Clash RP: The Definition of Success

[Danger10]

Just Before Midnight

It's a late Friday night, Grady dragged me out to a bonfire on the beach one of his friends is hosting. Oh, how I hate these things. Everyone mingling in groups, laughing, making small talk, seem to be having the time of their lives. I don't understand what's so fun about these get togethers. They're alright, I might have a decent time, but I would much rather be at home with pizza or popcorn, enjoying a funny movie.

Whatever, Grady really insisted I come out with him tonight, said he was tired of seeing you loaf around the apartment full of self pity. I didn't really think I was being that bad. Sure I was upset, another match, another loss. But, this time it was to the World Heavyweight Champion and I felt like I left it in the ring, you could even say I was proud of that match. I feel like I've come a long way already and I'm still a rookie.

"What are you doing sitting here by yourself?" Grady asks as he approaches me.

"Just thinking, you know that thing that makes your head hurt." I respond with a smile.

"Haha very funny, I mean, everyone's having a blast and your just sitting on that rock being a buzzkill." He responded as he took a seat next to me.

"Just thinking, that's all." I say as I take another look around.

"Thinking about Black Friday?" Grady asks as he tilts his head, slightly annoyed.

"I didn't say that." I say, shaking my head.

"But I can tell." He says with a smirk.

"Nah, just thinking how close I came to the win, that's all." I respond as I take a sip of my water.

"Would you forget about that, you did great." He said as he playfully shakes me by the shoulders.

"I know, I feel the same way." I tell him as I push his arms off my shoulders.

"So then what are you so down about." He asks confused.

"I told you I was thinking." I respond firmly.

"About another loss? Cheer up dude, you made it." He tells me.

I didn't respond just stared at him, slightly confused.

"You dreamed of making it to the big time, right? The WFWF." He looks at me like if I'm missing the obvious.

"Damn, man. You're right, I was so caught up in my losses that I didn’t even think of it like that." I say, shaking my head, realizing I was missing the obvious.

"That's right bro. Now cheer up already." Grady said as he gave me a pat on the back.

I didn't respond, I just laughed.

"Besides, have you seen all the fine ladies here tonight?" He said with a huge smile as he stood up and extended his arms.

I took a second look around, I guess I didn't even notice.

"Let's go have a blast," Grady says as he pulls me up by the arm.

"Give me a second, I'll catch up." I respond as I dust the sand of myself.

"Alright, you better." He tells me as he returns to the party.

It was at this moment I realized; to my friends, I'm already a success.

Morning

It's a nice Sunday morning, nice enough for a little cruise. I enjoy cruising through the nicer side of town, looking at the bigger houses. Seeing these houses inspires me to do more, to be more, to be as successful as possible so that when I have a family, God willing, we'll live in one of these amazing houses. I don't want my children to have to go through everything I did in my childhood. Man, it must be nice to have an upstairs or a pool or these huge backyards and spacious rooms inside, nothing like the cramped apartment I grew up in. I can only imagine what these peoples lives are like, barbecue's or pool parties on a regular basis, that's exactly the kind of life that I want for my family.

These houses also make me wonder what kind of house a psycho like Ante live. I imagine him sitting in an empty room petting to his pet rat or something. Man, I feel wrong for even thinking that. For all I know he lives in one of these huge houses with a beautiful wife & kids. I don't know much about the guy except for the fact that he's completely unstable. I was scheduled to face him the night he won the National Championship at Men & Monsters. Too bad I ended missing the show, I guess that was his fate, or maybe luck, who knows. Even though he lost, he was still impressive in his last match at Black Friday against Kirkbride. But me and him we're kindred spirits. Both of us are outcasts of society. But I do know one thing; I'll be in the fight of my life at The Clash, but you know what, so will Whitner & I hope he's prepared because I know damn well I am.

[Danger10]

I'm a little upset with myself, I wanted this RP to be way longer. Anyways, it's short & to the point. As someone pointed out to me on one of my first RP's, no need making it longer just for the sake of it being longer.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this one.

[Rated R]

I don't think the length is what lets this down, it's the depth and the purpose. Personally it didn't feel like it achieved anything of substance. You really needed to dig down deep into the character for this piece, explore who Shapiro is, what shapes him and expand upon the whole self-doubt thing and round it out properly. I also feel you didn't got anywhere near into enough depth on the match itself, it was one of those old school "you'll fight hard and I'll fight hard" kind of promo bits that never really do anything memorable because they're pretty generic. Go out and read some of the big RP's for this show and see how guys use these big matches to explore, change and develop their characters and try to think about how you could do that yourself. You've got a lot of potential, we wouldn't have given you this shot if you didn't, you've just got to figure out how to develop it.

[Drakz]

I think your writing itself is fine mate, and that's why I can see there's potential here. What you do write is usually put together well with a good grasp on language etc, however what I think lets you down, and most other new comers, is the inability to run with an idea or theme for more than 2 minutes. I was just getting into the idea behind the first scene when it suddenly ended. Now I agree that you should never pad out an RP for the sake of making it longer, however I also feel that ideas need to be given the room they need to grow and develop.

Both parts of this RP had plenty to say but seemed to decide not to really vent. I think once you find your feet and really feel comfortable exploring an idea you have for longer than a couple of paragraphs you'll surprise yourself with the level you'll be able to compete at.

[bad guy™]

Dec 24, 2014 14:03:19 GMT -5 Drakz said:

I think your writing itself is fine mate, and that's why I can see there's potential here. What you do write is usually put together well with a good grasp on language etc, however what I think lets you down, and most other new comers, is the inability to run with an idea or theme for more than 2 minutes. I was just getting into the idea behind the first scene when it suddenly ended. Now I agree that you should never pad out an RP for the sake of making it longer, however I also feel that ideas need to be given the room they need to grow and develop.

Both parts of this RP had plenty to say but seemed to decide not to really vent. I think once you find your feet and really feel comfortable exploring an idea you have for longer than a couple of paragraphs you'll surprise yourself with the level you'll be able to compete at.

What he said. New writers have the writers equivalent of ADD with RPs, exploring things for just a little amount of time before you move on elsewhere. Sit down and expound an idea into something longer than a few bits, and you'll be set.

[jdfranchise]

I agree with what the guys have said, particularly Shawn's comment about ADD in newer writers. It made me laugh before anyanything else, but it is valid. I think you had a great opportunity here to really generate some heat going into this title match. Given that this is your third overall crack at the National Title, you easily could've played on the desperation to capitalize, or generated some heat with Ante by looking at your respective tenures. These are just some examples of some things that from Shapiro's perspective that he could have used as motivation aside from a strong showing against Drakz.

I think you've developed a good base writing style that you execute very well, now it's a matter of really looking into the character and figuring out how to explore a theme with him. I like Shapiro and I think as a character the pieces are there for you to do some cool things with him.

I'm personally excited for the National Title scene at the moment because I think there is a great core of people with roughly the same amount of time under their belts (You, Ante, Axel, Kyle when he returns and Nikki when she comes back) that can create some really great programs and push each other to grow as characters and writers. You may not realize it yet man, but you'll look back and see how much each of these people meant to your character's development.