Post by Markw on Apr 12, 2014 3:55:45 GMT -5
SuperBrawl VIII – Heroes Don't Come Easy
When I look at Yukio Blaze, I see a man like me. A man who can see the evil, the corruption that inhabits the WFWF and it sickens him. Yukio Blaze has spent nine years, doing everything in his power to eradicate it, to exorcise from the WFWF the cancer that consumes it.
He has fought anyone and everyone who threatens what he believes in.
It's hard not to look up to him. To admire it. You can't help but look at Yukio Blaze and see a good man, a man who will fight to make things better, a man who will stand up for what he believes it.
But a man, who has ultimately, failed.
Is he the International Champion? Yes.
Is he about to be inducted into the Hall-Of-Fame? Yes.
Is he loved by the millions of WFWF fans around the world? Yes.
But after nine long years, can Yukio Blaze say that he has done what he set out to do? What he had a responsibility to do the minute he tagged himself with the word 'hero'?
No.
Still the WFWF is littered with villains, crooks and scoundrels who will step on anyone they have to, in order to get to the top.
I look at a man like Yukio Blaze and I respect him, I'm honoured to be stepping into the ring with him.
But can I honestly say that I want to follow in his footsteps? Do I want to give everything I have, fight for as long as he has and to ultimately fail?
I guess I'm very similar to Yukio Blaze, neither of us really fit in. We don't 'look' like your typical professional wrestler. We both share similar goals. We both want to do what we believe is right. And we both have a lot more to prove than probably 90% of the WFWF locker room. We both need to win this match so badly.
But only one of us can.
I believe, that this one will be determined the same way most wrestling matches are determined, by who wants it that little bit more.
How desperate is Yukio to really secure his legacy? To prove he is the greatest?
How much do I want to win the International Championship? How much do I want to prove myself before I walk away from this company that is riddled with evil and corruption?
Those questions are what will determine this match. The man who is willing to risk that little bit more for glory, will walk out of SuperBrawl VIII the International Champion.
Spoiler: It's me. I want it more. I am willing to risk everything I have for this victory and that's why I'll finally be getting my hands on the belt that I have chased from the moment I made my return to the WFWF.
I have fought so many times to get myself within touching distance of that belt and time and time again it has been snatched away from me at the last second.
I risked my career at War Games, by stepping into that cage with seven people who either hated my guts or couldn't care less about me. I was beaten down by Trace Demon, twice, and twice I got back up and gave everything I have to get another shot at the belt that you currently carry Yukio.
I'll put my hands up, you bested me in that Fatal Fourway. You became the International Champion and on the night you thoroughly deserved it.
But I am better than I was when I stepped into the ring with you, Solomon and Dex at Revolution. For weeks I've been all over the place mentally, I have been lost and the result has been, well the result is I'm going into SuperBrawl with perhaps the worst form of any wrestler going into the event.
Right now I don't look like a guy who deserves to be in a WFWF ring, let alone in an International Championship match at SuperBrawl.
Blaze, that's not the opponent you're facing at SuperBrawl.
You're getting the real Joe Bishop. The Joe Bishop that ripped apart the WFWF locker room at Battleground. The Joe Bishop who has more National Championship reigns than anyone else in the history of this business. The Joe Bishop that wants to go out with a bang.
I'm not the same man I was when I lost that match Yukio and unless you can do what you've failed to do in your near decade long career, prove that you truly are 'The Random Hero', 'The Grand Slam Contender', then you're going to be put out to pasture. And a lacklustre yet persistent failure, is going to go out with a whimper. No pressure.
---
I always end up back here.
Face down in a bottle, alienated, lonely, depressed. Desperate.
I find myself bouncing from one anticlimax to another. I get my hopes up time after time, I tell myself that 'This time it's going to be different', but I don't believe it. I know that's a lie. I keep saying it, keep trying to drive the point home, but I've never been very good at deceiving myself.
And isn't it just typical that one heroic act, one outstretched arm to a fellow lost soul has dragged me into a world that has pushed me over the edge.
Isn't it just delightfully heart breaking that just as I start to banish my own demons, helping someone else with there's has brought mine back ten times bigger than they've ever been before.
The fact that it's happened again, that the black dog is barking at the door, doesn't surprise me at all. But I honestly didn't foresee it coming back in such a cruel fashion.
I didn't expect to get quite that close to salvation before having it snatched away from me.
But here I am again, with a bottle of beer and a vial of pills.
