Post by CM Poor: DeepFigureValue on Oct 28, 2014 8:33:40 GMT -5
October 23, 2014
The mysteries surrounding the Halloween Celebrity Deathmatch are, in a word, infinite.
Who sanctions such a barbaric clash of these household name titans?
What draws names that transcend both fact and fiction to meet in the coliseum of certain dismemberment?
Who benefits?
To even begin to scratch the surface of understanding in regard to a spectacle pitting man against woman, cartoon against video game, pirate and criminally lesbian element against shock culture of the mid-nineties is an undertaking of proportions far outweighing the capabilities of this band of humble fact seekers. Instead, for a glimmer of truth, in pursuit of a mere inkling of answers, we turn our attention to the society that offers up its homegrown sons in a battle the likes of which grown men shy away from. We look to the town it takes to raise a child, a culture perhaps unlike any that we spinners of fantastic yarns and ye humble of the audience are not entirely prepared to understand at a glance from without, and so we seek to step within, in hopes of attaining a closer look at what draws such gladiators to the center ring of this most unusual circus of violence and the macabre.
We turn, of course, to Highland, Texas.
Highland is a picturesque, shining example of the faded American dream. Once a beacon destination of nuclear families seeking to stake their claim amid the south's vast Bible Belt situated firmly upon the border of the Lone Star State and neighboring New Mexico, it soon fell upon hard times, another countless victim of a declining and rapidly shifting economic picture in America. Its residents reflect the stalwart, rough exterior of a people driven into ruin along with a town once bustling with activity.
Perhaps it is this snapshot of a people, beaten into the ground by shifting economic forces, a mass exodus of fruitful sources of labor and a society of the verge of absolute disregard for one another, their surroundings, and their own personal well being that has brought Highland residents Beavis and Butthead to seek the fruits of fame and glory on the center stage of destruction.
David van Driessen is a school teacher in Highland.
"There's something more to Beavis and Butthead - I suspect a yearning, perhaps to break free from the constraints that society has cast upon them with it's limited perception of the benefit they could ultimately provide to the world."
Could answers be some easily attained? It seems almost remarkable that the first Highland resident to opine on the forces that have driven Beavis and Butthead to embark upon an altogether violent and uncertain journey would fall so closely in step with our proposed hypothesis. Naturally, we pressed for more, and only then did we realize that perhaps a more fluid hypothetical approach would before suited for our pursuit of the truth.
"It's funny you mention that. Those of us who fall within the field of public education feel very strongly in regard to the role of parental involvement and its influence on a student's success in the pursuit of knowledge, but I don't think I've ever met either Beavis nor Butthead's parents. It's so unusual - almost as if they don't exist..."
How confounding. How could two youths arrive at the age of teenage rebellion, fit to take on the world around them and, perhaps most importantly, alive and well, without, at the very least, a minimally pervasive parental figure to guide them through the walks of life that challenge even the most hearty of us throughout our youths?
For answers, we journeyed deeper still into the heart of Highland, and in doing so, the heart of Beavis and Butthead's natural surroundings.
Thomas Anderson is a decorated veteran of the armed forces, having served in both the Second World War and the Korean War. A lifelong resident of Highland, Mr. Anderson has, to the best degree as we could ascertain, lived next door to the boys for as long as they've walked this Earth.
"Beavis and Butthead? Oh, you mean them two boys that split their time between sitting in front of that television for hours on end and whacking off in this here trailer. I tell you what, I've gone through more padlocks and security measures than my retirement fund must be worth by now."
However, for all the years Anderson has spent neighboring the two youthfully minded stalwarts, he, like van Driessen, cannot seem to muster a recollection of a parental figure in the boys' collective lives.
"Parents? Heh, well, I've never personally seen 'em. Reason tells me them boys have to have come from somewhere, but I reckon if either one of 'em had themselves a mother or a father in their lives, they might come up with a handful of manners between the two of 'em."
