Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2015 23:18:58 GMT -5
The forest, a place where only the manliest of men could survive. A place where bears have wrestling matches over who gets to eat the last delicious salmon from the river that has been depleted because of manly pickup trucks polluting the atmosphere. Luckily, those bears don't have to worry, BECAUSE NEITHER OF THEM ERS IS GETTING THAT SALMON. The fight between the bears is quickly put to a stop as Stan McMann, the manliest manly man of all men makes his grand entrance. Chest hair blowing in the wind, McMann enters the fray. Knowing their outmatched, the bears begin to beg for mercy.
Bitch Bear #1: Oh please Stan McMann, the manliest manly man of all men! Please have mercy on me, I am just a huge hulking grizzly bear that would rip the head off of any lesser man but can't to you because you are that manly!
Without mercy, Stan McMann uppercut, connecting with the bear right in its stupid bear nose AND HIS HEAD EXPLODES, leaving bitch bear brain juices flying everywhere, except they avoid Stan McMann because those juices know not to mess with the manliest manly man. Mercy is for women and non-manly men. The second bitch bear cowers in fear, as it quickly EVOLVES AND GROWS WINGS in an effort to escape the wrath of the manliest manly man.
Bitch Bear #2: HOLY crap I JUST GREW WINGS.
Bitch bear number two begins to fly away, flapping its new majestic, unicorn like wings in an effort to escape Stan McMann, the manliest manly man. McMann gazes in wonder of the beautiful new creature, a Bearicorn and basks in the wonderful possibilities that lay ahead for the species. What wonder, what amazement, what spectacular beauty, what A SHOT RIGHT UP ITS ASS HOLE. Stan McMann PULLED OUT HIS 12 GAGE SHOTGUN AND MURDERED THE FIRST AND ONLY BEARICORN IN EXISTENCE, SHOOTING LEAD RIGHT INTO ITS ANUS and making it explode, guts flying everywhere.
And so, the uneventful morning of Stan McMann, the manliest man of all men, begins. Stan McMann lets out the most incredibly manly yawn ever, a yawn so manly that Scarlett Johansson felt tingly in her pants region due to the sheer manliness of the yawn. He takes the delicious salmon, the last remaining in the polluted river, AND HE BITES ITS HEAD OFF. Cooking and cleaning fish is for women and non manly men, but mostly women. And so is removing the scales from fish before eating them.
Today was a big day for Stan McMann, just like every other day. There are no not big days for Stan McMann the manliest manly man. Because he is a man, and men do important things. Today was the day of a hunt. Killing innocent animals for fun is manly. Especially deer when they eat grass. It’s like BOOM BAMBI I JUST SHOT YOUR MOM RIGHT IN HER STUPID DEER FACE WHILE SHE WAS EATING ON A TREE LEAR MOTHER ER. WHAT YOU GONNA DO? RUN? YEAH THAT’S RIGHT YOU LITTLE STUPID BABY BAMBI DEER BITCH. And the baby deer is crying like a woman or a non manly man. And then you turn Bambi’s mom into some delicious manly stew and eat her stupid deer self. Obviously, Stan McMann could kill animals with his bare hands, but he decided to bring along his trusty 12 gage shotgun, the same one he just made Bearicorns extinct with. Because nothing says manly like a ball of powder setting on fire and then exploding at high velocities to puncture the flesh of it’s stupid furry victim.
Stan McMann the manliest manly man got into his manly truck of all men. What happens next is a mystery, THE TRUCK COLLAPSES FROM THE SHEER FORCE OF STAN MCMANN’S MANLINESS ENTERING IT. THE AXELS SPLIT IN HALF, MAKING THE TRUCK USELESS.
Stan McMann: WHAT IS THIS DEBAUCHERY!?
With a manly heave, Stan McMann throws the truck into a tree, starting a forest fire that would eventually kill at least 52 rabbits, leaving only the collapsed and broken, unmanly axels. With his massive manly muscles that can lift anything, he lifts one of the broken axels and reads the label that is still attached.
Stan McMann: What an oddly specific label for an axel.
