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Post by Yoshihiko The G.O.A.T on May 29, 2015 18:53:04 GMT -5
Streets of Seattle,10:30PM May 29th, 2015 Joey Raid sits against a wall with blood on his wrist tape.
" What does the name 'Joey Raid' mean to you? Loser? Garbage? Well after New Dawn when that referee hits the mat for the third time it's simply going to mean 'Winner'. I'm not the type to think I'm better than everyone else but I've worked and worked and worked to get to the WFWF and I'm not going to lose now. My career has had its bumps. It almost ended about ten years ago when I was put through a table head first and was temporarily paralyzed for five years. Afterward the fans chanted 'Do it again'... Thats all they care about , Hardcore moves, Crazy stunts, Hot divas, what happened to just wrestling? Well it's being brought back because come New Dawn I'm going to out-wrestle my opponent and I don't give a damn who doubts me. I worked to get here for no one but myself. Poeple seem to like asking me if im ready, You should be asking my opponent that because I've been at it for years. So get ready because just because I'm new to WFWF doesn't mean I'm new to wrestling."
Joey Raid walks off and throws the bloodied tape away.
(Sorry that's it's kinda short it was my first RP)
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Deleted
Joined on: Mar 29, 2024 10:22:02 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2015 19:50:07 GMT -5
Despite it being really short and perhaps more suited for a vignette, for someone new this showed potential in the short glimpse this was. I saw some stuff that could be parlayed into a very interesting character. The "what happened to wrestling?" is something I'm going to really hope you continue to use because having a ECW Steve Corino type character would be something I personally would be very interested in reading. Keep working on improving quality and the length will come.
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Post by Yoshihiko The G.O.A.T on May 29, 2015 20:50:32 GMT -5
Thank You and I will keep working
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Post by The Gangsta on May 29, 2015 20:55:32 GMT -5
Like Jay said, although it was very short, it packed a punch in order to give a first glimpse at Joey Raid. Raid has a personality to him and an ego that questions the current status of wrestling itself (which you pulled off in a short piece). I'm interested in your character and if you build on the few statements in this RP, you could fully flesh out new ideas that will shoot you up the card. Again, welcome to the fed and solid job on your first piece.
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Post by jdfranchise on May 30, 2015 12:08:20 GMT -5
This was really short bro, but you did two thing pretty well starting off.
First, you gave us a slight idea into Raid's background and kept it simple. Now most of our vets may find that boring, but I think a simple background can be expanded on with the circumstances your character will come up against the more you compete.
Second, you've given him a bit of a personality and purpose. This is tough to do for a lot of writers including vets, so that is a foundation you need to build on.
Some things that will help you moving forward is to make sure you're giving your opponent at least some lip service. You had an excellent opportunity to do so this show because I'm one of the more established vets here, with plenty of history and character traits that you could've easily picked up on and utilized. This bit could've been used for anyone, and I feel like our encounter got slighted.
I want you to understand that this game is a constant learning experience. A lot of our roster have been doing this for some time and can vouch when I say they are still learning. But I do think there is potential there, and if you keep working at it, you'll see yourself improve quickly.
Welcome and good luck.
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Post by Yoshihiko The G.O.A.T on May 30, 2015 19:39:49 GMT -5
Thank you
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Post by Mr. PerpetuaLynch Motion on Jun 5, 2015 1:44:27 GMT -5
For as short as it was it gave a really good insight to your character's reasons and desires to compete here. He's sick of the hardcore bullcrap wrestling and wants to show that actual wrestling accumen can trump everything. I feel that this is one step forward in the right direction as far as your first ever RP and I look forward to seeing you develop further.
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Post by Rated R on Jun 5, 2015 11:40:17 GMT -5
Sure it was short, but it definitely gave us some interesting insight into the character and that's solid for two paragraphs. I'd love to see you flesh out this character a bit more with the whole anti-hardcore thing because there's motivation there and that's something some people miss out on, what is your character driven by, what do they want? You've already got that and now it's just a case of learning and improving. Make sure to check out some of the other roleplays on the board particularly from the last PPV because there's a lot of great stuff there that'll show you exactly what you need to be aiming for. Still this was a decent start and I really hope to see you stick around and grow.
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Post by Yoshihiko The G.O.A.T on Jun 5, 2015 17:14:25 GMT -5
Thank you all
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