Imagine. In the face of all that had once been perceived at a glance's distance of the two Highland youths - tragedy. An orphaned, parentally void upbringing. Left to the mere defenses of children to raise themselves, conceivably upon a steady diet of television and hard rock music, it's no wonder to find that lying dormant within the disenchanted youths of the 90s sat in wait a level of pent up aggression yearning to be set loose upon the first unsuspecting victim to find themselves situated within its path - in the case of our young subjects, one Captain James Hook and his comrade in arms, at least for the evening, Alex Vause.
Perhaps, within the being of their opponents, Beavis and Butthead saw similarities - unspoken parallels to a world that had wronged them over the course of a lifetime. An age old authoritarian figure, commandeering his crew in the pursuit of the heads of any number of "Lost Boys". A convictedly renowned criminal, jailed for her crimes in the world of the drug trade, perhaps a stigma plaguing the disinterested teenage masses the boys sought to violently reject.
Certain that we had found ourselves upon the path of enlightenment, we sought out authoritarian figures that may have held similar influence over the boys as they strived to overcome the insurmountable odds that had befallen them. Our journey led us to Richard McVicker, Principal of Highland High School, and reportedly a target of much of the boys' outwardly destructive behavior over the years.
"I take three of these a day, 2 of these, and one of these every night before going to bed and every morning when I wake up. I've lost my Tuesday and Thursday nights to counseling sessions, and my doctor predicts that I'll be forced into early retirement. If you think that's the result of dealing with two regular old teenage rebels, well, uh, you're probably worse off in the head than me. Beavis and Butthead are a plague on this school, a plague on this town, and if you're gonna fall for their crap, then so are you!! Now get out of my office!!"
Thee contrasting arguments are shared by classmate Daria Morgendorffer.
"Oh, no. They got you, too?"
Daria is a Highland transplant, having relocated midway through her high school years to nearby Lawndale. Nevertheless, her memories of her former classmates seem as vivid as ever.
"Look - there's nothing inherently wrong...wait, no. That's giving them too much credit. There's not much beyond the surface of Beavis and Butthead - maybe an obscene amount of tacos. What you see is what you get with them. Nothing more, and deceptively, nothing less. I remember Mr. van Driessen wanted to see something beyond their fractured exteriors. He had such a naive hope for some deeply buried, burgeoning potential. I'd hope I'm not the first person he'd have to hear this from, but...well...they're just dumb."
Her concerns became further enumerated when we informed Ms. Morgendorffer of exactly what perils awaited her former classmates in the Halloween Celebrity Deathmatch ring.
"Oh, no. No, no, no. Look, you've got to put a stop to this if you can. Let's be clear - there's no deep rooted reason why Beavis and Butthead got themselves into this mess. It was probably Butthead's idea, and Beavis was probably string along the moment Butthead showed him a picture of Alex Vause. In fact, consider advising her to seek legal counsel prior to this, well, whatever this is, because I'm pretty sure anything they can and will say or do to her can be construed as a felony in all fifty states."
When dealing with two residents known so well about town, consistency across the board in regard to outward perception would more easily be likened to discovering a mythical fountain of youth. Beavis and Butthead had proven elusive during our stay in Highland, and yet, just as we felt we could slip no lower, a break in our fog finally struck and a gleaming ray of light was cast upon our humble expedition of discovery.
An unattended window, haphazardly left open and askew provided ample space for our crew to observe the boys as they went about their business, uninfluenced or swayed by the flash of the bright lights or the hum of the rolling cameras.
What we observed was overwhelmingly fascinating.
At a mere glance, one might not take note of what appeared to merely be two adolescents wasting away, perched upon a couch, their gazes fixed upon the blinding glow of cable television. One might, in fact, stop then and there, satisfied to have happened upon the answer and the root cause of the very deterioration of the youth of middle America.
We hounds of truth, however, sought more, and more we exponentially discovered.
As the images of a generation flashed before them, amplified by the angst ridden, shoe gazing soundtracks of their very lives, our subjects were not content to sit and idly absorb what was fed to them by the systematic machine of "Music Television". Instead came a steady, at times scathing, and altogether insightful flow of vocal commentary that proved beyond any shadow of a doubt that these two youths shared an optimistic wisdom beyond their years.
"Um...this sucks!"
"This is the worst thing I've ever heard! Turn it off, Butthead!"
