sure to not tell you either. F~cking douchebag. You steal my motherf~cking moment, my chance to show the f~cking world that I am a legit badass, to finally shut Drakz up once and for all; you take all that from me and then expect help? Go f~ck yourself. You have no loyalty. You are nothing but a jackal. You just wait for the right moment and then pick off the weak. F~ck you Michael Kyzer. I was always loyal to you. I always had your back in everything. I needed you and you told me to f~ck off. You steal my moment; you turn my fortunes around 180°. Everything went to sh~t the moment you came back and pissed all over me. Don’t expect forgiveness Michael. I hope you win your match, not for my boy Ante, but so I can watch Zmey rip you apart in the ring. Whatever is left, I will leave for Drakz. I know he wants himself some.
I am impressed. He actually believes his Dragon can hurt me.
Kyzer: That is a lot of words to say you don’t know. Pleasure Hoggle.
I stand to leave.
DMK: Everyone is eventually going to see the old man I see before me right now. You b~tch about people being weak in their emotions and yet you look for your ex-wife.
Kyzer: I want to settle up on my child support. I don’t want to go to jail like I am trailer trash.
I lie to him. But f~ck him for throwing my own logic in my head in my face. This is different though. This isn’t everyone else. This is me. A whole different set of standards apply to me. DMK should know this. He has known me long enough. Disloyal? Loyalty exists as long as someone is useful.
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Michael Kyzer was a novice when he entered the world of professional wrestling. But he was a savant for it. He absorbed everything he could and utilized his natural gifts. His charisma, his natural endurance and naturally lean body. It didn’t take much for him to get into shape. It was as if fat just slide off his body without him exerting any effort.
And the people they loved him. A charismatic babyface, he looked as if he stepped foot off a magazine with his model looks. The girls loved him, and then when the bell sounded, the men cheered for him. He was impressive in the ring. He had developed an arsenal of devastating moves. He was something else.
He was spurred on by a hunger. He ate up everything he could. His ambition knew no ends. It only took Papa Kyzer cutting him loose to inspire ambition in his firstborn. What irony. But this ambition, this hunger, it couldn’t be filled. Michael was coming to understand why his father was unrelenting in his pursuit of perfection in his kids. He was beginning to understand why his father did what he did.
And it disgusted him.
By the time he had realized it, he was years into a marriage that appeared perfect to everyone including his wife. He was a rising star in the wrestling world that he had come to embrace. He had so much built around him. He had a life that had other lives intertwined and reliant on other lives. He felt that ever-growing hole call out for food.
He didn’t want to be his father.
He didn’t want that life.
He had just followed the path in front of him for so long he hadn’t paid attention to the fact it lead to the man who stabbed him in the heart.
What was he going to do?
Continue to live the life? Continue to become his father? What is going to happen with the hunger can never been satiated? Will he consume Ashley with it? That was the one thing in his life that was good and pure. She was the shining light through all the darkness and bullsh~t. She was a genuine angel sent from God. He knew eventually she would turn into his mother. Spineless…broken…worthless…
He didn’t want that for her. He didn’t want to ruin her, to extinguish that fire in her that made her who she is.
Ambition…hunger…some indescribable urge in him to consume everything. All the good, all the bad. He wanted everything. Power, attention, love, admiration, gratitude, fear he wanted that from everyone. He wanted to eat them up and spit them out to get it.
He didn’t want to consume her though.
So he did what he thought was best.
He crushed her world.
But she was alive. She could rebuild. He gave her a second chance at life. He knew what he was going to become and he didn’t want her to be a part of it. It was the best present he could have given her.
He didn’t know when he left her he would become famous for drug abuse and sexual activities. He just knew that was about to become someone that could never understand true happiness and true satisfaction. He could only imitate it through hedonism and self-gratification.
At some point Michael Kyzer suffered a mortal wound to his soul, his conscious. That is another story. But that wound, it eventually festered as expected. The result is the Kyzer that accomplished so much by feeding his ego, showing no respect, no regard, and no remorse. He became a man who said “f~ck all” to the rules and did things his way. He became a man who destroyed many lives, ruined many people’s dreams. He didn’t do these things out of some sort of evilness.
Michael Kyzer is not evil.
He is indifference. Indifferent to codes of honor, history or anything else that doesn’t elevate his life or progress his machinations in some fashion.
He is not the Devil.
He calls himself the God of F~ck. But he is more the Lord of Nothing.
His pleasures are fleeting; his attention is constantly shifting for something new and exciting. Everything is only temporary though.
Following his whims and desires no matter how carnal and raw has done nothing to fix Michael Kyzer’s problem. He bores quicker and quicker as he gets older. The hunger becomes more substantial.
He anticipates the day to come that he is completely lost in the hunger. Some may say that has already happened but rest assured he had always been grounded to some degree.