Stan McMann the manliest manly man of all men takes the broken and unmanly Thornstowe Axel and THROWS IT INTO THE SKY. Hundreds of miles away, a factory produces stupid and unmanly Thornstowe Axels, when all of a sudden THE BROKEN AXEL COMES OUT OF THE SKY AND FLATTENS THE ENTIRE FACTORY WITH A FORCE OF MANHOOD ONLY UNDERSTOOD BY STAN MCMANN THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN HIMSELF. Thornstowe Axels instantly went bankrupt and all people with the name Axel lost a testicle, making them even less of men than they already were.
With his truck sabotaged by unmanly Thornstowe Axels, the manly man decided that walking for his hunt would be just as manly as driving his truck. As he begins to walk, he hears a rustle in the grass. Turning his head, Stan McMann sees the most majestic 12 point buck that he has ever seen in his life, with its back turned towards him. Pointing his trusty 12 gage shot gun, McMann prepares for the kill. That was when the buck turned its head.
You better play this dang music when you read this part. It makes it manlier.
Time slows down. Stan McMann’s trusty shotgun MELTS in his hands as he looks on in sheer awe and amazement. The deer turns around in slow motion, its chiseled features are the manliest that Stan McMann has ever seen, other than his own of course. Not only does the deer have the nicest wrack he has ever seen, it has a FULL, LUCIOUS, PERFECTLY SCULPTED BEARD. Angels sing as Stan McMann drops to his knees, a single manly tear on his face as he knows he has met a companion for a lifetime. He feels his penis grow an inch simply being in the presence of the beast of manhood.
Deer: STAN MCMANN, THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN. THE GOD OF MANLY MEN HAS BROUGHT ME FORWARD TO GUIDE YOU ON YOUR NEXT QUEST, MOTHER ER. MY NAME IS HUCK THE BEARDED TWELVE POINT BUCK AND I AM YOUR GUIDE OF MANLINESS. DO YOU ACCEPT THIS QUEST, BITCH!? YOU BETTER NOT BE A P***Y EITHER.
Stan nods, knowing that being too overexcited is not manly, a test from Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck.
Stan McMann: What must be done?
Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck: THE WOMEN OF WRESTLING FIGS WRESTLING FEDERATION CALLS UPON YOU. THEY ARE LACKING A TRUE MAN, ONE WITH A DICK, AND YOU ARE NEEDED TO PROVE TO THEM WHAT A TRUE MAN LOOKS LIKE. ONLY THE MANLIEST OF ALL MANLY MEN WITH CHEST HAIR THAT CAN STRANGLE A PUNY MOUSE IF IT GOT TOO CLOSE CAN ACCOMPLISH SUCH AN IMPOSSIBLE FEAT AND YOUR MANLY PRESENCE ALONE INCREASES THE WFWF’S MANLINESS LEVEL TO OVER 9000.
Stan McMann: What!? Over 9000?!?! That’s can’t be right!
Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck: BUT IT IS, MOTHER ER. AND IT WILL BE YOUR JOB TO BRING THE MANLINESS LEVEL OF THE WFWF TO LEVELS NEVER PERCEIVED POSSIBLE. SERIOUSLY, THEY'RE ALL A BUNCH OF BITCHES WHO AREN'T EVEN CLOSE TO BEING AS MANLY AS YOU ARE. YOU ARE THE ONLY MAN FOR THE JOB. DO YOU ACCEPT?
Stan McMann: A true manly man never backs down from a challenge.
Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck: I EXPECTED NOTHING LESS FROM THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN STAN MCMANN. COME, JUMP ON MY BACK WITH NO SADDLE BECAUSE SADDLES ARE FOR NON MANLY MEN AND WOMEN, WE HAVE WORK TO DO, BITCH.
Stan McMann, the manliest manly man jumps aboard Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck as a manly aura surrounds the two manly entities. Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck begins to float as LASERS SHOOT OUT OF HIS EYES, BURNING DOWN MUCH OF THE FORREST OF MANkato MANnesota. Stan McMann’s flannel rips off as his muscles grow to twice the already huge size that they were. Chest hair blowing in the wind, Stan McMann reflects on his day as he flies through the air with his bearded steed. Orgasms of hundreds of women, including your girlfriend and mother, can be heard as Stan McMann and Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck head to the kingdom of manliness to train.