It would be easy to cast the boys in a pessimistic light, but they were not without their own tastes that could be satisfied. Shortly after we'd begun listening in, a selection of composures from the minstrels known only as Gwar were presented for the boys' discerning critique.
"Yes! Yes!"
"Heh, heh, yes! This rules!"
"Gwar kicks ass!"
"They should like, um, have a section in like, y'know, the TV Guide that tells you when videos like this are going to be on."
Novel ideas. A yearning for change. A clear dichotomy between the things that entice them and the things that, well, "suck".
Dropping eaves would only carry our journey for the answers so far. It was here, at the very doorstep of where these boys had staked their claim in Highland, Texas for all these years, that our quest had led us. Here we would face down the disenchanted youths eye to eye and pose face to face the questions that had haunted us since the devilish, nigh impossibly booked card for the Halloween Death Match had been announced. Here, we would ring the doorbell and squander not a minute more on outside perceptions and poorly cast judgement. Here, we would seek the source.
It was Butthead who first answered the door.
"Uh...hey."
We were forthright with who we were, what it was we sought to learn, and how it was that we'd come to find him. To our surprise, he seemed not put out, but rather...intrigued at the notion."
"Cool. Hey, Beavis, check it out. These guys wanna put us on TV."
At that moment, we were joined by his cohort, his finger unabashedly jammed well into the recesses of his left nostril, not a care in the world for how out humble crew may react to such a vulgar, blatant display of disregard.
"Whoa, cool! Uh, hey how's it goin'"
We chatted idly for several moments about topics they seemed wholly uninterested in discussing. Our concerns notwithstanding, they contrarily seemed to exhibit little concern in regard to the whereabouts of their parents, the perceptions cast by their educators and peers, or, remarkably, our overwhelming interest in what makes them tick.
Sensing that our answer seeking had perhaps struck an impassable wall, we turned instead to the subject that had brought us to the humble border of Texas and New Mexico to begin with, and their formidable opponents they had randomly drawn to square off against. This piqued the interest of both, and of the two, Beavis immediately became forthcoming with peeling away the layers of their intentions.
"Ooooh yeah. We were thinking, y'know, like, what would be a really cool way to get like, chicks, and money, and I was all like, 'Hey Butthead, what if we enter this thing - then we get to get chicks, and money, AND we get to kick someone's ass!!!"
"Shuttup, Beavis. You were too busy picking your butt to come up with that idea. Besides, if you went alone, you'd probably get the bejesus kicked out of you. I'm gonna save your ass."
The truth at last. Fame. Glamour. Women. Money. All things lost upon the humble town of Highland, and most understandably, sought by the youth of America suffering for their predecessors mistakes. But all paths are not paved in gold, per se. What of their opponents, who they'd first be obligated to conquer in order to grasp that golden ring that would lift them out of southern obscurity?
It seemed as though the boys had devised a strategy, as each had placed his focus on one half of their opposing team. For Alex Vause, Butthead had taken the approach of outright charm.
"Hey, baby. I noticed you like women. I like women too. Come to Butthead. Wanna, y'know, ditch the butt-pirate Captain and come home with a real man? I can show you the top of the mountain, for it is good.
Huhhuh, this is gonna be cool. I'm gonna totally score."
"Hey, what about me?! How come you get to fight the chick?!"
"Dammit, Beavis, she'd kick your ass. We need me to charm her so that you can take care of Captain Hook."
"No, n-n-n-NO!!! Dammit, this always happens! You get the chick, and I-I-I've always gotta deal with some old fart knocker! Well I've had it!! I'm gonna kick Captain Hook's old ass, and then I'm gonna kick your ass, and then I'm gonna bring Alex home and I'm gonna finally score!!! Finally!!! Me!!!! Yes!!!! It's finally happening!!"
"Whoa, settle down Beavis!!"
"No! I won't settle down. This always happens!! I finally get to score, and you, or some old geezer always gets in my way!!! She doesn't even like dudes!!! We're never gonna score!! Never!! I've had it!!!"
"Dammit, Beavis. After we kick Captain Hook's ass, maybe she'll, y'know...let us watch..."
"Oooh, yeah. Hehheh. That'd be cool. Maybe these guys could come video tape....uh, hey, where'd they go?"