As of now Kyzer fans out there, our hero stands firmly on the earth with his head looking up to the peak of the mountain that he is climbing. Crossing over the footholds Nikki Dean and Trace Demon, he sees a star hurdling towards him that he didn’t anticipate until higher up the mountain.
Don’t worry though; he is going to make it through this next thrilling adventure.
And we will have more stories from…
ROOTS: The Saga of an American Family
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In another life I would have probably liked Trace Demon. His goofy look aside he has had some serious accomplishments around here. He is ambitious, clever and ruthless. All things I like in someone. I even thought it was flattering how he paid homage to The New Epoch with his little Revolution thing.
Trace Demon and Michael Kyzer. WFWF Tag Team Champions.
Sounds weird when you say it.
Kyzer and Demon. Demon and Kyzer.
I don’t know. Maybe could have worked.
In another world, another dimension or something maybe it could have happened. But in the reality we live in, it won’t. I find myself standing across from Trace again. For someone with attributes I respect he has poor judgement. Let’s assume he didn’t use his owner magic to set this match and pairing intentionally, he still has the option to not take the match. And yet he chose to stand opposite of me.
So let’s start after I beat Trace at Superbrawl, he has had a pretty good run. A lengthy IC title reign that he took from Drakz, a nice little world title reign he lost to Shawn Malakai, which is just plain weak. Took ownership of the WFWF and waged a pretty little war against a woman in the company he owns. It doesn’t make sense to me either. And after being betrayed by his underling he is found God or something else to make himself righteous.
Whatever.
I don’t care.
Trace Demon, it is unfortunate I am going to beat you again. Truthfully I don’t care. I found you boring the first time I wrestled you. I can’t imagine it being much different this time around. Instead of having Ace Bennett getting b~tch-slapped, I get to violate sweet Nikki Dean again.
Josh, your girl, she likes my dick. She is coming back around for seconds. She is ready to take that shot to the back of the throat. Does she do that for you? Does she look up at you when she is on her knees? I see those eyes, asking me for approval, but of course she doesn’t want to take her mouth off my c~ck. It is a sweet site my friend. Maybe one day she will suck your dick like she is a porn star.
I know that West Virginia isn’t known for producing intelligent people but it has really done something special here. Here is a woman who got broken in half, f~cked in four different ways, and had her ovaries removed as a trophy coming back asking for more. I almost applaud the effort if I wasn’t sick from the lack of sense in the whole matter. Never mind Ante in the match, who will already want to wreck that pretty face again, you have me in it. And I won’t take it easy just because I made you cum like a b~tch last time.
It is going to be rough.
It is going to be unpleasant.
I am not going to take pleasure from this. It is to be used as a lesson. You need to learn for the sake of your bastard children and that useless sack of nut sweat where your limits are.
You don’t belong in the ring with me.
You proved that at Ascension. You are no one special. Your star has been extinguished. Now you think just because you have that little sh~t Trace next to you, there is a chance at greatness?
No b~tch is going to make their name on me. No b~tch is going to try and ride the coattails of a man in a win over me.
Nikki, you tied your horse to a lame stallion. Since Drakz neutered Mr. Demon, he has become soft and weak.
Ante may be young and green but he is strong and hungry. He has had setbacks but who doesn’t when they first start out in this business besides me? I remember a time when Drakz losing to chumps like Justin Tyme and Tha CBT. Everyone stumbles, again except me. And part of getting to the top is getting back his feet. This time he just has higher aspirations than the little trinket Nikki carries.
Kyzer and Whitner.
I like that better than Kyzer and Demon.
I don’t understand you, Trace. You have all the potential in the world and could achieve so much if you just didn’t side with the p~ssy. You never side with the p~ssy. I seem to remember some kind soap opera in your life because of p~ssy. Didn’t you learn from that?
F~cking disappointment.
I have been surprised by how much I have been let down since my return. Daniel Kirkbride underwhelmed, Nikki was a squirter which is messier than I prefer, and now this…
I want to build my legacy on the blood of the new and the bones of the young. So far I would give myself a C- for what I have accomplished thus far.
That means I need to step it up.
I need to get my sh~t together.
You’re gettin’ sloppy, Mike.
You’re better than this half ass bullsh~t, Mike.
I am a space pirate. I am a f~cking cowboy. I am a hard ass OG. I am as real as they come. I am all the other crazy sh~t that Lil Wayne calls himself. I am motherf~cking Yeezus.
I am going to New Dawn with my partner with the intention of winning the match. I am going to beat Nikki Dean again. I am going to beat Trace Demon again.
And then fate is going to deliver me Drakz on a silver platter for me to pick apart.
Little birdie you fell from the nest. Little birdie cry out for mama. Little birdie let me put you to rest.
It is a little lullaby I am going to sing to your dog after its master doesn’t come around to feed it anymore. Don’t worry, I have a sweet spot for animals.
Just not little baby birds. I stomp on tha necks. Ya dig ***** D?