Bitch Bear #1: Oh please Stan McMann, the manliest manly man of all men! Please have mercy on me, I am just a huge hulking grizzly bear that would rip the head off of any lesser man but can't to you because you are that manly!
Without mercy, Stan McMann uppercut, connecting with the bear right in its stupid bear nose AND HIS HEAD EXPLODES, leaving bitch bear brain juices flying everywhere, except they avoid Stan McMann because those juices know not to mess with the manliest manly man. Mercy is for women and non-manly men. The second bitch bear cowers in fear, as it quickly EVOLVES AND GROWS WINGS in an effort to escape the wrath of the manliest manly man.
Bitch Bear #2: HOLY crap I JUST GREW WINGS.
Bitch bear number two begins to fly away, flapping its new majestic, unicorn like wings in an effort to escape Stan McMann, the manliest manly man. McMann gazes in wonder of the beautiful new creature, a Bearicorn and basks in the wonderful possibilities that lay ahead for the species. What wonder, what amazement, what spectacular beauty, what A SHOT RIGHT UP ITS ASS HOLE. Stan McMann PULLED OUT HIS 12 GAGE SHOTGUN AND MURDERED THE FIRST AND ONLY BEARICORN IN EXISTENCE, SHOOTING LEAD RIGHT INTO ITS ANUS and making it explode, guts flying everywhere.
And so, the uneventful morning of Stan McMann, the manliest man of all men, begins. Stan McMann lets out the most incredibly manly yawn ever, a yawn so manly that Scarlett Johansson felt tingly in her pants region due to the sheer manliness of the yawn. He takes the delicious salmon, the last remaining in the polluted river, AND HE BITES ITS HEAD OFF. Cooking and cleaning fish is for women and non manly men, but mostly women. And so is removing the scales from fish before eating them.
Today was a big day for Stan McMann, just like every other day. There are no not big days for Stan McMann the manliest manly man. Because he is a man, and men do important things. Today was the day of a hunt. Killing innocent animals for fun is manly. Especially deer when they eat grass. It’s like BOOM BAMBI I JUST SHOT YOUR MOM RIGHT IN HER STUPID DEER FACE WHILE SHE WAS EATING ON A TREE LEAR MOTHER ER. WHAT YOU GONNA DO? RUN? YEAH THAT’S RIGHT YOU LITTLE STUPID BABY BAMBI DEER BITCH. And the baby deer is crying like a woman or a non manly man. And then you turn Bambi’s mom into some delicious manly stew and eat her stupid deer self. Obviously, Stan McMann could kill animals with his bare hands, but he decided to bring along his trusty 12 gage shotgun, the same one he just made Bearicorns extinct with. Because nothing says manly like a ball of powder setting on fire and then exploding at high velocities to puncture the flesh of it’s stupid furry victim.
Stan McMann the manliest manly man got into his manly truck of all men. What happens next is a mystery, THE TRUCK COLLAPSES FROM THE SHEER FORCE OF STAN MCMANN’S MANLINESS ENTERING IT. THE AXELS SPLIT IN HALF, MAKING THE TRUCK USELESS.
Stan McMann: WHAT IS THIS DEBAUCHERY!?
With a manly heave, Stan McMann throws the truck into a tree, starting a forest fire that would eventually kill at least 52 rabbits, leaving only the collapsed and broken, unmanly axels. With his massive manly muscles that can lift anything, he lifts one of the broken axels and reads the label that is still attached.
Axel is made by Thornstowe’s Axels. WARNING: Don’t use on a manly truck that belongs to a manly man. Axels are made of unmanly material and will break and the sheer manliness. Seriously, Thornstowe’s Axels are bad, like really bad and you should feel bad for having them on your vehicle. We use Comic Sans as our font to prove that we are not manly in any way whatsoever. Also, anyone named Axel is an unmanly man and can be easily beaten in a wrestling match by a manly man.
Stan McMann: What an oddly specific label for an axel.