And all because the man who had 'saved' me is a monster, and the one person I put my faith in is every bit as
ed up as I am.I've been trying to convince myself that there's a happy ending. A 'they all lived happily ever after' moment on the horizon. It's all I've ever wanted. But, it just isn't happening.
The hope may last a little longer each time, but I'm always going to be dragged back here. Desperately wishing that I had the guts to either put an end to all of it, or open up, to someone, to anyone, like Joe has to me. I'm not brave enough to do the latter.
I can't open myself to a world that has, time and time again, shat on me.
I can't force my problems onto anyone else.
And the sad thing is, that I know that's the only way I could ever fix it. It's the only way I could save myself.
So I've got one other option. And it's one, that I'm told, is cowardly.
I'm told that it's the easy way out, that anyone who even considers it, is a coward.
Which makes me feel so much better.
There's an element of truth there though, I suppose. I know that when I stood there, begging Joe Bishop not to do it, he stopped himself. Not because I wanted to live, but because he couldn't bare to hurt me, a random stranger.
I've done everything I can to help him and now, I know, that I'm going to hurt him more than he has ever been hurt. All because I'm too much of a coward to open up to him, to tell him how I feel. To tell him what happened to me.
I love him. But by doing this, I'm well aware, that I'm possibly killing him as well. That my actions could drive him to return to that spot, with no one to stop him this time.
It's not right. It wouldn't be a cowardly way out if I wasn't hurting anyone. I'd challenge anyone who says otherwise.
But I am and it is.
Mary unscrewed the lid of the pills.
I just can't keep up the façade.
---
'You have four new message'
“Hey Joe, it's Mary, we really need to talk about what happened the other day, call me... please...”
Click. 'Message Deleted'.
“Hi Joe, it's me again, I'm really sorry about what happened just let me know you're okay. Please.”
Click. 'Message Deleted'.
“Please get back to me, I need to know you're okay.”
Click. 'Message Deleted'.
“It's been two weeks now, you can't just stop talking to me. I haven't even done anything.”
Click. 'Message Deleted'.
Down went another pint as I slid the mobile into my pocket.
“Another please.”
“Don't you think you've had enough?”
The bartender replied.
“Shall I go and find your nearest competitor, maybe they'll give me another drink?”
She pulled another pint and put it front of me, her eyes full of contempt as I grabbed it from the counter.
Ring, ring. Ring, ring.
Another phone call, they'd been coming pretty regularly for the last few days. Mary again, just as I expected. But I don't have time to do this. I can't face the confrontation yet. I let it finish ringing, taking a swig of beer as I did so.
'You have one new message'.
Ugh.
“I'm sorry, I love you.”
Down went my drink, before I stumbled out of the bar into the night.
I knew that I couldn't keep hiding from this situation for ever.
I had to sort this out.
But I may as well put it off that little bit longer. I can afford to walk to her apartment.
---
'Unhappy the land that has no heroes'
Everyone wants to be a hero, in theory.
But the reality is, that you can't have a hero, without a villain or a tragedy.
'No, unhappy the land that needs heroes'
Knock, knock, knock.
“Mary, it's me Joe”
I was regretting this already.
“Are you there?”
No response. I pushed the door and it creaked open.
There she was.
In a pool of vomit, retching, gurgling, her breathing getting louder and louder, and her body convulsing as she inadvertently crawled towards me.
“crap.”
I scrambled at my pocket, trying to get at my phone.
9, 9, 9.
I put the phone to my ear, trying desperately to remain composed.
“
.”9, 1, 1.
“Oh God.”
The wait for the ambulance seemed to take an eternity, as I sat uncomfortably at her side. Telling her that 'it's going to be okay, you're going to be okay' when I had no idea. It was all I could do. Once the paramedics arrived though, it felt like it was over in seconds. In an instance she had gone.
And I was sitting here, in her apartment, alone. A nervous wreck.
Knowing that either I'm once again going to have no one to turn to.
Or I'm going to have to try and help fix her.
Either way, I've lost the shoulder I needed to cry on.
And being dragged into my world has broken the one woman who had the heart to reach out to me and save me.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.
Do I break down in tears? Start throwing things around the room? Just clear up the mess that's here?
I don't know.
I have no idea what happens now. This one, I genuinely didn't see coming.
---
I was drawn to her shoes, as soon as I walked in. No laces.
This is really happening.
She lay there, unconscious, as the Doctor talked me through what was going to happen now. I could barely take it in.
“How close are you to Mary, she's going to need someone around her for the foreseeable future.”
I was out of it, still starting at her shoes, shaking.
“Ugh... yeah... sorry, yes I'll be able to look after her.”