Perhaps some questions are better left unanswered.
The mysteries surrounding the Halloween Celebrity Deathmatch are, in a word, infinite.
Who sanctions such a barbaric clash of these household name titans?
What draws names that transcend both fact and fiction to meet in the coliseum of certain dismemberment?
Who benefits?
To even begin to scratch the surface of understanding in regard to a spectacle pitting man against woman, cartoon against video game, pirate and criminally lesbian element against shock culture of the mid-nineties is an undertaking of proportions far outweighing the capabilities of this band of humble fact seekers. Instead, for a glimmer of truth, in pursuit of a mere inkling of answers, we turn our attention to the society that offers up its homegrown sons in a battle the likes of which grown men shy away from. We look to the town it takes to raise a child, a culture perhaps unlike any that we spinners of fantastic yarns and ye humble of the audience are not entirely prepared to understand at a glance from without, and so we seek to step within, in hopes of attaining a closer look at what draws such gladiators to the center ring of this most unusual circus of violence and the macabre.
We turn, of course, to Highland, Texas.
Highland is a picturesque, shining example of the faded American dream. Once a beacon destination of nuclear families seeking to stake their claim amid the south's vast Bible Belt situated firmly upon the border of the Lone Star State and neighboring New Mexico, it soon fell upon hard times, another countless victim of a declining and rapidly shifting economic picture in America. Its residents reflect the stalwart, rough exterior of a people driven into ruin along with a town once bustling with activity.
Perhaps it is this snapshot of a people, beaten into the ground by shifting economic forces, a mass exodus of fruitful sources of labor and a society of the verge of absolute disregard for one another, their surroundings, and their own personal well being that has brought Highland residents Beavis and Butthead to seek the fruits of fame and glory on the center stage of destruction.
David van Driessen is a school teacher in Highland.
"There's something more to Beavis and Butthead - I suspect a yearning, perhaps to break free from the constraints that society has cast upon them with it's limited perception of the benefit they could ultimately provide to the world."
Could answers be some easily attained? It seems almost remarkable that the first Highland resident to opine on the forces that have driven Beavis and Butthead to embark upon an altogether violent and uncertain journey would fall so closely in step with our proposed hypothesis. Naturally, we pressed for more, and only then did we realize that perhaps a more fluid hypothetical approach would before suited for our pursuit of the truth.
"It's funny you mention that. Those of us who fall within the field of public education feel very strongly in regard to the role of parental involvement and its influence on a student's success in the pursuit of knowledge, but I don't think I've ever met either Beavis nor Butthead's parents. It's so unusual - almost as if they don't exist..."
How confounding. How could two youths arrive at the age of teenage rebellion, fit to take on the world around them and, perhaps most importantly, alive and well, without, at the very least, a minimally pervasive parental figure to guide them through the walks of life that challenge even the most hearty of us throughout our youths?
For answers, we journeyed deeper still into the heart of Highland, and in doing so, the heart of Beavis and Butthead's natural surroundings.
Thomas Anderson is a decorated veteran of the armed forces, having served in both the Second World War and the Korean War. A lifelong resident of Highland, Mr. Anderson has, to the best degree as we could ascertain, lived next door to the boys for as long as they've walked this Earth.
"Beavis and Butthead? Oh, you mean them two boys that split their time between sitting in front of that television for hours on end and whacking off in this here trailer. I tell you what, I've gone through more padlocks and security measures than my retirement fund must be worth by now."
However, for all the years Anderson has spent neighboring the two youthfully minded stalwarts, he, like van Driessen, cannot seem to muster a recollection of a parental figure in the boys' collective lives.
"Parents? Heh, well, I've never personally seen 'em. Reason tells me them boys have to have come from somewhere, but I reckon if either one of 'em had themselves a mother or a father in their lives, they might come up with a handful of manners between the two of 'em."
Imagine. In the face of all that had once been perceived at a glance's distance of the two Highland youths - tragedy. An orphaned, parentally void upbringing. Left to the mere defenses of children to raise themselves, conceivably upon a steady diet of television and hard rock music, it's no wonder to find that lying dormant within the disenchanted youths of the 90s sat in wait a level of pent up aggression yearning to be set loose upon the first unsuspecting victim to find themselves situated within its path - in the case of our young subjects, one Captain James Hook and his comrade in arms, at least for the evening, Alex Vause.