Stan McMann the manliest manly man of all men takes the broken and unmanly Thornstowe Axel and THROWS IT INTO THE SKY. Hundreds of miles away, a factory produces stupid and unmanly Thornstowe Axels, when all of a sudden THE BROKEN AXEL COMES OUT OF THE SKY AND FLATTENS THE ENTIRE FACTORY WITH A FORCE OF MANHOOD ONLY UNDERSTOOD BY STAN MCMANN THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN HIMSELF. Thornstowe Axels instantly went bankrupt and all people with the name Axel lost a testicle, making them even less of men than they already were.
With his truck sabotaged by unmanly Thornstowe Axels, the manly man decided that walking for his hunt would be just as manly as driving his truck. As he begins to walk, he hears a rustle in the grass. Turning his head, Stan McMann sees the most majestic 12 point buck that he has ever seen in his life, with its back turned towards him. Pointing his trusty 12 gage shot gun, McMann prepares for the kill. That was when the buck turned its head.
You better play this dang music when you read this part. It makes it manlier.
Time slows down. Stan McMann’s trusty shotgun MELTS in his hands as he looks on in sheer awe and amazement. The deer turns around in slow motion, its chiseled features are the manliest that Stan McMann has ever seen, other than his own of course. Not only does the deer have the nicest wrack he has ever seen, it has a FULL, LUCIOUS, PERFECTLY SCULPTED BEARD. Angels sing as Stan McMann drops to his knees, a single manly tear on his face as he knows he has met a companion for a lifetime. He feels his penis grow an inch simply being in the presence of the beast of manhood.
Deer: STAN MCMANN, THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN. THE GOD OF MANLY MEN HAS BROUGHT ME FORWARD TO GUIDE YOU ON YOUR NEXT QUEST, MOTHER ER. MY NAME IS HUCK THE BEARDED TWELVE POINT BUCK AND I AM YOUR GUIDE OF MANLINESS. DO YOU ACCEPT THIS QUEST, BITCH!? YOU BETTER NOT BE A P***Y EITHER.
Stan nods, knowing that being too overexcited is not manly, a test from Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck.
Stan McMann: What must be done?
Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck: THE WOMEN OF WRESTLING FIGS WRESTLING FEDERATION CALLS UPON YOU. THEY ARE LACKING A TRUE MAN, ONE WITH A DICK, AND YOU ARE NEEDED TO PROVE TO THEM WHAT A TRUE MAN LOOKS LIKE. ONLY THE MANLIEST OF ALL MANLY MEN WITH CHEST HAIR THAT CAN STRANGLE A PUNY MOUSE IF IT GOT TOO CLOSE CAN ACCOMPLISH SUCH AN IMPOSSIBLE FEAT AND YOUR MANLY PRESENCE ALONE INCREASES THE WFWF’S MANLINESS LEVEL TO OVER 9000.
Stan McMann: What!? Over 9000?!?! That’s can’t be right!
Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck: BUT IT IS, MOTHER ER. AND IT WILL BE YOUR JOB TO BRING THE MANLINESS LEVEL OF THE WFWF TO LEVELS NEVER PERCEIVED POSSIBLE. SERIOUSLY, THEY'RE ALL A BUNCH OF BITCHES WHO AREN'T EVEN CLOSE TO BEING AS MANLY AS YOU ARE. YOU ARE THE ONLY MAN FOR THE JOB. DO YOU ACCEPT?
Stan McMann: A true manly man never backs down from a challenge.
Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck: I EXPECTED NOTHING LESS FROM THE MANLIEST MANLY MAN STAN MCMANN. COME, JUMP ON MY BACK WITH NO SADDLE BECAUSE SADDLES ARE FOR NON MANLY MEN AND WOMEN, WE HAVE WORK TO DO, BITCH.
Stan McMann, the manliest manly man jumps aboard Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck as a manly aura surrounds the two manly entities. Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck begins to float as LASERS SHOOT OUT OF HIS EYES, BURNING DOWN MUCH OF THE FORREST OF MANkato MANnesota. Stan McMann’s flannel rips off as his muscles grow to twice the already huge size that they were. Chest hair blowing in the wind, Stan McMann reflects on his day as he flies through the air with his bearded steed. Orgasms of hundreds of women, including your girlfriend and mother, can be heard as Stan McMann and Huck the Bearded Twelve Point Buck head to the kingdom of manliness to train.