“Talk to her when she wakes up, let her know that you're there for her. But don't blame her, the last thing she needs right now is a confrontation.”
“Sure.”
“If you've got any questions, just let me know.”
“Will do, thank you.”
He left and I was sat by Mary's side.
Petrified.
---
Loaded 20th July 2010
“Devestating Northern Lights Driver from O'Deeves”
1...
2...
3!
“Bishop is brought crashing back down to earth tonight, O'Deeves regains the National Championship tonight on Loaded and it has to be said, Bishop looked less than impressive tonight.”
“Yeah it's a loss that's going to bring the former National Champion right back down to earth, if he wants to fulfil the promise he's shown over the course of the last month, he needs an instant response to this set back.”
…
I didn't respond.
I spent two years blaming everybody else. I sat at home, becoming bitter and twisted, I couldn't cope with losing and because of that I'm two years behind where I should be.
Because I didn't have the balls to accept that I was beaten fair and square, I didn't have it in me to come back stronger the next week, and the week after.
I flew, because I was afraid to fight. I wasn't confident enough in my own ability to succeed. And I've regretted it ever since.
Last week I decided that I was done. That after SuperBrawl I was hanging up my boots, I made the decision yet again, to run away.
Why?
Well I believed it was because I hate Trace Demon and Solomon so much that... I need to sit at home and do nothing about it.
But that's not really why.
It was once again, just because I don't know how to respond to a set back.
After Battleground, I felt like I was on top of the world, at least from a wrestling perspective. I had beaten Devilkiller, I had played my part in a brutal War Games match to supposedly earn myself another shot at the International Championship, and when that show came to a close it was me standing tall in the middle of the ring, above everyone else. Above Scarlett Quinn, above Shawn Malakai, above Thunder, above Yukio Blaze, above Reverend Shadow, above everyone.
I had made it, or so I thought.
And then Scars & Stripes came around.
And once again, I was brought crashing back down to earth.
Thunder, Ace Bennett, Solomon, Shawn Malakai heading to the Main Event of the biggest show in the WFWF calender.
And me, once again relegated to the mid-card.
Relegated to Yukio Blaze.
I had no idea how to respond.
I'm so tired.
Bored even, of doing this.
It's getting tedious isn't it?
Always ending up back here and telling myself that things will pick up, and then they don't. Telling myself that in five years time I'm going to have friends, a family, and I'm going to be the WFWF World Champion.
It's getting, really, really dull.
I've always said that the one thing I'd never do to get there, is sell out. I'd never throw away my principles. I'd never lie about who I am to get on to the top of this company and to sort my life out.
But you know what?
it.I'm done.
If the devil rises up now, hands me a contract offering everything I've ever wanted in return for my soul, then I'll happily sign on the dotted line.
Life isn't fair. That's one that has become painfully clear. So trying to play fair, trying to get what I want by doing the right thing seems a bit pointless really.
I've been beaten down so many times, I've lost everything I've ever had and you know what, I've deserved it. Because I've let it happen. I've let the world crap on me and I've done absolutely nothing about it.
I've let people walk all over me, let people hurt me, let them hurt the people I love.
Not any more.
I'm drawing a line in the sand.
No longer am I the guy that you can crap on, world.
No longer am I the guy who you mock, who you ridicule. I'm going to do what has to be done, what I've been too weak, too cowardly to do before. I'm going to reach the top, not by getting back up when I've been knocked down and hoping that something will have changed, but by making the change myself.
By doing what has to be done, even if it makes me feel a little bit sick, because deep down I know, I've always known, that it's better than feeling like this. See I want what you wanted Yukio, I want to be the 'hero'. But I know now, thanks to you, that being a paragon of virtue isn't the way to do it.
This isn't really a warning. There's nothing anyone can do to stop it.
I'm just informing everyone who will listen, that whether you want to believe it or not, things are changing around here. Whatever I have to do, I will rise to the top and I won't feel an ounce of remorse over the bodies that are scattered along my path to the top of the mountain.
At SuperBrawl I will grab that torch and I will run with it. But Yukio, you're not the man who's going to pass it to me.
Because no matter how many times you tell yourself otherwise, you never held it.
OOC: A combination of me not working out the WFWF schedule properly and my Uni ending for the summer holidays a lot earlier than I expected has left me in a position where I'm only going to have to miss 1-2 shows after SuperBrawl. So I'll be sticking around. I've had three essays to write that have taken up a lot of the time I might have spent on this, I'm really quite disappointed not to have done more with it (a couple of the scenes in particular). But looking forward to having 5 months where I can really focus on RPing again for the first time in months.
