Revolution RP: Knock

[Deleted]

Nervous can't describe how I feel right now. I look down and finish smoothing out my fresh tape on my hands and wrists. I throw the roll in my bag, I wonder what kind of train wreck it's going to be out there tonight. crap I mean, I ain't never even tagged with this Kyle Williams before and I don't want a repeat of that crap that happen on Revolution last show. I know the kid did impress against Ryu Hayashi and Hendrix tho and I know he had my back when that son of a bitch Andrew Carter hit me in the nuts and tried to work me over. I guess we will find out tonight what kind team we make and well we can click tonight in that ring since we got the advantage in a 2 on 1 handicap match against Jayson Garrett.

I stand up and walk over to the sink. I turn the faucet on and splash so cold water on my face. I'm trying to get my thoughts and emotions together. Tonight is a big night for me. The WFWF thinks I'm some kind of joke and the Lord knows I've rubbed a few of the bigger superstars the wrong way here in the recent weeks. All of the sudden I here a knock at the door.

(Flashback Sequence)

"What up boy, you ready to go out here and put the fight of your life up. The Iceman ain't no joke playa."

"You bro, I got this. I'm focused I'm ready and in 3 days I'll be able step foot on the ground again a free man. This is just the last step to obtaining that dream bro and I'm ain't got no other alternative then to make it a reality. If that means I got to go through the Iceman, than it let's put it all on the line." I said to B White. He was another inmate and right and man to Dutchess.

"Look bro, I'm gonna be straight with you Mason, the Iceman is a killer. He sent feel no pain in that cage Mason. Look man I know we spent the last 18 months forming this friendship but I don't wanna see you die out there man. Please bro just go out there and lay down. You ain't got nothing to prove to these people. They all know the same thing I do, if you go out there the Iceman is gonna hurt you and I mean hurt you bad."

"So what your saying is you want me to go out there and take a fall. You want me to lay down and stay here??"

"No Mason, I saying I love you bro no homo and I don't want you to go out there and get ed up or worse death Mason." He yelled with a tear rolling down the side of his eye.

"Listen to me B, ever since I was 9 years old, I either layer down in some way or ran bro. Do you know what it's like to run and never face anything almost your entire life. Do you know how it feels to get scared and just give up. To never face your fear head on and take a chance to see what could be possible. "

"Mason, I'm not sure what your getting at. Your not making any since man."

"I'm saying, my entire life I've ran when life dealt me a band hand. See instead of playing the cards life has handed me, I folded. I tucked my tail between my legs and I ran away. Then 26 months ago, I'm in a pony keg getting some crap and 2 fools came in and robbed the joint. As I sat there in afraid, I got the same feeling. I told myself, Mason just stay right there. Don't do nothing stupid and get yourself hurt. Then I heard that old man get shot. What did he do to deserve this? Why did 2 stupid street thugs just shoot a man that did nothing to deserve this. That moment right there was when I told myself enough was enough and I wasn't going to be scared anymore. So I did what I had to and that's how I got here and that's why we are here where we are right now B."

Sheriff Lee came and and notified us that we had 1 minute til match time.

I looked at B White and said "I can't go back to running or in this case lay down B. I just can't stay here anymore. Dutchess said he had something lined up for me on the other side and for the first time in my life bro I'm excited. I got hope. I have a fire burning inside of me and it's yearning to come out and finally be able to put the past behind me and live life."

Sheriff Lee came back in and said "Mason it's fight time, it's time for you to meet your maker boy."

B White turned to the sheriff and said "Give us just a quick few seconds please Sheriff."

"Ok Mr. White but please make it quick, I got a lot of money riding on this match and your prolonging me from making this money." Sheriff Lee said he looks and laughs at the the both of us.

"Mason that's the thing. All the other fights, all of the money you have made in here so far."

"Yeah, what about it." I interrupted quickly.

"Well you know how Dutchess said he was gonna put all the money on you tonight and we would all walk out of here in 3 days."

Yeah I said with a questioning tone.

"Well Dutchess put all on the Iceman and that's what I was coming down here to tell you man. Please don't go out there and do this Mason. It's not worth it anymore. We can still come out ahead in the long run."

Sheriff Lee said "enough with the love fest. You gotta fight now white boy. So chin up and let's do this."

I looked back at B White as I walked out to the cage and said " it. I'm gonna kill this mother er. Dutchess is gonna be a sorry man. Tell him he made the wrong bet tonight." As I'm walking out all of the sudden I hear a weird voice saying "Mason are you ok man? I've been knocking on your door for like the last five minutes and you didn't answer. So i walked in and find you looking in the mirror. Dazed and confused obviously since you didn't answer."