Perhaps, within the being of their opponents, Beavis and Butthead saw similarities - unspoken parallels to a world that had wronged them over the course of a lifetime. An age old authoritarian figure, commandeering his crew in the pursuit of the heads of any number of "Lost Boys". A convictedly renowned criminal, jailed for her crimes in the world of the drug trade, perhaps a stigma plaguing the disinterested teenage masses the boys sought to violently reject.
Certain that we had found ourselves upon the path of enlightenment, we sought out authoritarian figures that may have held similar influence over the boys as they strived to overcome the insurmountable odds that had befallen them. Our journey led us to Richard McVicker, Principal of Highland High School, and reportedly a target of much of the boys' outwardly destructive behavior over the years.
"I take three of these a day, 2 of these, and one of these every night before going to bed and every morning when I wake up. I've lost my Tuesday and Thursday nights to counseling sessions, and my doctor predicts that I'll be forced into early retirement. If you think that's the result of dealing with two regular old teenage rebels, well, uh, you're probably worse off in the head than me. Beavis and Butthead are a plague on this school, a plague on this town, and if you're gonna fall for their crap, then so are you!! Now get out of my office!!"
Thee contrasting arguments are shared by classmate Daria Morgendorffer.
"Oh, no. They got you, too?"
Daria is a Highland transplant, having relocated midway through her high school years to nearby Lawndale. Nevertheless, her memories of her former classmates seem as vivid as ever.
"Look - there's nothing inherently wrong...wait, no. That's giving them too much credit. There's not much beyond the surface of Beavis and Butthead - maybe an obscene amount of tacos. What you see is what you get with them. Nothing more, and deceptively, nothing less. I remember Mr. van Driessen wanted to see something beyond their fractured exteriors. He had such a naive hope for some deeply buried, burgeoning potential. I'd hope I'm not the first person he'd have to hear this from, but...well...they're just dumb."
Her concerns became further enumerated when we informed Ms. Morgendorffer of exactly what perils awaited her former classmates in the Halloween Celebrity Deathmatch ring.
"Oh, no. No, no, no. Look, you've got to put a stop to this if you can. Let's be clear - there's no deep rooted reason why Beavis and Butthead got themselves into this mess. It was probably Butthead's idea, and Beavis was probably string along the moment Butthead showed him a picture of Alex Vause. In fact, consider advising her to seek legal counsel prior to this, well, whatever this is, because I'm pretty sure anything they can and will say or do to her can be construed as a felony in all fifty states."
When dealing with two residents known so well about town, consistency across the board in regard to outward perception would more easily be likened to discovering a mythical fountain of youth. Beavis and Butthead had proven elusive during our stay in Highland, and yet, just as we felt we could slip no lower, a break in our fog finally struck and a gleaming ray of light was cast upon our humble expedition of discovery.
An unattended window, haphazardly left open and askew provided ample space for our crew to observe the boys as they went about their business, uninfluenced or swayed by the flash of the bright lights or the hum of the rolling cameras.
What we observed was overwhelmingly fascinating.
At a mere glance, one might not take note of what appeared to merely be two adolescents wasting away, perched upon a couch, their gazes fixed upon the blinding glow of cable television. One might, in fact, stop then and there, satisfied to have happened upon the answer and the root cause of the very deterioration of the youth of middle America.
We hounds of truth, however, sought more, and more we exponentially discovered.
As the images of a generation flashed before them, amplified by the angst ridden, shoe gazing soundtracks of their very lives, our subjects were not content to sit and idly absorb what was fed to them by the systematic machine of "Music Television". Instead came a steady, at times scathing, and altogether insightful flow of vocal commentary that proved beyond any shadow of a doubt that these two youths shared an optimistic wisdom beyond their years.
"Um...this sucks!"
"This is the worst thing I've ever heard! Turn it off, Butthead!"
It would be easy to cast the boys in a pessimistic light, but they were not without their own tastes that could be satisfied. Shortly after we'd begun listening in, a selection of composures from the minstrels known only as Gwar were presented for the boys' discerning critique.