It was my new partner Kyle Williams. I must have been daydreaming and forgot about the knock at the door.

"Kyle, sorry man. I just was caught up in my thoughts really quick and I didn't hear the door. I just got a lot on my mind."

"Ok man, anything serious? We got a big match tonight with Jayson Garrett and I need you to big focused. We need to make a huge impact tonight on Revolution heading into the biggest event of the year in Superbrawl."

"Yeah man I'm focused. I'm ready to go out there tonight and make a statement that just because we were just thrown together, we can be a force and take the WFWF by storm. We go out there tonight and we put the beating of a life time on Jayson tonight and get the WFWF universe buzzing, then at Superbrawl we finish this thing off and climb that ladder and win those WFWF world tag team titles."

"Hell yeah man, that's what I like to hear. I think we finally got on the same page Mason. This could be the start of a beautiful partnership. Well man, I'll see you out there." Kyle said as he walked out the locker room.

"Ok bro see you out there." I said. Just as he was walking out the door to my surprise Lila Sleater was walking in.

"Mason, I hope you don't mind me stopping by really quick." She said looking ever so sexy in her silk blouse and short, tight, and revealing black skirt.

"Nah baby, I've always got a quick minute for the beautiful GM."

"Well, I know I just kinda put you and Kyle together last minute because of Andrew Carter antics and ups but there is something I want you to know."

"Whats that?" I said wondering to myself what she could be getting at.

"I just want you to now that I'll be watching you tonight and I'll be rooting for you. At Superbrawl, I hope you pull out the impossible and stand victorious with Kyle as the new WFWF tag champs."

"Lila I really appreciate you coming down here and giving a note of confidence but why are you telling me this right before my match."

"Well we only live once and I figured what better time than now and maybe it gave you some added incentive for punishing Jayson Garrett tonight. Hey don't mean to run but I gotta go and by the way, good luck tonight and impress Mason. I really want you too." She said as she walked out.

"I will beautiful, your boy won't let you down." I said with a smile on my face and an unexplainable rush came through my body.

I feel like this is a new day and like Lila said you only live once, so I am gonna walk out of here and give this fans, these boys in the bag, and the millions that read this something to talk about and show them why Mason "the line" Dixon is here to stay in the WFWF. At Superbrawl me and Kyle will be the new tag team champs whether anybody likes it or not.

[Rated R]

So this was a noticeable improvement, which I appreciate, but I have to say I didn't really dig it. The opening paragraphs made me think this was something I was going to like, then you went into a weird flashback sequence that felt like a scene from a really, really bad film that went straight to DVD. You tried to hard to make the dialogue "street" and the description was kind of non-existent. Also let me recommend when you use other peoples characters you either co-write it with them or at the very least coordinate. Kyle's RP was all about him having trust issues and there's none of that here, if anything it feels like the opposite. Same with Lila, she was written so out of character that I got to the end and cringed that you'd even used her. You've got total control over your own characters and you're entitled to write them how you like but when using others you've got to respect them in the same way you'd expect them to respect yours.

[CM Poor]

I share a lot of Trace's sentiments. If you're going to write a character with a certain background, you really need to familiarize yourself with that background. Here, it's a lot of the canned dialogue. In your last rp, the thing that struck me the most was your character talking about his history with "the crypts". I can only assume that you were referring to the Crips, and if that's the case, then you're only hurting yourself by going off these assumptions that you have about street life, as your lack of familiarity with it comes out in your writing. I'm not saying you've got to be a street gang associate to write one, but you should at least delve into some research.

And be super, super cautious about writing someone else's character. My rule of thumb is a) don't do it without prior permission, period. B) if you do have permission and you're not comfortable in that character's shoes, ask the handler to collab on it. As is right now, Drakz is the only active writer I currently would allow to write David Brennan in a character based setting. Carter Contra went and did it once, and it was an unmitigated disaster, and we may have only win out of sheer luck.

It's worth noting that on the last show you got super, super upset over how your character was handled in someone else's hands. Your reaction there could potentially make your actions here, in regard to your partner's character and Trace's character, considerably more offensive.

Take the improvements you've made, apply these suggestions, and continue to soak up advice, and you should continue to improve.

[Sleazyness]

I agree with what they said bud. I am very proud to see you improve. I do think that with my character having trust issues and such that it
threw this a curveball right off the back. I can't really be mad at you for this. I think that you have to take everyone's character and incorporate them respectively to the mix. Don't take them out of character.

Also one thing I want to point out that possibly could be the biggest mistake is you did the name wrong. It's Kyle MATTHEWS, I did the same with yours
at first but changed it to the correct last name before I handed my RP in.

Overall, you are improving. Take the tips and advice and imply them to your next piece. You are improving already.

Good luck man.