"Yes! Yes!"
"Heh, heh, yes! This rules!"
"Gwar kicks ass!"
"They should like, um, have a section in like, y'know, the TV Guide that tells you when videos like this are going to be on."
Novel ideas. A yearning for change. A clear dichotomy between the things that entice them and the things that, well, "suck".
Dropping eaves would only carry our journey for the answers so far. It was here, at the very doorstep of where these boys had staked their claim in Highland, Texas for all these years, that our quest had led us. Here we would face down the disenchanted youths eye to eye and pose face to face the questions that had haunted us since the devilish, nigh impossibly booked card for the Halloween Death Match had been announced. Here, we would ring the doorbell and squander not a minute more on outside perceptions and poorly cast judgement. Here, we would seek the source.
It was Butthead who first answered the door.
"Uh...hey."
We were forthright with who we were, what it was we sought to learn, and how it was that we'd come to find him. To our surprise, he seemed not put out, but rather...intrigued at the notion."
"Cool. Hey, Beavis, check it out. These guys wanna put us on TV."
At that moment, we were joined by his cohort, his finger unabashedly jammed well into the recesses of his left nostril, not a care in the world for how out humble crew may react to such a vulgar, blatant display of disregard.
"Whoa, cool! Uh, hey how's it goin'"
We chatted idly for several moments about topics they seemed wholly uninterested in discussing. Our concerns notwithstanding, they contrarily seemed to exhibit little concern in regard to the whereabouts of their parents, the perceptions cast by their educators and peers, or, remarkably, our overwhelming interest in what makes them tick.
Sensing that our answer seeking had perhaps struck an impassable wall, we turned instead to the subject that had brought us to the humble border of Texas and New Mexico to begin with, and their formidable opponents they had randomly drawn to square off against. This piqued the interest of both, and of the two, Beavis immediately became forthcoming with peeling away the layers of their intentions.
"Ooooh yeah. We were thinking, y'know, like, what would be a really cool way to get like, chicks, and money, and I was all like, 'Hey Butthead, what if we enter this thing - then we get to get chicks, and money, AND we get to kick someone's ass!!!"
"Shuttup, Beavis. You were too busy picking your butt to come up with that idea. Besides, if you went alone, you'd probably get the bejesus kicked out of you. I'm gonna save your ass."
The truth at last. Fame. Glamour. Women. Money. All things lost upon the humble town of Highland, and most understandably, sought by the youth of America suffering for their predecessors mistakes. But all paths are not paved in gold, per se. What of their opponents, who they'd first be obligated to conquer in order to grasp that golden ring that would lift them out of southern obscurity?
It seemed as though the boys had devised a strategy, as each had placed his focus on one half of their opposing team. For Alex Vause, Butthead had taken the approach of outright charm.
"Hey, baby. I noticed you like women. I like women too. Come to Butthead. Wanna, y'know, ditch the butt-pirate Captain and come home with a real man? I can show you the top of the mountain, for it is good.
Huhhuh, this is gonna be cool. I'm gonna totally score."
"Hey, what about me?! How come you get to fight the chick?!"
"Dammit, Beavis, she'd kick your ass. We need me to charm her so that you can take care of Captain Hook."
"No, n-n-n-NO!!! Dammit, this always happens! You get the chick, and I-I-I've always gotta deal with some old fart knocker! Well I've had it!! I'm gonna kick Captain Hook's old ass, and then I'm gonna kick your ass, and then I'm gonna bring Alex home and I'm gonna finally score!!! Finally!!! Me!!!! Yes!!!! It's finally happening!!"
"Whoa, settle down Beavis!!"
"No! I won't settle down. This always happens!! I finally get to score, and you, or some old geezer always gets in my way!!! She doesn't even like dudes!!! We're never gonna score!! Never!! I've had it!!!"
"Dammit, Beavis. After we kick Captain Hook's ass, maybe she'll, y'know...let us watch..."
"Oooh, yeah. Hehheh. That'd be cool. Maybe these guys could come video tape....uh, hey, where'd they go?"
Perhaps some questions are better left unanswered.